The Story of My Soul

By Helen P. Slater

Channelling 6th December 2022 Great Mystery
‘You must know that all I say is true, that the End of the World is nigh, and all shall be saved, for to raise our consciousness is the goal, not only of Creator, but of all souls who see Yeshua as their Saviour, and Mary his Mother as their own.
I commend this book to the destitute and to the wicked that they may know their Creator and their lives be washed clean with Creator’s Light, and they shall be as One, as others are as One that know God, and that know and love themselves. For this love is the greatest of all and Divine Love knows those that suffer, and wishes to relieve them of their burdens, and all those that come to her shall be freed of their burdens, to live on Earth in joy, love, and abundance.
This book is written from a spiritual perspective, that all who come to her will be healed. They will feel all their problems lift off; they will just disappear. Everyone will feel whole and content once more.’

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press UK
• Release date: Feb 7, 2023
• ISBN: 9781982286903

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Copyright © 2023 Helen P. Slater.

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ISBN: 978-1-9822-8689-7 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9822-8691-0 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-9822-8690-3 (e)

Balboa Press rev. date: 02/07/2023

Thank you to Creator for sending me my guides.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Introduction: I meet my guides

Chapter 1 The healing begins

Chapter 2 Words that magically heal

Chapter 3 I am made wrong

Chapter 4 Family patterns

Chapter 5Timeline healing

Chapter 6 I am my only friend

Chapter 7 Family Healing

Chapter 8 Fairy dust

Chapter 9 I have trouble accepting responsibility for my life

Chapter 10 My ex

EChapter 11 A child

Chapter 12 Heaven to Earth

Chapter 13 I hear the voice of the Dark

Chapter 14 I learn about power from fire

Chapter 15 I discover I have a heart block

Chapter 16 I have a talk with Mother Mary

Chapter 17 I start to wake up

Chapter 18 Chaos ensues

Chapter 19 The Sub-Sahara Connection

Chapter 20 I am afraid of love

Chapter 21 I know who I am, no

Chapter 22 We learn by suffering

Chapter 23 A wild ride

Chapter 24 Everything is changing

Chapter 25 Like star dust

Chapter 26 Romance is in the offing

Chapter 27 I am enough

Chapter 28 How much light can you be?

Chapter 29 ‘You’ll never be lost again.’

Chapter 30 I am in love

Chapter 31 Poker face

Chapter 32 I meet a robot

Chapter 33 Terror or Psychosis

Chapter 34 Life can be even better with Creator

Chapter 35 Oxygen and Light healing

Chapter 36 Gratitude

Chapter 37 Nurture yourself

Chapter 38 Your divinity

Chapter 39 A true heart

Chapter 40 ‘I love myself.’

Chapter 41 Effulgence of spiritual light

Chapter 42 Like a heartbeat in the ocean

Chapter 43 All the love she craved

Chapter 44 Healing my creativity

Chapter 45 A long talk

Chapter 46 A means to an end

Chapter 47 Twelve step healing

Chapter 48 Our souls sing

Chapter 49 We came from the stars

Epilogue: I see and feel the mystery

About the Author

TABLE OF DIAGRAMS

Diagram 1: Medicine Wheel

Diagram 2: Relationship between current, past, and ancestral lives

Diagram 3: Soul incarnation Diagram

Diagram 4: Polarity beliefs at incarnation

Diagram 5: List B. Emotions and states of mind

Diagram 6: Abuse of power polarity beliefs at incarnation

Diagram 7: Healing downloads in the polarities

Diagram 8: Aspects of the soul

Diagram 9: Aspects of the soul 2

Diagram 10: Polarity beliefs of PLS at incarnation

Diagram 11: Polarity beliefs at incarnation

Diagram 12: Ego Diagram

Diagram 13: Polarity beliefs at incarnation

Diagram 14: Genetic Crossover Inheritance

Diagram 15: Polarity beliefs at incarnation

Diagram 16: Showing the relationship with the spirit and the genetic line

Diagram 17: Showing the physical body and light body connection

Diagram 18: The Merged Multiverse

Diagram 19: Seven Realms of the Soul

INTRODUCTION

I meet my guides

May 2019

I AM THINKING OF ALL MY PROBLEMS HERE IN MY BLOCK OF FLATS; THE sickness that will not heal; the Manager of the block, who I do not get on with; the neighbours, the couple with the loud TV in an adjacent flat; the other couple, recently moved in upstairs, with an amplified guitar played by the husband. Living here in this small block of flats instead of in my own house that I had to sell; the noise affecting me, wanting quiet, but wanting to make my own noise too, in my own way.

I am living in a block of flats that are small and basic, all because I got sick and needed a safe place to go. I am living off my savings and have cashed in a small pension as I have extreme fatigue after having flu, and I have been ill for three years. I have been diagnosed with Post Viral Syndrome (PVS). I had to move into this cheaper accommodation, here in this small town, but there is a problem; I do not get on with my neighbours. I have so many personal troubles, such as money and health, and these have become a heady cocktail of toxicity around the noise of the amplified guitar the male neighbour plays, that collides with my sensitivities.

I say out loud,

‘Why am I here? What has gone wrong? What is happening? Someone help me.’

A voice replies, ‘Do not worry. I am here to help you.’ I hear him in my head.

I say, ‘Who are you?’ A white shape of a man enters my sight as if he is standing in the middle of my living room, but I know he is not real. I say, ‘Who are you?’ again.

The voice answers, ‘My name is Jeremiah, and I am here to help you.’

‘How?’ I ask.

‘I am a healer from Arcturus, a star a long way away, and you are a special person with special gifts. I am here to help you manifest them.’

I ponder what he is saying. I say, ‘I don’t feel I am special.’ Suddenly, a woman appears beside him.

She says, ‘You are very special. You have a very special gift; you can heal people of their worries and anxieties by going to the root of the problem.’

‘How do I do that?’ I ask.

She says, ‘Wait and see. By the way I am Madeleine, your guide. We are all your guides.’ I see a whole gathering of what I can only call Light Beings all standing together looking at me smiling.

I think to myself, ‘What is this?’

Another guide called Terture says, ‘Shall we start?’ I can hear a smile in her voice.

I say, ‘Yes.’ The love I feel from these wonderful people, and their message of hope, means I feel safe. I am not Hearing Voices; these are real people, and they are here to help.

Madeleine says, ‘You will feel many emotions, you will see many things, pictures, and colours, you will hear many wise words, you will have insight as to what you are seeing. Now can I take you somewhere? Don’t worry you are quite safe.’

‘Yes.’ I reply. I feel myself rise above my head even though I remain lying on the sofa where I have lain for three years due to the illness.

I rise up above my head. She says, ‘Open your eyes, the ones inside your head.’ I see a white voluminous space, full of light and love, and feel comforted for the first time in my life. I know my father raped me as a child, but I do not know more than that. He is gone, died two years ago. I got on with him OK when I was an adult, but I was always uneasy with him, and could never account for how rigid I was, how socially inept I was, and how easily I could be drawn outside of myself and be taken advantage of. I have all the traits of an empath, I once read about this in a book; I am sensitive to an extreme and I get absorbed into the emotions of characters in films, but I could never feel my own emotions as a child. I always felt I was lucky, but this last year with the chronic illness and the guitar upstairs and his shouting, I felt for the first time on giving up on life. I have always had work, but not the right kind, nor with the right people. I have been a misfit all my life.

Yeshua (Jesus) says, ‘What would you like to be?’

I reply, ‘I don’t know.’

He says, ‘Do you know what healing is?’

‘No.’

‘Well, it is energy that moves, like clouds, and comes down from the high white-light space and removes trauma and stuck emotions and limiting thoughts and beliefs from you. For instance, you have the belief: ‘I hate my father,’ did you know that?’

‘No.’

‘Well, you know that hate is clouding your judgement and made you sick and this is the reason you are here in a flat with a guy playing a loud guitar, to rescue you from this situation. Do you want my help?’

‘Yes.’ I sense a light come into my heart. I start crying because it feels so beautiful, like the love I never had in my life before. I have never felt loved or loving. My parents were cold and constricted throughout my childhood, mainly because of their trauma, but mainly because of lack of love for themselves. I wonder if that is what ails the world, if that is why we are all sick, at heart, of ourselves, of life.

I wonder why the world is such a mess, and Jeremiah answers me as if I had spoken out loud, ‘We are all here to learn lessons and to heal our souls.’

‘How do I do that?’

He says, ‘Follow my instructions, and follow the instructions and healings of your other guides, OK?’

‘OK.’

He continues, ‘We are what we think, words have power. Think loving thoughts and you will prosper.’ I gaze at him, I can only wonder, as my thoughts have been so negative of late. ‘They always are when we get into difficulties.’ He has read my mind, he continues, ‘Your corrupted beliefs are all about dread.’

‘Why?’

‘Because you have been tortured, in this life with the abuse, which is a form of torture, and in past lives. The Middle Ages as your historians called it were devastating to the soul.’

‘Why?

‘Because torture rips apart the energy field, and you cannot put it back together again with any other healing. This is what we do, put you back together again. It is the only healing modality on the planet that can do this at this time.’

‘Wow,’ I think, ‘This is awesome.’

Terture says, ‘Would you like me to start healing you?’

I say, ‘Yes,’ feeling so excited. This is all my dreams coming true. I see a shaft of white light mixed with a clear stream in the shape of a vortex that comes into me. Then I see my aura, which is a huge ball of white light.

Madeleine says, ‘Would you like to heal this?’

I say, ‘Why what is wrong with it, it looks lovely.’ She shows me how to enter my body from the white space of light above my head and go out into my soul. To my consternation I feel sorrow and despair. I am told this can all change if I follow my guides.

I say, ‘Thank you.’

They say, ‘Thank Creator, Creator sent us to you.’

‘Who is Creator?’ I ask.

‘Creator is who you call God, but Creator comes from the high white-light space, and you have never known Creator before. Now say, ‘Hello.’’

I say, ‘Hello, thank you.’

God says, ‘Put your hand up and place it against my energy.’

I see an energy of a light, a white effulgent brightness, and put out my hand and place it palm up to the white radiance. I see a man come out of me and run away from me in the high white space.

Madeleine says, ‘That was your father. He has been there since you were little. Now do you wonder that you have always felt like a man?’ I start crying. How can my father be there, he is dead.

Terture says, ‘Don’t worry, you have so much love and light in you that men are attracted to you because they want it, but they are not prepared to surrender to it, so they rape you to take it. Can I bring back what he took from you?’

Shaking, I reply with tears rolling down my face, ’Yes, please.’ I see a cloud of bright light enter my body, as she brings back my light and energy that my father took from me.

Next day, my guides show themselves to me again, they are all standing in a group in my living room.

Jeremiah says, ‘Do you know what an entity is?’

‘No.’

‘Let me tell you, or rather show you. Terture?’ and to me, ‘Watch your energy field darling.’

I see black blobs shaped like people, emerging from my energy field, and being shown a high white-light into which they disappear.

‘You can do this for yourself, but now….’ My throat emits a growl. I am startled. Jeremiah shows me I have an entity around my head. ‘It can fly about and vibrate your voice box,’ he says, ‘But it is attached to your root chakra.’

‘Take it out,’ I say, startled by this new revelation.

‘This is why you cannot sleep, and the growly spook attaches to your conscience because you hurt him and his father, the fat spook, in a past life.’

‘Oh, I am sorry.’

‘Yes,’ says Jeremiah, ‘The fat spook (entity) is situated in your stomach.

‘What are they doing?’

‘Calling you to account so you do no more misdeeds, otherwise your soul will dwell in Hell forever.’

‘Oh, my Goodness. How terrible.’

‘Only if you make it so,’ says Jeremiah and they all disappear.

That night I sleep such a blissful sleep like I have not slept in these flats before. When I wake in the morning Terture says,

‘We shall start today, and I want you to write all you see and hear and feel down in a diary so others can come to you at some later date and benefit from this healing too. Would you like that?’

‘Oh yes,’ I say, for I have seen the suffering of the world and am wondering why we suffer, like the Buddha long ago wondered and went on his journey, for I have experienced poverty and loneliness and abuse.

Terture says, ‘Loneliness is the sickness that irks the middle aged if they have led a profligate life and not saved their friendships because they were incapable of making friends in any meaningful way.’

‘Oh.’ I say, ‘I thought I was a horrible person.’

‘You are not, but ask yourself why you are alone, what happens in your friendships?’ I think for a little then I say,

‘I start to control.’

‘Or to be controlled.’

‘Yes.’

‘Does that remind you of someone?’

‘Yes.’

‘Who?’

‘My father.’

I pause for thought, then, in the high white-light space I am told by Madeleine that I can ask questions of Creator.

‘What questions?’

‘Anything you like,’ Madeleine says. I ask Creator,

‘What is going to happen, am I going to move house soon? Am I going to be well?’

I hear a voice saying that I will move when I am well, and that will take some time. ‘Heal with your guides and the sickness will go.’

I am told by Madeleine that I am to work on releasing corrupted beliefs that are created by experiences, usually trauma, and can come from many lifetimes ago. I am shown how to energy test for beliefs.

Madeleine says, ‘You can ask God to send you love. Go on, try it.’ So, I ask Creator and a shaft of shining white light comes down from above my head and envelopes all the cells of my body and my aura (energy field). It feels wonderful, like a bath of pure love. Then I see a figure of a man shouting at me and shaking his fist. I am startled and lose my connection the high white-light space.

Madeleine connects me again and says, ‘Ask him who he is.’ So, I ask him, and he says,

‘I am your twin, and you stole my life from me.’ I am shocked.

Madeleine says we will heal this incident, and this is what is keeping me sick, ‘Your guilt about this has hampered you throughout your life. Now is the chance to heal it. Would you like to?’

‘Yes.’ I witness as a ball of white light comes into my mother’s womb, with two children (prenates) in it, and settles between them.’

Madeleine tells me this ‘battle of wills’ in the womb is what is affecting me with the predicament I find myself in here at the flats with Guitar Guy. She says, ‘Let go.’

I say, ‘I cannot.’

‘Why?’

‘Because I don’t know who I am without it.’

‘Why not?’ she says,

‘Because I must be him because I took his life.’

She says, ‘You did not take his life, but it will take some time for you to realise it.’

In this book I will find identification issues are the key to my low self-worth and my illness, that the microcosm becomes the macrocosm, and that we can all heal Our Universe through ourselves, so I start with the stars.

ONE

The healing begins

I GO OUT IN MY MIND UP TO THE STARS FROM THE HIGH WHITE-LIGHT space. I see, with my psychic senses, a white platform, floating in the dark ether of Our Universe, with a white narrow cord hanging from it. I see ten hooded Sirian beings who have no faces, are sitting on it. Then I see the remnants of the vortex, that falls to the Earth from Sirius. I am taken over to the star Sirius, and see a Psychotic Warrior who killed a Beautiful Being. Evil has been done here.

I am being shown this is an opportunity to work on Sirius. I am shown by Madeleine how to ask Creator for healing. We work on the Psychotic Warrior’s child-self, and I carry out healing work on the Sirius father, releasing the energy of punishment and trauma from him. We work on the warrior as his baby-self with his mother, in the eerie, psychotic, indigo-blue light of the star. The black sky beyond, and light-grey planetary dust under foot. The white pergola with the cradle under it. I sense the mother is so wounded that there is no eye contact with and no empathy for her baby. The baby has not had a chance to bond or attach safely to the mother, and he has disassociated into the ether of space. Out there, he cannot find his own individuality.

He has the belief:

‘I am God,’ and he has attached to Creation. It is an unhealthy attachment and can bring on feelings of megalomania if unhealed. I have inherited these issues. Madeleine says she can bring in energy called downloads that will change this psychotic situation for the better. She asks me if I would like them.

I am intrigued by what I am seeing, and I say, ’What are these downloads?’

I hear Madeleine say, ‘They are energy transformed into words. They come from Creator. Say ‘yes’ if you want them.’

‘OK then.’

She says, ‘I know and sense where my boundaries begin and end and where the boundaries of others begin and end,’ and,

‘I understand other people’s free agency.’

I say, ‘Yes.’ I see energy, like a waterfall of water above my head, that swooshes through me, and lights me up from the inside.

Madeleine says, ‘The downloads transform all your cellular memory.’ Then she releases me from my mothers’ projections.

I see a pink cloud in the high white-light space. I sense the pink cloud is feminine. She comes up to me, I can see her face smiling at me, and she says she is the Law of Compassion. She tells me she is my friend and works through Creator.

She asks me if I would like some downloads:

‘Can I teach you that you can be a better person?’

‘Yes.’

‘Can I teach you that you are amazing?’

‘Yes.’

‘Can I teach you your dreams can come true?’

‘Yes.’

I see in my mind’s eye, the figures I feel are an emperor and empress, that I know somehow are linked to Sirius. They are sitting side by side, in their blue and amethyst colours.

Madeleine says, ‘They are guides.’ She says the Sirius life is ancestral, and it is the root of the mental health problems that I experience, with its cold eerie psychotic energy, and the mother who is so still and withdrawn from the baby.

I find I can see images clearly, and hear Creator’s voice easily, and in response to my thoughts Madeleine says, ‘You are a healer.’

The Sirian blue and amethyst colour guides say, ‘Do we have permission to work on you through Creator?’

I ask what energy they bring. They tell me they are bringing peace and love, so I grant them permission. They are very polite. They say that they can release trauma. They say my future clients will need them. They tell me their names. The male guide is called Amethyst, the lady guide is Tritrine. They start to help me heal.

They say I can smell sickness, ‘Candida is like rotten milk, bacteria like rotting flesh, and a virus is acrid like burning.’

I realise I have so much trauma.

Then I hear Amethyst’s voice say, ‘Take Tritrine’s hand.’ An invisible presence takes my hand. I can vaguely see her hand in mine and the feelings of comfort are so strong that they chase away my despair and I know I am not alone anymore. As my hand is tight in Tritrine’s hand, a pattern of mine comes up. It is ancestral, and I have inherited it. The pattern is that I get angry when I am passive, that I let someone else speak up in a group instead of speaking up myself, and I feel the energy of being put down while doing so.

Amethyst says, ‘This healing is teaching you that you do not have all the answers. When you meet people,’ he says, ‘Be nice and kind.’

Amethyst asks me questions, saying they are downloads:

‘Can I teach you know who you are without karma?’

‘Can I teach you can live without trauma?’

‘Can I teach you are safe and surrounded by friends?’

I say, ‘Yes,’ and receive the downloads.

‘You have so much trauma Helen,‘ says Tritrine, ‘It’s all you know. Can we release trauma from your guts?’

I say, ‘Yes,’ and I see sheets of yellow trauma energy releasing from my body and being sent to God’s Light. It is incredible that all this trauma is in me.

She asks, ‘Can we release what trauma is ready to release?’

‘Yes.’ I see clouds of yellow being released from my body. A metal implant is released from my root chakra. I see the shine of the metal as it is released and hear the clink it makes as it drops on the floor. My guides are amazing. This trauma has been here all my life, since my soul began its journey, aeons ago.

Tritrine says to me, ‘You are attached to trauma, especially after the last few years.’ She has such a lovely soft voice. ‘I know that life has been tough. Can I release what is left of the trauma in your heart?’ A dirty acrid yellow cloud emerges, different from the solar plexus chakra soft yellow colour.

‘Can I release the trauma from your eyes?’ My grampy, my paternal grandfather, who I love, appears, and says that he loves me. I cry, and Tritrine holds my hand. She says, ‘Can I release trauma from your head, your brain, your frontal cortex?’ I see it is a bit stuck and Tritrine says they will work on it.

Amethyst says it is releasing fine, he says, ‘We have switched you from trauma mode to kind mode.’ I see floating memories release.

‘Can I teach you it is a kind act to release trauma?’ Amethyst keeps talking to me about the programmes I used to watch on TV with my father. Films with torture in them. ‘This was a symptom of your shared karma.’

Amethyst and Tritrine are kind and great healers. They work together so I always know I am safe, and I am always comfortable.

Amethyst says, ‘Now we will go around all your systems and release trauma. I see yellow clouds emanate and clear from my body. He tells me I pick my nose because of shame. He asks, ‘Who told you, you were no good?’

‘A boyfriend I slept with when I was twenty. It did not go well.’ I cry and Tritrine holds my hand.

Amethyst says, ‘It was because you were frigid because of the trauma in your childhood.’ Then he says, ‘We love you, that’s why we are here,’ Tritrine holds my hand and I have tears rolling down my face.’

I say, ‘Thank you.’ I am so grateful for her tender care.

I see my four-year-old hurt child-self has a green bubble and an orange bubble in her heart and Amethyst gives me the Truth about my father’s love from Creator. The emotional bonds of trauma in my heart then release.

Tritrine says, ‘We love you. You are a kindhearted person, not horrible.’ I shed tears. ‘You were beginning to worry though,’ she says.

I smile through the tears, ‘Yes.’

She says to me, ‘You are a beautiful person, Helen, don’t let anyone tell you different.’ I ask about the woman who I was competitive with in the dance meditation I did in the large town I moved from. She says, ‘We will deal with that another time.’ Then she says, ‘We’ll leave you now. You can do it yourself now.’

Amethyst asks me why I love John and then both guides disappear, but I know they are around me somewhere.

I hear them say together, ‘You don’t have to say you love us back.’ I see trauma release from my left leg.

I hear Tritrine say, ‘When the healing is ended you will be free. John loved you, (my ex-fiance) but it was not real love, the love you are seeking, you thought he was your world.’

I can tell my guides are preparing me for something. They say, ‘You are real! Accept yourself.’ They download for me:

‘I know how to be myself.’

I know I feel so angry with my parents, and John. They are all out there living life and I am stuck in here like this.

Madeleine says, ‘They tell you, your family, that you are bad, crazy, wrong and all the time you are being you.’

Jeremiah says to me in my head, ‘Let your mind roam like you were told by your guide in the meditation, let it gallop across open prairies and work it out for itself.’

I wake up at four in the morning. I go and lie on the sofa and Tritrine takes my hand. I cry and cry. I see a terrifying clown’s face, white, with red around his mouth and yellow tufts of hair. I see a Norman knight inside his armour. Then I go back to bed and sleep. In the morning a bell is ringing at six thirty in the morning. It is the neighbours being mean and waking me up. I have never heard it before. It stops and I return to sleep.

Tritrine says, ‘The bullying will stop, Helen.’

Madeleine says, ‘After the trauma is gone you will still need healing, your beliefs and your limiting circumstances are all there, and trauma will come up as we release emotions and energies in your energy field. We just made a start.’

I realise I feel so much easier in my body and sleep much better after the trauma release. I throw myself into the healing arms of my guides knowing somehow that they will catch me in their soft arms. I am so grateful to them. I love Creator and the high white-light space where I can ask any question I choose and get the answers I need.

Here I am, lying on a sofa, with the most wonderful things in the world happening to me, when the Guitar Guy upstairs leans out of the window above and copies my improvisational style of singing, mimicking my voice. I even hear him mocking my crying by going, ‘Wha, wha, wha.’

I say to myself, ‘I must move again,’ but I cannot take this seriously. This is my home, my safe place. I have lived here three years now, and I do not want to uproot myself again.

The guitar played by the guy upstairs, is loud in the garden, and I cannot sit outside anymore. If my windows are open, the guitar is as loud as the TV that blares from the flat adjacent. I cannot hear myself think. The relentless boring repetition of two chords played so loudly for hours is beginning to impinge on my happiness. The Guitar Guy’s loud voice penetrates the solid floors and invades my ear drums. He is shouting upstairs, not talking. I am feeling very uneasy. I keep my temper knowing the trouble that reacting to noise can bring. I need to keep this flat, and not get into trouble with the management company. Just occasionally when I have been sitting outside relaxing, my door slams with my impatience when I need to come inside because the guitar has started, and he reacts upstairs by calling out complaining to his wife. He slams doors all the time upstairs, which shatters my nerves. I am on edge and watching myself very carefully, so that I react as little as possible.

One night I have a dream that disturbs me. In the middle of my living room is a centipede-like insect with a black carapace and pincers at one end. It is frightening. At the same time, just outside the garden door, looking in, are two couples. I recognise them as the Guitar Guy and his wife and behind them are TV guy and his wife, who seems to be pulling the strings. Madeleine tells me the insect is an attachment on Guitar Guy. I sense it is evil. I have a sense of foreboding.

Am I arrogant in placing my needs above the neighbours? I was told when the new neighbours arrived nine months ago that they had been made homeless. You would have thought I would view them with compassion, but I was wary. I saw them as incomers and decided to wait to see if they were nice people.

I see people who are Grey surround me. They come in and then vanish.

Madeleine tells me, ‘They are a people that come to you when you have abuse of power issues and feel guilty about your misdeeds. They look like humanoids but are coloured grey. They like to trick us humans into staying stuck in guilt and powerlessness. They are now gone.’

I always had the feeling I had done wrong in past lives, but Terture says to me, ‘There is nothing that cannot be forgiven.’

I now see Cleopatra, the Egyptian Queen. I am told by a guide she helps people with their healing on the astral plane like a spiritual guide. I had not understood her significance before. I see her now standing in her own glory feeling as if she is God, commanding service from her people. I know she is showing me my own beliefs and issues, some of them ancestral, some of them past lives. I know she appears in the astral plane to help people with their issues when they are similar to hers.

I request downloads:

‘I know how to serve,’

‘I serve God,’

‘I understand Creator’s meaning of service.’

‘I am a little spark of God.’

‘I am a star.’

‘I am starlight, and I know how to bring peace and prosperity to my people.’

‘I speak wisely.’

‘I understand the meaning of empowerment.’ I hear it is the power of love.

‘God is love.’

‘I use my power wisely.’

I see the scene change, and in the healing, she sits down on her throne and listens, she is grounded and centred, and she is wise. I see she does not court the Romans any longer. Egypt becomes a friend of Rome, and she retains her throne and her life. This is the analogy for my life, to create safety out of unsafe situations.

I see the vortex from Sirius remains and I move it to a new more positive place in the heavens.

I see the problems on Alpherg are still unresolved. The Fire Man who set fire to the planet could have handled things differently but how?

I return to healing my relationship with my father, who Madeleine says I am still connected to. I release his energy from me and ask for all my lessons to be learned and completed that I am ready for at this time. I see a white shroud that had been covering me, fly off. Archangel Michael appears and gives me swords of protection on all four sides of my light body.

I discover the belief, ‘I am scared of men.’ I need more healing to change this belief. Terture runs the energy healing, the conscious light streams, night and day.

Jeremiah says, ‘You are scared of male sexuality and energy. Men have not connected their sexuality to their hearts like most women, but they will do.’

One day I go to lunch with my mother. I see an angel that is my father, hover over my father’s picture on the mantelpiece. I return home and recommence the healing.

I find the beliefs:

‘I exist because of my family.’

‘My existence depends upon my family.’

‘I am obligated to my family to sacrifice myself for my family.’

I ask and hear them transformed to,

‘I exist as myself.’

I am confronted by disabling fatigue. I see my Inner Child. She was formed at seven years old, as I grew up her energy lived on. She is sitting, in a tall-backed chair, spinning round and round. She appears to be waiting for something, waiting for me.

I see my father is in Hell. I feel my family are worthless. The unconscious love I have for my parents, is jolted so I can see them clearly for the first time.

Madeleine appears and tells me that she is going to direct my healing sessions, twice a day for the next five days.

During the first healing, I see a Sub-Saharan Man and a White Lady together, and they are sending me a red rose, but it wilts in my heart. I realise I am terrified of the beat of my heart, the beat of life, the beat of the Earth. My guides send me a healing on my heart, but I get angry and go out of my body. They put me back in. I am advised to work on my anger at God, so I look at it, by asking Creator in the high white-light space, and I find it goes back to an incarnation that I feel is my ‘first incarnation,’ when I as a woman blame God for my decision to come to Earth. This female past life starts on a Dark path due to the hate inside her. I pull and release regrets. I allow a healing on my heart by the angels. The next day I see my Sub-Saharan man, he is strong and healthy striking the Earth with a staff. I feel amazing.

The next day Madeleine says, ‘Heal your digestive issues by asking Creator.’ I tune into the abuse, and I see I am scattered energetically, and Creator brings back all my sacral chakra energy into my belly. My digestion improves from that day onwards. Madeleine says I have learned compassion from experiencing child abuse.

I learn that Mother Mary will help me, when I eventually see clients, with healing mothers who are struggling to keep the work/ family balance in their lives but love their children so much they feel guilty about going to work.

On the fourth day, Creator shows me my mitochondria. These are our connection to our common female ancestor, Mitochondrial Eve. They are the energy producing part of the cell. Creator says to multiply them and release fatigue off my muscles. With an auto immune disease, the body does not multiply mitochondria with exercise as it does in a healthy person. In fact, exercise can be detrimental to health. Then Creator shows me to look at the ring of mitochondrial DNA and I find an ancestor where the fatigue started in my mother’s line. ATP, energy, is made by the mitochondria and deficiency can lead to fatigue. I show my mitochondria to God’s Light, as Madeleine instructs, and watch as the mitochondria light up. It feels beautiful.

I discover why I feel so alienated in this block of flats and why I do not like the neighbours. It is a microcosm of both my family life and work groups I have been part of in past lives. Jeremiah tells me to stay at my flat, and to be honest about my struggles with myself. He tells me my lymphatic system is full of the energy of battle. I have gone into battle with myself and some of the residents without realising it. He tells me, ‘When we are living a life from, ‘me, me, me,’ perspective, life looks black and white. We feel right, and make the others wrong, but how would it feel if you looked at life from his side, (Guitar Guy) you might not feel so sorry for yourself then.’ I ponder what he has said to me, but I cannot figure it out. He says again to be patient. ‘One day at a time.’

On the Fifth day, I look at my ears and find abuse trauma inflicted by my father nestling in my left ear. My guides tell me to leave it and to look in the right ear. I see a billboard within with the words, ‘I am Me,’ written in large letters across my right ear. I have not been accepted as I am throughout my life. I ask for healing and silvery light comes into my right ear, and I feel my self-absorption release so I cannot hold myself and my process any more important than anyone else’s.

I see a silver star waiting to come in and it says that I am heading towards my soulmate. Madeleine tells me I am learning to look after myself. She infers I have dissociative disorder. I realise I left my body during the abuse in my childhood. My guides keep me in my body during the days and nights of healing.

July 2019

During this time, I manage to challenge the Guitar Guy. I’ve heard the man shouting. Then one day he plays on and on endlessly strumming. I decided to tolerate it, but then the next day when he starts up again, I cannot stand it and decide to ring him up. I have been given his phone number by the Manager to help the situation. I discover it is not that simple. He is loud and angry, but he explains to me that his family are having difficulty and he is looking for work. What can I say? He sounds desperate, so I just say I’m sorry for his difficulties, and put the phone down, his plea, ‘It’s all I’ve got,’ ringing in my ears.

I know that singing is my lifeline whenever I am in pain. I understand. I am not going to drive a man to suicide, so I shed a tear privately and then carry on. Thank fully his wife must have cautioned him and I do not hear the guitar again. He usually plays when she is out, so she did not know he was playing so loudly. He must have told her what occurred.

I have been working on allowing men their feelings and acknowledging that men have feelings, inspired by my own visions of my future soulmate. I call him Richard. My father ruled the roost so much with his strong personality that I sometimes find it hard to see the vulnerability in a man. So I give Guitar Guy the benefit of the doubt, but now I wonder if it was all a deliberate attempt to wind me up.

I bump into TV Guy and his wife in the corridor. The man had tried to blame the noise on the upstairs neighbours. The man says, ‘I bet you’re glad to see us,’ with so much hidden menace attached that I feel unsafe. Of course, I am not pleased to see them. He then asks me if I am better because I used the reason that I was ill as a reason to ask him to turn the TV volume down. I have no idea what better means. I try not to talk about my illness to strangers and I say, ‘Yes, I’m fine,’ with disastrous consequences because I find later that day that they have turned up their TV. I get myself off the sofa, go up in the lift and go to their flat, knock on the door, and ask them to turn it down.

Madeleine says I have unlocked my throat chakra. She also says I got my power back during this week of healing. I feel amazing and what is more, I feel safe. I do not have to be making an emergency house move. The neighbours are quiet, but not for long. Guitar Guy leans out of his window upstairs and makes crying noises again. How different from the last lovely neighbour who passed away who might have comforted me. Men cannot stand women crying. His guitar starts up again. I have had enough. All the noises from upstairs and the door slamming in the corridor have completely bent my brain around, and when I thought I was insane the thoughts just come to me that he is doing this deliberately.

TWO

Words that magically heal

22nd July 2019

MADELEINE TELLS ME I CAN USE THE SPIRITUAL HEALING ON MYSELF without her help. Then another guide called Leila gives me a statement of words that magically heal, and she tells me I can look out for her using it in my healing process, and to start to use it for my own healing.

I want to work on my pattern of competing with people, and I want to come off the mental health medication I am on, but I tune in to myself as I have been shown and find trauma. I see an event that happened in the third trimester to my prenate in my mothers’ womb which was violent. I am told to use the statement that heals. My inner knowing once told me it was my father who was violent, and now I have confirmation that something happened with him towards my mother and me.

Then I start clearing trauma from my wounded child-selves and adolescent-selves with Madeleine. I keep an eye on my tendency to dissociate and my guides work together to keep me in my body. My guides say there are demons around me and give me a tool to use to clear them. I find two energetic implants in my brain (projections)and release them. Madeleine then releases the projections my parents sent me. She understands what I am saying without judging me, knowing I will come to understand the part I played in my family.

Madeleine says to me that it would be good to receive an energetic treatment and Leila will teach it to me in the coming weeks. She says I have so much abuse trauma and to look after myself.

Afterwards I realise healing is not a quick fix, but I am impressed with how much my body has released tension, and rediscovered my strength, and I decide to continue. Madeleine then tells me to talk to Creator every morning, to go and work on my traumatised child-selves with healing and downloads. I do this every morning for ten days, asking for downloads for myself as well.

I talk to traumatised child-selves in the high white space. Most have been raped. I send them love and surround them with light. I release their pain. I release their shame and release their confusion as to why someone is hurting them. I bring in their lost innocence and bring back a soul retrieval of purity. I download them with love of life. Then I release their rage. I see many of my traumatised child-selves and download them with love, send an angel. Some are not responsive, and I am told to wait until they are ready to release their story. I find there will always be a trauma that can be healed even though the child is holding on.

I find the beliefs:

‘I have to hold on,’ and,

‘I have to let go,’ and release them. I then release the belief:

‘I am dead.’

If the traumatised child-self begins to talk about karma, I say to her that the karma is my responsibility, and this is my soul’s path.

Then I am shown to unfreeze the trauma with a tool given to me by Madeleine:

‘Creator, I ask that this trauma be completed, is no longer needed, unfreezed, that they are now safe,’ and dissolve the trauma cord, and download, ‘It is over, and they are safe now.’ Then later, I release their negative God beliefs, their lack of self-worth beliefs, and then their corrupted love beliefs. The virtues that are the most effective apart from strength, are ‘fortitude,’ ‘bravery,’ and ‘resilience.’ When I respect them all as individuals and I find they can receive the love and compassion more easily.

Child abuse is a complex web that can be unentangled by deft, gentle fingers and takes time. I am in awe of Madeleine, she has so much love and wisdom as she guides me through the healings, as I cry with my inner children, and hug them energetically, and tell them they are in control of their lives, no one else. That no one is controlling them anymore, no one has power over them. Angels swoop in and heal their little hearts.

The wounded child-selves will ask, ‘Why did this happen?’

I ask Madeleine and she says, ‘You will find out if you continue with us, do you want to? Ask them.’

I turn to the nursery in the high white-light space and ask my little ones, ‘Would you like to go further in this healing journey and find out why all this has happened to us?’

I hear the resounding response, ‘Yes,’ and smile to myself this is all happening, this is all real and I feel more relaxed than I have ever done in my life up till now. It is a miracle of magic and I feel so grateful for my guides and their skill in healing me.

The next day I have a session with Jeremiah. We talk and I tell him, ‘I am really worried I enjoyed it, the sex abuse?’

He immediately replies, ‘No,’ and the awful fear in my brain releases.

Then I ask him, ‘Why does abuse happen?’

He says, ‘The soul splits open during abuse, to let in the light so we can find God. The Earth is so dense we forget God when we incarnate.’

Terture starts the healing. I realise it is a belief that I had to think a child enjoys being abused. Many abused children have this belief, so that we can mask our pain from ourselves, and so that others will think us wrong, which is how we really feel. I wonder about abused people being able to find God, it seems to me that some people find God without being abused.

When being groomed, the young want to hear they are a good girl, (or boy) and so obediently let the abuser do what they want, even if it disgusts the child, which it does, such is the power of an adult over them, especially one in your family.

The excitement we feel about the abuse is really a mask of terror, and shame and pain are in the mix, but terror above all, as our minds and our power are ripped from us in an effortless pull resulting in total acquiescence, and that is why children and adults alike, do not struggle or cry out. These things I know because I have discovered the truth by being supported by the healing, and the myths around child incest are torn down.

I discover I do not feel stuck anymore after the sessions with Madeleine and Terture.

I find it easier to hate people that have projected upon me, than to forgive them. I have a lot of hate, Terture releases hate with the healing. I work on the prenatal trauma discovering my father pushed my mother over in her third trimester of pregnancy. He is raging. I discover his rage is to do with his own mother. I discover he wants me to be a boy. I discover he does not want a baby because he cannot cope. My mother also wants a boy, because she does not want another female to interfere with her relationship with her husband. She cannot cope with a baby either. They are both stressed with what happened in their own lives, their own childhoods.

I have the belief:

‘I have to be a boy.’

Here is the root cause of wanting to please my mother and father, and of not being myself. This trauma, and holding onto it, is the cause of me pretending to be a boy.

I find myself going to rest at seven in the evening and I am not sure why. Then the guitar starts up loudly upstairs and I wonder why I got so tired just at that time, I usually rest during the day. Later I am to learn that my spook and his insect attachment are in conflict, and that they are challenging my safety. Do I really need to rest at that time? What is going on? I feel as if it made a bad situation worse. It is to get even worse.

23rd July 2019

My guide Terture says to me, ‘I am going to run a special energy now. Go through the work you are familiar with, asking Creator in the high white-light space, and heal your past lives and those lives of your ancestors that have abuse of power as an issue. You know what they are.’

I feel an energy shift straight away as the healing starts. I start to work on the lives on star planets of Alpherg and Sirius, and issues with my father in the many past lives we had together. I see the first past life where I met my father which I have not seen before. The last past life with my father that I have seen is a Viking past life, in which I abduct him from Caledonia and my Queen kills him.

I go further back, and I see that my father is a Roman General, and I am a Macedonian and his ship sinks at sea in a battle, and my past life man is distraught about his abandoned family as he drowns. This is how unresolved issues are passed down the ancestral line. I feel his distress strongly, and with the spiritual healing I see the change as he escapes the Romans, swims to shore, and barricades his band of armed men inside a citadel. The Romans leave and then he is reunited with his family. It is so beautiful to watch as they leave the citadel together and find a safe valley to live in. I feel tears in my eyes. I think now that the tit-for-tat revenge between lifetimes with my father begins here, but I am to discover two more chilling past lives with him before this one, in the year to come.

With the beautiful energy Terture is running, all my resistance melts away as I go through each abuse of power past life that I know I have, including slavery in Sub-Sahara, finally acknowledging it for what it is, in all the lives this is an issue. After receiving the energy Terture was running, I find I can easily say I was wrong. I can easily ask for forgiveness. I can call upon Creator and the Law of Grace, and the Law of Mercy as I kneel before the Beautiful Being killed on Sirius and ask for forgiveness for my ancestor.

I see my ancestor kneel before the king on Alpherg who tortured him and ask forgiveness for trying to steal his crown. I also ask forgiveness for the Alpherg parents who encouraged him, their son, to rebel. I witness the healing create the changes, as the man joins the court, loyal to his King, and at the same time looks after his parents.

I ask for a download from Creator and hear:

‘I know how and when to be honourable to my family as well as to my leader.’

During another healing within the special energy Terture is running, I see a dark life when an ancestor murdered a family with a sacrificial knife. Another abuse of power. The ancestral lives and past lives are hard to differentiate. I am told by Madeleine to ask Creator which one it is that I am working on. I realise my father and I have so much karma intertwined, that wrong and right and blame are pointless exercises. I am here to heal. I see the little spirit child that I saw in the first group, stop whirling around in her chair, and wake up. I have made progress.

Smoothly and effortlessly without any struggle and resistance I heal all these lives. I feel amazing and my Inner Child does not protest. Something finer within me has emerged. I am so grateful to Terture, and Creator, the refined conscious light streams are amazing.

I ask for a download and hear:

‘I know what it feels