Chasing Shadows: Fighting the Monster Within

By Justin Brien

This is a book about recovery, redemption, overcoming obstacles, and loss. It highlights struggles with mental health, substance use, and suicidality. It will take you through the journey of one man's struggle to find inner peace as he chases a dark path of loneliness. Battling his own mental health demons and substance use, he embarks on a path that leads him down a hole of pain, becoming suicidal and being lucky to live and tell his story. He was able to turn his life around when one day, sitting in his basement suite alone facing the decision of suicide or help, he comes to realize his WHY to live. He finally finds the strength to ask for help and step out of the shadows. It will teach you strategies on how to cope with your mental health and deliver you tangible takeaways to start to become your Strongest Version. Full of life lessons, poor choices and grief, you will see how to break through struggle and create the future you desire while building a stronger mindset. It will illuminate the power of acceptance and forgiveness and how they work for you.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Tellwell Talent
• Release date: May 24, 2023
• ISBN: 9780228892090

Justin Brien

Justin is a mental health advocate, inspirational speaker and professional executive coach. But more than that, he is a loving husband and father of two amazing kids. He enjoys coaching his son in all sports that he plays in and spending time with his family. He loves to play hockey and is an avid fitness fan. He believes that the power of sharing your story can help those who struggle ask for help and realize that they are not alone. He is the creator of the Stronger You Project, which takes people through a 12-week journey of self-discovery and looks to build purpose, passion and possibilities. He also speaks to organizations, schools and sports teams on the power of your mental health and how it can lead to substance abuse.If you would like to know more about Justin and how you can work with him, please go to:www.justinbrien.comInstagram @justinbrien19TikTok @justininspiration

Book preview

Chasing Shadows

Copyright © 2023 by Justin Brien

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law.

Tellwell Talent

www.tellwell.ca

ISBN

978-0-2288-9208-3 (Hardcover)

978-0-2288-9207-6 (Paperback)

978-0-2288-9209-0 (eBook)

Dedication

To Ocea, you are the definition of resilience. People say that children pick their parents, but we chose you, and you make us better.

To Taiyo, you are the light among the stars. You will someday change the world with your genuine heart and caring soul. Thank you for saving my life.

To Renee, through the wind, the rain, and the storm, you’ve been with me through it all. The ups, the downs, the blessings, and the losses. Thank you for being my rock to help build my foundation.

To my family, I am sorry for what I put you through; thank you for staying by my side.

To Dai, thank you for pushing and believing in me when I was down on myself. You saw the light in me that I needed to make shine, and I am genuinely grateful for that.

Table of Contents

Dedication

Acknowledgements

Foreword

Intro

PART 1: LIFE WITH ALCOHOL

1. Awakening

2. Spiraling

3. Altering

4. Denying

5. Grieving

6. Admitting, Accepting, Asking

7. Questioning

8. Rehabbing

9. Hospitalizing

PART 2: LIFE AFTER ALCOHOL

10. Reinventing

11. The Lucky Few

12. Giving Back

13. Coming Home

14. Dreams Come True

PART 3: LESSONS FOR LIFE

15. Driven By Needs

16. Making Change Possible

17. Self-Love is the best Love

18. Whispers from the enemy

19. Choices

20. Support Network

21. Find Your Voice, Find Yourself

Acknowledgements

To those we have lost to

suicide and substance use.

You are not forgotten.

And to all the people who

showed me love even when I couldn’t.

Thank you.

Foreword

Discussing mental illness, addiction, and substance abuse is like eating vegetables; it may not be the most enjoyable thing, but it’s essential for long-term health and well-being.

In Chasing Shadows: Fighting the Monsters Within, readers understand the difficulties in recovery and redemption. Through this captivating book, individuals struggling with drug addiction and mental health issues will discover ways to live better lives, have greater positivity and joy, and find inner resilience.

Justin’s friendship with me began as a colleague and guide. I have provided him with support and guidance on his mental well-being journey for a few years. As our interactions became more intimate and his trust in me increased, we developed a genuine, meaningful bond.

He has gained much praise from me for his wellness efforts. I have observed his improvement at varying points throughout his life, and I was the one who was there to show him support during many times of tension or uncertainty.

Our friendship goes beyond the credentials of being a coach and mentor—it is an organic connection based on mutual understanding, respect, and trust that has grown over time.

When we first connected on Zoom many years ago, I was instantly impressed with Justin’s enthusiasm and energy. His warm smile and easy-going nature were so inviting that I couldn’t help but feel a connection even through the digital divide. He was eager to answer questions, willing to share his stories, and gave thoughtful insights and personal observations about how to cultivate resilience in challenging times.

Justin’s genuine care for others was evident in his speaking; he wanted to make a difference in others’ lives. His passion for helping those struggling with mental health issues shone through as he discussed strategies for improving mental health, overcoming addiction, and what it means to be a great human being.

He takes the reader through his struggles with addiction and how he overcame them by facing his fears head-on. He recounts the challenging moments that led him to seek help and how he eventually found a path of sobriety—not just for himself but for his loved ones too. Justin also openly shares his internal battles with depression, anxiety, and guilt. His story of courage and determination illustrates what can be achieved when people have the will to make it through their shadows.

Justin’s honest account of his journey was more than just words on a page—it felt like he was speaking directly to me through the stories he told. Through this process, I understood how addiction could affect someone from all angles: physically, mentally, and spiritually. His accounts moved me to tears as I vicariously walked alongside him in his recovery journey throughout the pages.

This book explores the complexities of living with mental health issues, written by someone who has experienced it firsthand. It is an honest look into the triumphs and struggles of managing depression and anxiety and a personal healing journey. Through raw vulnerability and thoughtful insight, Chasing Shadows invites readers to reflect on their experiences with mental health challenges.

This book aims to provide tools for coping in difficult times and understanding the power of self-care. It offers guidance for creating meaningful connections to help us heal from our darkest moments. He effectively intertwines stories of perseverance with moments of vulnerability, connecting readers with his experiences. It’s a powerful story that examines our inner battles and how to tackle them. It taught me to face my fears and appreciate the good in life. The writing was beautiful, and I felt inspired after every chapter.

The author paints a vivid picture of mental illness. The book is incredibly informative and inspiring, making it an invaluable resource for anyone with mental health issues. I highly recommend this book to everyone in need of support and understanding. It’s a must-read for anyone looking to gain insight into their journey or that of another.

His story is an incredible testament to the strength of the human spirit, overcoming seemingly insurmountable odds. It shows how one can go from darkness to light by developing the courage to fight against addiction and conquer their inner demons.

In Chasing Shadows, he candidly shares his victories and missteps, giving honest insight into the struggle of managing a mental health condition while offering comfort and hope. Experts in the field of psychology have long understood that our innermost thoughts and feelings are often reflected in our behavior, and this is what makes them so difficult to change. By recognizing the underlying causes of our habits and behaviors, we can learn to manage them better.

He provides readers with an insightful exploration of how their internal monster may influence their lives. Justin offers a range of strategies for developing greater insight into one’s mental state and changing unhelpful behavior patterns.

Justin brings a wealth of expertise to the subject matter, drawing from years of experience working with individuals struggling with mental health issues or addiction problems. Case studies, examples from literature and films, and personal anecdotes demonstrate a deep understanding of how people can become stuck in negative thought processes or destructive behavioral patterns. Readers are provided concrete steps to control their emotions and reactions to life events and suggestions for finding professional help when needed.

His accumulated wisdom on this issue shines through every page of Chasing Shadows. They provide practical advice while modeling empathy towards those who find themselves battling against their internal demons daily.

From having conversations about the importance of self-care and healthy coping mechanisms to sharing his own stories of overcoming addiction, Justin has been a beacon of hope for many individuals struggling with mental health issues or substance abuse problems. He provides insight into meaningful topics that people often need help to talk about or grasp independently. It’s a straightforwardness that allows him to connect easily with those around him while providing wisdom beyond traditional teachings.

Many of us live with deep-rooted pain, fear, and guilt that determine our choices in life—choices that keep us from living to our full potential. Through understanding and exploration, we can learn how to face these demons, understand their source, and develop strategies for dealing with them. By understanding why we make certain decisions, we can begin to take control of our lives and move forward toward a healthier future.

In addition to helping individuals cope with their inner monsters, it’s also essential to consider the more significant implications of such issues on society. Unresolved mental health issues create situations where people cannot reach their fullest potential or live up to their highest potential due to debilitating emotions or unhealthy coping mechanisms that prevent them from moving forward. By way of education and awareness that these issues can be addressed at both individual and societal levels so that everyone has access to the resources they need for healing and growth.

Justin’s motivation for going deep on recovery, redemption, mental health, substance abuse, and suicidality is two-fold. His own story needed to be heard. To this end, Justin dedicated himself to researching and learning more about these issues to provide meaningful information and support for those in need.

By pushing himself out of his comfort zone and embracing difficult conversations about mental health, Justin has shown resilience in his advocacy work and in leading by example.

Reading Chasing Shadows is necessary for anyone looking to gain insight into mental health advocacy, resilience, and overcoming. This book will expose firsthand how difficult it can be to recover from addiction and depression while learning lessons of hope and determination.

The biggest reasons for reading Chasing Shadows are that it provides real-life inspiration for recovery, redemption, mental health awareness, and substance abuse prevention. It is informative and motivating as it shows readers that they can overcome their demons with resilience and strength, something we could all use extra encouragement on at times.

Most importantly, readers will be empowered to take control of their lives and seek professional help when needed. All these benefits provide invaluable resources for anyone seeking support in managing mental health issues.

The road to recovery is always challenging; however, it can bring out the best version of ourselves if we continue pushing forward no matter what setbacks come our way.

Finding the path to recovery can be overwhelming and challenging, but having someone to guide and mentor you can help make it easier. A good mentor will listen to your struggles with compassion and understanding while providing valuable insight that may not have been seen before. Having a trusted figure by your side during this difficult time helps you stay on track with your recovery goals.

It’s important to remember that recovery is not a destination but an ongoing journey of self-reflection and growth. A mentor can provide positive reinforcement in times of struggle, allowing you to feel supported on your journey toward betterment. They can also offer helpful advice based on their knowledge or experience that may have contributed significantly to their recovery process.

The path to recovery can be daunting, but it is not impossible. The first step in the process is to accept that there is a problem and commit to finding a way to move forward. Acknowledging what needs fixing and saving yourself from making positive changes will help you get started on the road to recovery.

•Dai Manuel, Empowering Dadprenuer who happily dates his wife, mentors lifestyle businesses & coaches high-performance lives, published author and #TED X Speaker.

Intro

I’m a good man who has done some bad things. I’m an intelligent man who’s made some stupid decisions, and I’m a caring man who’s had some evil thoughts.

This is a story of my life through depression, anxiety, ADHD, substance abuse of drugs and alcohol. It led to suicidal ideation; what you could call an attempt and a brief stay in a hospital. I will bring you into my journey of darkness and how I battled the evil inside me to turn it into a path of light and recovery.

How I turned my pain into purpose by asking for help, seeing my why, and speaking my truth. It centres on the power of acceptance and forgiveness of oneself and others—and how that heals. There will be lessons of redemption and regret revealing the struggle of how ignoring my mental health led to substance abuse.

Broadly speaking, I will show you that no matter your past, it doesn’t have to define your future self—unless you don’t learn from it and consciously try to change it. However, your history may follow you, and sometimes you will have to answer for those mistakes if not now, then later. So use the tools in this book to change and reward your future self. I will talk about my ups and downs, my wins, and the myriad failures and how I mustered the ability to keep pushing when all felt lost.

Let me guide you along the way as we talk about the importance of self-love and loving that person staring back at you in the mirror. Nobody on the planet deserves your love more than you. You must have compassion for yourself and others as you will make mistakes, fail, and have more bad days than good sometimes. The struggle with mental health may be inevitable as it does not discriminate.

We will cover the importance of your internal dialogue. Just remember: you’re the person you spend the most time with—not friends or family members. So these conversations must be protected, and must be more positive than negative.

This book is for people struggling mentally and emotionally who use substances to cope and quickly find themselves spiralling down and losing all they love.

My readers will learn about healthy strategies for coping with their mental health, how to reach out for help, and the power of acceptance and forgiveness—the ability to make and sustain inevitable changes in their life.

I want you to recognize the difference between stuff happening to you and for you, and how the things that happen to you can become for you. But I also want you to see what happened to me and when I happened.

I want this book to be filled with a deep understanding of how to better your life. For women, I hope you feel it with your heart, and if you can relate to it, then make the necessary changes. For men, let yourself be vulnerable and throw away your masculine attitude to open up a pathway to a potentially new feeling. That may help you become a better man or father.

I’ve lived a life on the run. I gave up easily. I constantly ran away from my emotions. I’d love you to stop running. Stop running from whatever it is that is hindering you, hurting you and holding you back from stepping forward in your life.

I’ve made many mistakes as a friend, father, and partner and I will show you how I am trying to right those mistakes and slowly growing as a person. This book is not a substitution for professional help, nor am I a counsellor or a therapist. People who are struggling with substance abuse and their mental health should seek professional help from those certified to do so.

I invite you to allow yourself to be a student throughout this book and pay attention to what you are feeling when you are reading specific chapters. What resonates with you? What inspires you, and what changes do you need to make? I encourage you to answer the thought-provoking questions in each chapter as they can uncover what may be hiding underneath your rock.

Give yourself permission to feel and connect with yourself. Through that connection, there’s a path of self-discovery and learning more about what drives you or holds you back. Maybe you will access a part of your mind that you didn’t even know existed and meet a whole new version of yourself. I only lived a piece of myself for the first 34 years of my life. You will see how I am going to live the rest.

Thank you for reading my most vulnerable thoughts. Millions of people all over the world struggle alone and are too embarrassed to come forward. The world needs more compassion and kindness as we navigate life’s experiences. I’m just choosing to share my story so that people know they don’t have to struggle alone.

This is mine.

Before you go on, I invite you to answer the following questions before you read the book and then again at the end of the book to see if anything has changed for you.

1.What do I need to START doing?

2.What do I need to STOP doing?

3.What do I need to CONTINUE doing?

4.What do I need to do MORE of?

5.What do I need to do LESS of?

PART 1: LIFE WITH ALCOHOL

1. Awakening

"If I have learned anything in my time travelling the world, it is the power of hope. The power of one person—Washington, Lincoln, King, Mandela, and even a young girl from Pakistan, Malala—one person can change the world by giving people hope."

- Admiral William H. McRaven

So there I was, January 4th, 2019, sitting on a bed in the middle of a hospital room. With my dad to the left of me, my mom in front, and a counselor to the right, it was the first time I admitted out loud that if I was going to feel the way that I did then, then my plan was to end my life.

Before reaching this point, of course, I’d had 34 years of misadventure. Experiences that would raise their heads time and time again since being born on January 24th, 1985, in North Battleford, Saskatchewan.

I lived there until I was two years old when my parents moved back to where I would eventually grow up in Salmon Arm. The place that’s now my home again as an adult—a beautiful little town of 18,000 people situated in the Interior of British Columbia, surrounded by mountains, beautiful views, hiking trails, and the stunning Shuswap Lake that many call home in the summer months.

As a little kid, I remember living on my late Grandpa’s 13-acre farm with many different animals, including cows, horses, dogs, and cats. I spent hours running outside and playing in the barn on top of the hay jumping on the bales or rummaging through the collection of his old vehicles pretending to drive.

We ate food from the garden and picked raspberries from the lower field; there were so many things for a little boy who always wandered around to do. It also adjoined the local golf course so that we would hunt for golf balls in the forest or in his fields. One of the best parts was tobogganing down the huge hill behind the farm in the winter.

I was a happy kid, athletic, and never shied away from being the center of attention. I was bright, able to solve problems, read well, and excelled at math. But an early kindergarten memory floods back: I was building with wooden blocks, when another boy grabbed a piece from me. I was so frustrated, yet did nothing but watch him walk away with it. That would be the start of my inability to express my feelings.

I was given many opportunities to thrive as a kid. I was allowed to play any sport I wanted, and I fell in love with hockey at an early age. Always finding a way to play on the ice, in my basement, or on the road. I always had a roof over my head and clothes on my back. I had two parents that loved my sister and I. The only thing missing? The love I should have had for myself.

When I was eight years old, my mother took us for a weekend stay in a cabin. It started out great; we were allowed to pick out anything we wanted for treats. Once we pulled up, we were met by a man we had never met before, but he welcomed and looked after us well the whole stay. We swam, ate, played, and thought nothing of it.

After the weekend, we headed home, but we didn’t know that it would be the last time we went home as a family. We pulled up the driveway and noticed a ‘for sale’ sign. My mom sat us down and explained that sometimes families grow apart and that our parents would live separately, and we were to go live with her. I still remember looking out the house’s front window, staring down at the sign, wondering what this all meant, and then headed to bed and just stared at the ceiling.

As a child, you just roll with the punches (most of the time!). My sister and I stayed with my mother and her new man from the cabin in a new house before moving around a bit more before we eventually settled into a place just outside Salmon Arm. He took us camping and showed us how to work on the house and chop wood. We looked after horses on our property and were allowed to ride them as well as snowmobiles and dirt bikes. There was also a pond that I could skate on.

It was hard, though, only getting to see my father every two weekends for a couple of days at a time. We had the same interests and were into sports. Put simply, I bonded better with him, and I missed him all the time to the point where I would cry when I got dropped off or try my best to hide it