Carried by the Beat of Grace: Ten Percent Heart Gave 100 Percent Love

By Silvana Torres

My mother in law Hannah and I, were two people who God carried through difficult times in our lives but had different perspective. Hannah was thankful for her Godparents who gave her a place to stay while her mother was in care of relatives. As for me I was full of anger and hatred for my father leaving me with a strange relative who I never met before. Since my mother had passed this would be my new home. Hannah saw everything in God’s eyes as for I saw everything in man’s eyes. Through her, I became a better person. She taught about giving of yourself freely with nothing in return but love from Jesus.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Mar 31, 2020
• ISBN: 9781973688020

Silvana Torres

Silvana Torres was born, educated in New Jersey. Graduated with a Degree Early Education at Bucks County Community College In PA. She worked as an educator, caregiver for several years. Her mother in law, “Hannah as she called her Mom, was the inspirational person that lead to the writing of her book, CARRIED BY THE BEAT OF GRACE, about Hannah’s life and of her own life. She hopes to create a future foundation in her name to benefit heart disease and literacy. Silvana is currently writing on several inspirational children’s stories. Silvana and her husband reside in Pennsylvania with their son Jr., grandson.

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Copyright © 2020 SILVANA TORRES.

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

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ISBN: 978-1-9736-8801-3 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9736-8803-7 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-9736-8802-0 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2020904578

WestBow Press rev. date: 03/20/2020

CONTENTS

Introduction

Chapter 1 Sharing Our Stories

Chapter 2 My View: Losing My Mother

Chapter 3 New Family Moves In

Chapter 4 I Am Given Away to Strangers!

Chapter 5 Going Back Home

Chapter 6 First Mistake in Love

Chapter 7 Finding My New Love

Chapter 8 Hannah Is Separated from Her Mother

Chapter 9 Hannah Falls in Love

Chapter 10 Hannah Makes Her First Sacrifice

Chapter 11 Wife to a Stranger

Chapter 12 Hannah’s First Child

Chapter 13 Hannah Loses Her First Daughter

Chapter 14 Losing a Second Daughter

Chapter 15 Hannah Meets Her Brother’s Wife

Chapter 16 Meeting My Mother-in-Law

Chapter 17 The Big Move to the United States

Chapter 18 I Was Born Again!

Chapter 19 Hannah Sees Her Mother Again

Chapter 20 Dad Dies, Mom Has First Heart Attack, My Husband Loses His Job, and I Have an Emergency Hysterectomy

Chapter 21 The Passing of My Son

Chapter 22 Protected by God’s Grace

Chapter 23 I Know Why

Chapter 24 I Finally Experience How to Be a Christian

Chapter 25 Carried by God’s Grace

Dedications to Hannah Torres from Her Children

About the Author

INTRODUCTION

During my lifetime I’ve been surrounded by many people—family, friends, neighbors, and coworkers. Everyone brought something to my table of life. Some affected me differently, some were pleasant, and some were unpleasant. But there was one person who inspired me, made a profound impact on me, and taught me how to live a life with God by loving with humbleness and compassion. I became a better person because of my mother-in-law, Hannah Torres.

Society has labeled mother-in-laws as being intrusive and difficult to have a relationship with. My mother-in-law was different. Hannah lived as a spiritual servant of the Lord with a strong will to do everything good. Hannah had so many virtues: she was humble, caring, giving, sacrificing, compassionate, and loving. She loved and valued everyone who crossed her path. People were first, and she was never in the equation. Hannah was a hard-core giver. This all came from someone simple and innocent, who had no education. Hannah lived by Jesus’s grace and saw through His eyes. She struggled, and sacrifices were hard, yet God still blessed her.

She was always loyal to Him. It was amazing that this petite woman, who grew up in poverty in Costa Rica in the early 1940s, became a beacon in my life. Her story is proof that Jesus is alive and performing miracles. Hannah became an orphan at the age of nine and was placed in the care of her godparents to care for their children. Then she was placed with her uncle to care for his children as well. Never in her youth was she offered an education. She was chosen for hard labor and was a servant for family and friends, while her mother was placed in a hospital and then in the care of relatives. Hannah’s father was not in her life at that stage.

Her challenges became a journey with God, who watched her, guided her through hardship, and carried her every step of the way. This gave her strength to endure all things in her life, she still remain a sweet, giving, and humble person. She had a miracle heart that only worked 10 percent later in her adult life. But she always gave 100 percent of her love. God kept her alive for eleven years more after her heart diagnosis. This showed His grace through her. Hannah was a vessel to show us that God uses people who seem weak and vulnerable, but it also shows us that we have strength through Him. With God, Hannah’s innocence protected her from the world. That miracle can still show us that there is hope. Hannah always believed in Jesus Christ, and I believed her loyalty to Him extended her life for those eleven years with only 10 percent of her heart working. This showed me that God’s power and love don’t have to come from someone with so many college degrees. Hannah didn’t have any schooling, yet she learned the most valuable doctrine: to be faithful to Jesus Christ—to believe in Jesus Christ and to live according to His will. Hannah was united with Jesus Christ on February 27, 2011, receiving His blessing into His kingdom of heaven. God was very pleased with Hannah Torres. Why do I tell her story? Because she showed me that she was strong in faith, strong in courage, and a righteous woman. We were two different people with the same story but in a different time and with a different view of life. Hannah was simple but gracious and represented love (Corinthians 13: 4–7 KJV). I also endured pain during my youth, but I saw things in a worldly way. Hannah saw everything through Jesus’s eyes. Forgiveness was not a big factor in my life since I trusted no one. She, on the contrary, showed me that forgiveness is to forget. Trust only in Jesus Christ. She was His miracle.

CHAPTER 1

Sharing Our Stories

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I was startled by the phone ringing as I assembled my living room table. I picked it up.

My sister-in-law stated that my mother-in-law was in the hospital with pneumonia. She said with concern in her voice, I was staying with Mom, and she became ill these past few days. I took her to the hospital. She was having difficulty breathing. Mother has pneumonia, and her legs are swollen. I’m going to stay with her for now. You need to come and see her.

All right, I replied.

I hung up, called my husband at work, and told him his mother was in the hospital with pneumonia. I said I was going to see her and would keep him informed about her health.

She was there for a day with fluid in her lungs. It was her first time in the hospital since I had left New York. In the corner of my heart, I knew this was the beginning of the end for her. But I didn’t tell the family. Her doctors had told me this would happen. Her lungs would fill with fluid, and her kidneys would slow down to the point they would stop working. Then it would be her liver, and so on. It was almost a sign telling me that I had to prepare for the worst and to get the family ready. God knows best, I told myself.

I went to the hospital to see her, and her older daughter was there. She had stayed overnight. I came to relieve my sister-in-law so she could go home and rest. Her mother agreed.

I’m taking your place for tonight. It will give me a chance to talk to the doctors, I said.

The doctor was here earlier today, but he couldn’t speak to me because I didn’t have an interpreter. He said that he would be back when I have a family member to translate for me, Mom informed me. She had been hoping that I would come so I could speak to them.

Mom looked very fragile. Her legs were swollen and purple, which indicated that her kidneys weren’t functioning. She also was retaining fluid in her lungs. Mom had her normal smile on her face, which was a bit pale. She was glad I was there with her.

She was eager to leave the hospital. I want to leave today. I feel better, she told me.

Hannah, my mother-in-law, had no knowledge of her health or how much her illness had progressed, but she was entering the last stage of it. It broke my heart to see her like this.

I explained that she had to stay in the hospital a little longer because she had pneumonia. She had an infection that caused her to have a fever. But don’t worry because they started you with antibiotics to get the infection and bring the fever down, I reassured her. I’m going to stay overnight. I brought a notebook and a pen, so I can write while I keep you company. I also brought my Bible so I can read to you.

I’m glad you came back, Mom told me with a huge smile on her face.

We’d found an apartment with two bedrooms and, a week earlier, moved back to the town where we’d previously lived. That we were staying for good put her at ease.

I missed you very much, she said.

I missed you too! I exclaimed.

My son missed you so much too. He felt lonely without you. He loves you very much. You belong together.

Yes, I know because when you gave birth to him, Mom, my name was written on his forehead.

She started to laugh. Tell me the story of how you met my son, she said.

I told her.

I started by saying that I didn’t like him at first.

She always liked my stories, and it was not like she hadn’t heard this one before. But she liked to hear it again.

This time, she wanted to hear my whole life story. We both had lost our mothers at an early age.

CHAPTER 2

My View: Losing My Mother

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My mother died when I was seven going on eight—in the month of my birthday. I lost the only person that I loved that was everything to me in a most frightening way, with so much pain.

I remember I was sitting in my second-grade class, which I didn’t like because of the teacher. She always looked mad and evil in a scary way. I never saw her smile. I felt that she had it in for me because she was always shouting or pulling the hair on the side of my ears. I was bored with history. Boring, I thought.

One of my brothers came barging into my class and grabbed my hand! He pulled me out of my chair and took me out of the class, running for dear life like he was Flash! My classmates started screaming! The teacher turned around, and I was out of the classroom in seconds.

Before I knew it, I was in front of my house.

There were so many cars in my driveway and the street. I went through the back entrance to the kitchen past the doorway. I could see the living room filled with people dressed in black. I looked at my brother’s eyes, which were filled with pure fright. In the middle of the living room was a table with lit candles and a statue. People were crying in silence. I felt my heart pounding so hard that I could hear it.

I heard someone say, Silvana is here! Did anyone tell her about her mother?

Then I heard in Spanish, "Ella era tan joven. (She was so young.")

But what did she mean?

I went to my brother. What happened? Why are there so many people in our house?

He took me and hugged me hard. Mommy went to heaven.

You mean she … she died?

Yes!

He hugged me again.

I was at a loss for words. Everything was in slow motion. My world as I knew it had ended! I was crying so much that my throat was hoarse, and I couldn’t breathe! I just couldn’t believe it! My birthday was in two weeks, and she was supposed to be here with me! It’s not fair! I shouted.

We lived in a small town where everyone knew one other, especially in the Spanish community. I lived in a house of four bedrooms, and it was close to town. As I looked around, there were so many people, and most I didn’t know. But I can remember what I was wearing that day: a light-green dress with buttons on the front of my chest and a bow tie in the back. It was fall, so it was chilly that day, and I wore a dark-green sweater. It matched my dark-green socks.

As I looked down, my teardrops fell on my pointy black shoes. I looked up again and wondered, Can I go and hide from all this?

I ran through the crowd and went up the stairs to my room. I jumped on my bed and cried hard into my pillow! I felt so much pain and a sense of loneliness. All I could do was to kneel and plead with God for this not to be so! Please!

As I looked up, I thought how everything I had known now shook the core of my being. My heart feared the worst. I only could hang on to one person. I knew that He had the answers but didn’t say why my mother was gone so soon in my life. I wanted so much for God the Father in heaven to bring back my dear mother.

I cried so loudly that I strained my voice. I prayed and prayed, but nothing happened. I pleaded and begged until I fell asleep.

I was so young. I knew that God was there, but I felt He didn’t care. Still, I prayed just in case He would change His mind and give me back my mother.

I received no answer, so I felt His answer was no!

A week passed and my mother did not come back to me. But every day I continued to pray. It was close to my birthday, and I knew if I prayed hard, God would fix it.

CHAPTER 3

New Family Moves In

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A few mornings later, a strange lady came to