Sweet Memories: My Mother's Life Story and the Lessons I Learned from Her Journey with Dementia

By James C. Neville

The author shares his mother's story and the lessons he learned from her transition through the different stages of dementia. By reflecting on his mother's life and legacy from a Christian perspective, the author uses her story to illustrate the different stages of dementia and the challenges he faced as a caregiver. With goal of promoting awareness, the author discusses some of the new discoveries regarding the causes and the risk factors associated with dementia and Alzheimer's. He includes some helpful resource information; and he also addresses some of the signs and symptoms of dementia and concludes that diet, exercise, and other lifestyle changes can prevent or slow the progression of dementia, especially in the areas of early detection and treatment.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Jan 24, 2019
• ISBN: 9781640271821

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Sweet Memories

My Mother's Life Story and the Lessons I Learned from Her Journey with Dementia

James C. Neville

Copyright © 2018 James C. Neville

All rights reserved.

Fourth Edition

PAGE PUBLISHING

Conneaut Lake, PA

First originally published by Page Publishing 2018

ISBN 978-1-64027-181-4 (pbk)

ISBN 978-1-64027-182-1 (digital)

No photos in this book, including the book cover and other material, may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Cover design by James C. Neville and Breanna M. Neville

NIV denotes Scripture quotations taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide.

NKJV denotes Scripture quotations taken from the HOLY BIBLE, New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments and Reviews

Preface

Introduction

I: Prayers Answered

II: From the Woods to the Hood

III: Looking for a Dad

IV: New Opportunities

V: Respect

VI: Mother Millie

VII: Getting Understanding

VIII: Risk Factors

IX: Psychological Vs. Physiological

X: The Mind, the Body, and the Spirit

XI: Reversing the Roles

XII: Behavior Modification

XIII: Sweet Memories

XIV: The Helper and the Cussee

XV: 24/7 Care

XVI: Acceptance

XVII: Prevention

XVIII: Preparing for Your Future

XIX: Resources

Works Cited

Sega, E. A.,Gerdes, K. E., & Steiner, S. (2010). An Introduction to the Profession of Social Work (3rd ed.). Belmont, NY: Brooks/Cole.

About the Author

Flowers For Mom

"I want my flowers while I'm living because I can't

smell them when I'm gone."

That's what Mom would always say.

So, we gave her flowers—lots of flowers.

And she gladly thanked us

with a smile.

James C. Neville

Acknowledgments and Reviews

I want to first thank my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, because, without Him, this book would not have been possible. I want to thank my mother for raising, guiding, and protecting me. Her strength, tough love, and kindness gave me a great foundation for life. I also want to thank my loving, caring, and supporting wife, Dinah, for over fifty years of joyful friendship and for forty-eight years of wonderful marriage—and counting.

We both hope that my mother's journey with dementia and the lessons we learned from it can benefit you and your family. The following are some of the online reviews from previous editions of this book:

Customer reviews from verified Amazon purchases

HThorne Jr., 5.0 out of 5 stars—thoroughly impressed and informed.

Reviewed in the United States on February 13, 2019

Thoroughly impressed and informed by Sweet Memories as it reflected what my mother and I experienced with her dementia, Alzheimer's, and Parkinson's. Please accept my thank you and praise for your mother's life story and the lessons that you learned from her journey with dementia.

Tyris Williams, 5.0 out of 5 stars—truth, transparency, trials, and triumphant

Reviewed in the United States on January 19, 2019

A must-read! I found myself not able to put the book down. James Neville delivers a heartfelt, honest, and sometimes hilarious easy-to-read book. He shares in this book real personal struggles and informative information on dementia. This book is great, and I now see dementia in a whole new perspective. I recommend this book without reservation. Thanks for writing.

Sylvia C., 5.0 out of 5 stars—a sweet read

Reviewed in the United States on April 6, 2019

Yes, very good book, really touching and heartfelt and very educational.

Amazon customer, 5.0 out of 5 stars—very touching and moving story

Reviewed in the United States on June 7, 2019

Great read.

Walmart.com customer reviews and ratings

5 out of 5 stars review

Verified purchaser

1/30/2021

An excellent book, written from the heart of a devoted son. A very good read of a son's devoted love for his mother and the sweet memories they shared.

—William

5 out of 5 stars review

8/7/2021

Faithful and committed love.

This is a wonderful love story from a son to his mother and her earthly journey. The writer honors her, by taking the reader through the ups, downs, and victories of her life. The book also includes invaluable resources that are useful to all caregivers, caring for a loved one with dementia.

—Audrey

Preface

My purpose for writing this book is to share my mother's story and the lessons I learned from her transition through the different stages of dementia. In essence, by reflecting on my mother's life and legacy from a Christian perspective, I use her story to illustrate the different stages of dementia and the challenges I faced as a caregiver.

While conducting my research for this book, I noted that some of the charts list the progression of dementia in five stages: (1) no impairment, (2) questionable impairment, (3) mild impairment, (4) moderate impairment, and (5) severe impairment. Other charts, however, list the progression in seven stages. And although the five-stage chart accurately describes the stages of dementia, the seven-stage chart provides a better description of my mother's journey through the final stages of her decline. Hence, the shift from one stage of dementia to the other toward the end of my mother's journey was not as abrupt as described in the five-stage chart. In other words, my mother's transition was more gradual over a longer period of time, especially after we planned and executed her treatment options.

For example, using a dementia rating scale, both the five-stage and seven-stage models have the same or similar descriptions for stages one through three. In stage one, there are no obvious signs of dementia and the person is deemed normal, i.e. no impairment. In stage two there are some signs or symptoms that may be questionable or very mild, however, the symptoms are normally associated with old age such as misplacing or forgetting things, but at some point the person can locate or remember whatever they misplaced or lost. And, for the most part, the person can still function independently.

The signs of dementia becomes more noticeable in the mild impairment (stage three). For example, the person begins to get confused more often while driving, loses things more frequently, start having problems managing their finances, medication, etc. But the person can still perform many activities of daily living without assistance such as eating, getting dressed, going to the bathroom, etc.

The five-stage and the seven-stage descriptions differ slightly from this point on. Therefore, the seven-stage description worked better for me because it breaks moderate and severe into two-part phases. In the moderate (stage four), a person's memory and their ability to negotiate activities of daily living becomes more difficult. They may forget how to safely operate and use appliances such as a microwave or a stove. They may forget to pay their bills, may have less memory of recent events, have problems counting backward by a specific number, or they may withdraw from being around people.

The signs and symptoms of dementia in the moderately severe (stage five) are very critical and it becomes more apparent that the person needs assistance to negotiate their activities of daily living. For example, memory loss increases to the point where a person cannot remember their own address or phone number or what day or time it is, etc. They may start putting on multiple layers of clothing or being inappropriately dressed for the occasion or season. They may become confused about activities and events. They may also need assistance using a telephone or doing other things they used to do without assistance.

In the severe stage (stage six), the person needs total assistance with their activities of daily living such as assisting them with eating, dressing, using the bathroom, etc. This is also the stage where it becomes apparent that the person cannot live alone or be left unattended in an unsecure dwelling. Wandering and other safety concerns become an issue at this point. The person may also forget the names of family members but can recall a familiar face or person. They may not know the meaning of time and their behavior and personality can drastically change. For example, seeing and hearing things that are not there, becoming suspicious of people, etc.

The very severe (stage seven) is the final stage of dementia. The person's language skills can diminish to the point where they become incoherent. They need help eating, they cannot walk or sit without assistance, and they may also reach the point where they are unable to hold their head up or control their movement. This is also the stage where prearranged tube-feeding or other prearranged plans are executed, changed, or modified. For example, tube-feeding is a form of life support. Therefore, the patient may have instructed his or her wishes through an advance medical directive as to whether or not they want to be tube-fed at this stage of life. However, the doctor(s) and family members may discuss or reconsider tube-feeding or other options prior to executing any prearranged plans. Hospice care is also a factor at this point.

When I introduce my mother at the beginning of this book, her dementia is already in stage six and her condition is severe. From there, I reflect back over her life beginning when she had no impairment. Then I examine her lifespan and her legacy to see if there were any connections between her risk factors, life experiences, and the onset of her dementia.

I also discuss some of the latest discoveries regarding the causes of dementia and Alzheimer's disease and how these maladies can be prevented or delayed. However, due to the narrow scope of my research and the constant advances in the field of medicine, this book is not intended to be an authority on these conditions. Therefore, the main goal of this book is to promote awareness by sharing information about dementia and Alzheimer's disease combined with the lessons I learned from caring for my mother.

This book describes some of the signs and symptoms of dementia and concludes that diet, exercise, and other lifestyle changes can prevent or delay the onset of dementia, especially in the areas of early detection and treatment. And, based on the information