My Funny Life: Coffee Break Snippets Book Two

By MaryLynn Dede Wagner

"My Funny Life, Coffee Break Snippets 2," will add a smile to your face and laughter to your heart. You'll even shed a tear or two as you read some of these true life adventures. It takes you into the realm of the miraculous! It boosts your faith, encourages you in times where hope is too far away, gives you some Holy Spirit gems of wisdom, and guides you as you navigate through life's challenges, and various stages.

It's a good companion to take along on a trip, when lunching alone, or reading to a friend in time of need. It will give you a "happy spot" after a hard day of work. These life stories, lessons, insights, and miracles can be enjoyed by all ages.

I'm the author, MaryLynn Dede Wagner and my hope is that your heart will truly be blessed and enriched by these God given life miracles, adventures. and experiences, as mine has been! God strongly urged me to share these stories with you, so here you go... the adventure begins.

God bless us everyone!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Dec 28, 2022
• ISBN: 9781638444473

Book preview

cover.jpg

My Funny Life

Coffee Break Snippets Book Two

MaryLynn Dede Wagner

ISBN 978-1-63844-446-6 (paperback)

ISBN 978-1-63844-447-3 (digital)

Copyright © 2022 by MaryLynn Dede Wagner

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing

832 Park Avenue

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

A Bit about Myself

The Elk and the Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich (Or Collecting Bags of Pine Cones for My Thirty-Two Sixth Graders to Decorate for Christmas)

Raising Three Teenagers while Trying to Hold On to Your Sanity

The Misdemeanor and the Squirt Guns

Let's Leave the Kids with the Grandparents and Go to San Francisco

Don't Second-Guess Yourself

The Lurline and the Matsonia

Guava Juice, Yum!

My Christmas Tree Bit Me!

The University of Hawaii Football Jock Came to My Rescue

Something You Shouldn't Lose while Surfing

Doggie Problems

A Very Brave Soul

An Ode to Chaka

Keetna and the Plecostomus

Bandit and the Westernaires

The Pink Horse

Bandit and the Graveyard

Jethro and the Emergency Room

Jethro's Last Terrible-Twos Act

Jessica's Pink-Red Party Dress and the Miracle

All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth

Our First Trip to the Family Cabin

Jessica and the Lawn Chair

Jed and the Race Car

The Four-Wheeler and the Big Pine

Tavy and the Gold Coins

Tavy and the Needle and Thread

Tavy and the Alaskan Robbers

Samantha and the Porcupine

Soothing Walks in the Pines

Grand Teton National Park and the Grizzly

The Saguaro Dancing Cactus

The Pink Slip

The Police, Stop Sign, and the Deluge

The Philippine Miracles

Licking a Pole Really Does Get Your Tongue Stuck!

The Shiny Tables

Hawaiian Jellies

Hawaiian Lava Rock

What You Don't Know Can Hurt You

Horseback Ride from Hail

Big Changes—Retirement after Twenty-Seven Years

Eighty-Miles-Per-Hour Winds and the Ice Storm

Peyton and the Deliveryman

How Do You Lose a Precious Dog?

Peter, the Wasp, Little Jimmy, and Me

Flashbacks of God's Protection When I Barely Knew Him

Mountain Lions

Elena, Babies, Dogs, and Me

An Earthquake and along Came Jed!

The Longest Twenty Minutes of My Life

Nine Is Enough

I Was a Sandwich!

Our Adventure Days

Mini Trips of Joy

Dog Leashes Aren't Just for Dogs!

If We Had Waited for the Ambulance, I Wouldn't Have My Son!

Jessica and the Aviary

The Big Buffalo's Wet Nose

In the Dark of Night

My Mom and Alzheimer's

It's a Tsunami!

Cody and the Skull

Bigfoot and the Family Cabin

Get Me to the Hospital Now!

Three Blessings from Heaven

Empty Nesters Once Again

Thirteen Puppies

A Tornado in Golden?

Beautiful Cape May

The Caravan to Mexico

Green Eyes Coming toward Us!

The Silver Plumes

Snail Migrations

Graiden's Miracle

The Angel and the Flipping Car

About the Author

To Graiden, my grandson and hero who fought back at cancer with unshakable trust in Lord Jesus Christ and has a happy, never-give-up attitude!

We all prayed daily thank-you prayers before we actually saw the results. That's faith.

Praise the Lord! We won! And that's another story.

A Bit about Myself

My husband and I have been married for forty-six years! Hey, who says prayers for a boyfriend don't work? But watch out! You may be unknowingly praying for a future husband!

I'm a proud mother of three wonderful adults who have been great examples for my awesome grandchildren to emulate! They often put others before themselves, and their hard work has paid off nicely as they are a success in many venues. My children and grandchildren are the special kind of people you'd want for longtime friends, trustworthy and kind.

I loved getting the chance to help raise them for part of their young lives! There have been many times I was on the floor in tears during my own children's teenage years, asking God for wisdom and guidance. It's hard when they are wanting to be independent and be adults and yet they are still kids.

Jesus was right there waiting for me to ask Him for help! He is right there waiting for you to ask too.

I'm a retired teacher of twenty-seven years and an experienced equestrian, having been blessed with three of the gentlest, people-loving horses I have ever known! My students worked very hard each week to earn their Caught Being Good tickets. If they earned five tickets in a week, they could have free horse lessons from me on the weekend in addition to our classroom treasure box goodies. Our precious loving horses instinctively knew which students had been damaged by the sharp edges of life. They walked right over to them first, before the other students, and nuzzled and neck-hugged them, saying, I love you, the only way a horse can. Those three little words are some of the most healing words on earth.

I am also an accomplished singer, and my many singing events include singing and hula dancing on the Don Ho Show in my home state of Hawaii. In fact, we are a family of islanders having all been born on beautiful tropical islands.

At this time in my life, I can now pursue my dream of writing my book of funny, poignant experiences—life's little gems of wisdom. You'll laugh and even shed a tear as you begin the journey through this unique book. You can start anywhere you wish since it's not in sequential order. It is a collection of happy, true-life experiences and precious lessons I've learned on my wonderful adventure. I hope and pray these stories bless your hearts as they have blessed mine!

Let's begin.

The Elk and the Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich

(Or Collecting Bags of Pine Cones for My Thirty-Two Sixth Graders to Decorate for Christmas)

My husband Peter and I took off for a glorious day of hiking into Rocky Mountain National Park. We had hurriedly packed a sack of bread, peanut butter (crunchy, of course), and raspberry jam for lunch later on. And we couldn't forget our absolute necessity—water. As seasoned hikers, we know full well what happens if you don't bring along enough water, especially in our semiarid Colorado!

Wanting to get an early start, we decided to forego breakfast and left at 8:00 a.m. for the one-and-a-half-hour drive. So ninety minutes later, our stomachs were growling. Just outside the park, in the quaint tourist town of Estes, we stopped at the Egg and I, a restaurant that served up the best breakfast I have ever tasted! Eggs Benedict Florentine, yum, I dare to say par none!

Feeling deliciously stuffed, we were off to the national park. We reached our beautiful destination and eagerly began the fourteen-mile round trip hike. Once we'd reached the thick woods far back in the valley, we sat down for lunch. The refreshing woodsy smell, as the breeze wafted through the pines, washed away the week's frustrations and lulled us into a peaceful daydreamy mood. We lost track of time as we collected pine cones for my sixth graders for their Christmas decorations. As the sun was setting, a chorus of yipping coyotes not far away snapped us back to reality.

My husband, a real macho man, didn't want to appear too concerned about the howling growing ever closer. He jumped up and cleared his throat. I think it's time we headed back, don't you? Not waiting for an answer, he hastily handed me the bag of sandwich fixings, helped me with my pine cone bags, and off we went. I had to run to keep up with this calm man. Once out of the woods and back on the trail, he slowed down. Phew! Thank God! It's a bit hard to run with pine cone bags and sandwich stuff, especially when the pokey pine cones hit your legs as you run.

I gladly handed him the pine cone bags and noticed a gorgeous pile of them under a big pine tree ahead. There was a thick bush on one side of the tree. I bent over, in front of the bush, filled my last bagful, tied them all up tightly, and stood up. Oh my gosh! A huge bull elk popped up from the other side of the bush—we were face-to-face!

Help! He had a rack about six feet from tip to tip! He grunted, stared at my sandwich and then back at me, and repeated this several times to let me know he wanted my sandwich. Yikes! What to do?

Peter yelled, Don't give him the sandwich! By this time, he was pawing the dirt and grunting. Uh-oh, the hungry elk was coming toward me! I dropped the sandwich and ran back to Peter and said, Honey, the guy with the antlers wins! The elk took a dive for the sandwich and wanted more!

The bread was falling out of a hole in the bag as we ran, and the hole kept ripping bigger. The elk was hot on our trail. He would take a dive for bread pieces, which slowed him up enough for us to have a meager lead in this crazy race. Were we going to get to the car in time? The elk kept grunting and following us. We kept running. At last, we could see our car in the parking lot ahead. Thank God!

A crowd of amused onlookers were laughing and filming the whole ordeal. The elk hit the brakes just as his huge hooves touched the edge of the parking lot. We dashed into our car. Phew! Safe at last! Off we went.

We were literally gasping for air!

Raising Three Teenagers while Trying to Hold On to Your Sanity

It ain't easy! With my husband being gone on many business trips, the raising of our three children fell mostly on my shoulders for quite a lot of their younger years. Getting our children into a great group like Jefferson County's Westernaires, a precision horseback riding/drill team, par none, that doesn't take any guff from kids, helped a lot! The Westernaires is a group with high standards for kids ages eight to eighteen or nineteen, depending upon what age you graduate from high school. The Westernaires caring instructors, combined with mostly well-behaved kids, created an atmosphere of good influence and positive peer pressure for our children. Another good influence was having wonderful youth pastors who ran a very effective youth group in our church.

Let's not forget that moms need to have a good solid support group as well. Mine came in several forms: my best gal pals, our wonderful women's church group, and the good listening ears of my horse Chaka, who daily got quite an earful of my woes and concerns while we were out on the trail. (I have no idea what that poor horse thought of me.) He was always hugging and snuggly at the end of the ride. Last but not least, my three besties were great at sharing woes and concerns. We would commiserate about having to do loads of dirty laundry, try to figure out how to get through to our teenagers that we were not the enemy because they had to finish their chores and homework, before going out on weekends, and not the Gestapo because we required names, phone numbers, meeting the parents first before giving the okay for them to attend slumber parties, etc.

A parent cannot be a buddy-buddy to their children. I saw myself at that life stage as being a loving, benevolent dictator. Parents are the older and wiser ones, and it's okay if kids say I hate you for not letting them do something or go somewhere that you have misgivings about. I say it's best to always follow your gut or that soft inner voice that is our conscience—really God's voice talking to us.

It's important to listen to it. It's important to learn to focus in on that inner voice of God talking to us. Better to err on the side of caution and not let your kids go with someone or go somewhere if you don't have a peace inside about it. The peace is God saying yes, but the inner unrest is Him saying no. Pray and ask for His direction in everything. It will help you avoid trouble.

Looking back with the twenty-twenty vision of hindsight, I'm so glad I did not let my teenagers manipulate me. Wow, were they working hard at times to do just that!

Once, our daughter Jessica wanted desperately to go to Elitch Gardens, in Denver, a wonderful outdoor amusement park, with friends. I liked her friends; she chose friends who had good character and morals, but I had an unrest inside. I couldn't identify why, just that I felt she should not go that day. She did not go and was really mad at me.

Later, we learned that the weather took a bad turn and went from sunny to stormy, with golf-ball-sized hail! The hail had fallen over a foot deep. People who were on all these outdoor elevated rides were stuck on them for a while, getting pelted with hail. Add lightning to the mix, and you've got yourself quite a storm.

You make a great target on top of a wet metal Ferris wheel. In Colorado, when we have hailstorms, the temperature drops drastically, very quickly. Couple that with cold wind and the windchill factor, or how cold you feel from the freezy wind on your skin. This can make you feel ill. Several of these kids who went to Elitch's that day got very sick. When you're a mile high, the weather can change dramatically. When you look at the number of lightning-caused fatalities, Colorado is fourth in the nation from 1959 to 2019 statistics! This information is from Colorado Lightning Statistics as Compared to Other States, National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, NOAA, located appropriately in Boulder, Colorado (https://www.weather.gov/pub/Colorado_ltg_ranking).

Incidentally, a friend of mine—who volunteered as an equitation instructor at Jefferson County Fairgrounds, Colorado, in the Westernaires horseback riding/precision drill teams—was out calming her horse during an unexpected lightning storm and was too near a lightning strike. It hit a nearby telephone pole, and the force sent her zooming through the air ten feet! It even blew off her tennis shoes! She had to get taken to the hospital! In a matter of days, she was okay but still shaken.

Colorado soccer team players have