Clipped Wings: Book I - The Calliope

By Wick P. Crow

So Micaro gave me this book and told me to write in it. He said I could do anything I wanted, so I decided to write down everything that’s happening to me to keep my head clear. After all, a lot has happened and I already can’t remember most of my life.

My name is Avian. Well, it is now… I don’t remember my old name. I don’t know who I was or where I was from. All I know about my past is that I had a smart brother that I had gotten in a fight with and that my family must have been very wealthy. But I’m part of Micaro’s Circus now, and I’m going to be going on display as an angel of death.

I have wings. Large black crow wings. I can’t remember how or why I got them. Ricaru was assigned by Micaro to be my mentor because he’s a kite flyer and knows the most about flight out of everyone else in the circus. Ricaru is going to teach me how to fly, and honestly, I’m a bit excited! Although I know I have a family somewhere that’s probably really worried about me, I can’t remember them at all, and there’s no way I can get back to them… I’m starting a new life now, and tomorrow I’ll start living it. And I’ll start…by learning if these wings can let me fly!

642

642

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Sep 21, 2021
• ISBN: 9781646281831

Book preview

1

The Adopted Prince

Four and a half years later yet: the present

March 11, Year 789 of the Kozan Calendar Era

You know, I always thought crows were weird. Maybe it was because I felt they were always staring at me strange. Like they were watching me, all like Yeah, we’re the reason you’re here. What are you going to do about it? Make our time worth it already! I always felt they were judging me, more than my own parents. This feeling never went away as I got older… But as I realized other things that weren’t real, I felt the crows became so less important that I began to ignore them.

As I grew up, of course, I realized that Dad hadn’t been telling the truth. Of course I figured out what had really happened, and although it didn’t hit me as hard as it would have if I hadn’t already been suspicious, it still sucked.

And it was at that point in my life, when I suddenly understood all the pieces, that everything changed. Something was different… Something about me. The world of make-believe and fairy tales I had been living in had suddenly vanished. So I changed. My father seemed to realize how painful the truth I had learned was, so he continued to tell me how he found me there, lying in the snow, and he just knew I was his… And I knew…that much was true.

But I wasn’t originally meant for him.

And I wasn’t left there by any crow.

I was left there by my blood family.

To die.

It’s hard being a kid and growing up knowing your own family left you for dead… It’s hard, and no one understands…

It sucks.

My father had hidden this from me as long as he could, at least until I had gotten old enough to understand the differences in countries and people. But even then, I was still so young that I could hardly understand the truth. However, the older I got, the more I understood, and the more I understood, the more it hurt… Eventually, I began to try to cover up my pain with anger. My family by blood, who had abandoned me, I stopped describing as family to myself. They were no family to me. In fact, I eventually developed a deep resentment for them and refused to even acknowledge them as having had anything to do with me. Apart from the fact they were strangers that had once left me for dead.

"Hey! Dy—! AHH!"

I heard a loud thump behind me and glanced back over my shoulder. I was sitting down on a rock along the edge of one of the many ponds in our palace’s back courtyard, the one I dubbed to be my pond, not that that meant anything. I just liked that little spot and came there often to just stare into the water and watch the fish and turtles swim around. Almost always, my brother would join me, like he was now. And like most days, he had tripped while trying to maneuver the rocks and fallen on his face, a few feet behind me. Luckily, his face had landed in the grass.

I stared back at my brother, as he lifted up his head and grinned at me with a weak, embarrassed laugh. There was a bit of a gap between his front teeth at the moment. Like the rest of my family, Lusicar had a tan-caramel completion, with dark-brown hair and brown eyes. He had a rounder face that was covered in freckles and usually rather soft. Today, like any other day, his short shaggy hair was a bit of a mess, but at least falling into place. He used to try to style it, but I’d just laugh and put my hand flat on his head and mess it all back up. I had said it was just to mess with him, but truthfully, I just enjoyed taking pride in the fact that my hair fell into its own style naturally every morning and looked good. Maybe I’d run a brush through it, but usually my part took a good job at handling the styling. Our presentation was important to my brother and me, seeing our ranking. And since my brother had the permanent edge of being the eldest of us, I had to have something! So that’s why I messed up his hair all the time. Of course, his falling all the time also helped keep it messed up. He fell so much that I had made a game out of keeping track.

Five hundred eighty-three, I told him with a flat voice but soft smirk, and his smile instantly vanished.

Oh, come on! he whined, using his arms to push himself up some. You’re not still on that, are you?!

Five hundred eighty-three, I repeated surely as my brother just crawled his way next to me and sat down.

Lusicar was my twin brother. There were no buts about it. We had grown up together since the beginning. I was only born three days after he was. Or at least I was found then. I could have been a few days old already, who knows. Lusicar and I calling ourselves twins was our way of stating to others that we were in fact brothers. We couldn’t care less we weren’t blood-related, and we were as close as we possibly could be. Lusicar was without a doubt my very best friend, and lately, he was the only one who had been there for me.

The two of us sat there in silence for a while, just watching the fish swim around, the only sound besides the wind being the cascading of the small waterfall connecting two ponds.

You okay, there? Lusicar suddenly asked me. You’re not usually this quiet.

Have you heard when Dad’s gonna be home…? I asked, staring out at the sun reflecting on the rippling water as a fish disrupted it to snatch a bug from the water’s surface. Lusicar sighed heavily, leaning back slightly as he got comfortable.

No… No one’s said… Most seem to want to avoid the subject when I bring it up.

It’s not fair…, I huffed. They want to keep Dad away from us…Why?

I don’t know…, Lusicar said with a shake of his head and a small shrug. The way I’ve heard people muttering though…They really are trying to keep him away from us specifically.

But that’s not fair! I practically shouted, grabbing a rock and hurling it at the pond. It skipped a few times before falling in.

Growing up, since we were the oldest, Lusicar and I studied directly under our father for a lot of things. We had a lot of pressure on us—well, Lusicar particularly. He was supposed to take over for Dad when he was older. And if something were to happen to him, I would, which was why I trained alongside him almost all the time.

Me and Lusicar had noticed a problem with that early on though… Both of us had to learn a lot of different things to be able to take over for Dad, but neither of us was what you’d call…rounded.

From very early on, my father had told me I was a prodigy when it came to sword fighting. From the moment I had picked up my first blade, it had all come naturally to me. Dad taught both Lusicar and me at the same time, but I quickly surpassed my brother. From the very start, he was unable to beat me in any of our sparring matches… Sometimes I’d throw a match for him, just to make Dad feel a bit proud of him every now and then, but then Lusicar would yell at me later, knowing what I had done. But when I see my older brother defeated at my feet again and again, I start to feel bad. After all…he was the one taking over for Dad, not me. So every once in a while, I helped train him myself in private.

But it wasn’t only sword fighting. Fencing, hand-to-hand combat, archery…and public speaking. Lusicar sucked at all of them. He was slow and clumsy, and honestly, extremely shy and timid. On the contrary, I was strong, graceful, and rather outgrowing and loved talking to people. It was unfortunate since Lusicar would need these qualities later on in life…I’d try to teach them to him as best I could, but I, of course, knew that despite those shortcomings, Lu had something different that was needed that I completely lacked…a good head on his shoulders.

I’m not saying I’m an idiot—! But—!Compared to my brother…I’m an idiot.

Lusicar is really, really smart.

Geography, history, government, politics, economy, science…all subjects I’ve come to realize I really rather suck at. Although I could read and write at a high level even though I was only nine, I didn’t find reading the most enjoyable thing in the world…Honestly, I found it a bit boring. During private tutoring lessons I had with Lu, I seldom paid attention, and even if I did, I hardly understood a lot of it. Lusicar, on the other hand, absorbed it all like a sponge. As I was to a sword, he was to a book. By the time he was eight, he had turned into a walking encyclopedia. He usually had a book in front of his face in his spare time. I’d have to peel him out of one to be able to tutor him in sword fighting… But at the same time, I was thankful. Because then, while we sat out at these ponds together, he’d often try to help me out as well with what I didn’t understand. He was really awesome that way. I’d always be proud of how smart my brother was.

Dad was proud too. He was really proud of both of us. He taught us, preparing us as best he could, and we helped each other out for our shortcomings.

For the longest while, it had been perfect.

Until…Dad was sent away…

He had gone to a smaller country in the northwest that was an ally to our own and currently going through some problems. I wasn’t sure about all the details, mostly since no one was sharing anything with Lu and me… But now it turned out people actually wanted to get Dad away from the two of us…?! Maybe we were with him a lot of the time, but—why was that a bad thing?

I didn’t know… I wasn’t the smart one. Maybe Lu had some ideas as to why, but the only thing I knew for sure was we were both so used to spending so much time with our father that when he was away life became disorientated.

And currently, Dad had been away for six months…

And it had only taken those six months for my life to completely fall apart…

Why are they torturing us like this…?! I practically choked, stifling back a sob of frustration.

You mean you? Lu asked, and I turned sharply to look at him. He quickly bit his lip. Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that…

I know you didn’t… I sighed, resting my elbow on my knee and plopping my chin on my hand. You’re almost enjoying this, aren’t you…? You don’t have to fall on your face every day.

I—well, okay, I admit, that part’s nice…! Lu stuttered, shaking his head, flustered. But—!What’s been happening…! I mean…the other thing…with our brothers…! I hate it, Dy! I hate it, and it’s driving me insane!

I went quiet, gripping another rock tightly in my hand.

Since Dad had left, our private lessons had stopped. Or at least…our more physical ones. We still had private classes together with our mother teaching the subjects from books… We had put all the other lessons on hold, though…basically, all the ones I excelled at.

Suddenly, every day had become a challenge for me.

No longer could I suck in history, then go outside and cheer myself up by having a sparring lesson with Lu. No… My day was full of classes I didn’t enjoy, and that was the end of it. Lu still let me teach him a bit on the side, but I was no longer learning anything new with the skills I was good at… Maybe that wasn’t a problem since I was so ahead of my own age level with them, but it did mean each day became a struggle for me to keep up with my brother.

But that wasn’t what bothered the two of us the most… What was bothering us was what was happening with our other brothers.

Lusicar was the oldest of us. Then there was me. We had been lone twins for a few years, but then we started to get more siblings. Most families in Gepara had a lot of kids, and twins were very common. Our family was no exception. After me, we had five other siblings.

Luknic and Remous were a set of identical twins that became my and Lu’s first siblings. Luknic and Remous looked completely the same and acted rather similarly too. It was hard to tell them apart except for their earrings (all our family wore the same-style gold earrings that were studded with different-colored gems. Lu’s were studded with green emeralds, while mine were sapphires. Even Dad had purple amethysts.) Luknic’s earrings were studded with rubies while Remous’s were with citrines. Both of them were creative, sly, and mischievous. They had a bit of ego to themselves and could be rather noisy. But at least they weren’t full of too much energy since they were the next oldest. Although they were impish, they didn’t bounce off the walls…

Tynar and Julion, on the other hand, seemed to have all the energy in the world. They were actually a set of identical twins that were born with triplets. The triplets came a few years after Luknic and Remous. The only obvious difference between these two twins was that Tynar must have had a birthmark or something on his head because he had a patch in his dark-brown hair that was instead light brown. The two of them were tag team balls of energy. They, unlike Lusicar, seemed to have picked up a lot more physical luck, being graceful and quick. If I ever believed any humans could climb right up walls, it was those two. They didn’t put their heads together to scheme like Luknic and Remous, but they were more obnoxious, always running around causing chaos and being as loud as possible.

Strangely, their other triplet that came with them was our quietest sibling, Thia. Thia was our only sister and youngest sibling. Unlike the four brothers before her, Thia was quiet, well reserved, and rather timid. She was like Lusicar in that way, but she was that way all the time, around almost everyone. She hardly ever spoke, just fiddling her fingers. However, I personally believe shy buds like her were the ones that bloomed into the most beautiful flowers later on. Or at least, I hoped so, for her sake.

Our five younger siblings…had never been a problem before, not that I had really noticed before, but since our father had been away for so long, things had changed…

Lu and I had hardly even noticed them when Dad was around since he focused on us so much, but when he had disappeared from the picture six months ago, our brothers seemed to suddenly appear. And they were jealous.

Lusicar and I had been living it up, learning to take over from Dad firsthand from him, while the rest of them were left on the side. Now, on the one hand, they were little kids, and I considered them lucky. A lot luckier than me and Lusicar. Yeah, Lusicar was gonna get to take over from Dad, but all of them…had a choice! They could choose what they wanted to be, what they wanted to do with their life. Although Dad’s spot was taken, all other doors were open to them. Whatever they enjoyed doing or were good at, they’d be able to do… Lusicar was, on the other hand, being shoved into a mold he only had half the skills for… And me…well, I was being brought up to be ready to fill that mold if something were to happen to him… However, if nothing happened to him—which I really prayed everyday nothing ever would—then I’d be left with nothing.

I’d just be a second prince, completely prepared and always required to be around, but with no chance of ever being king…

That’s right. Our father was the king of Gepara. So Lusicar was the first prince. And I was in the most constricting position that could be thrust upon any kid. I was the second prince. I was going to be growing up with nothing but a life of potential. I could have no dreams for myself, no goals, no hopes. I just had to sit back, support my brother, and be ready. That’s all I’d be able to do… I wouldn’t be able to start living my own life until he had had kids of his own…

That’s why I considered all of my other siblings lucky. They weren’t locked into a future they had no control over… The only one I considered unluckier than me was Lusicar… He was destined to become king. And it was more than blatantly obvious to me…he was terrified by the pressure.

Lusicar was such a shy person…The only people he ever really opened up around were Dad and me. King was not a role he’d be able to fall into easily… And yet, as the first son, that’s how it was.

And our other siblings, well, the moment Dad left, started attacking him.

They were jealous of Lu getting to grow up to become king and all our pampered time with our father. They weren’t afraid to show their resentment to him. At least…not at first.

They only got the chance to verbally attack him a few times.

They had made Lusicar have a nervous and emotional breakdown, to the point he had started to shake and cry.

Then they never did again.

Because the moment Lu had run off and was out of earshot…

I beat the crud out of them for it.

I had never been so angry in my life. Before I knew what had happened, some palace guards had to pull me off them because I had downright attacked them! I didn’t even remember those moments. It’s like my entire awareness and self-control disappeared and my rage took over my body… Luckily, Lu never saw that. He really didn’t need to see that side of me.

After a few times of that happening, our other siblings never went after Lusicar again.

Instead, lately, they’ve been targeting me.

And for whatever reason, that didn’t bother me like when they attacked Lu. I didn’t get mad at all… I just felt hurt. And rather helpless…

They weren’t jealous of me because I was going to be king… No. They resented the foreigner stealing their time with their father and learning to fill a role that should never belong to my kind.

That was what was really bugging Lusicar.

I admit, it had stunned me. Growing up, I had gotten used to the coldness I received from others for being different… I’d noticed it when I went into town every once in a while…but usually Dad or someone snuffed that out quickly. But when my father wasn’t there to notice, like sometimes around the palace, I’d notice it from some workers as well. They’d either not look at me, or if they did, they looked at me as if I was something repulsive, like a dead rat. It was usually some of the older staff or members of the royal council I’d seen it from, and I’d always been too scared by it to say anything, even to Dad. And since Dad had left, I had seen it around a lot more…

I guess…my siblings had finally noticed it as well…

They had picked it up. I was used to it from these older people I didn’t know, but my own family—! I hardly knew how to feel. I was shocked at first, then upset… It ate away at me for nights on end.

But eventually, desperate for my own sanity, I had started to ignore it, just like the judging from the crows. I’d see it and look away. I’d hear them but try not to pay it any mind. And once I started to ignore their words, they started to ignore and shun me. I went from being the foreigner in my brothers’ home to the pale ghost they refused to acknowledge… And I couldn’t really blame them for it.

All my siblings shared the same traits as our parents and family. The traits of the people in this country. They all had darker tan-colored skin and dark-brown hair and brown eyes. The shade of the tan, dark brown, and brown varied slightly, person to person, but overall, they had what would be considered a darker complexion. So in comparison, I really was a pale ghost.

My skin was pasty white. I was pale as any phantom. It unnerved me sometimes…

My hair was dark, but it wasn’t brown. My hair was jet-black, just like those darn crows. And then there were my eyes… Oh, my eyes…they were a light blue, the very same color of the sky around noon on a clear summer’s day. I was the only person I’d ever seen who had blue eyes. It was rather depressing really. And in comparison to everyone in our family…I almost felt inhuman.

Are-are you okay…? Lusicar asked me, looking over at me again.

I’m fine… I shrugged. It’s only until Dad gets back. After all…I can hold out until then…

But we don’t know when that’s going to be! Lusicar pointed out. And with Mamma being how she is…

Although our mother had been teaching us most our lessons our whole life, and had continued when dad left, a few weeks ago she had stopped. Recently, we’d realized Mamma was with child… This was a big deal, as the last time she’d been pregnant, she’d given birth to the triplets… I wasn’t sure how moms got pregnant, but I did know she and Dad hadn’t wanted more kids after that, as Mamma had been fairly weak for a while… She seemed to be doing all right, but most the maids were so nervous they were keeping our mother confined to her room. I’m sure Mamma hated it, as Mamma loved being outside and wandering all over, going on walks, even climbing up walls, but now she was confined to her room. Everyone assured us it was for her health, but I knew she had to be miserable, maybe as miserable as I was with her gone…

Now I didn’t even have my mother to block me from my siblings. Lusicar had also noticed our siblings had gotten fairly more aggressive and wild since Mamma had been separated from us as well, and he was getting really worried.

It’s okay, I insisted, shaking my head. I can hold out. I’m strong.

I know you are… Lu sighed. But you’re only as strong as your weakest leg.

Mmm…A metaphor…? I muttered, still not too great with them. Okay, so what’s my weakest leg?

I’m not sure… Lu shrugged. I think that’s something you have to figure out for yourself.

Right, right, I groaned, leaning back myself. …Is it…that I’m not very smart…?

You’re plenty smart, Dy. But I don’t think so… I think…I’m talking emotionally.

Then I’m really lost, Lu! I moaned. But okay.

We should get going, Lusicar suddenly said, getting to his feet. We have class soon.

Yeah…Right. I sighed, getting to my feet as well. I didn’t like the man they had filling in as our tutor… I got the feeling he didn’t like me very much either. He always seemed like he was trying hard not to look at me directly.

I know…Maybe… Lu paused, thinking for a moment. Maybe, you could help me with that disarming move afterward?

Sure. I smiled softly, always enjoying my sword lessons with Lu. I brushed off my silken pants and turned around but stopped when I noticed Lusicar, starring off. I took a moment, stepping behind him and looking over his shoulder to pinpoint what he was looking at. And sure enough…it was her again.

Why don’t you go and talk to her? I smirked, nudging Lusicar with my elbow.

N-no…! he gasped. I-I could never…

Oh, COME on! I groaned playfully. Lulu! You clearly wanna talk to her!

Lu didn’t deny it. He didn’t even criticize me for using the girlish nickname I used for him when I teased him. He was just staring at one of the girls watering the garden. Our palace had a large number of servants, even a whole fraction that just worked in the gardens. One of these employees was a young girl who helped water plants while her father—probably the real employee—trimmed them. I had noticed a while back that Lu would always stop when he noticed her. But Lu had a problem with girls… He couldn’t talk to them. He even had a hard time with our mom and sister sometimes. But stranger girls…forget it. He became a mute. And as much as I could tell he really wanted to talk to this girl…he just couldn’t. And I wasn’t mean enough to try to force him to. To embarrass him by pushing him up to her and having him just look like an idiot… No. My brother was a genius. I wouldn’t do that to him. On the other hand, if he would just go to her willingly…Oh, how I really wished he’d get the nerve to one day!

Lulu…! I groaned again, nuzzling his back with my head. If you’re gonna gawk at her you should talk to her!

I felt Lu’s back stiffen up, and he glanced back over his shoulder at me. His face was practically crimson.

I-I can’t…! He gasped. And don’t call me that!

I beamed up at him before straightening back up again. I placed a hand on his shoulder, trying to be reassuring.

Come on, I told him. Let’s just go, or we’ll be late.

Lu nodded before getting one last quick glance at that girl, watering some lilies, before I pulled him around and we headed off for our tutoring lesson of the day.

A harsh CLANK shattered the air.

Lusicar stared up at me, seeming in shock as I held my sword out firmly, practically an inch from his throat. I pulled it back and held out my hand to help him up. He took it, smiling nervously as I yanked him up to his feet.

Five hundred eighty-four, I told him bluntly.

STOP COUNTING! he shouted at me. And you’re the one that knocked me down! It wasn’t my fault! It didn’t count!

Hmm…You okay, though? I asked him, and he quickly became level headed again. He turned his face to look down at his sword I had knocked from his hands moments ago while demonstrating to him that disarming move, like I had promised. I hadn’t actually knocked him down, though… He stumbled back as a reaction from my impact on his sword, and he had fallen backward. It counted.

I’m fine… he finally responded after the delay. I guess I just…Sometimes I forget how amazing you are.

Lu, don’t… I muttered, my face heating up.

You could learn to take a compliment from me every once in a while, you know! Lu huffed, putting his hands on his hips. I know you try to dance in my shadow for publicity’s sake, but come on! We both know you’re a lot better than me at this stuff! And you’re not an idiot, either! So get that out of your head!

My face got darker, and I shook my head fiercely.

Maybe, but if anyone were to hear you saying such things to me…

Dy! Lu shrugged, gesturing around to the empty hall. There’s no one around at all!

I glanced around myself, rubbing the back of my neck. Our palace was quite a beautiful place. Every part of the building, from the archways to the walls, was a work of art. Complex and colorful mosaics made of cut colored stones were built into everything, from the floors to the high ceilings. There were a lot of greens and blues in these mosaics. There were also mirrors, fountains, and other geometric mosaics built into walls all over the palace for decoration. This didn’t even touch on the embroidered silks and detailed rugs that hung in a lot of places, especially our bedrooms. This hall had a few hanging down from upper floors. It was a large room that was like an open courtyard, with balconies from upper floors looking in, but it was inside, eventually hitting a ceiling five floors up. Honestly, even if I couldn’t see anyone from where I was standing, someone could still be listening in from out of sight.

Still though…you shouldn’t look up to me. That’s not my place.

Dyyy! Lu groaned, leaning his head back as if he wanted to shout at the high ceiling. Don’t start getting formal with me…! Or I’ll have no one to be loose around!

Heh. I smirked now, my mood lightening. Why? You need me that much, do you, Lulu?

I do, though! He smiled sheepishly. You have no idea…! I’d be nothing but a bookworm without you!

You’re a bookworm anyway, I pointed out.

Hey! Lu gasped, and I just chuckled.

It’s not a bad thing! I grinned at him, and he just sighed.

It’s a pain, though… he muttered. If I had even a drop of your talent…

Shut up, egghead! I laughed nervously, shoving him. It startled him, and he almost fell flat on his face again! Almost. Luckily, he caught himself. I hadn’t even pushed him that hard! Hardly a nudge. He was just that uncoordinated.

You okay? I asked, grabbing his shoulder and holding on to him while he steadied himself.

Yeah… he muttered, glancing at me out of the corner of his eye, and we went quiet.

Sorry, I muttered after a while, picking up his sword and handing it to him.

It’s okay, he answered, staring at his sword.

You’ll get the hang of it in time… I told him. You just need to get a bit more confidence, that will help.

You can’t teach me that though… He sighed. I do envy you…

I paused a moment, thinking about it. He was right. Confidence really wasn’t something that could be taught… It was an inner attitude one either had to have or develop. I was lucky enough to have it, at least when it came to the things, I was good at and enjoyed. But Lu was rather timid in everything he did…even if he was good at it. It’d be hard for him… But I didn’t doubt that he’d be able to gain some over time. You can do it. I believe in you.

Lu’s tan face darkened, and he glanced away.

We should probably get ready and make our way to the dining hall, he finally said. It’ll be time for supper soon.

We hadn’t done very much, and honestly, we probably had a good ten more minutes until we really needed to get ready… But I had thrown him off, so I wasn’t going to push him. Lu could only take so much failing for one day. I nodded and slid my sword back in its sheath.

Fine, I sighed. I suppose I am hungry.

What do you mean ‘suppose’? Lu chuckled, glancing back at me again with a bit of a smirk, a rare expression for him. You’re always hungry!

You bet I am! I nodded, not even denying it. Always hungry and always full of energy. My body just burns through food quickly. It’s nice.

I would have said more, but I didn’t want to start implying to Lusicar that I thought he was fat.

Then come on! He grinned at me, and he hurried off rather quickly. A bit too quickly. I stayed back a moment to stare at him. Had he really wanted to stop practice that badly?

I didn’t think I was a picky eater… I’d eat just about anything put in front of me! Of course, everything put in front of me was always delicious and excellent. That was a nice thing about being royalty. We had a number of great cooks in our palace that made meals for us every day, even when Dad was away and Mamma was bedridden, like now. Our family normally all sat together for supper. For breakfast we’d usually be wandering around in the morning and be handed something like spiced or sweetened bread by a cook, and we’d find a place to sit and eat it wherever. But for supper our family sat together in the dining hall and enjoyed a large meal that the cooks spent most of the day on. We’d all sit together and talk, and it’d be the one time that our whole family was in one place together interacting with each other all at once. And by whole family I mean my siblings, Mamma, and Dad.

Neither of our parents had any other family to speak of… Our grandfather, our mamma’s father, had lived and eaten with us for a long time, but he had passed away a few years ago… Things had seemed a little lonelier after that. Our mamma’s mother had died before any of us were born, and she said she didn’t have any other siblings.

Our father was different. We knew he had siblings, as there were paintings of them in the palace, and people mentioned them around Dad quite often, but…they were gone, and I had no idea what had happened to them. I always forgot to ask Dad when he was around. I knew Dad used to take Lu and me to a cemetery back behind the city all the time when we were little, so I had a feeling the rest of his family was there… That had been a while ago, though.

But what there was left of our family would all interact at supper. And Dad would be sure to keep everyone in line, so there was peace. Supper was like a peace treaty among us siblings. We’d sit and be all kind to each other and actually show that we had some interest in each other’s lives.

At least, that’s how it used to be.

Then Dad was sent away…

Supper got even lonelier. Mamma was a chipper woman, but her jokes seemed to fall deaf on us without Dad laughing at everything she said. Although no one still dared to start any kind of arguments in front of her, the table became uncomfortable. It had felt so awkward to me…

I was a bit happier with how it was now, though I still really missed the days that Dad was here. Now that Mamma was bedridden, family supper had been disbanded. No one let Mamma even leave her room for supper with us… Servants took her food to her, leaving us kids to eat by ourselves. For a few days or so we had tried to all eat together unsupervised by adults besides some servant maids keeping an eye on us. Those meals all turned into disasters, with fights among ourselves happening too easily. And us fighting while having utensils and food in our hands was never a good thing.

So in about a week, it had evolved into what it was now.

The table would be set, and we’d all grab a plate and go to it, stacking whatever we wanted on that plate, but then we’d go somewhere else to eat, somewhere away from our other siblings, just to avoid breaking into more chaos.

Lu would usually follow me wherever I went once we got our food. Usually, I’d take it and eat it sitting by my pond since I really enjoyed that spot and it helped calm me. The hardest part was always getting there without dropping anything.

Today I had managed to grab some roasted quail that was tossed together with spiced and roasted onions and peppers. I really loved quail and pheasant and even wild goose. I don’t know why. I just liked bird. It had a good flavor and texture. I also had some smoked ham with a sweet peach sauce topped with hazelnuts. I had some saffron rice covered in a garlicky curry sauce, which I ate with an herbal spiced naan. In addition, I had a plum and some sliced melons, as well as a bean-paste-filled sweet cake that I planned on eating when I was done with everything to end with a sweet note. And to go with all of it I had a glass of elk milk.

After a while, Lu sat down next to me. It took him longer to reach our spot since he was so clumsy, so he had to be extra careful not to trip and drop everything. He usually ate just as much as I did, but his body reflected it a bit more than mine did. He was a bit plump, and the only thing probably keeping him from being chubby was how often he lost his meals to the ground… I suppose I just burned off all my food right away. That was probably why I was often rather energetic.

You know, there’s supposed to be a lunar eclipse tomorrow night, Lusicar told me as he sat down. It had come up in our tutoring session, but since I hardly paid attention, Lu must have assumed I had missed it.

Yeah, so? I asked him.

Didn’t Daddy always say he found you during a lunar eclipse?

Something in my stomach twitched, making me lower my fork.

Solar eclipse, I corrected. It was daytime…He always said it was a solar eclipse…

Oh, Lu muttered, going quite for a moment. It could still mean something though.

Eclipses just happen. I shrugged. If I was found during one, then cool, but that doesn’t mean every one that’s going to follow is going to have something significant happen!

True, Lusicar sighed. But maybe Daddy will come home…

I went quiet again and could only manage to give him a weak nod. I went back to my food, trying to get as much down as I could, even though suddenly my stomach wasn’t feeling so good… Lusicar caught my attention again when he suddenly shivered violently.

It’s still really cold out…! he said, turning to me with a weak smile, pulling his legs in closer to himself to help stay warm.

It’s not that bad, I told him, raising an eyebrow.

It’s still only the eleventh! he gasped.

It was the eleventh of March, and March tended to mark the big change of weather from winter to spring. However, that being said, winters weren’t harsh anyway in central Gepara. Not as far as I was concerned. A large portion of Gepara was desert, mainly fertile only along the major rivers. Our royal city was built along one of these rivers, so looking out at our yard it didn’t look like a desert. There were plenty of plants, around this city, nourished by the annual flooding of the river. But if you looked out from one of the higher windows of our palace, you could see the dry desert that stretched on beyond our city. We really didn’t have bad winters. It hardly even snowed in this part of Gepara, snowing more in the north, away from the desert. And although the nights got really freezing, the temperatures still rose drastically during the day, even in March. I honestly wasn’t sure what Lu was talking about. Maybe it was a little nippy but hardly.

I can’t wait until summer…! Lu said enthusiastically. We’re finally old enough to learn to ride elk ourselves!

You’re awful at outdoors stuff, you know, I told him, poking him with my fork.

I know, but so is Daddy! he responded, looking to me sharply. And he can ride elk just fine!

That’s Daddy, not you!

Lusicar remained unfazed, excited about it, and really determined. I had to say, it was inspiring. I really did hope Lu would succeed. Then finally he’d be able to do something physical, that is, if elk riding could be considering a form of physical exercise.

I had made it to my plum and was eating it as best I could without making a huge mess of myself, but this one was really juicy. I glanced around as the sugary nectar ran down my face and through my fingers as I tried hard not to eat the pit. I realized I had forgotten a handkerchief and was mentally kicking myself. I held up the plum in such a way to keep it from dripping onto my pants, but it just ended up running down my forearm.

You’re making a mess of yourself, Lusicar said next to me.

Shut up! I snapped, trying hard to lick the purple streams off my arm.

Very princely, he added sarcastically.

At least I don’t trip and fall on my face all the time… I huffed, just making myself an even stickier mess. I eventually gave up and wiped my face with my silk sleeve.

Lusicar tried not to watch, but I could tell he was out of the corner of his eye because of his rather tired and grossed out expression.

I’ll take a bath tonight, I assured him. And put these clothes in the laundry…My apologies to the maids…

I then stuck what was left of the plum in my mouth and shifted it around and bit it completely clean off the pit, which I then spat onto the plate.

You seem to have lost your elegance today… Lusicar muttered, glancing away now.

Oh please, I groaned, picking up the sweet cake now. Everyone has their moments.

He did have a point though. I was usually a rather neat and refined eater, so what I had just done had really shocked Lusicar. It had shocked me as well, honestly… I felt really gross now.

What are we going to do with you… Lusicar sighed as I tried to eat the cake in as refined a way as possible to make up for the plum. I even sat it back down on the plate and cut it and ate it with my fork in perfect-sized bites.

Again. I pointed out, waving my fork around. I’m not the one always making love to the ground.

Lusicar flushed darkly and spun around to face me completely as I finished the remaining milk in my glass. He wanted to protest, but before he could get the first word out, I stood up, having finished my meal.

That was good! I beamed, making him stare at my knees stupidly. I’m going to go take my dishes back, then I’m gonna take a bath. You can join me if you want!

Hey! he gasped as I practically skipped away, having come out on top in another back and forth.

I really did love the royal bathhouse. Although bathing wasn’t an everyday occurrence and was usually just used for relaxation, being dirty gave me an extra excuse for a bath.

The royal bathhouse was located to the side of the palace, closer to the river. It was massive but reserved only for royalty or the rare occasion when one of us invited guests. There were two large bath chambers inside, one for women and one for men. Although all us royal children had been to the women’s side since Mamma used to bath us a lot when we were really little. So I know it was basically the same as the male side but reversed.

The bath chamber was about the same size as the ballroom, even with a high ceiling held up by many decorated marble columns detailed with mosaics. Most of the place was made from white marble, accented with gold and jades. The surrounding walls were decorated with arches, except for the wall separating the boy side from the girl side. That wall didn’t go all the way to the top, leaving a gap, so we could actually peek over if we wanted. But why would we ever want to peek on our own sister? It did allow conversations to be held from both sides though.

The bath itself was in the center of the room, and honestly, it was more like a two-level pool. In the center there was a large platform, where four golden cheetahs, three times bigger than myself, functioned as fountains, spouting water from their mouths. The water was heated and treated with minerals in a separate boiler room that I had only ever glanced into once. The water came down filling an inner elevated ring of the bath. That part of the bath was shallow, an actually had seating built in around it against the outer wall. The water filled that ring and overflowed like waterfalls into the outer ring, which was at the level of the floor. This part of the bath was deep, deep enough to soak neck-deep in. There was, of course, a pathway that cut through the outer ring that led to the inner ring, giving safe route to the shallower part of the bath for the younger ones who weren’t ready for deeper water.

Steam radiated from the bath and filled most of the bathhouse, giving it a light misty feeling all the time and spreading the scent of the mineral-infused water. There were high-up color-stained windows in some of the archways that let in daylight, but there was also magic-powered lamps that supplied enough light to reflect off the white marble and light up the whole place. However, the lights were in the ceiling, which were hard to see since there was usually too much steam.

I was fortunate enough to find myself alone that night, the only sounds being the cascading water and the shifting steam instead of a lot of loud obnoxious children. I discarded my towel somewhere and made my way to the inner ring, personally enjoying sitting there and feeling the motion of the surface of the water as it overflowed.

I settled myself in, making quick work at rubbing at my sticky arm, determined to clean it. Once my arm felt better and refreshed, I settled down, hung my arms along the rim as I sat, and closed my eyes. After a while, I heard footsteps, though I didn’t look. There was no need to. After the sound of someone slipping on the damp floor, I knew it was Lusicar. I didn’t bother opening my eyes again until he had settled into the water next to me.

So you did decide to join me! I grinned.

Well, I was feeling cold. Lu shrugged. And the water is so nice and warm…!

It makes me sweat, honestly, I chuckled. But I think that’s what I like about it. In chilly weather, it feels good to sweat!

You’re so weird.

We just soaked for a little while before getting out and deciding to wash each other’s hair, like we usually did. Along the wall that separated the girl side from the boy side, there was a line of golden faucets, as well as drains in the floor and a lip on the floor sectioning off that area. There were pails set up along the wall as well as cloths meant to help bathe with. The water from those faucets had a cleansing solution in it that lathered up and helped clean the body and hair better than regular water.

Lusicar and I would usually take turns helping each other out with this. One of us would sit while the other would kneel behind and pour a pail of this soapy water down their head. I took the time to mess with Lusicar’s hair, rubbing in the soap well. I liked to make his hair look messy, not dirty. I also used one of the cloths to rub down his freckled back and shoulders. I was rather jealous of his freckled body. My body was so pure and spotless it seemed unreal. Of course, I never said anything. Freckles were a stupid thing to be jealous about. After all that, I used a pail filled with regular water from the bath to rinse him off. Then we switched.

Normally, we weren’t as quiet as we were today. For some reason, Lu seemed extra somber, and it was making me worried.

Can I ask you something? he asked suddenly after he had started cleaning my hair.

Yeah, Lu, what is it?

I glanced back at Lu over my shoulder when he had gone quiet again.

What is it? I asked again.

Do you…want to become king?

I felt my heart come to a skidded stop. My body stiffened up, and honestly, it took me a moment to recover.

What the hell, Lu…? I finally managed to huff.

I mean it. I want to know. Do you want to?

That’s not my place, I said firmly, glancing sharply back at him. He was staring at me with those soft brown eyes of his, looking a bit saddened.

I know it’s not, but all I want to know is if you want to… Like…hypothetically, if you got the chance, would you be happy about it?

I stared back at him a moment, still stunned that he would even ask such a thing.

No, I finally replied, sharply turning my head forward again. Because that would mean you were dead. And I’d never want that.

That’s not want I mean though… Lusicar sighed. I mean—without even that context…like…do you wish you would have been born first…?

It’s not my place to think about that… I muttered, closing my eyes now. I felt strangely hot and not just because of all the steam and hot water.

Even if it isn’t, surely you’ve thought about it at least once, haven’t you? I just want to know…

I hesitated a moment before glancing back at him again. Not much, but just enough to see him.

Why? I asked. Have you?

I have… Lu nodded. And honestly, I wish you were… You’d make a better king than I would.

We both sat there, completely silent for a moment, my throat feeling tight. I looked away from him again and ducked my head down.

I wouldn’t be a good king, I muttered under my breath.

Wh— Lu started, but he never got the chance to finish. We were interrupted by the loud echoing that was our siblings making their way into the bath chamber. Of course, they’d decide to come in, now of all times…It was all four of our younger brothers, either coming for a bath or just to get under our skin.

Hey, look! Luknic gasped when he spotted us. If it isn’t Loser-car and his twin’s ghost!

They had been calling me a ghost for a while now, making the connection to how pale white I was to how I was supposed to have died. This clearly upset Lusicar, but he ended up taking it out on me because with that he downright dumped the bucket of regular water over my head, startling and drenching me.

H-hey! I gasped, ducking down and rubbing my eyes to get the water out.

Sorry…! Lusicar muttered to me quietly.

God, so bright! Julion teased, covering his face with his arm. I’ve been blinded by the ghost’s pure whiteness!

I bet you think you’re really funny, don’t ya? I hissed up at him.

Easy… Lu whispered to me. He really didn’t like me getting nasty back at them since they were our brothers and they were younger, after all. I mean, Julion was only five… How could a kid become so nasty by five?!

Watch out, I think you made him mad! Tynar playfully warned his twin with a small shove. He may try to haunt you! Even his name is warning you that you may ‘die’!

You really are running low on original material, you know that? I groaned over at them. The fact that Dy and die were pronounced the same was an unfortunate coincidence for me, but because of it, I was used it being used against me by now. They paused for a moment before glancing at each other, then back at me, apparently having silently revised their script.

If you’re going to be a smartass, first you have to be smart. Otherwise, you’re just an ass, Remous responded. I flinched, rather shocked. Even though they still pissed me off, I was used to the pale jokes by now, but the stupid jokes were something that had started up since my and Lu’s routine had changed to purely academic classes, and word of my slipping marks had spread. I wasn’t used to them yet.

Seriously, why are you even here? Luknic asked, shrugging. You do realize you’re depriving some poor village of its idiot, right?

Shut up! I snapped, swiftly getting to my feet.

The barbarian is on the loose! Julion hollered, and I was so tempted to charge right at him, but Lusicar grabbed my ankle, holding me by it as if to remind me to control myself.

Actually, it’s just a phantom of a barbarian, Remous pointed out. The barbarians didn’t even want him, so they threw him out!

I went still, that one causing a ripple of hurt through me… They all laughed, and I glanced down at Lusicar, who was just staring at them, not saying a thing.

Why…?! Why couldn’t he just pull himself together even one time to aid me when I really needed it…?!

I pulled my leg from his fingers and stormed away, grabbing my towel, leaving the bathhouse, leaving my jeering brothers behind…

Dyric…

I wouldn’t look at him. I lied there, with my back to him, completely ignoring Lusicar as he stood behind me.

Dyric, I’m sorry about earlier…

I balled up the silk sheets in my fist, my head ducking a bit more.

It was a few hours later now, and I had gotten ready and crawled into bed. I really hadn’t wanted to talk to Lu for the rest of the day… Unfortunately…we shared a room.

I could hear Lusicar sigh behind me. I was turned to face the window, though I had the thick curtains closed, blocking out the light. All the light coming into the room was coming from the open doorway Lu had walked in through.

That really wasn’t appropriate for them to say… he continued. And I know I should have said something.

I nodded some as a response, rewarding him for at least realizing he had messed up. But I still didn’t look back at him.

Lusicar sighed again and turned on the lamp next to our bed. I watched the light on the wall as Lu closed our bedroom door and listened to the rustling of linens and silk as he changed into his pajamas. After a minute or so, he pulled up the sheets and crawled into bed with me. I closed my eyes and tried to ignore him, though I heard the click and the change of light behind my eyelids as he turned out the lamp, leaving our room dark. Lusicar shifted himself under the covers, getting closer to me.

I really am sorry, Dy… he whispered.

About your question from before… I muttered, finally speaking. This caught Lu’s attention, and he lifted up his head some to look at me. I had opened my eyes again, though I was keeping focused on the covered window.

Yeah…? he asked.

I’ve never wished I was born first, I admitted… But I have wished that I was born from Mamma.

Lusicar was silent behind me and very still for a long while before slowly shifting back down into bed again. To my surprise, he wrapped his arms around me, hugging me for a moment.

That’s not something you should think… he finally muttered. There’s nothing wrong with you… There’s nothing wrong with you being an Airshian. Anyone who thinks otherwise…that’s on them, not you.

Then why do I have to live every day of my life feeling like some sort of freak…?

Lu’s grip around me tightened.

Because people don’t understand other people’s pain… he whispered. It’s a problem…not just with us but with the whole world… And it’s sad…

I didn’t say anything, taking a moment to think about that.

But really, don’t take what our brothers said to heart… Lu added. They are just little kids after all… And they are our brothers… They’re our family too… We shouldn’t turn against them…

I nodded, and we both ended up going quiet after that, really tired and just wanting sleep. He was right; it was wrong to turn against our own brothers… I understood that, but honestly, it just tore me up more inside… I couldn’t help but think to myself, But they’ve already turned against me…

2

Over the Edge

Uuugh…

I woke up the next morning to the sound of groaning coming from the floor. I rolled over and glanced at the overhanging sheet on the side of the bed, as well as Lusicar. He was coming to and apparently realizing he was sprawled out on the floor. He glared up at me, his eyes reflecting that he was exhausted and peeved. I quickly ducked my head out of sight as I realized I must have accidentally kicked him out of bed at some point in the night… It happened every once in a while, though usually I was the one that ended up on the floor…and it hadn’t happened in a year or so.

Erk…Darn it… Lusicar groaned as he got to his feet, stretching out an arm and cracking his neck. By his posture, he was sore, and his voice and tone reflected that he hadn’t had a very good night’s sleep at all. He glanced back at me, and I couldn’t help but cower. His gaze was more of a glare, and the shadows under his eyes reflected his exhaustion. Lusicar had always been a bit of a cranky riser… But this morning was really bad, I could tell.

S-sorry about that, I muttered, trying to work my way back to the other side of the bed and get off it while remaining low and keeping my head rather level.

Lusicar just groaned as a response and then flinched as I opened up the curtains. It was a bright day, the sun already up, and it just made Lusicar recoil.

I hurried past him, not really wanting to deal with him while he was in this state. I knew better than to mess with Lu when he woke up like this… It was probably going to be a really bad day for him.

However, luckily, it was also a break day for us! We didn’t have any classes, so maybe Lu would just take a nap or something. I left him be and got dressed, hurrying out to go get some breakfast since I was hungry.

For breakfast that day, I had some naan drizzled with