Should I?: An insider's perspective on living unequally yoked

By Sharon Sekerak

What does it mean to be unequally yoked, and what does that have to do with whether or not I should become romantically involved with a non-Christian?

Unequally yoked is a farming term. It means binding together animals of different sizes, strengths, and natures. Because of the repercussions to both animals involved and to the work needed to be done, no farmer would do this unless there was no other option available. Using this analogy, God repeatedly warns his people against yoking themselves to unbelievers.

This book provides an insider's perspective on what living unequally yoked is like for both the Christian and the unbeliever. The intent is to provide insight into its inevitable challenges and potential pitfalls so that people considering entering into such a relationship or those contemplating taking their current unequally yoked relationship to the next level can make an informed and hopefully wise choice.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Mar 16, 2022
• ISBN: 9781685174439

Book preview

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Should I?

An insider’s perspective on living unequally yoked

Sharon Sekerak

ISBN 978-1-68517-442-2 (paperback)

ISBN 978-1-68517-443-9 (digital)

Copyright © 2022 by Sharon Sekerak

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing

832 Park Avenue

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Printed in the United States of America

Part 1

Introduction and Background Information

Chapter 1

What Does it Mean to be Unequally Yoked (UY), and What Does That Have to do With Whether or Not I Should Become Romantically Involved with a Non-Christian?

Ayoke is a heavy wooden beam laid across the shoulders of two beasts of burden, which allows their master to coordinate their strength in tasks like plowing a field. Yoking creatures equally (those of comparable strength, height, and nature) enables them to work as a team. Therefore, when given a choice, farmers choose to yoke together two of the same type of animals (donkeys, horses, or oxen).

Without a doubt, the physical anatomy of the ox’s neck and shoulder muscles makes it substantially stronger than the donkey. However, donkeys tend to walk faster than oxen. These differences make placing an ox and a donkey together under the same yoke unfair to both animals. Because they move at a different pace and rhythm, and they have a different sway in their walk, the yoke that joins them rubs both of them raw. Disregarding the differences in build and temperament produces inconsistent performance and results in decided discomfort for both animals.

Scripture often uses the yoke symbolically, to illustrate putting together two things that are similar in capacity to enable them to work together successfully. Jesus suggested that we yoke ourselves to him because he can lead without causing us damage.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30

Conversely, God commands Christians not to marry unbelievers because he knows they are very different animals and that yoking them together will result in confusion, disharmony, and pain. While the Apostle Paul is not speaking specifically about marriage in 2 Corinthians 6:14, it is a reasonable application of the principle he is presenting: "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" Let me be clear: God wants believers to engage with people who don’t share their faith. What he doesn’t want is for anything to come between him and his children.

Following Jesus sometimes requires difficult decisions, some of which pertain to relationships. For some, deciding whether or not they should enter into a romantic bond with a nonbeliever is one of those hard decisions. I write this book to provide people in such a position with firsthand accounts of the possible ramifications of pursuing such a relationship (or taking the one they are already a part of to the next level).

Chapter 2

Defining the Terms

Iam writing this book primarily with Christians in mind simply because they are the audience most likely to read it. However, I hope they share it with their prospective partner as well, since they too will undoubtedly feel the impact of uniting with someone who does not share their spiritual beliefs.

Before we go further, allow me to clarify four things:

For this discussion, I use the terms non-Christian and unbeliever to refer to more than one type of person:

An anti-theist—A person in direct opposition to the belief in any deity.

An atheist—One who denies the existence of God.

An agnostic—Someone who believes that nothing is known or can be known of the existence or nature of God, a person who claims neither faith nor disbelief in God.

A theist—A person who believes in a supreme being, but does not accept Jesus as God.

A Christian in name only—Someone who identifies themselves as a Christian (perhaps because they were baptized as an infant or grew up around the faith), but doesn’t necessarily exhibit the character traits generally associated with a true believer. The Bible refers to these traits as the fruit of the Holy Spirit.

The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things, there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23

Therefore, by their fruits, you will know them. Matthew 7:20

When I use the terms Christian, believer, or follower of Christ, I refer to someone who has an active, growing, loving relationship with Jesus Christ and generally exhibits the fruits of the Holy Spirit.

When I refer to unequally yoked people (UY), I mean those who are spiritually mismatched.

For the most part, I refer to the men in this book as Adam (the first human God created). I did that primarily to remind us that we are exploring the consequences of being spiritually mismatched rather than focusing on individual people.

Chapter 3

Differing Spiritual Histories

My father called Christians bible thumpers. He loudly proclaimed that churches overflow with hypocrites whose primary goals are to judge, preach at, and guilt you out of your hard-earned money.

My mother believed in God but had very little exposure to the teachings of true Christianity. As a result, the God I came to know and love as a child was not the God of the Bible. I constructed him out of bits and pieces of things that felt right to me. For example, the idea that God would use multiple lives to perfect his people made sense to me, so I believed in reincarnation. In addition, like so many other people, I thought that the way to get to heaven is through being good.

Did you notice that I never even mentioned Jesus? I knew and loved the Easter story, but somehow, what it represented wasn’t a significant part of my spirituality. As a result, while I believed in God, I was not a Christian, and I didn’t even know enough to recognize that.

My Adam’s religious background was quite different. He attended Catholic schools from first grade through high school. Even though his parents required their children to observe all of the Catholic practices (no meat on Fridays, first communion, confirmation, regular confession, etc.), they did not attend church themselves. They lived entirely secular lives. When I asked my husband what place Jesus had in his childhood home, he said, We never mentioned Jesus. I guess we just did what the church said we needed to do.

My quiet belief in God didn’t create waves in our marriage for years because, until I came into direct relationship with Jesus, my faith didn’t change me and, therefore, didn’t create problems for my husband. However, once that happened, everything changed rather quickly.

Chapter 4

Background Information

Before getting into the earthly