Autism Brought Me Joy

By Lizzy Clarke-Benjamin

This book was written to let parents of children on the autism spectrum know that they did nothing wrong and that their child or children being on the spectrum is in no way their fault.

I did everything right with my third child and only son, and he was diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum. I believe that we as parents of these exceptional children have been given the opportunity to love these uniquely beautiful, smart, bright, talented, and loving children unconditionally and for us, as parents, to experience the absolute joy of receiving their pure and sincere unconditional love, which ultimately brings us an indescribable joy that words cannot express. I thank God for this unique opportunity, and I would not change it for the world.

This sunrise reminded me that God has given me the opportunity to watch my own son rise out of the gray mist of autism. Amen.

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• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: May 3, 2021
• ISBN: 9781098083298

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Autism Brought Me Joy

Lizzy Clarke-Benjamin

Copyright © 2021 by Lizzy Clarke-Benjamin

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.

832 Park Avenue

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Let Them Speak

Give Them Something or Someone to Believe In

Never Be Embarrassed

Teachers Need Our Help

Sleep Is Key

It’s Not Your Fault

Shattered Glass Lessons

Sensory Issues

Consider the Autism Journey as an Adventure

Things I Taught My Children

Coping with COVID-19

Doing What God Says

Let Them Speak

Mom, you’re being too vague. You need to be more specific—these are some of the most beautiful words I ever heard from my son Timmy, and the word okeydokey also brought tears of joy to my eyes. My son Timmy, now a teenager, the youngest of my three children and my only son was diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum for speech delay and frustration tolerance. (His inability to communicate effectively would result in yelling screaming and head banging.)

I told Timmy to do something (I can’t recall at this moment), and he was not able to comply, so I asked him why he did not do as I told him to. And his response was Mom, you’re being too vague, you need to be more specific. This sentence meant that he was now able to tell me that he was not understanding and why he was not understanding. From that moment, I began my journey of communicating more clearly and effectively with my son so that he would be able to understand, comply, and communicate.

I am always on speed dial for all my children and their teachers whenever they’re at school, especially Timmy. I forced myself to let Timmy take the school bus, starting in middle school, as a way for me to get used to the idea that he needs to be independent of me. Of course, for weeks, I still drove behind the school bus to monitor how he was doing getting on and off the bus and also him getting to and from school. I requested the door-to-door service so that he would be brought directly to the house.

While in the tenth grade in high school, he had forgotten something and he got permission to call me from the school’s office to ask me to bring the item for him. I immediately drove to the school, and they called him to come to the office to get the item from me. I gave him the item, and he said Thanks, Mom, which is the norm, and then I told him to have a great day and he said, Okeydokey, which was completely different from the usual monotoned Yes, Mom.

Tears of joy came to my eyes as I realized that my son was waking up and becoming more aware. I know it might not seem like a big deal, but for me, it was a new sign of hope for me to keep pressing forward because he is becoming more alert and aware and less monotoned or repetitive.

We Spoke for Timmy from Birth to Teenage Years

As a family, there is always someone answering for Timmy whenever we asked him a question. When asked Timmy, are you hungry? my older daughter would respond, No, Mom, I just gave him a sandwich. My younger daughter would chime in, And he ate all of it. All this time, Timmy did not need to answer, and this went on for years without us realizing that we were not giving him an opportunity to communicate or interact. He had to do speech therapy, and the speech pathologist was quite impressed with his progress and his ability to form grammatically correct sentences.

Timmy’s grandma Lain, my mom, would notice that as a nonverbal baby (approximately two and a half to three years old), he would pick up DVDs at the stores and appear to be reading the summary. Yes, he could hyper-read before he spoke. He would choose the DVDs based on the summaries he read. My mom proved it one day when she had him in her arms and there was fresh dew on the top of her car and she used her finger to write the word car in the dew. While being held in her arms, Timmy leaned forward and wrote the word cookie below the word his grandma Laine had written. My mom was overjoyed and so excited.

She said she would prove to us that he could speak, so she waited until he was watching his favorite TV show and then she put her head directly in front of his face and he used his hand to move her head out of the way. Of course, knowing my mom she did it about two more times, and the third time she did it, Timmy said, Grandmaaaaa, gooooo awaaaaay. His grandma Lain was overjoyed when she heard him speak. My mother-in-law said that brought her so much joy that she no longer had to worry about Timmy being able to speak. She said those were a lot of words, and it made her joyful and happy.

Stop Speaking for Timmy

I became vigilant about us not speaking for Timmy. It took us a long time to stop answering for him. I would ask him questions or give him instructions, and he would comply with some of my instructions based on what he understood. However, his responses were still minimal. Whenever he got frustrated and started yelling and screaming, I would do my best to figure out what the issue or reason was, and at the same time I would remind him, Timmy, please use your words. It was hard for me because instinctively I wanted to give him what he wanted, but I had to train myself to realize that I was hindering his ability to communicate effectively and not really helping him.

Give Them Something or Someone to Believe In

I am not preaching religion; however, I believe it is important to believe in the Creator of this universe. The being who is able to ensure that millions of human beings’ hearts are beating at just the right pace to ensure that their blood flows through their body and provide the right amount of oxygen and nutrients to keep them alive. The being who is responsible for keeping the sky in place and the air, though invisible, keeping our lungs working and the trees rustling when this invisible substance moves and other creatures survive because of this unseen oxygen. And not to mention what is happening in the seas and oceans with the fishes and sea creatures and the birds. Okay, I know I am rambling here, but just thinking about it blows my mind. And I have to let my children know that the being whom I refer to as God is absolutely amazing because no matter how smart humans are,