A Violent Marriage: An Abused Husband Defeats An Abusive American Wife

By Lance L. Diesel

This book is dedicated to the many men who are now or who have been abused by women who treat them in a cruel, humiliating, disrepectful, condescending manner. These men often become victims living with a secret shame until it is too late to escape a painful situation without serious consequences.

I am writing this book to show how they can rid themselves of an otherwise hopeless or perceived hopless circumstance. It is especially for those who do not feel able to reach out for help the way I did. From what I can see we men do not share these feelings until we cannot take it anymore. Then they snap, beat up and or kill the woman and wind up on the six o' clock news. What the woman may have done to provoke this violent, extreme behavior is ignored. Fortunately, I reached out to a lone-time female friend who is a clinical psychologist and who helped me to express my feelings, understand my situation and guide me in a more sensible, safe and hopeful direction.

My wish is that this book can be instructive in showing how to break the cycle of abuse, end a destructive situation and become victorious. My objective in altering my life was primarily to save my son and secondarily, to save myself.

I have never heard of a case like mine which is why I felt compelled to take pen in hand to start the writing process. I have been meaning to for many years since I feel this non-fiction story needed to be told.

This is a candid account of what happened to me. Since I started talking about and writing about it, I got to know others who are going through similar domestic trauma at the hands of an abusive woman. Do not get me wrong, I am not a woman hater. I believe most are gentle, caring and kindly, but there are some who do not meet that standard, yet the stereotype persists, and it is hard, almost impossible for men dealing with the abusive woman to be heard or believed.

I am not going to tell you my story from beginning to end like story book, but at end you will have the whole story. This book is intended to be like a roller coaster ride which is like life often is. It is filled with teenage discipline techniques, violence, doestic espionage, punishment, war strategy, deception, treachery, sex, manipulation, lies, video tapes and yes, even humor. So, you might want to buckle up because it may be a bumpy ride.  

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lance L. Diesal
• Release date: Mar 31, 2023
• ISBN: 9798215754788

Lance L. Diesel

The Author Lance L. Diesel has earned his Industrial Arts Education Bachelor of Science Degree from North Carolina Agricultural and Technical State Uninversity in Greensboro North Carolina. He is a Phi Theta Kappa Fraternity member. Lance has retired from the United States Coast Guard Auxilliary as its Public Administration Officer and was Flotilla 61 Vice Commander. The Author has also retired working for 25 years from the Virginia Hampton Veterans Administration Medical Center as a counselor. Lance has a web site on Web.com. The Author is one of very few men who has won all court battles in Domestic Court from a woman and also won custody of their child. He has also received child support during nine years of court battles. He is in addition is the only known man to have written a book about it. The Authors intention for writng this book is to lay out a literary blue print showing men how to defeat a woman and win custody of their child in court. 

Book preview

Chapter 1

Like Pearl Harbor The Sneak Attack

I have had custody of our only son for ten years. My ex-wife gets visitation. Our son lives with me and visits his mother at predetermined times and I receive child support. His mother has been arrested and convicted of assault and battery on me. She has also assaulted her son from a former relationship and marriage and our son. The assaults were captured on audio and video tapes. This gives you background to understand where we are at this point.

Without warning I received paperwork from an unknown attorney asking for information concerning my former wife and our relationship. This was done with no mention of it from my son’s mother. This was also not the attorney who had represented her over the past six years. I was suspicious and did not respond. I made copies of these interrogatories (questions) and sent them to my attorney asking her to communicate with her attorney. I once again asked her to represent me and my son in this matter. This was the introduction to a very expensive ($4,000) two-day court battle. His mother challenged me for custody. Even with her having mental and emotional problems and a criminal conviction she felt she had the right of passage to do the things she has done and have custody because she is a woman and is his mother. She tried to surreptitiously get information from me with a new lawyer and have the case moved into another court instead of the original circuit court. Her plan was to get a new attorney get him to manipulate me in order to give them information covertly. They wanted to move the case into another court in order to get a different result: custody for her.

Before this she had been on visits with our 13-year-old in puberty sleeping with him on visits as he told me. I witnessed her kissing him in the mouth for the first time when we departed from the visit. She never did that before. I thought this was used to manipulate has male hormones at a particularly vulnerable time in order to persuade our son to live with her instead of with me. A court appointed psychologist was mutually agreed on by both attorneys. It turned out to be a female psychologist who turned out to be on my son’s mother’s side.

Two sets of interrogatories (questions I had to answer about the case) were sent to me now through my attorney. The answers were sent to my attorney, who, in turn, sent the answers to the opposing attorney. This happened twice. During this process appointments were set up with this court-appointed psychologist for evaluation.  My ex-wife was given top priority and a quick appointment which was set up ahead of me. My ex went into see the psychologist first, telling her lies about me. I know this because during my session with the psychologist I was asked pointed, hostile questions as if she believed her and used her answers as fact instead of being unbiased. Her questions were pointed and were asked criticizing my actions. For example she asked why I never allowed my ex-step son see my son who is his half-brother. In fact, I had allowed him to see and visit with my son under my supervision. It was at her request. This let me know she lied and told her a lie saying that I never allowed it. I told this to the psychologist but it was brushed off. He was not allowed to visit with my son as stated in court papers due to his physical abuse of my son in the past. I allowed it with me being present. I did not have to allow the meeting. My ex lied to try to make me look bad to her and it worked. I believe it worked because the female psychologist was negative towards me and was positive towards her because she was a woman.

The psychologist continued to direct negative pointed questions at me. At this point, I was worried because I felt she was not objective but was biased in her favor giving the psychologist the poor-me tactic while fabricating lies. I felt the psychologist was anti man like so many women are in the domestic court system. I have learned in the United States domestic court is woman’s court. I feel from personal and vicarious experiences that men in the United States in domestic court are treated like third-class citizens. As I see it, women are treated like first-class citizens, children are second-class citizens, men are like third-class citizens, a pet (like cats and dogs) are fourth-class citizens. I have three men friends who have been married and divorced three times tell me they think men are fourth-class citizens.

I am a sole custodial parent of my son and have a full time job. I feel my life will not be complete if I did not complete writing this book.

Chapter 2 

The Two Day Court Battle

It occurred on Halloween day. I found going to court is a very stressful experience and at times scary. It is a place where your life can be changed forever by a judge’s decision. During a nine-year period I have found my ex-wife and I have slugged it out for seven of those years in court. She feels she has the right of passage because she is a female and that she is a mother. She gave the impression that she had a sense of entitlement because of this even though she has a criminal record for violence. I felt I was at a disadvantage being a man in domestic court in the United States. Other men I have met in a fathers parenting class with and other friends who have gone through divorce feel generally the same as I do.

I came to court early on the first day of court. I arrived first dressed in a three-piece suit. I feel it is important to look good in court showing a good appearance. You do not get a second chance to make a first impression. My son’s mother and her attorney arrived next. None of us made eye contact. It was an uncomfortable situation because it was a battleground. It makes one wish one never got married in the first place due to all of the horror of what has transpired. Marriage can be good if one is very lucky to have married a suitable person. It is very rare from what I have seen in the United States. From what I have heard the divorce rate is from 50% to 60%.

My attorney arrived with her wheeled sample case and said hello to me. In our pre-trial meeting she said the chances are good that I will retain custody but no one knows how it will turn out. She said at the end of our meeting in here the day before like a guy (get out of here). That is the way she ends a session. She gets up and opens the door for me and said good luck. That gave me an uneasy feeling.

On court day, I had three pieces of evidence to give to my attorney. She said I cannot use this and this but takes my son’s grades placing it on her pile of papers. She was only being honest with me. At 10:00am sharp the judge entered the court room. The deputy called the court to order. We all stood up, the judge sits then the deputy tells us to be seated. The lawyers then presented the case.  Her lawyer began explaining that my son’s mother is asking for custody, claiming she is a better parent and should be the custodial parent. His mother’s witnesses are called first. Her girlfriend was called first. She was cross examined by the attorneys. She explained her relationship with my son and her experiences with him. In passing, she says she feels he is afraid of water by his behavior while they were fishing in a small boat. I quickly whisper to my attorney seated beside me that he swims under water when he swims with me. When my attorney got a chance to question her she asks her, do you know Rod swims under water with his father?  She then said no in reply. That was the end of that contrived fear effort she tried to fabricate.

A home study was ordered for my ex’s home and one was ordered for mine. Her home study was done but mine was not done due to a bureaucratic mistake in the system. When the biased psychologist took the stand she said she got the feeling from the interview my son and I had with her my son was more