Live to the Max

By Kevin Dwares

My son Max Gold Dwares passed away on February 18, 2004, from complications related to a bone marrow transplant that he had on July 27, 2001, to cure him of chronic myelogenous leukemia. This book is Max's story as told by him (and continued by me) and captured by photographs by myself and other family friends in black and white and a few color photos as Max began his chemotherapy until his untimely demise at the tender age of twenty. The book was in the initial stages by Max but stopped as Max grew sicker, leading to his death. Max asked me to continue his book shortly before he passed away as a tribute to everyone left behind, but more importantly, as a reminder that while disease can be brutal and take lives, a positive attitude and faith can take you forward. Faith comes in many shapes and flavors. It doesn't matter what race or religion one is. Max was born in the Jewish faith but believed we are all created equal in the eyes of God. Max, from an early age, always seemed somewhat special. What I mean was he had a unique ability to seem to get along with adults and understand how they felt. He always knew what words to say to offer comfort and understanding. This continued throughout his life. This book, while at times quite emotional and honest, hopefully will serve as a guide for families going through a disease and how one reacts and lives through the process. It's a story of hope and dreams, of faith and questioning, and of one's belief in the eternal God when death appears around the corner. It's also a story of dreams and trying to attain them. It's a story of how families rely and rally around each other when the times get rough. It's a story of how someone battling cancer still needs to carry on and live life to the best, and it's a story and testament to a young man who lived a short time but accomplished so much and has left a lasting legacy. It's a story of how one's belief in God during good times and bad will serve as a beacon to guide one's spirit forward during the journey of life and life beyond.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Oct 23, 2016
• ISBN: 9781681977850

Book preview

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Live to the

Max

Max Dwares’ Story

A Message of Faith, Hope, and Belief in God

written by

Max Dwares

and

Kevin Dwares

ISBN 978-1-68197-784-3 (Paperback)

ISBN 978-1-68197-785-0 (Digital)

Copyright © 2016 by Kevin Dwares and Max Dwares

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.

296 Chestnut Street

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Preface

Life Before

Prediagnosis to Diagnosis

What?

Treading Water

A Living Hell: Worst Moments

Turning the Corner

Not Quite There

Home: Leaving the Neely House

Temple Dinner, October 21, 2001

Eighteenth Birthday, November 04, 2001, +100

Back to Hospital: TPN and Tune-Up (November 28, 2001 to December 15, 2001)

Letter from Jake, Thursday, December 15, 2001

Reach for the Clouds

January 1 to August 2

Hickman Removed, March 07, 2002

Donor Letter: David Pinter, July 1, 2002

CCRI Classes, July 29, 2002

Skydiving, August 11, 2002

Visiting the Pinter Family in New York

On the Road Again

URI Freshman, September 2002

Vision Loss, Friday, September 6, 2002

Hospital, Saturday, September 7, 2002 to Monday, September 16, 2002, Yom Kippur

Rabbi Richard Perlman Letter, Wednesday, September 18, 2002

September 2 to June 3

Ellen White Sick, Tuesday, January 14, 2003

URI Withdrawal Again, Wednesday, January 21, 2003

Ellen White’s Death, March 06, 2003

Second Wind

CCRI, Restaurants

The Last Days

CCRI

Best Man at Wedding

December: Hospital Again

February 18, 2004: The Day Max Died

February 19, 2004: Funeral

Death of Laura Cable, February 18, 2004

Promises Being Kept

Honda

Skydive

Book

Good Deeds

What the Future Holds

Appendix A

About the Author

Preface

Max Dwares was born on November 04, 1983, and passed away at the age of twenty on February 18, 2004, from complications related to chronic myelogenous leukmeia (CML), a cancer of the blood.

Max originally began this book February 2001 and continued after he had a bone marrow transplant and for a while afterward. When he got to ill, he stopped writing. Shortly before he passed away on February 18, 2004, he asked me to continue and complete the book using his many notes and his numerous journals and pictures. I promised that I would. I picked up where Max left off, but soon afterward, I stopped. I resumed writing again in 2006, then once again stopped writing. On March 14, 2016, nearly twelve years after Max passed away, I was in my basement with my four-year-old granddaughter Maya (who is named after Max). Maya asked me what were all the folders on the shelves. I explained that these were the folders for the book about Max. Maya told me that she knew that Max died and was in the sky, and then she told me to finish the book. When I asked her why, she simply looked into my eyes and my soul and said, Papa, finish the book. At this time, I decided to give it my best and complete the book. So I begin now March 14, 2016, to work on and finish the book in my son Max’s memory. Writing this book was very emotional and heart-wrenching, but it was a promise to my late son Max that I would do.

This book is Max’s story as told by him (and continued by me) and captured by photographs by myself and other family friends in black and white and a few color photos as Max began his chemotherapy until his untimely demise at the tender age of twenty.

The book was in the initial stages by Max but stopped as Max grew sicker and then his eventual death. Max asked me to continue his book shortly before he passed away as a tribute to everyone left behind, but more importantly as a reminder that while disease can be brutal and take lives, a positive attitude and faith can take you forward.

Faith comes in many shapes and flavors. It doesn’t matter what race or religion one is. Max was born in the Jewish faith but believed we are all created equal in the eyes of God. Max from an early age always seemed somewhat special. What I mean was he had a unique ability to seem to get along with adults and understand how they felt. He always knew what words to say to offer comfort and understanding. This continued throughout his life.

This book, while at times quite emotional and honest, hopefully will serve as a guide for families going through a disease and how one reacts and lives through the process. It’s a story of hope and dreams, of faith and questioning, and of one’s belief in the eternal God when death appears around the corner. It’s also a story of dreams and trying to attain them. It’s a story of how families rely and rally around each other when the times get rough. It’s a story of how someone battling cancer still needs to carry on and live life to the best, and it’s a story and testament to a young man who lived a short time but accomplished so much and has left a lasting legacy.

It’s a story of how one’s belief in God during good times and bad will serve as a beacon to guide one’s spirit forward during the journey of life and life beyond. It was Max’s dream to dedicate this book to Ellen White who tragically passed away in February 2003. She was the wife of my good friend Steve White and mother of Hannah and Deena.

Prior to Max passing away, he told me that he also wanted the book to be dedicated to his brother Jake. He told me how much he loved Jake, how cute Jake was, and how much he would miss the most important future events of Jake’s life. He wanted Jake to know that he would always keep him in his heart and thoughts into eternity. At the time of this completion of the book, Jake is now twenty-five years old and is married to Maria who was born in Russia and has a daughter Maya age four and a half, who is named after Max.

The book was written not to simply memorialize a young man who died but to celebrate his accomplishments and to be able to teach and hopefully guide others going down the same dark journey. While Max obviously didn’t survive his illness and died, his spirit remains strong within my family, our friends, and our community. While in life, Max was a young man with a thirst for knowledge and truth, in death, he has left us all for the better for the time he spent here among us.

I also need to thank some friends and relatives who were always her for us when we were in the hospital, at home in need of help, and always had a shoulder to lean on. My sister Beth Dwares who was a nurse at Hasbro Children Hospital and could always be counted on to offer words of wisdom and to my sister Loren Redman and her husband Paul and son Jeffrey who always called and visited. I also need to thank my brother-in-law Robert Gold who is my wife Barbara’s brother and Max’s uncle. Bob was always here for our entire family when Max was in and out of the hospitals. He also was instrumental in helping my good friend Steve White and Rob Cable with all of the fund-raising activities through the National Foundation for Transplants in Tenn.

I also would like to thank my good friends Dr. Howard and Nancy Bassel. Howard was always available day or night whenever I had a medical question to ask. Howard never sugarcoated what he told me, which I most appreciated.

And finally, I need to mention our family friends Susan and Steve Adler and their children Josh and Shoshana. Steve and Susan were with us during this entire time and never said no when we needed help and support. We love them as family.

My family thanks you all for your support and encouragement over the last three years and wishes each and every one of you continued health, happiness, and success in all that you undertake.

Thank you,

Kevin Dwares

Life Before

Prediagnosis to Diagnosis

Prior to Max being diagnosed with chronic myelogenous leukemia on March 08, 2001, he was your typical young man. Max grew up in a typical middle class family, not rich but not poor, just in between. Max has a younger brother Jacob and his two parents Barbara and Kevin. Max’s life had its good and bad times and had his shares of medical issues starting at an early age. Max was born on November 04, 1983, and lived in Providence, Rhode Island, for a short time before moving to Cranston, Rhode Island, a suburb ten miles south of Providence. Max enjoyed your general activities—from kickball to bike riding to being in play groups. He hated to swim and didn’t like athletics but at an early aged developed a love of reading that he continued for twenty years. He was a sponge of facts and figures and would read for hours at a time. At age four, in 1987, Max was involved in a serious car accident as we were on the way to the animal shelter in Providence to adopt a kitten, which would be one of many cats in dogs that would reside in our home of the next twenty years. Max loved animals of all kinds and continued to love them for the rest of his life. After Max’s accident at age four, he spent a lot of time in the hospital for surgeries and skin grafts. The funny thing as I look back is that Max never seemed to complain or even cry. He seemed to take the pain and deal with it as he would deal with health issues the rest of his life. Max had another health issue at age nine when he broke his finger after being hit by a fastball as he played baseball. When I took Max to the hospital to have his finger operated on, the only things he said to me was, I guess I don’t have to play baseball anymore.

For the next few years, Max sort of ambled through life. He tried overnight camp, bike riding, and other sports but never excelled in any of them. He tried all sorts of musical instruments such as guitar, piano, clarinet, and others but generally put in little practice time. Max had a lot of friends and acquaintances but never seemed to go out of his way to contact friends. He appeared to be generally happy but was a deep thinker at an early age. One of the things that seemed to bring his true happiness was reading books. He loved to read almost anything about anything. Many times, when we were ready to leave the house or Max was supposed to go to bed, we always had to tell him to close the book, as he was lost in his own imaginary world. This love of books and reading continued throughout his life. Max also began to write in journals about everyday life and his belief in man and in God. Some of these journals were used in writing this book.

Max’s life changed dramatically when in tenth grade, he went on a trip called the March of Living. This trip included a visit to concentration camps in Poland such as Treblinka and Auswitch and also a trip to Israel. As Max explained later on, he said the trips showed the worst in man and the hope of the future. Max also became a devout vegetarian for a few years after his return. Max came back as a man with strong convictions about mankind and friendship, and equality would be with him the rest of his short life.

Max continued his journey after the March of Living by helping the homeless in Philadelphia by going on a program called Trevor’s Place through the Bureau of Jewish Education. Max had the passion and