When Depression is Silent

By Julia Ann Coleman

The little girl living in the white house with the fence grows into an adult surrounded by a fence of violence, crime, and shame.

Undetected and denied diagnosis

A young girl growing up in a middle-class family appearing to have all things she needed in the eyes of others, but behind the walls of her mind lived depravity, isolation, and the lack of love and affection. Julia’s parents failed to recognize the depression growing up with their little girl. Julia isolated herself from others which would linger on into her adulthood and depression that was kept silent. The undetected diagnosis sends her down the road to destruction with relationships and finally into a life of crime.

Purpose of the pain destroys the promise

Looking for love develops a false reality of love, abuse, violence, and deceptive behaviors that would place Julia in prison and a life of depression and suicidal issues. With each trial she encounters, she becomes closer to experiences that could ultimately destroy her and her children. A woman surrounded by so-called friends would wake up abandoned, incarcerated with strangers, and a long list of broken promises.

Blessed results

In the midst of threats of deceitfulness, depression, and sorrow, Julia is able to share the results of faithfulness, blessings, and commitment for changing her lifestyle and overcoming obstacles associated with the labeled consequences society attached to her for the remainder of her life. Due to hard work, finding a place of faith and honesty helped her make it through the process to stay in the race of life, seeing things from a different perspective. God stepped in several times to rescue her when she threw in the towel and could not see a way out.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Feb 1, 2022
• ISBN: 9781662465970

Book preview

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When Depression is Silent

Julia Ann Coleman

Copyright © 2021 Julia Ann Coleman

All rights reserved

First Edition

PAGE PUBLISHING, INC.

Conneaut Lake, PA

First originally published by Page Publishing 2021

ISBN 978-1-6624-6596-3 (pbk)

ISBN 978-1-6624-6597-0 (digital)

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Family Values

Conditioned without Love

Deceit and Deception

Working without Values

No More Chains Holding Me

Rewards of Harvested Seeds

Separated and Segregated

Fostering in Care

Corruption in Correction

Building a Foundation without Faith

Message of Mishaps and Mistakes

Window of Blessings Opened

Mama and Daddy, I dedicate this book, its success, and all the talks of encouragement that you gave to those around you in memory of the legacy which you left behind.

Acknowledgments

I am inspired by God through all my trials and tribulations as well as my love for helping others for the writing of this book, all the words, themes, ideas, and images. Quite a bit of time, thoughts, and prayers had gone by, but I finally got the word from God to proceed. As I wrote this book, I reflected on my life and all that I went through. I could not help but share my experiences with others because I know there are so many other people that are going through the same things in life. Sometimes, when you are going through things in life, you think that you are the only one ever to experience such horrible things and times, but as God is my witness, there are others going through the exact same thing and some in a worse form.

I thank God the Father. I thank God the Son. I thank God the Holy Spirit. I thank God for this novel. As God is my witness, the author, and finisher of this testimony, the novel is written about me, my life struggles, and how God brought me out. God answered my prayers surrounding me with a loving family. My church family is my continued support, my source of love and inspiration. And I am forever grateful for this year for the granted request that God is providing for me. I would like to recognize my father, Henry Wynn Jr., for all that he said without saying. Both of my parents have passed now as I write about my life. Mama and Daddy, rest in peace, I love you.

Introduction

The purpose of this book will identify depressive moments in my life, my testimonies of each trial which I encountered throughout my life, motivation through hope and faith can keep you above ground, and God’s sovereignty in defeating the enemy and bringing me out. With chapter 1, I will identify the trials and the situation and conclude with the revelations from God on how he brought me out. Today, millions of Americans live with depression. It is silent or hidden in many people’s lives, but it is estimated that over 19 million Americans are living with depression. Some people are aware of their depression while many others are not aware of depression, and early occurrences of it can begin in your life. Depression is defined in most dictionaries as a feeling of sadness and loss of interest which is persistent and more prolonged than that warranted by any objective reason. Depression is a mood disorder, and it affects the way that you feel, think, and behave.

Depression and mental illness are sometimes confusing to distinguish between the two, but it is treatable, and suicide is preventable. Research shows that the number two leading cause of death among students is suicide. One in five adults have a diagnosable mental illness, and 50 percent of the US will experience a mental health condition in our lifetime. Depression is one form of mental illness. Depression is a treatable medical condition related to how our brains work, how our brains process information, emotions, and stress. Depression sometimes runs in families. Many people with the condition have no family history of depression. It can have many causes, genetic- or inherited-risk, early life traumas, stressful life events, and other illnesses or injuries.

Depression accounts for the most common mental illnesses in the United States. Based on research, there are more than 16 million men and women or 6.7 percent of the adult population and 3.1 million adolescents. It is a serious mental illness in which feelings of sadness, hopelessness, loss of interest, anger, frustration, or other negative emotions, like irritability (especially in adolescents), last for weeks or years and interfere with daily life.

Depression can come from biological differences, chemical issues in the brain, hormones, and inherited traits. People suffering from depression appear to have physical changes in their brains. Due to the significance of these changes, it can be difficult sometimes to pinpoint the causes. The brain has neurotransmitters naturally occurring in the brain chemicals that can cause depression. When there are changes in the function of the neurotransmitters, the effect creates an interaction with the neurocircuits. Neurocircuits help to maintain mood stability, and they play a significant role in depression and its treatment. Experiencing changes in the body’s balance of hormones may be involved in causing or triggering depression. Hormone changes can develop during pregnancy and during the weeks or months after delivery (postpartum) and from thyroid problems, menopause, or several other conditions. Depression can be inherited, and people often call them the skeletons in the closet. Depression is more common in people whose blood relatives also have this condition.

Major depressive disorder affects approximately 17.3 million American adults or about 7.1 percent of the US population age eighteen and older each year.

Major depressive disorder is more prevalent in women than in men (Journal of the American Medical Association). One point nine million children, ages three to seventeen, have diagnosed depression (Centers for Disease Control). People with depression are four times as likely to develop a heart attack than those without a history of the illness. After a heart attack, they are at a significantly increased risk of death or second heart attack (National Institute of Mental Health).

Depression often co-occurs with other illnesses and medical conditions. Twenty-five percent of cancer patients, 10–27 percent of poststroke patients, one in three heart attack survivors, one in three HIV patients, 50 percent of Parkinson’s disease, 50–75 percent of eating disorder patients, 27 percent of individuals with substance abuse disorders, 8.5–27 percent of persons with diabetes all experience depression. Seven million adults ages sixty-five years and older are affected by depression. Women who have major depressive disorder (MDD) can have an increased risk of low bone mass which can lead to fractures and can contribute to their risk for osteoporosis.

Depression has a large impact economically by becoming the leading cause of disability worldwide, and mental health is created as the second leading workplace concern, following only family issues. Each year, about $70 billion in medical expenditures, lost productivity, and other costs. Depression accounts for close to $12 billion in lost workdays each year. Depression is very treatable. Many people with depression who seek treatment will find a cure, with success rates of about 80 or 90 percent. For people looking for medication-free help, there are more choices than ever—from acupuncture, meditation, and yoga to cognitive behavioral therapy designed to replace harmful patterns in one’s thoughts with healthy ones.

There is no sure way to prevent depression. Some strategies that may help.

Try to take steps to control stress to increase your resilience and boost your self-esteem. When you are going through tough times, reach out to family and friends, especially in times of crisis, to help you weather rough spells. At the earliest sign of a problem, get treatment to help prevent depression.

Chapter 1

Family Values

Such a broad explanation without defining the reality for what some people are going through dealing with depression but not as it is defined by the book. Depression can be responsible for the problems both physically and emotionally. I am speaking from personal experience of how the skeletons in the closet, as the elders used to say, were not recognized in my early years of life. I grew up as a depressed child, and I did not know and neither did my parents. Depression untreated grows, and it brings with it so many other problem areas in your life. The depression came about due to my family life after being bullied and laughed at throughout my elementary school years, lack of affection from family members, and abusive relationships from my first husband. The results of the depression and the way that I chose to deal with them were life changing.

I grew up in a small-town Monroe, North Carolina, about twenty miles from Charlotte. If you were on the outside looking into Monroe, it appeared small, but inside of the small town, the community had big hearts and compassion. Most of the families in Monroe were classified as middle class to wealthy if I had to make judgments based on the style of living. We were a middle-class family from what I could remember. We lived in a white house, with three bedrooms surrounded by a fence. The house was large and so were the rooms. I had my own room, and my two brothers shared a bedroom. We had a large yard with pecan and fig trees in it. Our house always had a well-manicured yard with lots of flowers. I can remember the beautiful rose bushes that grew outside of my window that filled the air with a sweet aroma. I spent a lot of time swinging in the swing that hung from the ceiling of the large front porch. The porch also held two beautiful rocking chairs that my brothers and I would race to see who could rock the fastest. Climbing the pecan trees was my favorite pastime when I went outside to play. I would climb to the top and shake the tree when the pecans in the fall of the year were ready to eat.

As I stand on the front porch, I can see the church that we attended. The church was within walking distance from our house to the left; if you went down the street, there were three houses. Looking out to the left, right, and across the street from our house were the low-income apartments. But the funny thing about where we lived, the projects had no bearing on our social class. Everyone on the street got along great, except for Eddie and Betty. They were the couple in the apartment directly across the street from us. They would fight every Friday night after their weekend drinks.

My mom’s brother, JB, lived next door with his wife, Linda, and daughter, Mandy. JB was my favorite uncle. He had me spoiled just as I was his own daughter. My uncle JB always bought two of everything when it came to toys. Whatever he bought Mandy something, he would always think of me. I was three years older than Mandy; she was the only child, and I was the only girl. Mandy was too young for me to play with, so I played at my house with my dolls and toys. Christmastime was always full of toys and joy, but not many family members would come and visit us. My brothers and I got lots of toys. We were given materialistic things but not affectionate love of hearing I love you or hugs and kisses from our parents or any other family members. As sad as it seems, this includes mother, father, brothers, and family.

From the looks of the outside, we were a family that had it all together. On the inside of our house, things were calm but very distant. Everyone had their own individual lives, and we did not discuss problems or issues we may have been facing. During the week, my mother, brothers, and I were at the house. My father drove a truck long distance, and we would only see him around midweek and on the weekends. My brothers and I always sat down and ate our meals together, but my mother was always doing something around the house and never joined us to eat as a family. We were taught from attending church to always say our blessings but not mentioned by our parents. The atmosphere currently was something out of the movies. Not a normal movie because there did not seem to be any problems. If there were, the children did not encounter the problems within the home. We did not hear any discussions between our parents. We did not see our parents show any affection toward each other. Everyone just lived in the house together. We did not have individual talks with our parents, and they did not have talks with us. However, we had knowledge and understanding of the rules. The rules were to take up for each other and not let others fight your sibling. We stayed out of grown folk’s conversations and respect of others.

Families were considered normal and middle class when both parents were present in the home and they were working. My values of a family were having the mother and father in the home working to take care of the children. I did not have grandparents around to show me love. My maternal grandparents were considered alcoholics after many years of heavy drinking. My grandmother gave birth to twelve children. Three of the twelve died during infancy. My mother was second to the oldest, and she was forced into chores and responsibilities with the rapid growth of their family. My grandfather was physically abusive to my grandmother and often beat her in the presence of their children. My mother failed to get an education for obvious reasons and became pregnant with my oldest brother. Within two years of his birth, she met my father. She married my father to get out of her parents’ house and out on her own. My father is not my brother’s biological father, and there was no way my mother was able to develop a relationship ready for love. My mother married for all the wrong reasons. My mother learned from her parents’ responsibility of being a hardworking woman to take care of the home. At the age of eighteen, my mother was married with one child and a baby daddy.

My father is the oldest of three boys and a sister with a different mother. My paternal grandmother died when my father was young. My paternal grandfather remarried after my grandmother’s death and moved to Richmond, Virginia, where he and his new wife and son lived for many years. My paternal grandfather would come to town at Christmastime when he came to visit the family. All my grandfather’s siblings lived in Monroe, and he would come back once or twice a year. My paternal grandmother died when my father was five years old. My father’s aunts were left to raise my father and his brother, James. My father and his brother, James, had a rough life growing up with their aunts. They were moved around from house to house and abused in some cases from my understanding of their childhood. Both of my parents came from dysfunctional homes consisting of alcohol, verbal and physical abuse in the homes. Two people from different places, but they had the same problem.

My mother worked in the cafeteria at my elementary school, and my father was a long-distance truck driver. As the middle child and only girl, it seemed that life should have been much better than it was for me. I loved going to school. I had great teachers, and they really taught and educated you with information that I enjoyed learning. I was always very smart in school and made straight As in my schoolwork. I was not popular with other classmates, and I was sheltered within a fence. There was a fence that surrounded the house that we lived in, but there was a bigger fence within me mentally. The fence was a cage that consumed me, and it later in life almost destroyed me. I can remember my classmates for the first three years of school as normal children. Just as I witnessed in my home, each of the children in my classes played together well, and they followed the rules. When I entered the fourth grade, things began to change. The children in my class were always laughing at me in school because I had eczema, and my parents failed to get adequate medical care for me.

Depression starts out earlier than you expect it. Depression is a real illness, and it affects people in many ways. It begins in little children, and it continues to grow into senior citizens if the issues are never addressed. My first three years did not appear to be stressful, but fourth grade and later years of school were not as well. Depression caused me to be sad, spending a lot of time in darkness and alone. I did not care that I did not have any friends. I thought I was happy being by myself, but this would later be so untrue.

Depression can happen at any age, and the risk continues to grow higher as adults. Since my interaction with family and friends were limited and isolated, they failed to see the bigger picture of what would result in a life of bad decision-making. I did not know God even though I went to church every Sunday. I did not study the Bible or have knowledge of who God really was. We went to church for a show. There was no Bible teaching or reading going on at our house. In fact, the only time we heard or thought of God or the Bible was on Sunday and Wednesday. Lack of faith turned out to be the biggest problem for me, but the resolution was as easy as developing and building my faith in God. Are you not then partial to yourselves and become judges of evil thoughts? (James 2:4).

My father was physically and mentally abusive to my mother in my later adolescence. I had to break up many fights with my father beating my mother by the time I reached the age of fourteen. I would be awakened out of my sleep with my