Know Your Man: Playful Relationship Advice for Understanding Your Pig

By Michael Coogan and William Burton

We've all been through the man selection process (aka the dating game), right? You select your man based-on instinct, took him home, and sooner or later discovered... you had the wrong man. In fact, you had a real Pig. Poor you: you tried to train him, but that just made him ill-tempered and even 

• Language: English
• Publisher: Cresting Wave Publishing
• Release date: May 13, 2022
• ISBN: 9781956048339

Book preview

TABLE OF CONTENTS

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

DEDICATION

INTRODUCTION: WHY DID WE WRITE THIS BOOK?

PREFACE #1: OUR EXPERT CREDENTIALS

PREFACE #2: THE CHARACTER TYPES

Chapter 1:  MEN ARE PIGS

What You Should Have Learned In This Chapter…

Chapter 2:  WHAT TYPE OF PIG DO YOU HAVE?

The 9 Pig Types

What You Should Have Learned In This Chapter…

Chapter 3:  THE SIX PIG STATES

Happy

Hungry

Hurried

Horny

Angry

Tired

What you should have learned in this chapter…

Chapter 4:  TIPS AND TECHNIQUES (T&T)

T&T #1: Lists

T&T #2: Accepting Your Pig’s Friends

T&T #3: Arguing With a Pig

T&T #4: Make Wrongs

T&T #5: Things Pigs Usually Dislike

What you should have learned in this chapter…

Chapter 5:  THE FIVE THEMES FOR SUCCESSFUL COMMUNICATION WITH A PIG

Communication Theme #1: Let Me Know You Love Me And That You Are Happy

Communication Theme #2: Make Me Your King; I Will Make You My Queen

Communication Theme #3: Trust Me

Communication Theme #4: Talk With Me, Not To Me

Communication Theme #5: Make Our Communication A Priority

Chapter 6:  ADVANCED TIPS FOR COMMUNICATING WITH PIGS

Advanced Tip #1: Listen. But Not The Same Way You Do With Women.

Advanced Tip #2: Be Aware Of What Your Pig Does. Not What He Says

Advanced Tip #3: Find A Safe, Simple Pig Environment.

Advanced Tip #4: Never Ask A Pig What He Is Thinking.

Advanced Tip #5: Timing Is Everything.

Advanced Tip #6: Forget Win-Win Arguments.

Advanced Tip #7: End The Conversation.

Advanced Tip #8: K.I.S.S. (Keep It Simple, Sweetie)

Advanced Tip #9: Ask Your Pig How To Communicate With Him.

Advanced Tip #10: Ask Open-Ended Questions.

Advanced Tip #11: Flattery Will Get You Everywhere (especially if it’s based on reality, even loosely).

Advanced Tip #12: Use Your Femininity To Activate His Masculinity. Fair Is Fair.

Advanced Tip #13: The Rule Of Holes. When You’re In One, Stop Digging!

Advanced Tip #14: Ask For What You Really Want.

Special Advanced Bonus Tip: Yeah, Buts

What You Should Have Learned In This Chapter…

Chapter 7:  THE MATRIX

Demystifying Pigs

What You Should Have Learned In This Chapter

Chapter 8:  THE PIG TYPES

Type One: Excellence Pig

Type Two: Charitable Pig

Type Three: Acrobat Pig

Type Four: Sentimental Pig

Type Five: Watcher Pig

Type Six: Unbeliever Pig

Type Seven: Gourmet Pig

Type Eight: Guard Pig

Type Nine: Diplomat Pig

What You Should Have Learned In This Chapter

Chapter 9:  BEING REJECTED BY A PIG

Chapter 10:  PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER

You Are Here…

What Type Works for You?

Observe the States…

Qualifying Questions…

Communicate…

WE WOULD LIKE TO HEAR FROM YOU

ABOUT THE AUTHORS

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

"When you drink the water,

think of those who dug the well."

Chinese Proverb

Many thanks to the litter of Pigs, women, and friends who contributed to the book. Some are shy and have chosen not to be publicly acknowledged. They know who they are (and so do we), and we thank them for their open insights and contributions.

Special thanks to all our friends and family.

★★★

DEDICATION

"I just added another one to the

What the hell was I thinking!? list."

Anonymous (but wise!)

This book is dedicated to women (and men) the world over who see the humorous side in trying to understand the men/Pigs in their lives.

★★★

INTRODUCTION:

Why Did We Write This Book?

There is much more truth in a metaphor than in a fact.

Norman Mailer

In 2007 we authored the book Know Your Pig—Playful Relationship Advice for Understanding Your Man (Pig) . At the time of publication, the target audience was primarily women over forty who often used the phrase Men are Pigs when frustrated with trying to understand men and their actions.

As time went on, we received emails and calls from women who asked, Why would I call my man a Pig? The Men are Pigs line became somewhat focused on women of that time and, to a certain degree, was lost on younger women (and as time also went on, lost on gay men, too.)

We also gave talks and speeches on the book and would get many requests to share some of the stories and humor we received from our readers. Finally, we’ve changed the name to slightly more general terms. Hence, people now understand that Know your Pig is about knowing men and how we operate regarding women.

As stated in this book’s Foreword, this book is intended to be a lighthearted, humorous work designed to spur communication between the sexes. And to look at men from a man’s general perspective. Again, permit us to stress a lighthearted, humorous work designed to spur communication between the sexes.

Thank you.

Some folks who wrote reviews online or emailed us complained that the Know your Pig approach was one version of another¹ of sexist and juvenile. This misses the point and is, frankly, overthought and overwrought.

1    Give or take some very creative blue language…

In this day and age of political correctness and folks being offended at the most superficial (or trivial) difference of opinion, for this updated version, we choose to keep our approach as we did in the first book: light, humorous, and interpersonal conversation provoking.

If you’re offended by our approach, we apologize that this book is not your cup of tea. On the other hand, if you are looking for a psychological study and or a complex analytical approach to relationships, this book isn’t for you either. But before you leave, may we suggest another tack? Approach this book in a lighter mode. Give it a chance and see what happens.

At the end of the day,² men are simple creatures with simple requirements. Any man who says otherwise is, in all probability, selling you a politically correct conversation to make you feel good. Or the poor lost creature is in denial about his inner Pig.

2    Caution: serious generalizing ahead…

In any event, with malice towards none, tongues firmly planted in cheeks, and our sense of humor undiminished, we stand by our premise. And as such, and in response to scores of requests to republish this work, we have produced this book.

We hope you enjoy it.

M. Coogan and W. Burton

Spring 2022

★★★

PREFACE #1:

Our Expert Credentials

"Relationships start with Can we talk? and end in We need to talk"

Anonymous

This is where most authors present their qualifications, training, and general suitability for pontificating on whatever topic they are flannelling on about. They lay out their credentials, such as a Ph.D. in psychology, relationship therapist, author of a dozen other books on the subject, etc.

We can only claim that we are lifelong Pigs and have had many experiences, both individually and together, as Pigs. (One man’s Ph.D. is another man’s Pigness.)

Everyone involved in this project is either a Pig or has grown up with, worked with, dated, or married one (or more. It happens.) We know we are fully qualified to speak for and about Pigs from the research we’ve gathered in