All Messed up and Confused, but God!

By Bayyinah Collins

Through the ups and downs, the back and forth, the wavering, the confusion, the not being enough, the lies, the fear of not, the people-pleasing, the judgment of others, the naysayers, the people using me in so many countless ways, the disappointment in myself, the suicide thoughts, the awful experiences of my ways and others putting me through, even the church hurt, I realized without trials, there is no overcoming! You have to walk through to overcome. After all, it may not be necessary for you but only necessary to help others like you!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Feb 16, 2023
• ISBN: 9781662417986

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All Messed up and Confused, but God!

Bayyinah Collins

Copyright © 2023 Bayyinah Collins

All rights reserved

First Edition

PAGE PUBLISHING, INC.

Conneaut Lake, PA

First originally published by Page Publishing 2023

ISBN 978-1-6624-1797-9 (pbk)

ISBN 978-1-6624-1798-6 (digital)

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Introduction

Beginning

Love to Hurt

Reconnect with Mother

Connection of Daddy and Stepmom and Love

Back to Carolina

Sweetheart and Love

Bayyinah Is Becoming a Young Woman

The Partying Messed Up Bayyinah

The Exposure to Drug Life

Messing Up a Good Relationship and Partying

Partying, Kids, and Pray in Messed Up Places

The Abusive Marriage

The Trials of My Life to Receive God

I Really Accepted the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost

About the Author

Introduction

As a little girl, I could not understand why my Mom was not raising me. My real father did not want me, only to spend a little time with my sister and I. I could not understand why I was molested for so many years and then raped by a family member. Why I was so rejected by many and loved by few? As you read this book, you will see a confused little girl become an all messed up woman.

Chapter 1

Beginning

Born

To start, I was born to a twenty-year-old woman named Mary and a twenty-year-old man named Job. Although my mom said he was not my real father, that my real father was another man, I was born with many aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, etc. I had so much love but so messed up and confused. However, I took in the last name of another, which later I carried that name proudly but not trying to get ahead before time. Anyways, my mom ended up having problems—her and my dad. They both decided on a divorce. So from there, my mom went back to my real father and had another baby girl named Sarah.

Although before she was born, we were going from up North to down South. Then my mom got back with my real dad just to get pregnant with another baby girl. During the time of her pregnancy, my real father got sick and hurt really bad. She was with him for a little while, then that relationship came to an end, and back up North, we go with my grandma Sue. She was a very smart grandmother and strong.

As a child, I went from up North to down South. There was a court fight for custody for me between my mom and dad although my grandmother