Immigrant to the Top of the World: Memoir by the Biggest Muse in History

By B.B.

The book tells her the story from birth, until she left New York City at 36. She was an all A student, a math genius, attended Sarah Lawrence College, graduated from CCNY with a film, and video production degree. She started the life of party in high school, in downtown Manhattan, kept partying hardcore until she left New York City. She met her long time partner, M at age of 22, and has been famous since she was young. Lots of songs, and movies are about her in Hollywood. Rappers raps about her, pop stars, boy bands sing about her, characters, scenes, music videos, films were inspired by her.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Partridge Publishing Singapore
• Release date: May 8, 2023
• ISBN: 9781543774009

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Copyright © 2023 by B.B.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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CONTENTS

Introduction

Chapter 1 Childhood

Chapter 2 Coming to America, New York City!

Chapter 3 High school in Manhattan

Chapter 4 College

Chapter 5 Moving back to Manhattan

Chapter 6 Moving to Downtown Manhattan

Chapter 7 Marc

Chapter 8 The loft

Chapter 9 Boy, and music video

Chapter 10 Just being stupid again

Chapter 11 Gang bang happened

Chapter 12 After

Chapter 13 Goodbye New York City

Chapter 14 Mental illness, and addiction

Conclusion: Legend continues

INTRODUCTION

B ehind every great invention, song, movie, art, there is a muse. That’s me! I’m a muse to countless things in this world. Inventors, technology geeks, song writers, pop stars, film directors, producers, actors, etc are inspired by me daily. In Greek mythology, muse was the goddess of the arts and sciences! There are so many things I don’t know about that I inspired in this world. That’s ok too. As long as I know that I am the biggest muse ever in history. What is so special about me? That, I don’t quite know myself! So I am humble. But I am a unique person, for sure. Pop stars called me different, the song goes, No matter how different, you’re beautiful., friends have called me Quirky, and different. I’m definitely a quirky, crazy, weirdo artist. Yes, I am an artist, I notice things…but doesn’t anyone?? And also I may be quite beautiful, the pop song goes, I’m in love with the shape of you, She gotta pretty like that, I never seen anything like that. I like making art, my life itself is an art, and people watch it everyday. I am also quite intelligent? I am bilingual (Japanese is my native tongue, and English is my second language), and speak both languages without apparent accents, both languages fluently, and was an A student from elementary school to high school, and graduated from college. I may be a genius, or very intelligent or something. The pop song goes, If it’s cool, I wanna get inside your brain. My intellect had something to do with me being famous as well? Also I can be heinous. I would’ve been dead if I wasn’t sharp, one doctor said. Two doctors said that I am A little bit dumb/superficial. My ex therapist said, drugs, and alcohol saved me. Maybe he meant my dumbness saved me? Or just the meaning is straight up? I am still trying to figure out the meaning, I like dumb things, that’s true. Like pissing in front of someone’s door steps, or pissing from the second floor to the ground at people, or snatching people’s wallets at a bar, or prank calling people. Shit like that. I’m sure there are haters towards me, or something like that, or maybe they think I’m just a fool, but the truth is, one doctor said, She’s really smart. It’s interesting when an intelligent person do dumb, stupid things. Maybe that whole thing is all, and all interesting, and people are inspired by me. Something about me inspires people to invent, write songs, make films, make art, it’s unstoppable, and there are so many, many things that I have inspired. People are watching me everyday, and getting ideas! But the truth is that it could’ve been anyone. Don’t get me wrong, I am quirky, different, very intelligent, good looking enough to make it in this world, but they chose me out of the blue. Thus I am writing this memoir to maybe give some tips on how to make it in Hollywood, and the world of art. It definitely could be YOU! I’m the biggest muse ever in history! This is me, and how I think. And maybe YOU will be the next the biggest muse ever in history!

I think I’m famous. In fact, I think I really am famous. Maybe I am the only one who doesn’t know that I’m famous. I may be the most famous normal person in the world. I am an artist, an outside artist, an actress, and a model. In fact, I just realized a year ago or so that I am maybe famous. I was drugged up, famous or famous or not I’m a total fuck up, I had potential to be a proper person but I destroyed it with my own hands. My friend called me a Professional partier, a professional loser. I just wanted to share my life story, because I thought It may be quite an entertainer, and also I thought I could help others who suffer from alcohol, drugs, and sex addiction, because I suffer from that disease as well. Also I am bipolar, and ADHD, and thought that sharing my story would somehow help people who suffer from mental illness. And lastly, I wanted to share my story as a woman, and help others who suffer from sexual assaults, as a survivor. But all and all, this is entertainment. For me, this is a self discovery process. And that’s the theme of this book, this book I write as entertainment for others, but for me, this book is a self discovery. I want you to enjoy what a fool I was in my twenties, thirties, being famous in New York City. I myself am not that into Hollywood’s gossip, and stay busy doing other things. I want you to be entertained by this story and forget about problems in your daily life! Yes, yes, some may think I’m just a lab rat for Hollywood, like the film Truman show, That’s ok too. Pop stars sing about me, boy bands sing about me, rappers rap about me, there are movies, and roles inspired by me in Hollywood. This is my own voice, and no one else’s. To be honest, I got fucked over a lot, beaten up mentally, and physically a lot, but I survived! I am alive…I’ve been chewed up, and spat out but I am alive! I think life is a gift, and I am celebrating my life by sharing my life story. I think everyone shall share their life stories! I became part of Hollywood, and the grand Art World. I honestly don’t know why boybands, pop stars, rap stars sing about me, and there are movies, and roles inspired by me. What is it about me? I am not the most beautiful woman in the world. Or am I? I don’t know. But so many pop stars, boy bands, rap stars, sing, and rap about me in not only one song, but a lot of songs. It’s not my beauty, it must be my personality, and brain. There are many films, music videos, characters, scenes, inspired by my own characteristics. There is a life long movie about me, I am watched 24/7 by certain people. Like some boy band, and pop stars say in their music, I’m watching you everyday. I have no privacy, but I guess I’m safe? A rapper raps, you know how many hot bitches I own. Maybe I’m one of the hot bitches they own. I don’t know. I made it somehow In this world of art, with my beauty, quirk, and some New York street smart? My career has been led by an unknown big shot art manager, and he/she led me to M, my long term partner, and my manager/patron? Who knows, I was talking to my English student recently, and my manager might as well be Japanese!

Recently for my 40th birthday celebration, I went to Kenya to see all the cute animals. The staff danced, and sang traditional Kenyan songs, and brought me a pink cake (my favorite color pink!), and candles. They said, Thank you for choosing this lodge out of all the lodges in Masai Mara. There were only two couples in the dining room. When the celebration was done, and when I finished eating, I stood up to leave. One guy who was curious about who I was, looked at my face, and spat out his food with Ah!. Then in the morning, when I was sitting down for breakfast, he stood in the distance in front of me, put his hand on his chin, looked down, and stared down. He was mocking the world on the top who were looking down on me, and observing me everyday. His wife told him to stop, and then he stopped. I should’ve looked back with a glare at him after he did that! I am slow, my reactions are slow. I’m not sure how he interpreted that I didn’t glare at him, I realized that this couple was speaking Spanish on the table at dinner. He could’ve been from Europe, or South America. That’s when I realized that I am an internationally famous person! He spat out his food, when he saw my face at dinner, and at breakfast, he mocked me, like I am a famous person, and obviously, he was from Europe or South America. He spoke Spanish. So not only am I famous in New York City, and the United States, Japan, I am famous internationally! You know you are famous, when a stranger spits out his food, and harasses you in Kenya! I also struggled with bipolar disorder all my life. I have delusional thoughts. My mood goes up, and down, but I made it! This is my story of becoming famous, and staying famous as a model, and an artist,…and a muse! What did I learn throughout this crazy journey? I wonder. I am bipolar. I have megalomania. I have a problem that I am too self important. I have tendencies to think that I am superior to others. This mania got me in a lot of trouble in my life. I have been in so many heinous sexual encounters. Also been robbed, threatened, and been treated like shit over, and over. People are not cool with someone who has a big head. Some bipolar people have depression mainly. I think I have mania mainly. It is very hard to control it. I’ve been taking medication for a while now, and it helps a tiny bit, but I still feel the mania in me even though I’m on meds. On top of mania, I have delusions. I have a lot of unique, and amazing imaginations, but the bad part is that I believe in them. That’s when it becomes a delusion, and it’s the sign of sickness. I spend hours, and hours of my day, in my delusional world. My psychiatrist calls my mental illness delusional bipolar. I also have ADHD that makes me want to take risks. I space out often, and can’t sit still. When manic, which I think I usually am, I engage in very high risk activities. I have never try to commit suicide, but I have blacked out so many times on drugs, and alcohol. Yes, I also have an alcohol problem, which made everything worse. And on top of that, I think I am kind of famous. I’m a model, and an artist, I acted as well. I have a famous boyfriend. I got harassed, bullied, and stalked so many times. Life seemed like a mess. It still may be a mess. What the heck was I doing in New York City for 21 years? Did I spend all New York City experience fucked up like an idiot? Recently I reached the age of forty. Half of my life has passed. I wanted to take this opportunity to write about my life, to improve my life from now on, and not to repeat the same mistakes that I made. This is my story of dealing with mental illness, surviving heinous sexual encounters, surviving substance abuse, and addiction, and surviving fame in one of the most expensive, and hardest cities to live in. What did I learn from this chaotic journey? Only I know the answer to that question. I am an artist, an ex model, who has a patron. I think I’m just a pretty girl/woman who does art, used to model, and got lucky, and have a patron. I think my life is not that special. But who cares? I am writing for myself, who will be old at some point, like all people do, for myself who is old, and bored, and want to remember my youth. I just hit 40, and I am famous. I am reviewing my life in my mid life. This is my life. M was the one that made me famous, and was always protecting me. My manager has been taking care of me since birth. Boy bands, pop stars, rap stars sing, and rap about me. I’m not sure why. I am not the most beautiful girl in the world. But I made it in Hollywood with my beauty, and New York City street smart, street savvy, and quirk, the song goes, no matter how different, you’re beautiful. I really have my father to thank for working hard, and bringing me to New York City. Also my mother taught me art, and gave me my look. The pop star goes, I had to check out on your mama what you made of, and you don’t have to worry meaning I will look good even if I age. I don’t know what is true or not, which part is my life or which part is led by M, and my manager, but I’ve done some really stupid things in my life. My whole life, I had it easy, and this is because of my lifelong patron, M, and my manager. If it wasn’t for him, I would’ve still been financed by my own father. Or worked at a shitty job. He made it possible for me to make art, and just hang out. My story is nothing special. It’s just the life of a celebrity that I was able to achieve because of a man, and also the whole team. But my friend said that being an artist is the way of life. So my life must not be that bad, maybe my life must be art itself. I can say that I am quirky. I am not an average joe? I don’t know which is my life, or which is led by my manager. I am forty, and reviewing my life. Yes, I became famous, but what for? For having a famous boyfriend? Famous for having a famous boyfriend. My boyfriend gave me my life. It’s just stupid. But people like stupid things. I don’t know how to control my life. I don’t. How? Am I just a fool? I was living in New York City for 21 years, and was just living in the moment, living in the fast lane, living in the rat race, with lots of alcohol, sexual partners, and didn’t realize my fame. All my life, I have lived in the moment, and haven’t realized my fame. I was so wasted on alcohol, drugs, and sex, and my social scenes, that I didn’t realize that I am famous. Although, I’ve been obsessed with fame since kindergarten. First, I wanted to be the next Picasso. A painter. I drew houses of my dreams when I became rich, and famous. And I’ve only noticed, when I turned 40? Anyhow, I proceeded to middle school, and I wanted to become a star basketball player. Then in the end of middle school, I saw a TV drama, and thought about choosing my career, either a doctor or an actress. I thought, actress was better because I can choose to be anything I want! Is this all a dream or what? Is this all managed by someone I don’t know about? Maybe a talent manager? The thought scares me, but I ignore the fear, or the fact that I am mentally ill helped me cope with reality? The fact that my reality is distorted may have helped me cope with stardom? What the heck did all of it mean? M took me on a world trip, I was a naive, sheltered, narrow minded girl from Japan, and he took me on this trip full of worldly characters, and experiences, I got to see the world! People say, let the pretty girl travel. I think I got confused when I was 6 when I started learning English. This dude said I’m not fucked up, his ex was off the cliff, he said I am just confused. My Japanese wasn’t solid either, and that confused me. Thus the phrase, Lost in transition, there is a movie by that name. What the heck did I learn from this crazy journey??

CHAPTER 1

Childhood

I have memories about my childhood, since I was three or so, maybe four years old. I remember the apartment that I lived in when I was three or so. It was a company housing, the company that my dad worked for, and it was very small, maybe two or one bedroom housing for four of us. I played in the field a lot, with this particular friend, who was my best friend, but unfortunately, I don’t remember her name or how she looked. Recently, our family visited the apartment site, and there it was, the same old apartment after 37 years, still exists, well kept, there was a playground I played in nearby the apartment, and I could see the mountain nearby that occupied the living room, and dinning window’s view. The exterior was dusty, old, and the building was smaller than I remembered. Of course, in 3 years old eyes, it seemed big! It was cool visiting the site, though we weren’t able to see the apartment inside. It brought up memories, and in some way, I reconfirmed that I am a human being, and that I have a history, and that I am alive. I wonder what the inside was, maybe they had renovations, and it was newer than the exterior. I came so far from there, starting from a small company housing, to the biggest muse in history! My family wasn’t rich, or poor, I think maybe lower to mid middle class, but where we always lived was small, dingy, and oppressive. So I spent most of my time out in the field, playing around, because the interior of all the company’s housing was depressing to me. My parents didn’t pay much attention to me so they didn’t notice me being upset when I was inside the apartment. I was unable to speak up that I wanted to live in a bigger place, or they wouldn’t have listened to me, since children’s rights weren’t so popular back then. Despite the fact that children’s rights wasn’t popular, I was unable to speak up. That’s how it was. I don’t remember much before that apartment. I was born in a different small apartment building that my family lived in. My sister was born three, and a half years before me. I was born to a salary man father, and a house wife mother who were both from a rural prefecture, in the mountains. They got married when my father was working in Tokyo, and they moved to that small apartment a little bit before my sister was born. My mother had told me recently that the reason she married him was so she could move to Tokyo. Tokyo was a dream come true for most people, they say, Hana no Tokyo, meaning glittering Tokyo. So my mother wanted to be part of it, and she saw a chance. She came from a financially OK family in a mountain village, her ancestors were businessmen from before the Edo period, so they always had sufficient money always. In the Edo period, it was like the caste system, and there were Samurai on the top, then Noumin (Farmers), then Business people, and the bottom was Eta, Hinin, meaning they were people who were not considered people, and were beneath people. There are places in Japan that Eta, Hinin used to live called Buraku. In elementary school, and middle school, we learned not to discriminate against people like that. Anyhow, my father’s family were Noumin (farmers), and were always poor since before the Edo period, though in Edo period, Noumin were placed second in the caste system, though they were very poor, compared to Samurai, and Business people. But the government placed them second importance since they produced something that was absolutely necessary, which was food. My mother’s family were Shounin (Business people) since way back, and always had sufficient money compared to my father’s Noumin family. Actually, come to think of it, maybe they were samurai, ranked at the top, then turned Shounin after the Edo period. They have things that are signs of Samurai heritage in their house. And then somewhere after the Edo period, they became Shounin. Anyhow, my father didn’t study until middle school, it was the time when Japan got TV, and baseball was on TV, and it was the golden time of baseball in Japan. Players like Sadaharu O, and Shigeo Nagashima were so popular. My dad always says proudly that O’s records will never be broken in history. My father’s family was poor, but his next door family was a doctor, so