Uncovering the Strength Within

By Christina Dunfee Houfek

Christina Houfek’s Uncovering the Strength Within is an inspired, guided journey that unpacks life’s inevitable baggage in a way that makes the discomfort tolerable and happiness attainable. Houfek offers an enlightening re-interpretation of ancient yogic traditions for the western audience. Written in a conversational style that inspires trust, Houfek weaves modern science, spiritual concepts, pop culture, and humor to help the reader explore and achieve contentment in a post-pandemic world. She walks readers through understanding their true self, shares ways to embrace what is, and demonstrates how to embrace inner strength to overcome obstacles blocking the path to contentment. Her fresh model introduces the reader to back door hackers, the R.A.W. (regret, acceptance, and worry) scale, distraction mode, and our internal navigation system or G.P.S. 

In the first section, Me, Myself, and I, Houfek creates a framework of the self comprised of the me you see, the idea of me, and the me that is. She introduces the Architect, Critic, and Witness as critical influencers to how we see and understand who we really are. This exploration of the self helps the reader understand the ways in which they integrate life’s experiences to inform their self-perception, create and adorn emotional armor, and hide from uncomfortable truths. The following section, Land Ho! Navigating Life’s Uncertain Seas, walks the reader through the mental models, cognitive biases, and experiences that have great potential to influence decision making. In, When Fear is My Copilot, the reader explores the ways emotions, in particular fear, impact how they perceive the world and give away their power. The Kingdom of Make Believe, provides the reader with the tools to stay in the present moment and avoid being dragged into the tempting world of what was or what might be—where regret and worry reign supreme. Sprinkled throughout these sections are “Pause, Reflect, and Record” activities which transition to “Blooming Practices” with Blooming Where You’re Planted. In this section the reader learns about the ways in which we feel stuck in the mud, how we refuel our tanks, and the necessity of muddy water. In the final section, Cultivating Your Blooms, Houfek brings all the lessons peppered throughout the book together and offers the reader the recipe for blooming brightly and living an empowered and contented life. 

This mindful exploration is intended to be at the pace of the readers’ growth. To get the full benefit of the activities, the reader is encouraged to take the time to sit with the questions and allow space for honest thought. Readers are empowered to go back and re-visit sections, and to find the pause when they need to sit with the newfound knowledge. Instead of a quick fix, Uncovering the Strength Within¸ offers the reader a new way of thinking that in turn becomes a long-term shift in perspective. Relying on the tenants of compassion and acceptance this book offers readers a glimpse into the ancient practice of mind, body, and spiritual alignment. The power to live a contented life is ours, always.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Outskirts Press
• Release date: Feb 22, 2023
• ISBN: 9781977263612

Christina Dunfee Houfek

Christina Houfek spends her professional time as a manager, analyst, researcher, author, and mind-body-life coach. She and her husband share a passion for embracing new opportunities and find an adventure is nearly always in reach. They live with their marvelously derpy dog in Annapolis, Maryland.

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Uncovering the Strength Within

All Rights Reserved.

Copyright © 2023 Christina Dunfee Houfek

v3.0

The opinions expressed in this manuscript are solely the opinions of the author and do not represent the opinions or thoughts of the publisher. The author has represented and warranted full ownership and/or legal right to publish all the materials in this book.

This book may not be reproduced, transmitted, or stored in whole or in part by any means, including graphic, electronic, or mechanical without the express written consent of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Outskirts Press, Inc.

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ISBN: 978-1-9772-6361-2

Cover Photo © 2023 Liz Mince. All rights reserved - used with permission.

Outskirts Press and the OP logo are trademarks belonging to Outskirts Press, Inc.

PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Thank you to my brilliant editor, Elena Moss, and my magnificent graphic designer, Liz Mince, who both graced me with their extraordinary patience throughout this journey. To my extended family of origin for showing me the power in laughter. To my SOTI sorority, for introducing me to compassion and for teaching me that sometimes, just keeping your head above the water is a win. To my USW sisterhood, for showing me that there is strength in vulnerability. To the many wisdom keepers who taught me the value of mindfulness, non-judgment, and self-care. To my children, Zachary and Stephen, who taught me more about love than I thought possible. To my partner in crime, Tricia, who taught me how to be a real friend. And to my husband John, who saw my light shining long before I did.

For Liam

Your light burned brighter, hotter, and shorter than most.

I am forever your Ebil Durg.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

WHEN LIFE BREAKS

ME, MYSELF, AND I

LAND HO! NAVIGATING LIFE’S UNCERTAIN SEAS

WHEN FEAR IS MY COPILOT

THE KINGDOM OF MAKE BELIEVE

BLOOMING WHERE YOU’RE PLANTED

CULTIVATING YOUR BLOOMS

EPILOGUE

I CLING

to a shoreline root

as the current pushes

against me

Help!

I yell

Help!

A mystery man

on the far shore

stops and turns toward me

Let go he says quietly

The river will take you

where you must go

Thanks I reply

but I need

some help here

Let go

he says softly

Have a little faith

Michael Dunfee, 2014

WHEN LIFE BREAKS

Sometimes it happens; life breaks. Up until that moment—on the surface—everything might look and feel fine. We might believe everything is fine as we put one foot in front of the other. Then one day, everything changes. The effort required to move forward on the same path is more than we can bear. We are forced to pause. These life breaks are wake up calls, as if your very self is screaming, pay attention! They are moments when you can no longer ignore the signals your self is sending you through physical, mental, and emotional channels. BOOM, you hear them—or better yet, listen to them— and recognize what your self is saying. Something isn’t as it needs to be. Something you’ve accepted has ceased to serve you. Something is broken.

Life breaks may be dramatically life-changing or minimally life-refining. They may be a result of unexpected opportunities, our own actions or inactions, the actions of others, or unrooted events. They may be related to the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back—a seemingly minor experience that brings great change—or perhaps a cataclysmic explosion that propels your world into complete chaos.

Life breaks are not inherently negative, nor are they necessarily a sign of strength or weakness, although they certainly may feel so at the time. In fact, there is no reason to judge a life break as either good or bad because there is nothing moral or immoral about pausing and reassessing—of feeling—all the feels. Breaks are opportunities, and if we choose to take advantage of these experiences, to be present in the discomfort and to understand the sources of the break, we learn and grow.

An appreciation for life breaks as part of living isn’t new. Two traditions that celebrate brokenness helped me understand the beauty and power in a life break. The first, rooted in the acceptance of change and the belief that broken things are worth saving, is the Japanese practice of wabi-sabi that celebrates imperfection by highlighting the beauty that can only come from destruction. Just as craftsmen rejoin the pieces together with gold, we can piece our lives back together to form a new and beautiful whole. The second, that of Akhilandeshvari, or the goddess of never not broken honors the power of brokenness. Akhilandeshvari’s brokenness isn’t a weakness; it is her superpower, and how she rids herself of all that doesn’t serve her by tearing herself apart or allowing herself to shatter, not to disappear, but to reemerge stronger. When we are willing to embrace our life breaks, redefine what is integrated into our whole, we claim our superpower. These two traditions show us that life breaks provide an opportunity to accept change, make peace with what was lost, and embrace what is created.

Brokenness is a part of life; it’s how we perceive brokenness that makes the difference. Life breaks allow us to gather the pieces to form a beautiful new whole, and to embrace the seams and scars as part of our story. The beauty of life—and all its experiences—is ours to own if we decide to make it so. It’s up to us; we can learn, grow, and heal, or we can ignore, hide, and suppress. The power of choice is ours...always.

Calling life breaks opportunities and celebrating the power of choice sounds good…until you are smack in the middle of a life break. In my case, this occurred when my mother was dying of a particularly rude form of brain cancer, my children were rapidly outgrowing my identity as their mom, and then—as if I wasn’t already overwhelmed—I found a lump in my breast. CRACK. Life broke. All the pieces I was stubbornly holding together shattered around me. In the clarity of my mortality lightning strike, I recognized what I had thus far successfully ignored (or denied) that I was not living the life I wanted. I froze, terrified, and overwhelmed by the revelation. Suddenly, the world was different—or I was different—or I saw the world through a changed lens. It happened to me. Life broke.

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t put my newly revealed awareness back into Pandora’s box. I had to face the truth that I wanted change…actually, that I needed change. What was I to do with this realization, of feelings, desires, and needs I now recognized as my own? Would I break out of my invisible restraints and search for happiness? Would I allow myself to author my own life story?

Perhaps I could have suppressed all this new-found emotion and mind-over-mattered myself back into what I’d wanted to believe was my perfect world. I might have been able to force myself back to the place where I could once again ignore my own needs and wants—to deny that they even existed. That might have been the easiest—and some might say, the moral—path, but I didn’t. I embraced my inner Akhilandeshvari and seized the chance for change. Nearly blinded by fear and sadness, I picked up all the pieces I thought I needed, and set out on a new path that landed me here, with you.

In that moment, the decision to take the journey felt like the hardest thing I’d ever do. Years of suppressed emotion exploded, driving me into spirals of deep sadness and rage. Although these tidal waves eventually quieted, and transitioned to a calm acceptance, the settling didn’t happen on its own; I worked at it. I pressed pause and dug deep—well below the emotional surface—to rediscover who I really was. I had to uncover the truth of what life taught me, to understand where on my timeline I had focused my attention, to see where I was stuck, to recognize why I gave away my power, to discover my choices (particularly the ones I never realized were optional), and to find acceptance of my truth…of my past, and of my now. In doing so, I learned how to bloom.

Uncovering the Strength Within is a guided journey. There is no race to the finish line; in fact, if you race through the book, you’ll miss out. This mindful journey is intended to be at the pace of your own growth. Some sections will take longer to process than others based on your life story. The journey isn’t designed to track one specific way, and revisiting sections you’ve already read is not a step backward, it’s just a step deeper along your path. This book is designed to serve you—however you may need it to—while you journey to find your power, your strength, your path…your bloom.

Sprinkled throughout the first chapters are Pause, Reflect, and Record activities which will transition to Blooming Practices later in our journey. To get the full benefit of the activities, you must choose to take the time to sit with the questions and allow yourself space for honest thought. Oftentimes, honest thought isn’t pretty, isn’t easy, and isn’t comfortable. In fact, if you don’t experience discomfort at some point on this journey, I submit that perhaps you aren’t fully reflecting in your truth. When you deny yourself enough time to sit with your truth, you deny yourself full access to your inner strength.

Once you’ve made space to reflect safely and truthfully, you will record your observations. Your working memory simply isn’t designed to hang on to all your thoughts. The act of recording your reflections allows you to capture all the bits and bytes of information that you might lose otherwise. Some of us are very comfortable with the idea of journaling, while others are not. There isn’t a right or wrong way to record your thoughts; carefully constructed paragraphs, bullet points, or a stream of consciousness will all work. As long as you record the truth—your full and complete truth—you are honoring your journey and uncovering your strength.

A word about discomfort: we have been conditioned to avoid it, to believe that discomfort is bad, and that discomfort is dangerous. While this avoidance may be a survival technique that serves us in the moment, it can do far more harm than good as a regular practice. When we avoid all discomfort, we fail to learn from it; we fail to learn why we feel uncomfortable; we fail to learn what the discomfort means; we fail to learn what happens when we feel the discomfort; and we fail to learn how we can use the discomfort to help us grow. On our journey, we will make room for our discomfort to see what it offers, and what we can learn. We will remember that all sensations—ones we perceive as comfortable, as well as those we perceive as uncomfortable—are temporary. When we are in a safe space and allow ourselves to feel discomfort, we snatch the power away from the sensation. It doesn’t make being uncomfortable fun; it makes it tolerable. While this journey will inevitably be uncomfortable—perhaps even painful—it also will take you to a place where contentment lives, and where feelings are safe.

I keep a resilience journal. It’s my catch-all for recording important thoughts, goal-tracking, reflections, and motivational quotes. The one I currently use was a gift from a friend, and on the cover it says, Live a Life You Love. It’s small enough to fit in my purse—to carry with me—to remind me of the hard work I’ve put into honoring my needs and finding a path that serves me. As you prepare to begin your journey to uncover your inner strength, I recommend you select your own resilience journal. It can be handwritten or digital; its form is not important to the process, only that it aligns with your needs and your sense of emotional safety. It is here, in your very own resilience journal, that you will record your guided reflections and other examples of resilience, wisdom, and inspiration that you chose.

And with that, we are ready to begin—to take our next step on the journey, to be present in our discomfort, and to set ourselves free in our own strength. You’ve got this. Let’s take this first step and continue, one at a time. You are strong enough for today, and for what you face in each moment.

ME, MYSELF, AND I

"The biggest danger, that of losing oneself, can pass off in the world as quietly as if it were nothing; every other loss... is bound to be noticed."

Soren Kierkegaard

Let’s start at the very beginning, a very good place to start. These words, sung by Julie Andrews’s Maria in The Sound of Music, always seemed to be stating the obvious. Of course, we should start at the beginning, why would we begin anywhere else? But with all the good intentions to start at the very beginning, when we decide to move toward positive change, we often miss the real beginning and focus on what feels most important or uncomfortable. Instead of creating enduring positive change, we wind up in a cycle of symptom management because we address the discomfort itself instead of why we are suffering. For example, if we embrace whatever fad diet is en vogue, we are addressing the symptom of a perceived need to lose weight. This seems like a reasonable beginning point, but science tells us most diets fail, or only succeed temporarily. Addressing the underlying issues that make us believe we need to lose weight or cause us to gain weight in the first place is the real change-maker. Identifying this—the change-maker—that’s the actual beginning.

On this first step of our journey to uncovering our power, we need to listen to Maria and start at the very beginning: understanding who we really are. So, who are we? That’s the million-dollar question…or at least it’s a million-dollar industry. A quick internet search reveals a wide variety of recommendations on how to find yourself. Many offer shortcuts to uncover your hidden self. But what is a self? Certainly, we should know what we are looking for before we begin our search. Ah yes, that’s the actual beginning of our journey. Unfortunately, it’s also a challenging place to start. Despite the widely accepted idea that a self exists and the enormous self-help industry that claims it will help you find it quickly and easily—there is no commonly accepted definition of the self. To begin at the beginning, we need to agree on the idea of what a self is in the first place.

Theories of the self are widely varied and often contradictory. The Buddhist tradition suggests that the self is illusory, while Yoga—Buddhism’s ancient sister tradition—claims an incorruptible, higher self. Can a self exist and not exist simultaneously? Socrates philosophized that the self is virtuous and wise while Christianity recognizes a self that is corrupted by sin. Can a self be both virtuous and corrupted? John Locke theorized that the self was related to our memories, while modern research denotes that some aspects of the self remain, despite the loss of memories. Can a self be both shaped by experiences and exist without them? Some psychologists see the self as a source of judgment while social identity theorists envision a self defined by group membership. Does that mean who we are depends on both who we judge ourselves to be and how we assimilate with others? If the answers to each of these questions is yes, then our self can be both real and an illusion, it can be virtuous and corrupted, it can be influenced and unaffected by experience, and it can be simultaneously inwardly and outwardly focused. Clear as mud? Follow me, and I’ll explain.

If all these philosophies, religions, and scientific theories are in some way correct, the conclusion is that the self cannot be just one entity. Instead, the self is best envisioned as a series of overlapping systems, each of which plays a part in how we see ourselves: the outermost layer (that which is observable by others), the middle layer (that which is readily observable to you), and the inner-most layer (that which is observable only if you turn your focus inward).