B A U X I T E

By C H

Poppy Lee is currently stuck in an emotionally and sexually abusive relationship. Samuel is all she's ever known, and she always gives him the benefit of the doubt. Everyone sees him as manipulative and toxic.

 

Jax Torres is Samuel's boss. Jax has always th

• Language: English
• Publisher: Canary H.
• Release date: Jun 9, 2023
• ISBN: 9798988325512

Book preview

B A U X I T E

By: Canary H.

Books in the series:

O B S I D I A N

B A U X I T E

Trigger Warning:

This book contains references of sexual abuse and emotional abuse in accordance with the author’s experiences.

Please practice self-care before, during, and after reading this book.

Dedicated to the following people:

Larry L.

Peter S.

Sarah R.

Patrick H.

My wonderful parents.

Anyone who is a victim of sexual abuse and emotional abuse.

We are survivors and warriors.

Prologue

Love is like an orange. You pick a random one. Sometimes they’re mushy, sometimes they’re hard. Not the type of hardness we’re used to between our legs… Oranges could be sweet, sour, bitter, or just disgusting to eat. Love is always a gamble.

A gamble is something I don’t normally partake in, but let’s say this was the most sour, disgusting fruit I’ve ever had in my life. Extremely disgusting, and traumatic. Something I would never want my worst enemies to experience.

Chapter 1

Poppy

Hey Poppy. Samuel calls out to me. He’s standing in front of the coffee shop that we were supposed to be meet at called Drip.

Hey, babe! I announce as I leap into his arms. Ready to grab some coffee and pastries?

You know, I was thinking we can skip the food.

What do you mean? We haven’t been out together in a long time.

I know, I know. Samuel sighs. I was thinking we can head to your place.

…?

Samuel grabs my hand and leads me to his car. I had walked to Drip from my house. It was a thirty-minute walk, but I wanted to preserve my gas money. Samuel walks into his driver’s side without offering to open my door. Chivalry is dead.

I open the passenger door and drop my body inside. So much for coffee and a nice macaron. Samuel turns on his car and proceeds to book out of the street parking. It doesn’t take long for us to arrive at my apartment complex; seven minutes at the most. Samuel takes about twenty minutes to find parking on the busy streets of Los Angeles. He parks his car and immediately rips the keys out of the ignition.

Let’s go, babe.

I’m currently shaking in the passenger seat. I’m trying to mentally prepare myself, but it’s not working. I’m tired of this weekly routine. I don’t understand myself either.

I gather all of my belongings: phone, keys, and purse. I open the car door and swing my bag over my shoulder. I try to look Samuel in the eye, but he doesn’t reciprocate. My sneakers squeak against the warm concrete, as I walk towards the stairs.

We reach the second floor of my apartment. I jiggle the keys out of my pocket, and I unlock the door open. We both step inside to take out shoes off, still not talking.

Sam, want something to drink?

Samuel has already put his arms around me, locking his fingers under the waistband of my pants and sweeping them under my shirt.

Later… he whispers.

I’m not excited. I think most couples are excited for some personal, secluded time with their partner. Not I, says Poppy’s inner thoughts.

Samuel dances me over towards my couch and proceeds to place his dry ass lips onto mine. He’s slobbering all over my face. The ChapStick I put on earlier has meshed with his morning breath, and I can’t recall the scent of what I put on anymore. I wonder if it was cherry flavored or mint. Is it bad that I’m trying to think of ChapStick details while making out with my boyfriend?

Samuel doesn’t make a noise. No groans. No sweet talking or dirty talking. He maneuvers to take off my shirt and unhook my bra, in the most absurd way possible. Unskilled compared to what is portrayed in the movies. Samuel plants kisses on my neck, but I’m utterly desensitized to it.

He takes off his shirt and grabs my arms to pull me in an upright position. He switches me and proceeds to lay down on the couch. I know what he’s signaling at this point.

I pull down his pants, and stare at his stiff cock. There are stray hairs all over and a musty smell I could recognize from miles away. I’m disgusted. Extremely. Disgusted.

Come on, baby... Samuel whispers, slightly using his hand to stoke his cock.

He only calls me baby at these moments.

I try to gather up my saliva and hold my breath. I bring my mouth towards his nasty thing. Before I could get started properly, stray hairs are swimming in my mouth. I stop to take them out, frowning from their sharpness, poking at my gums.

Dude. Not hot. He remarks.

I stop taking the hairs out of my mouth and continue. I only continue this game for about five minutes, before he tells me to stop. Again, he grabs my arms to pull me forward to him. He doesn’t kiss me. He doesn’t believe in kissing after blowjobs because he thinks it’s nasty to taste himself.

He makes me straddle him and plunges himself inside me as I am on top.

Shit. What the hell? Samuel frowns.

He tries to place his erection inside me again, but it’s dry. My body doesn’t want him to access the inside. This is normal. Samuel and I have been dating for the past four years, and I haven’t been turned on for the past two.

Can you please use some lube, baby? Samuel pleads to me.

But it makes me itchy… I tell him. He doesn’t understand I’m allergic to it.

Seriously? Samuel’s dick inside me has gone limp. Just this one time?

No. I state. I’m scared. I’m bracing myself for impact.

Samuel pushes me off of him and grabs his clothes. Neither of us are saying anything to each other. He has put on his pants and is looping his belt around him. Samuel is making his way towards the door, and I’m sitting on my couch, naked.

He puts on his shoes, and he’s gone.

I sigh a breath of relief. I don’t understand why he’s still in my life. We do this twice a week.

I let out a single tear and wipe it away before headings towards the bathroom to get rid of the stench on my body.

Chapter 2

Jax

Team Leader, can you check over my time off request? Amanda asks, while twirling her hair in my office.

God. She’s so annoying.

Sure, Amanda. I replied as I watch her place her paperwork on top of my desk.

Thank you, Team Leader! Amanda squeals.

Amanda?

She bats her eyelashes at me. Yes, Team Leader?

Next time, send me an email. Don’t come into my office without prior warning.

Jesus Christ. This is the most annoying thing about an office job. I saw her this morning in the office, giving another coworker the stink eye. Upon knocking at my door, she had unbuttoned her blouse and put her hair down. The office space is not for flirting and making advances at one another. Professionalism at best.

I press the ringer near my desktop.

Samuel. You may come in now.

Samuel walks into my office with his hair combed back, and a new… suit? This suit looks tragically expensive.

Good morning, Team Leader. How are you? He asks me.

Well, I’m here. Is that a new suit, Samuel? I ask him.

Samuel blushes. Thank you for noticing, sir. My girlfriend bought it for me.

Hm. Lucky man.

Thank you, sir. Samuel grins at me. Disgusting. Something about him has aways thrown me off.

Samuel, proceed with the documentation, please.

Yes, sir. I’ve made you a copy. He says as he hands me the documents. I wanted to ask for your approval on the alliance with Citalocorp.

I skim over the documents as Samuel continues explaining.

Citalocorp is currently skyrocketing. They have a great marketing strategy, and it would be great if our company helped advertise them with the current consumer audience.

I understand, Samuel. Give me a few days to go over your analysis, and I’ll get back to you. In the meantime, research the corporation head’s contact information and forward it to my inbox. I’ll let you know when we need to communicate with them if it happens.

Thank you, sir! I won’t let you down! This will be a great opportunity! Samuel shakes my hand and walks out of my office.

As much as I don’t like the guy, he is diligent in his work ethics. I’ll give him that. Yet, why the hell is his girlfriend buying him a complete suit? It’s an eye sore. I can’t put my finger on it, but the suit completely bothers me.

I swing my blazer back on and take a step outside of my office a few minutes after Samuel has left.

I get greeted by the office, and I wave my hand. I don’t have the time to make personal relationships with these people, but I take note of everything they do. There’s a long list of things these people don’t know that I know about them. That’s the game about running a large company like mine. It’s a business lifestyle. Just like how I know I do not pay Samuel enough for him to earn a damn suit like that.

I use the elevator and proceed towards the ground floor.

Carol. I call out to my receptionist.

Good morning, sir. Mr. Perez is here to talk to you.

I turn towards the waiting room and am immediately bear hugged by Roman Perez.

Perez. I grimace at him.

Torres. Come on, man. Don’t be like that. You haven’t seen me in months!

Perez, let’s talk inside.

Fine, fine. He shrugs with a smug look on his face. Damn this guy.

We get situated inside the waiting room, on couches, opposite from one another. I doubt Perez is here for a business talk.

What the hell do you want? I ask him.

Jax, I haven’t seen you in the past year. Come on, now. Don’t treat an old friend like that.

Old friend? Asshole, you don’t respond to my calls about work anymore.

Well, yeah. I’ve been busy.

With your pregnant wife, that’s what. I state. Roman got married to Cherrie after they realized she was pregnant. He’s been on cloud nine ever since.

Don’t be fucking jealous, dude. Just get a girlfriend. Perez smirks at me.

I don’t have time for that shit.

Dude, it’s not shit. I promise.

I’m not putting my face on a dating app like you did.

I know, I know. Weird for someone running a company to do that. How about I hook you up with someone?

As if you know someone.

Damn, asshole. You got me there. Maybe Cherrie can offer someone she knows. I’m sure she has cute friends.

Again. As if she knows someone.

Whenever Roman comes, this guy doesn’t shut up about his relationship. I think I know more than I should.

Fine. I’m just telling you now, I’m fucking happy. I knew she was the one for me when I saw her.

Perez, I’m not here to listen to your love story for the millionth time.

He chuckles. Shit, millionth? I swear it was like the first time.

I give him a look.

Got it. Yes, sir. Or shall I call you ‘team leader’? He starts laughing.

Perez.

Fine, fine. I’m just visiting because I haven’t seen you in a while. I have a business trip tomorrow, but are you willing to grab dinner after work?

I stare at him.

Come on, Jax. Don’t use your high attitude with me. Omakase? What do you say?

Deal. Now fuck off.

LOVE YOU, TORRES. He flips me off as he walks out of the waiting room.

I smile to myself and laugh.

I guess I missed you, old friend. I announce into the air.

Chapter 3

Poppy

Samuel: Man. I really want that new gaming computer.

Me: What’s the computer model called? Let me see if it’s on sale anywhere.

I sigh. If this is what love is, it’s kind of weird. I didn’t know that love meant constantly spoiling your partner endlessly. I’ve bought Samuel so many things over the past years, I’ve lost count. I literally bought him a full suit from Dolce & Gabbana last week.

Samuel doesn’t have to ask. He just mentions it and it’ll appear on his doorstep. He’s very lucky that his girlfriend spoils him. I’m also lucky I have the luxury to spend on him because I seldomly buy anything for myself. All I need are my utilities.

Me: Hey Sam. I’m going to hang out with Teresa next week.

Samuel: Why?

Me: She’s one of my close friends. You know that.

Samuel: She’s a bitch. She’s manipulative and toxic. I don’t know why you hang out with people like that.

Me: I guess you’re right.

My phone goes silent. I guess my conversation with Samuel has ended there. This is also our usual way of texting and conversing. He seldomly makes a phone call and hardly ever responds consecutively.

I’m researching about the gaming computer he was asking for when my thoughts align back to Teresa. Why was he calling her a toxic, manipulative bitch? She has been there for me, and we’ve known each other throughout high school.

I pause my research and decide to give her a call to cancel plans.

Hey girl! Teresa picks up on the first dial of the phone call.

Hey Teresa! How are you? I feel a little giddy inside, talking to her. I really want to hand out with her… but Samuel said no…

I’m good! I’m so excited to hang out next week! We haven’t seen each other in the longest time. She exclaims.

Teresa, I’m sorry. I know you’re excited, but something came up and I won’t be able to hang out next week.

Wait, what? She replies. I hesitate to respond.

I take a sharp intake of air.

I’m not free next week anymore.

Listen. Poppy. I know you. What the hell did Samuel say this time?

He didn’t say anything, Teresa.

Don’t fucking lie to me. What did that jackass say to you this time? Teresa demanded an answer from me, and I don’t know how much more confrontation and attitude I can take.

…

Poppy… she says in a calm manner, I’ve heard and known about your relationship with Samuel. It’s been like this since you were 16. He was a high school graduate, and you shouldn’t have been fucking involved with him. He’s brainwashing you.

He’s not brainwashing me.

Do you realize that I’m the only person you still talk to from high school and college?

I have other friends, Teresa. I feel a sudden spark of anger.

I’m telling you now, he’s not good to you.

You know what? I heavily breathing at this point. Maybe Samuel was right about you.

I hang up the phone on her.

My insides feel like they are constricting and suffocating me. Is Samuel right about everything? Part of me wants to say no, Teresa isn’t a bitch, but she didn’t have to say everything like that. I grab my phone.

Me: You’re right. She’s a bitch.

Samuel: I told you.

Me: I cancelled my plans with her like you said.

Samuel: That’s my girl. Can I still come over then?

Me: Yeah, you can.

I’m hesitant to send the message agreeing to him, remembering what keeps happening when he comes over. But he is my boyfriend.

Samuel arrives faster than lightening. He lives down the street from me, and it’s never hard for him to come over when he wants to. I always ask myself why I don’t get to see him more often.

I open the door for him, and his arms are already wrapped around my waist.

I stop him. Hey babe. Are you hungry? Want to grab dinner?

I guess. He replied, short and sweet as he attempts to kiss my neck.

Want to get omakase? I plead with him. I know he loves sushi. Especially free sushi from my wallet.

Hm, okay. Let’s go.

I can drive! I exclaim.

No. Not in your nasty car.

My car isn’t nasty. I just think it doesn’t suit his taste and appearance. I don’t mind though. I hate driving.

The Omakase restaurant is literally called Omakase. It’s a fine dining type of restaurant, where they serve you sushi or sashimi, upon chef’s choice. It is a set meal that comes in a series of seven plates. Some might be surprised, but it gets super filling.

We park in the residential area of the city. I step out of the car freezing. Samuel must feel chilly as well, because he slips on his Patagonia sweater without offering it to me. It’s okay. I’m used to it. We walk towards the restaurant, and I attempt to reach for his hand to hold.

We talked about this. Samuel says, placing his hands in his pockets. I can’t have anyone from work or your old high school classmates possibly seeing me with you like that.

I’ve never understood why we couldn’t hold hands or hug in public. It’s okay. I’m used to it.

I excitedly run towards the restaurant’s front door, and I open it for Samuel to walk inside. He doesn’t say thank you, but we both quickly step inside away from the night air.

Hello. Table for two?

Yes! I chirp.

Poppy, you see that table over there? Samuel points, and I nod. I’m going over there to say hi to them. Just wait at our table.

I nod, not wanting to stop him from leaving me by myself.

The waiter brings me to our table, and I tell her to give us the omakase with one sake pairing. I look over to where Samuel is standing with the two people at the table. They look to be his superiors at work or something.

One man is wearing a nice, tailored suit. His hair is neatly brushed, sides trimmed, and his shoes look expensive. The other guy is wearing high-end streetwear. Both of them look like they belong him. I look back down at my clothes to see what I’m wearing. Just a plain old sweater dress.

I start feeling embarrassed and out of place. Why did I invite him out to an omakase dressing like this? I’m an idiot. I’m not good enough. Just like he always says, I’m so embarrassing and immature.

Poppy?

Yes? I lift my head up and see Samuel standing in front of me with the two gentlemen behind him.

This is my boss and his friend. They wanted to meet you. Samuel says. His eyes aren’t smiling. He’s peering at me as a warning. Don’t fuck this up for me seems to be what he’s saying.