A Young Widow's Twenty-Year Journey: Navigating the New Normal

By Carol Goldblum Nathenson

Chronicling my journey as a young widow has been an emotional and cathartic experience. It was my goal to write a memoir of my experiences that would provide hope for others in a similar situation. I described how fortunate my daughters and I were to be surrounded by so many friends and family. We experienced the true meaning of the phrase "It takes a village." It was excruciatingly difficult to lose my husband at a young age, but throughout the years, the pain and loss became manageable. Meeting a new partner and ultimately remarrying was wonderful but presented its own set of challenges in blending families. It was difficult to handle and cope with these events at the time; but thankfully, with a lot of perseverance and love, we overcame these challenges. Nothing in life is easy, but remaining steadfast and committed to making relationships work proved to be successful for us. We weathered a lot of storms and bumps in the road and are thankful to be able to enjoy our growing family.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Newman Springs Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Jan 20, 2022
• ISBN: 9781638813927

Book preview

cover.jpg

A Young Widowand#39;s Twenty-Year Journey

Navigating the New Normal

Carol Goldblum Nathenson

Copyright © 2021 Carol Goldblum Nathenson

All rights reserved

First Edition

NEWMAN SPRINGS PUBLISHING

320 Broad Street

Red Bank, NJ 07701

First originally published by Newman Springs Publishing 2021

Depictions in this book are based on memories and journal entries of people and events that are interpreted by the author. Some names have been omitted to protect the privacy of the individuals.

ISBN 978-1-63881-391-0 (Paperback)

ISBN 978-1-63881-392-7 (Digital)

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

This book is dedicated to Andrea and Emily. You are Dad’s shining stars! You gave me a purpose. I am so proud of the lovely young women that you have become.

I love you so much.

Mom

Preface

I have had a narrative in my head for the past twenty years, documenting my journey as a young widow. I lost my dear husband, Dr. Lee J. Goldblum, after a relatively brief illness on March 20, 2000. It was recommended to me by my wonderful therapist that I write a book about being a young widow shortly after my journey began at age forty-four. I had no experience as an author and was struggling to survive day-to-day and function as well as I could to raise my daughters. That was my goal at the time. I kept a journal that was a diary directed at speaking to my late husband. He had been my biggest support and best friend since I was sixteen years old. Not being able to confide in him and simply to tell him about the events of the day were excruciatingly difficult for me. My older daughter let me know that she was writing letters to her father, and I decided that method of communication might work for me as well. I began writing to Lee almost nightly. Although I have clear recollections as to the events that occurred so many years ago, my written journal provided me with more details that had been forgotten over the years. After being remarried to Richard Nathenson, I later wrote a journal chronicling our journey as a newly blended family. I was able to refer to these entries as well for details while writing my book.

At the time of his death, I had always thought that twenty years seemed to be a daunting amount of time to envision living without my husband. I realized that I would still be a relatively young woman when I would reach that milestone. That anniversary occurred in March 2020, and I was pleased that I had reached it and felt content and peaceful.

Then online, through a neighborhood website, I met a former patient of my late husband’s named Tova Feinman. We corresponded through email. She had been very grateful for the care that my husband had provided to her long ago. Tova let me know that she was a published author. When I mentioned to her that I had a story to tell about my journey navigating my years as a young widow, she encouraged me to begin the project. She volunteered to help me edit the book as a thank you and tribute to my late husband. I am very grateful for her kindness and impetus in getting this book off the ground. It was a perfect project during this challenging time of the pandemic.

This story is personal but is universal at the same time. My goal is to share experiences that might relate to others going through a similar situation and provide hope. It is frightening to be ensconced in adversity; but forging ahead, seeking the best help, and weathering the ups and downs can make one a survivor.

Chapter 1

In the Beginning

In late November of 1999, Lee and I went on a Caribbean cruise with our daughters. We met a very congenial older couple on the deck one morning and conversed with this couple several times while on the cruise. I noticed that the husband was using portable oxygen but seemingly doing well and enjoying himself. I recall thinking at that time that perhaps my husband would be on portable oxygen as well when he was in his eighties as he had some problems as a result of asthma. I had absolutely no inclination of the fateful turn of events that would happen in the next few months that would eliminate that prospect.

His coughs became more frequent in December and January. It did not seem to be the same as the past with his asthma symptoms. I then witnessed coughed-up mucus laced with blood on a hand towel in our bathroom. When questioned about this suspicious specimen, Lee blew me off. Was he in denial, or did he not want to frighten me? As a physician himself, he must have been curious and scared of his increasing symptoms. He refused to see a doctor at my repeated pleading. Lee insisted on keeping our plans to travel to a conference in Tucson, Arizona. While there, his cough persisted and became high pitched and much more severe and frequent. I kept insisting to take him to the emergency room, but he refused. I recall calling home to speak to our daughters on several occasions as they had witnessed their father’s coughing fits. I had no one else to confide in. I felt alone and frantic. My daughters listened to me as I vented my fears. I simply needed them to hear me. In hindsight, perhaps Lee did not want to go to the emergency room because he knew that, if he succumbed to care in Arizona, he might have never been able to be released from the hospital to travel back to Pittsburgh to our home and our daughters.

We miraculously made it back to Pittsburgh. He then embarked on his normal work week of office hours and scheduled surgery. Four days into the week, Lee performed surgery on a woman successfully. In the middle of that week, his cough persisted, and he became short of breath. He finally agreed to make an appointment with his primary-care doctor for the following week. The next day, he was in his office and apparently did not feel well at all. A colleague briefly examined him, and he was told then that his blood oxygen level was dangerously low. Lee drove himself home, walked in the house, and told me to take him to the hospital. I was relieved that he finally agreed to go to get help but was very frightened. My husband was admitted to the emergency room of the same hospital where he worked. It was comforting but surreal to be a patient at the same institution where Lee had a long career healing patients and delivering babies. Several tests were performed in the emergency room, including blood work and a chest x-ray. Besides having an alarmingly low blood oxygen level, the chest x-ray was very disconcerting to the head physician in the emergency room. That visit showed a severe disease that had affected my husband’s lungs. He was critically ill.

After several hours in the emergency room, my husband was moved to a large single room on a medical floor in the hospital that was adjacent to the nurses’ station. In the later afternoon, I