Resilient African Women: Breaking Life Threatening Taboos

By Godian Ejiogu

Africans hold a taboo in talking about mental and spiritual health hazards and disorders. Africans are afraid to discuss the spirits that are assumed responsible for spiritual or mental disorders. They hold the truth that spirits travel any distance in seconds or at most in a few minutes. They can be angry when

• Language: English
• Publisher: Peace Servant
• Release date: Feb 28, 2023
• ISBN: 9789079516094

Book preview

CHAPTER 1

A PHONE CALL FOR HELP

‘Come and help us, please!’ I heard the caller’s voice say when I picked up an incoming phone call. I recognized the voice. I know the person by name and face. I worked with her almost a decade ago. I am her confidant. She continued, ‘we are dying here, and nobody understands us. It is too much for us and no one cares. We need your help!’

This was in April 2020. The corona pandemic popularly known as COVID-19 had only been present in the Netherlands for about two months. The intensity of the fear and anxiety transmitted through the voice sent chills down my spine. She narrated the story of people dying in old people’s homes. I know the old people’s home, I used to celebrate a service there every other month, and I gave spiritual care to the inhabitants. My last liturgical service before I left the city ten years ago was in that home. I quickly felt connected again to the suffering of the people as she narrated it to me. Many migrants are living there, and many have died already.

She went on to narrate other home violence both men and women were going through. Women burned all over their bodies. Some cannot sit or lie down because of the open wounds kneeling or standing were the less painful positions. They were clothed in long robes to allow their wounds to air out. Tight clothes that touch the skin would stick to the fresh bleeding wounds making healing difficult, and they have to heal quickly. Anything that helped was applied to make sure they could sit or lie down within a few days. There was no further medical treatment from the specialist, and there was no more money to buy extra first-aid materials to treat them. The victims have no safe place for shelter, and there is no one to care for them except for their companions who participate in their suffering. They could not go to the police for fear of the safety of their family. They could not inform official institutions due to the lack of trust. They want to avoid more troubles for their family and relationships. They prefer to suffer alone than to let the whole family and community suffer with them. Some men had the same reactions and suffered in the same way.

She continued with the stories of those who are suffering similarly in their homes. Families who are crowded living in small spaces, people who are mentally disoriented, the tears and frustrations of old people who can not see their families, and the frustration of people who can not go out to socialize and see others, just to get out of the house for a few hours.

Poverty and hunger were on the list. People have nothing to eat, they are locked in their homes, and nobody knows how they are doing. They have no savings to buy food. They could not make phone calls because they do not have the money to buy cards to make calls. They could not go out to ask for help from the network they have. Gatherings and social contacts were forbidden. While the list continued, my mind was racing on how to answer the call to come over and help. I listened to her and comforted her, but also encouraged her to keep up the great work. I told her that I will call her back. She added, ‘please come, and help us, nobody is helping us here. We are dying.’ We hung up. Her last words kept echoing in my mind.

In the past, I was involved in the Amsterdam Southeast social issues intervention. In 2012, I had the same kind of request as the one above. During my work as a spiritual caregiver for drug and alcohol users in the city of Amsterdam, a lady I knew since 1993 approached me and told me about the plight of Africans in Amsterdam. She ended her long story with a desperate request, ‘come and help us, we do not have any future outlook, and neither do our children’. For a genuine reason known only to me, I immediately refuted the request and left. However, her desperate voice and request kept on echoing in my mind and I decided to look into it. I was soon convinced that I should heed the call. I later stopped my work for drugs and alcohol users and went to intervene in the social, economic, spiritual and mental health and general condition of the Africans and people with African roots in Amsterdam Southeast. It was then that I learned how Amsterdam Southeast was a hub of the scarcity of basic things for life but it also has an abundance of inconveniences against health and well-being for Africans in the Netherlands. For example, this was the first place in the Netherlands where the former minister for Defense, Bijleveld-Schouten sent food support to alleviate the poverty and hunger among the inhabitants during the COVID-19 pandemic. These food packages had been stored by the ministry for the Dutch military for training and camps in foreign countries but these foreign missions were postponed due to COVID-19 and that is why the food was available to be distributed. Amsterdam Southeast received this with joy and there was a big mobilization in this region to support and serve the communities of migrants living there.

So, after rationally dissecting the situation, I felt freer to investigate the call for help in the city of Rotterdam. There is attention for the migrants in Amsterdam Southeast already, but the migrant community in another city was facing a silent disaster. It was clear to me that the call to come meant trust and it was desperately needed. As a migrant from African roots, I could understand the urgency of the call and why they are in such situation. I had seen it all and experienced it all in many levels of the society.

RETURN THE CALL

After four days, I called her back because I needed some time to see if I had anything to offer them. However, the topic of the return call was not only the present issue. I wanted to know more about why there is no help for them, why there is nobody left taking care of them, why were they not understood, and why they were so isolated. I left the city after my work there was finished ten years ago, and I had so many questions. After her response, I felt it was time for me to go back to work there again.

VISIT

When I visited to ascertain the situation, the reality I met was even more troubling than I originally thought. People who were suffering domestic violence, had nowhere to seek temporary shelter, others had all different kinds of health challenges that were not being taken care of. After I left there that day, I knew I was in for a lot of work. I understood well that Africans are currently facing the most difficult situation in the country. I learned this during my research in 1996. It is understandable why they lose trust in institutions and other organizations in society except for what they themselves can do. I understand why they are in such a situation without basic help. Because of this, I felt I had no choice other than to be part of the solution.

The plan I constructed to help them went into effect after all the COVID- 19 measures were abolished. While these safety measures were still in place, I stood with them online with support, prayer, training, education, tutoring, counseling, and coaching. In February 2022 we started gathering socially in person, and this was the birth of the content of this book. In physical gatherings, you can build more trust than online. Above all, many of the people involved could not manage online communication well. Almost all of them have no privacy at home to talk about the issues bothering them. Some women were sharing apartments, whereby each mother would take one room to share with her children. Such mothers could not share with outsiders what life is like in that home in the presence of other family members. It is like betrayal, especially of trust, privacy, and autonomy. Nobody in the family will feel safe with that person.

Please tell society about us was the unanimous request of all the women in the group.

When I asked them to come and share their story with society, they all refused. So, I am the one tasked to tell society about them. The organizations involved in this community have gathered about 2500 women in one city and I spoke with many of the members. Here, I will present at least a few names. Outside this specific organization, I also worked with many other African organizations and leaders of organizations. The number of people covered by those organizations was seven thousand people with African roots. The leaders, who were mostly men, and some are spiritual leaders or chaplains, maintained the confidentiality of my talk with them. This is because men strictly do not want to talk about the topic. But these leaders told me how they will be pleased if I can tell the stories.

I realized that after hearing them and seeing them, keeping it secret would be ethically and morally incorrect. As I long to hear them, I also long to tell their stories. So, I thought about it and decided to share these stories in this book. With it, I hope to contribute to the understanding that we are all born and brought up in a culture. A culture that is a barrier but can also be a uniting source. I hope the readers of the book will create a spiritual space in themselves to accept the invitation given by this book and enter the world of these African roots. Some of them their ancestors left African continents more than three centuries ago. They themselves had not been to Africa. Some just arrived from Africa less than a decade ago. This book shows what make them still African roots in The Netherlands.

In the last three decades of my involvement working and living in a multicultural setting in the Netherlands, cultural sensitivity has become something I do not take lightly. In the last decade, there has been little attention paid to cultural sensitivity, competence, and so on. With the women, we looked into their cultural background to help them see where the conflicts with their present society and culture lie. We searched together for a healthy approach of how to live their lives within the present culture, and we had insightful moments by recalling their culture of origin. This is easier because the majority of those involved were first-generation migrants who have immigrant families in the country.

Because they still vividly remember the culture of their birth and the initiations they went through, they were able to draw sharp differences between their culture and the culture of their new country. The awareness of the culture of their new country, in contrast with the culture of their birth, clarified to them that their present approach to their current problems will not work. They need the culture of their new country to break through in solving their problems. With this knowledge, they decided to break the taboos. At the same time, they know that breaking the taboos is not the only step towards tackling the problems, they cannot succeed without support. They have their limitations as is normally known in the community. The first and most important step is to talk. The next step is to open up.

This book is meant to fulfill the second step. To open, one needs a listening ear without prejudice. Above all a level of understanding is needed for one to continue his or her story. This book hopes to open the minds of those who are supposed to at least understand the story and situation of this migrant’s roots. It is another culture and continent, but a human culture and human life.

CHAPTER 2

HEALTH TABOOS

NAMING THE SPIRITS

I arrived a few minutes before the starting time. The women had gathered already and were waiting for me. I was surprised that they came so early. There were dozens of them. They had fearful expressions on their faces, they looked worried, and some even looked desperate. The door was open because of the hot summer in July 2022. It was still morning hours. We were facing a heat wave, which means the day and night temperatures had been high for many consecutive days. I was briefly introduced by their leader to those who did not know me. I was invited by her to inform them on the reason of the gathering even though I was actually expecting her to tell me why they invited me to come and help them break the taboos. It turned out that I was the one to tell them why they should come together to break the taboos. I had actually already spoken to many of them in personal consultations. I know their stories and I know they are community-shared experiences. I know the anxiety they are facing and I know the poverty and social challenges they are suffering because of their health problems. They are becoming conscious of the spiritual and mental effects of the taboos that have blocked their life and their living.

They were unable to move forward, and they did not know what to do. I was also somehow unable to move forward in helping them without them having the courage to break through the taboos together. There were too many of them for a personal consultation and it would not be as effective as a group consultation. Sharing their story with each other in the community would liberate many and they would realize that they are not alone. Together, they would find a community solution, as it is African custom to deal with issues in the community. I knew that some women were determined to break the taboos, but also afraid to speak in the presence of others. When I mentioned the taboo of spiritual and mental health, some stood up and ran away through the open door. However, I expected this uneasy reaction because I knew the reluctance of Africans to speak openly about taboos. The people who leaped out of the room showed physical reactions I recognized. Therefore, I applied a high level of cultural sensitivity in communicating the topic to them. As I was born, nurtured, and brought up in African culture until my adult age, I also went through and experienced many rituals of passage, and I am very conversant with the taboos and sensitivities of the culture, so I know what they are going through.

In writing this book to share these stories, a level of sensitivity is applied to the cultural sensibility of African culture. This is necessary for Africans who will read it with the taboos in mind. There are issues or topics I will not touch here because of the same reason of sensitivity. One should not talk about certain secrets that are trusted to you, both by men and by spirit. In such issues, you should share it with the community that shares the understanding.

One who knows African culture will understand this sensibility in this writing and that this is inherent in the communication of the culture. Because it is an oral culture in all aspects, its sensitivity is non-negotiable. One cannot take written documents to amend the culture and thereby make the needed change. Giving an example of religion, African traditional religions are not written religions with books or holy books. Each community practices its own rituals differently and none of the rituals can be repeated elsewhere in the same way. Each ritual leader follows the directives of the spirit or of his own instinct. This example is applicable to almost all parts of the culture because it is not in writing anywhere, and this makes negotiation with different communities or tribes difficult. This makes African culture an issue of the heart and soul. It is in the heart and soul where one stores their culture and the body becomes the expression of it. There are so many taboos that exist within the culture and one of the taboos we encountered during our gatherings was the health taboo.

Taboos are not only meant to protect the individual, but also to protect the community and the tribes. It is a strong element in community cohesion. It strengthens the identity of the community and creates a place of belonging. The community that respects and shares the taboo is stronger together and stands out above others who do not have a cohesive cultural element. In my town, we have a taboo of not going to our stream one day in an eight-day block. Our week is made up of eight days in contrast to the European calendar which is made up of seven days. When it comes to taboos, we maintain the eight days. When it comes to the world calendar, we maintain the seven days. One of the eight days is reserved for the spirits to go and do what they want to do in the water. On that specific day, nobody should go and touch the river.

One is not even allowed to walk to a distance where the river can be seen. It is a day when the river rests, settles, and becomes peaceful. The spirits of the river will have their time to purify the river and the fish can enjoy the water without human disturbances It is taboo to go to the river on such days, except for those who are allowed to go and maintain the custom. Any action of a person or group that violates this rule is termed as sacrilege to the spirit and community. It is assumed that the spirit of the water will not only punish the person but the whole community where the water is and where the person comes from, and if it happens that the person is not from there, the community where the river custom is violated will take the responsibility to assure that the particular ritual of restoration is made.

Therefore, the community where the river custom is violated will take the responsibility to assure that the particular ritual of restoration is made. This kind of taboo remains a myth in the custom. Nobody can explain how it came to be and whether it can be changed without serious consequences for a person or the community. When the river dries up to a worrisome level, rituals are done for the spirit. After this, the river will come back to its normal level.

There are words that are taboos in the culture too. Some words you cannot use when it is dark and some you can use only during the day. There are certain words or languages one is not allowed to use. There are people who are permitted to use those words or languages. These persons (I try to avoid using individuals) are permitted to do this based on their role and service to the community. The priests and leaders of altars are allowed to use those specific words. It is assumed that others who were not allowed to use those words will harm themselves if they do. In that sense, such words are taboos to protect the individual who might use it. Some words and taboos are forbidden based on moral language use. They are words that can be used to speak to an adult, but not to a child. There are also words one can use in the presence of a child when speaking to an adult. Most of those words are based on their moral and ethical use of them.

SPIRIT

Naming a spirit or godhead, deities and God differs in Taboo. Some spirits can be named, and others cannot be named. This taboo is based on personal and community protection. It is believed that when you mention a name, the person you called is supposed to answer or show a sign that they heard you. This is in case the person is within hearing distance. In case they are not around, it is believed that calling that person’s name distracts them from what they are doing. It does not matter how far away the person might be. When one’s name is mentioned, the spirit of that person picks it up and responds. Culturally, when someone sneezes without a cold infection, it means somebody mentioned his name somewhere, either in discussion or remembrance.

Naming someone always has an effect on the person named. When the person is close, they will respond to their name. This is also applicable to spirits. When a spirit is mentioned or named, it comes to answer its name. When one mentions or calls on God, He will answer. When one mentions or calls on the ancestors, they are bound to answer. When one mentions or calls out the name of a wicked spirit, it will also come to answer its name. when you call what you do not want, or something that will bring a problem to you, then you are the one seeking such a problem. When one calls out to a wicked spirit, it is an invitation. Such an invitation can be an honor, or it can be for ritualistic reasons. Such wicked spirits can only be called by those who are authorized to do so. They will know how to handle them when they appear or respond. They also know how to call them so that they will not act disastrously. The necessary negotiation and courtesy in approaching such spirits are known by those professionals who are authorized to mediate with them. The professionals know how to master such spirits. They know how to praise it and give it more space and honor, or dishonor it and redeem the space it has taken. Such mastery is needed when working with them.

Others who are not authorized or who do not know the professional approach face taboo in mentioning the name. Although, Africa does not have the culture and mentality of mastering this. Her main culture is in expanding talent and using it. However, in certain cases that involve the spirit, mastering this is necessary because of the effect it has on the community that can easily lead to loss of lives and destruction of properties.

Mastering is the desire to contain and be in control, to master. It is known that mastering the devil or God or spirits is not reality. But having an approach based on communication and negotiation would prevent unnecessary damage and repair such damages that could be prevented. This is why taboo is laid on such areas of mentioning spirits, especially the wicked ones. A wicked spirit is one who inflicts sickness, hardship, and loss on people or communities. One has to be extremely careful with it.

Any time someone is sick or faces hazardous and painful issues, then it is assumed that a wicked spirit is at work with that person or community. Talking about health issues, both mental and physical health is broadcasting the effect the spirit has on the person. Such broadcasting is not only dangerous for the victim but also promotes the wicked spirit responsible for ill health.

This is also why Africans or black people want to avoid discussing voodoo, juju, and health issues relating to a spiritual health hazard. There are many other reasons, but it all comes down to the fear of the spirit and the surrounding people who might be involved in causing the problems. Exposing your problems means informing them how effectively their action works against you. It is like giving them