How to Deal with a Divorce as a Christian: Infertility, Adoption, Loss of Jobs, New Career, Family Relationships, and Alcoholism

By Iris Mollen

The author started journaling when her husband asked for a divorce after thirty-five years of marriage. Four months after her husband asked for a divorce, she lost her job after twenty-five years.
God led her on a journey to write this book, How to Deal with a Divorce as a Christian. The purpose of this book is twofold. Divorce is devastating. It is worse than a death, as one pastor said, and the author agrees. She wants to reach out to Christian women and men to tell them divorce will probably be one of the hardest things they will ever have to go through, especially if they have been married for many years.
This book contains what the Bible tells us about divorce. It also talks about job losses, infertility, adoption, starting a new career, alcoholism, and family relationships. The author's hope in writing this book is that she can reach out and help Christians deal with a divorce and other everyday events that have happened to her in her life. With God's help and her belief, she made it through. Now she has fallen in love, which she never dreamt would happen.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Resource Publications
• Release date: Nov 9, 2022
• ISBN: 9781725298293

Iris Mollen

Iris Mollen is a CNA in the Midwest suburbs. She was a legal assistant for twenty-five years, lost her job, and wanted to get into the medical field, which did not require a lot of schooling. She loves her work and her clients. She has worked extensively in hospice and with dementia clients. She treats them all as if they were her mother!

Book preview

chapter 1

My Story Begins

I believe I had a normal childhood, but what is normal?

I am the oldest. I have a sister who is three years younger than me.

My father told me when I was very young that I was choking on a grape. Daddy turned me upside down and there went the grape on the floor.

When I was in kindergarten, there was a cute classmate that had these beautiful black shoes, which I loved and I remember being envious of her. I love clothes and shoes and I guess that was the beginning of loving to dress up.

Mom used to sew clothes for my sister and me when we were young because she couldn’t afford to buy us new things. When we were very young, our outfits always matched. My older cousin had beautiful clothes and my aunt would give them to me as hand-me-downs. I was in heaven. Years later, we lost touch with my cousin and aunt. Is that why I love clothes so much and matching shoes and jewelry? I used to work at a small women’s dress shop and loved helping the ladies pick out outfits.

Around the time I was in kindergarten, I had to have my tonsils out and my cousin, who I was close to, had his tonsils out at the same time and we shared a room. The things that we remember! I was sick after I had my tonsils out. I recall bleeding from my mouth huge blood clots. At least I had someone in my room that I knew.

Then my parents bought a small house on a busy street in an affluent suburb of Chicago when I was going into fourth grade. I struggled with the move and did not get good grades that year, but at least I passed. I still remember my teacher’s name to this day.

My grade school was a few blocks away. I remember at Halloween, the school had a big event. All of the rooms were decorated for Halloween and had games. In the gym, they had my favorite game. Tossing a ping pong ball into fish bowls. I won a goldfish and was so excited!

I was studying one day and my father asked me to come in and listen to something on TV. I was busy studying and told him that, but he thought I was, smart mouthing him and he got up and kept slapping me in the face to the point where my lips were so swollen, I could hardly bear it, or even talk. I told my mom what he did to me and showed her my swollen lips. I think she was afraid to say anything to him.

My Mom had a dear friend, CS. Her and her husband, BS, had two boys and two girls. I had a crush on both of their sons when I was young. We used to go to their house that he built. It was a beautiful home. CS, a fantastic person, years ago had cancer of the voice box which was removed. She had to use a hand-held instrument to talk. It was very sad. I remember my Mom and I used to sit in Mom’s kitchen and talk with CS about life. The good ole days!

The removal of the entire voice box is called a laryngectomy and you are no longer able to speak in the normal way. An electrolarynx, which is a battery operated machine, is hand held up to where your voice box would be located, and that produces sound for you to create a voice. It is a very strange sound.

Many years later, we found out a few months before she died, that CS left her apartment, walked out into the street, and someone found her unconscious. She had a major stroke which affected her speech, but the stroke did not affect her arms or legs. She also broke her hip when she fell, but could not have surgery right away because she had a bladder infection. She was in her 80’s when she died and was at home where her oldest daughter cared for her till the end. I remember her oldest daughter. A real sweetheart.

I was around 12 years old when my mother asked my father for a divorce. He moved out and my mom kept the house. She struggled raising two girls by herself and working. We didn’t even get the luxury of drinking pop/soda in those days, unless it was on sale. My father never paid child support. I found out years later that he was a manic depressant, also known as bipolar. My mother also told me that my father used to jump from job-to job. He would find a decent job, then quit. One year he went to visit his father in Arizona and came back and told my mother that we were moving to Arizona. She told him she would not move. She had enough. She then asked my Dad for a divorce.

I remember my mother telling me that my dad was in the Navy!

My mother told me when I was a baby, she used to take buses with me in her arms, a stroller, and typing to drop off and get more typing for her job. The home office was in Chicago and we lived in the suburbs. She did what she had to do as my father was jumping from job to job.

One day I received a call from the police that he was a mile from our house, standing in the pouring rain, reading aloud from the Bible. I remember one time he was in jail for something and wanted me to bail him out and I left him there hoping he would learn his lesson, finally. He was definitely not on his medication

He did move forward in his life. He got remarried; divorced; remarried again and his third wife was lovely. I always wondered what she saw in my father. Love is blind. She was there with him until the end.

I wasn’t close to my father. I felt like he favored my sister over me, as she was younger. It took me years to realize that he was my father and that I should respect him. He was sick. I am a Christian and it is called forgiveness. As Matthew 15:4-5 says, For God commanded, saying, Honor your father and mother.

My dad gave me a hard time when I was at the age when I wanted to get my ears pierced. All the girls were doing it. His reaction to me was, If God wanted you to have holes in your ears, He would have given you holes in your ears! After my parent’s got divorced, I got my ears pierced.

My mother told me years later that my Dad’s biological Father was never found. Someone found his clothes and shoes by a river, but his body was never found. My grandmother got remarried; her husband, who I knew all along as grandpa, adopted my father and aunt.

Ironic; my Dad’s biological Father fell off the face of the earth, along with his sister and niece. I tried to locate them, but had no luck. It is very sad. I used to be close to my aunt and cousin years ago.

When our boys were growing up I used to take them to see my father, their grandpa. I remember he was in a facility and my sister and I went to visit him and she went to the ladies’ room. While she was gone, the look my father gave me was as if he were saying goodbye. I knew he was going to die. I had a gut feeling. I told my sister and she didn’t believe me. Well, he was gone.

Since I was the oldest and my mom worked, I considered myself the Boss. My sister was leaving one day to walk to our mom’s job to pick her up and walk home together. She left too early. I got mad at her because she was leaving way too early and I banged real hard on our dining room window. Well, that was a mistake. My hand went right through the glass window and I was bleeding all over the place. It was painful. I had cut my right thumb, and I am right-handed. I went to our neighbor’s house who knew that our mom worked, and she was there for us in case of an emergency. She wrapped my finger up in a kitchen towel and we went to the emergency room. I remember the doctor shooting me in my wound to numb it and stitch it up and it was horribly painful. I had around six stitches. I still have the scar.

One day my mother found out the company she worked for was moving, and she had to buy a car. Before that, she walked six blocks to and from work. That is when her father came to live with us to help us out financially, and bought my mom a 1967 green convertible Mustang. It was a cool car.

When I got my driver’s license, I of course wanted to drive, but my mom would not allow it because she depended on the car to get to work. Being a young woman with a driver’s license and wanting to drive, my mother and I used to fight over that constantly. Now I understand, but back then I didn’t.

When grandpa came to live with us, he took my mom’s bedroom and my mom, sister and I shared a very small bedroom together. Let me tell you, that wasn’t fun; three girls living in one small room. Plus we only had one bathroom in the house, but we survived.

One year my gentleman friend and I drove by where my grandparents used to live. He was showing me the neighborhoods he grew up in in Chicago. I can’t believe I remembered where my grandparents lived. Memories, like the corners of my mind.

Grandpa worked as a maintenance man at the Dearborn Street Station in Chicago.

When I was very young, my grandmother got real sick with lymphoma. My last memories of her were being so sick and looking awful. She died and I remember having nightmares of her lying in her coffin and getting up and talking to me.

Before my grandmother got very sick, my mom, sister and I used to go visit my grandparent’s every Saturday night. We used to watch Lawrence Welk and then go back to the kitchen and we each had a fudgicle! Memories.

My dad’s parents also lived in Chicago, in an apartment. My grandfather used to spoil us kids for our birthdays. I remember him taking me shopping when I was around 11-years old and buying me a brown skirt with a chain belt and cute blouse. My grandmother never went with us as she was sick. I believe to this day that my father took after her—manic depression, or bi-polar.

My mother told me that my grandfather worked for the Chicago Park District, but she doesn’t know what his actual job was or what his job title was. She does remember him bringing home plants for grandma that ate bugs.

When I was a very young girl, I remember going to my dad’s relatives’ house on a farm. I remember them having a fenced-in area for a beautiful horse and I was envious. My cousin, who used to ride the horse, died at a tragically young age of breast cancer. I also remember hanging out at a gas station across the street from their house. It was like an Andy of Mayberry town; small and in the country.

When my sister was around five years old and I was eight years old, we lived in a house that was constantly cold in the winter. There was a creek behind our house, and my mom told my sister never to go back by the water. Well, she didn’t listen. She went back by the creek and the neighbor boy, or so my sister said, pushed her into the creek. Thank goodness the water level was low. The boy’s older brother helped my sister out of the creek and she came running into the house all wet and dirty. She told our mom the neighbor boy pushed her in. My mom gave my sister a bath and spanked her for going near the creek. Mom told me that the boy, two years later, ended up dying in the creek. He fell in and the water level was high.

My sister and I used to have to help our mother around the house. Clean, cut grass and shovel, not snow-blow, a long driveway. I started working babysitting jobs, and then I got a job as a maid at a local Holiday Inn. Boy, the dirty magazines I used to find underneath the mattresses! I also had a good friend whose mother sometimes got me a job helping out with a catering business. I would walk to work, ride my bike, or sometimes mom would drive me. I was saving to go to college because I wanted to be a nurse. At first, I thought about majoring in music, as I played violin, took private lessons, and played in an orchestra. I was second seat, first violin, which is almost the best. I loved music, but I wanted to be a nurse more. I quit violin in high school and concentrated on studying, working and helping my mother. I was always busy. I never got into trouble.

My mom picked me up from work one day from Holiday Inn. I was being a smart-mouthed young girl to her and she got so mad at me, she pulled over and made me get out of the car and walk home. The walk was around two-miles. By the time I got home, I had chilled out.

Her version of the story: That day years back when you smarted off at me was when I picked you up from Holiday Inn. Then I dropped you off about half-way home. You were sweet as pie when you got home. Funny the things we remember, right?!

I had a guy friend that lived two doors down from me. We used to study together, played football and basketball. We got close as we got older and our hormones started to kick in. All we did was kiss. I thought I was in love. He was into building go-carts and I used to watch him build them. He had four other brothers, which at that age I thought was neat. I remember his older brother backing out of the driveway with his car. They shared a driveway with their neighbors (who were our immediate neighbors). I don’t remember the details, but when he backed out, I was behind him and the neighbor’s car was behind me and I didn’t move fast enough and got backed into between the two cars. I remember being rushed to the hospital, but I was okay. No broken bones; just bad bruising. They came to see me at the hospital.

My guy friend had to have surgery when he was younger as he had one leg shorter than the other. I remember visiting him in the hospital while he was recuperating from his surgery. I remember being very upset. Then I found out he had to wear a special shoe. Puppy love! My best friend, who lived a block away, was a few years older than me. I used to hang out at her house more than mine because she had her own room in a finished attic, which I just loved. She also had a pool. When she got her first car, it was a lot of fun driving around with her. It was a white car and had push-buttons for drive, reverse, etc. I remember her father was a baker and he got up really early to go to work. We had to be quiet so he could sleep during the day. We used to walk up and down our busy street flirting with the truck drivers. Those hormones again. And we often went to the corner store for penny candy. We caught lightening bugs and put them in jars and watched them glow.

One day my girlfriend and I were walking by this building where a door was open, and a few cute guys were standing around. We were invited in. What a mistake. We walked down some stairs and there were a whole bunch of guys nude. I stood and stared at one guy because I had never seen a penis before. My girlfriend had to drag me out of there. I drove by the building recently where we saw the nude guys. It is now a hair salon.

Years later, my friend found her father hanging in their garage. How sad and horrible and devastating. I adored her mother; she was like a second mother to me. We kept in touch for many years, but I didn’t keep in touch with my girlfriend. She and her husband had bought a new house and my husband and I were buying a home that was being built and, when I showed my girlfriend the pictures of the house, I believe to this day she was jealous and didn’t keep in touch. We had friends that had bigger, nicer homes than what we were buying, but I was never envious of them; I was happy for them.

I was also in junior choir at church for years. We used to sing Christmas carols at various houses where members of the church could not get out. How fun: snowing; decorations. I went to church every Sunday with my mom and sister, and went to confirmation classes and got confirmed at my church. I was also involved with the youth group and planned various activities. One cold night we went on a hayride and I remember having a crush on two boys! I adored our pastor. I also taught Sunday School for a few years.

Years later I found out that our pastor and his wife got divorced and he married the choir director. That devastated me. His only daughter’s name was Faith. I found out when I got older that the church I grew up in that someone was stealing money. It was unbelievable.

The church building where I grew up is now a Masonic lodge. It is strange to drive by there and see that it is no longer a church.

My sister was the shy one and I was the outgoing one. My sister asked me one day how I could talk to just anyone. I told her, That’s just how God made me.

My mom started dating. I never liked two of the guys she was dating, but it was her life. Then she met a man.

My mom got married to my step-father and he moved into the house with us (I was around 15 years old). He had three sons and a daughter. One son came to stay with us for a while and lived in the basement, which was unfinished. The other two sons were constantly in trouble. Having step-children is not easy.

My grandpa that had lived with us for a while moved back to Chicago and lived with his dog, Lucky. Between my mom and my aunt, they checked in on him every day.

My high school friend and I used to listen to the album of the Mamas and Papas and sang along to it. We used to sit on the floor in our closed in back porch. Years later I saw her at one of our high school reunions. It was fun reminiscing.

Funny how when you start thinking of your childhood, you really remember a lot.

My mom sold the house that we moved into when I was going into fourth grade and I was pretty sad. A chapter in our lives that was closed. We lived there for many years.

One door closes and another door opens.

chapter 2

Dating

I was 16 years old. I had a few dates, but that was it. My best friend was dating this guy. They broke up and three months later he called me for a date. The reason why it took him so long to call me was because he was having trouble with his eyes and contacts, or so he said.

So, that was the beginning of our dating

I used to go to local military shows with him. When I first met him, he collected World War II (WW II) daggers and swords and helmets, but eventually he got into buying/selling WW II German postcards. I would help him set-up/take-down his stuff and help at his tables at the military shows. He has been doing this for years and it is a pretty lucrative second business for him. He used to go to Germany to buy postcards. He used to receive phone calls from all over the world because he did auction books once a month so people could bid on his cards. The weird thing is, he used to also have posters of some Hitler pictures. Weird, huh?

I remember wanting to go with him to my high school prom, but he was in Reserve Officers’ Training Corps (ROTC) at the time, which is a college-based program for training commissioned officers of the United States Armed Forces, so he took me to their dance and I didn’t ever go to my high school prom. I remember my mom sewing me a long gown with big flowers. He did not pursue ROTC because of his bad eyesight.

We used to sit in my mom’s living room and watch TV and cuddle. We went to an amusement park called Adventure Land and it was a lot of fun (it eventually closed down).

We used to go to the Indiana and Michigan Dunes and beaches in his 1967 Mustang like my mom had, except it was not a convertible. I have a picture of me when I was 16 in a white bikini. He then worked at a local grocery store in town which years later closed.

When we got older and were able to drink, we used to go to a local club on the top floor of a hotel. They had live bands back then and we danced and had a lot of fun. I remember one night he drank too much and went behind my mom’s garage and threw up. It even came out of his nose. How gross is that? The hotel is now a senior living facility.

For a while, before he went off to college, he worked in a factory.

He is a few years older than me, so he went off to college first. He wanted to be a history teacher back then. I became friends with his sister, so we used to party together. Again, we went to a bar with live bands. I met a lot of guys and had a lot of fun, but I missed my boyfriend a lot.

I used to get a lot of love letters from him. I actually found them when I was cleaning the basement out to get the house ready for sale when we were in the process of a divorce. I read a few and cried. I was going to keep them, but I changed my mind. What for? That really, really hurt. But I had to move forward.

One Christmas he gave me a gift certificate to my favorite clothing store. It was called Stuarts. I was in heaven. I loved clothes and I still do.

After we were dating for a while and he got to know my mother, he used to go into the refrigerator and say, Isn’t there anything good to eat (meaning any junk food) in this house? Wow, did that bother my mother. My sister had a magic marker board on our bedroom door and he used to write all over it. That really made her mad.

When I first met his parents, I was really nervous as they lived in the same affluent town as I did, but. . . they had a beautiful, huge house and they had money. It was a young woman’s dream house.

I graduated from high school in 1974. I received a $500 scholarship for school. I went to nursing school in a small town in Illinois. That was an adjustment. I studied hard and worked at a hospital to help with finances. My mom helped out financially as much as she could. I used to get terrible menstrual cramps due to something called endometriosis. Endometriosis is where the endometrial lining sheds outside the uterus and can adhere to major organs or other areas. When you get your period, the spots on your organs, etc. fill up with blood and cause severe cramping. It is aweful. I was working one night at the hospital and got praised by the head nurse for staying, as I was very sick. She even gave me a hand-written note thanking me for staying. I was recently looking through a scrapbook my sister and niece made for mom many years ago. I saw a picture of me with my nursing cap and uniform. I asked my mom if I could get a copy made, to show my friends, which I did. It was from our one-year pinning ceremony.

Speaking of nursing school. I remember one summer I came home and worked at a nursing home. I had to get up really early for work and when I got off of work, I was exhausted. Funny how years later I am working as a certified nursing assistant at a healthcare facility.

I was able to see an OB-Gyn for free because I was a nursing student. He asked me if I was serious about someone and I replied, Kind of. I have a boyfriend that I have been dating for a few years. The doctor told me that before I could have sex, I would have to have surgery because I had a crooked hymen and was not going to be able to have sex without having surgery. So I had the surgery. Having a crooked hymen is rare.

One weekend he came to visit me at school and we got a hotel room, as no boys were allowed in the dorm. We had been dating for a few years and our feelings were strong. I remember that night and the nightgown I wore. It was a long yellow one. I felt so sexy. We were intimate and yes, it happened. We had sex. Wow, I was a woman!

I came home for a visit one weekend. I was fortunate to