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Crazy Beautiful
Crazy Beautiful
Crazy Beautiful
Ebook199 pages2 hours

Crazy Beautiful

Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars

3.5/5

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In an explosion of his own making, Lucius blew his arms off. Now he has hooks. He chose hooks because they were cheaper. He chose hooks because he wouldn’t outgrow them so quickly. He chose hooks so that everyone would know he was different, so he would scare even himself. Then he meets Aurora. The hooks don’t scare her. They don’t keep her away. In fact, they don’t make any difference at all to her. But to Lucius, they mean everything. They remind him of the beast he is inside. Perhaps Aurora is his Beauty, destined to set his soul free from its suffering. Or maybe she’s just a girl who needs love just like he does.

LanguageEnglish
PublisherHarperCollins
Release dateJan 18, 2017
ISBN9780547391618
Crazy Beautiful
Author

Lauren Baratz-Logsted

Lauren Baratz-Logsted has written books for all ages. Her books for children and young adults include the Sisters Eight series, The Education of Bet and Crazy Beautiful. She lives with her family in Danbury, Connecticut.

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Reviews for Crazy Beautiful

Rating: 3.427777811111111 out of 5 stars
3.5/5

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  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Lucius and Aurora are both new kids at school. Lucius blew off his hands in an explosion at home and stands out as "the kid with hooks;" Aurora's mother recently died, but she fits in with the cool kids right away. Despite their worlds apart and the behavior of Aurora's new friends, she's the first person in a long time to show Lucius kindness instead of fear - but she can't really be falling for him, can she?This modern retelling of Beauty and the Beast has no fantastical elements but all the sweetness of the original tale. Lucius and Aurora are both very relatable characters, and switching between their first-person narration worked well in both showing multiple sides and creating tension. It's a short book and a simple but good story, one I would easily recommend to fans of realistic teen romance.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    This book is called a modern Beauty and the Beast. I think that's what grabbed my attention. A few weeks ago we were looking at different version of the same story but this had a whole different, real life twist to it. Lucius blew off his arms in a science experiment so he has hooks. Aurora is beautiful girl whose mother just died. They both transfer to a new school to get a new life. They eventually become friends then form a relationship. He wanted people to see he was different but Aurora didn't care about that. The ending seemed weird to me because she just had a change of heart. The love square was also a little too much but not that bad.
  • Rating: 2 out of 5 stars
    2/5
    inb4 "still a better love story than Twilight".
    I have no idea who wrote the following review. It's so sickeningly sweet it can't possibly be me. I take no responsibility for any harm incurred through reading this review (if you profit though, give me a 68% share).
    There are times when an author asks you to suspend belief to make the story go along. Then there are times when you deliberately suspend your disbelief to continue enjoying the story.
    In "Crazy Beautiful" we see the latter. Lucius Wolfe is a teenager who lost his hands in a chemical explosion of his own making, requiring him to use prosthetics. Mr. Wolfe chooses to get hooks instead of the usual hand-shaped prosthetics. Here is where you are required to suspend the belief that I was talking about earlier.
    The way that the hooks are described makes it hard to believe that they are actually good for anything, much less allowing the kid to go about his daily life relatively unscathed. It's all rather unrealistic. However, the one thing it does right is it correctly uses the human aspect of story telling allowing the reader to more closely associate with our two protagonists.
    The one thing I really appreciated was the fact that neither Wolfe nor Audrey were untouched by sorrow. In the end despite the unfinished storyline that was Nick the ex-turned-current NFLer and the ending with it's Deus Ex quality, Lauren Baratz-Logstead manages to have kept my attention firmly on the romance between the boy and girl without making it seem cheap or fleeting. All too often in YA the romance angle is very physical or it's creepy with people being violent or stalkerish towards each other. On a final note the Gallowglass comment did not go where I thought it would, and neither did the sibling rivalry. All in all many plot ideas went wasted and yet despite that the novel was enjoyable. A solid three stars.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    Sophomore year should be a piece of cake –not quite the upperclassmen, but no longer the underdogs – but for new boy Lucius, the cake may very well end up on his face. His parents thought a new school would give him a fresh start, but if his hooks don’t scare his classmates away, Lucius expects his closed-mouth personality would do the job. On the other hand, he cannot help but envy new girl Aurora who seems to be getting cake served on a platter. She is like a Disney princess with bluebirds singing and silverware dancing, and what’s more is that Lucius wants to be her Prince Charming for no other reason except that deep down he knows her even though they’ve never crossed paths before. The only problem with the whole thing is: Will he ever get sha-la-la-la close enough to kiss the girl before she runs away screaming at the sight of him?I remember when crazy beautiful was first making the rounds through the blogosphere (has it really been 2 years?!) and falling in love with the cover – but after reading it now, I have a small wish that the hooks had been included somehow. They symbolize so much for Lucius – the boy he had been, the anger, the turmoil, the reminder of all he has to live with and come to terms with – shouldn’t that be cover-worthy? The dual perspectives worked for the story. It was mostly Lucius’s story – but I think that Aurora’s interjections softened up the story, and it helped to make her more relatable and less “vision of perfection.” crazy beautiful was crazy-short, crazy-sweet, and crazy-simple – but it totally works and makes me want to cuddle with it for a while longer!
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Lucius and Aurora are new students at the same high school. Lucius has transferred because he caused an explosion at his house while experimenting with chemicals, blowing off both his arms and leaving him with hooks for hands. Aurora and her dad are looking for a fresh start after her mother's death. I liked the development of their friendship and eventual romance. The books was a quick read and would appeal to hesitant readers. The end moved really quickly and the subplot a bit cryptic at times, Aurora's sudden change toward Lucius seemed out of character for her.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    I adored this book. A unique love story that provides the reader not only the expected romance but also teaches a good many lessons about acceptance and individuality.I also enjoy when a book allows me to not only see emotion but feel them. In this way Lucius jumped off the page for me much more than Aurora. We felt her loss to be sure, but I felt it more so through her interactions with her father. Lucius, on the other hand, was all feelings and turmoil. In every interaction he had with people large and small in his life and even in his own internal dialogue you could feel the torment, conflict, longing and love. Genuinely regretful of the circumstances that led him to his disability he continually struggled with how to adjust to the reality of it’s consequences.One of the greatest strengths Baratz-Logsted wrote into the book was portraying the story in alternating point of view. The recounting of events from both Lucius and Aurora gives the reader a well rounded perspective. I believe it also gives us the ability to root for the two of them to find a way to be together despite the obstacles of popularity, disability and emotional turmoil. It was extremely well done.I have to admit I had read the back of this book in the bookstore multiple times and was extremely skeptical of a love story where the popular girl falls for the boy with such a visible and pronounced disability. But in the end watching these teenagers attempting to overcome that adversity is what made the story for me. I appreciated the struggle as they worked to get together, that the author didn’t make it easy peasy, and I liked that nothing about the journey was cliched.Definitely take the time to read this book, it’s so very worth it.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    Beauty and The Beast is by far my favorite fairy tale of all time. So needless to say I know my beasts and I know my beauties. While Aurora and Lucius certainly had aspects of the characters, Aurora with goodness and Lucius with his flawed character before the beastly transformation and his changing heart after beauty walks in- something felt lacking.I’m not saying I didn’t like this but I didn’t love it. The writing flowed very well, the main characters perspective alternate between chapters in the first person, giving the reader both sides of the story. Some scenes are the characters alone, but we get to read what each person is thinking and feeling. If your familiar with the original fairy tale, its suppose to be dark, dramatic and tender all wrapped in one. Lucius at points in the story defiantly had a darker undertone, but most of his personality was sarcastic, I think there’s a huge difference between sarcasm and darkness. Beauty helps pull beast out of this darkness whereas Lucius basically pulls himself out. Another aspect of Lucius was underdevelopment. His character was likeable but there was so much more I wanted to know. Exactly why (explosion aside) did he blow his arms off- what lead him to these actions- what was in his heart to take him down this journey?The story had the potential to be great; it had the plot (the background leading up to the explosion, the whole Gallowglass concept, the death of Aurora’s mother) and makings to get deep, gritty and powerful. Baratz-Logsted had some beautiful, awesomely flawed characters to make this an intense read....but it was presented as a fast YA novel consumable to the masses. So take Crazy-Beautiful for what it is- a few hours of a watered down fairy tale, a lot of laughs and a few tender hearted moments. Teen romance yes...contemporary retelling of Beauty and the Beast...absolutely not.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Crazy Beautiful is a very unique retelling of the beloved tale of Beauty and the Beast. Lucius is a tortured soul. Every day he is reminded of the mistakes he made in the past. He has hooks for hands and is always stared at, made fun of, called all sorts of names, and/or completely avoided by the kids in his new school. On the bus ride to his first day of school he meets Aurora. Aurora who is everything he is not. She is beautiful, trendy, bright, popular and perfectly normal. Aurora who instantly feels a connection with Lucius but is hesitant because of the rumors surrounding him... the explosion, his hands, the hooks, the possibility that he might be crazy.The story is told through alternating viewpoints between Lucius and Aurora. I think Ms. Baratz-Logsted did a fantastic job providing us with both perspectives giving you a more in depth feel for both characters. Plus you get the added bonus of seeing how one situation can be perceived differently by either character.Now I will forewarn you, if you plan on reading this because it is marketed to be a retelling of Beauty and the Beast, then you will be in for a surprise. For in this story you will find no magic, no rose, no castle. Instead you will find a monster who wasn't overcome by vanity, but instead made the wrong choices in life and now has to live with the repercussions of his own making. This is a love story, but more than just a story about two very different kids falling for each other. It is a story of two kids living life the only way they know how. It is about forgiving and loving oneself. About seeing someone for who they are and not for what they look like. About healing and second chances.Ms. Baratz-Logsted's writing is lovely and I felt it lent this modern story just the right hint of enchantment and fairytale splendor. My only complaint was that it was so short (208 pages). I read it in one sitting and was saddened that it ended so quickly. I would really have liked there to be more but I also want to make it clear that in no way did I feel like it lacked anything either. On the other hand, it gives you the feeling that you are taking a glimpse into Lucius and Aurora's life. You know there was more before you came along and you know there will be more after you are gone. I think it was pulled off beautifully.This book was provided for review by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt through NetGalley.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Crazy Beautiful was a very A-typical love story. Young man, that has lost his arms, finds girl of his dreams. Pretty and perfect girl with tragic background falls for the young man. This utimately was a good story that will keep your attention, but I struggle with the negative feelings of despair that flow throughout this novel. I think this story is a realistic portrait of todays troubled teens. As an adult and a mother this is very troubling to acknowledge the amount of scars today's children must bare. While it is good to step back and look at the big picture this view was wrapped up in a love story. As I said this was a good story, but I find myself ready to move on. 
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    I enjoyed this book right up until the end, when the overly convenient an unrealistic ending shot me right out of the book and ruined what could have been one of the most romantic moments in teen literature.
  • Rating: 2 out of 5 stars
    2/5
    Starting a new high school can be brutal. Lucius knows his first day might be a bit more rocky than others' since he's never really put any effort into fitting in. Lucius' parent's are hoping this new school will be a fresh start not only for him but for the entire family but Lucius knows having two hooks for hands will automatically label him as the 'crazy' kid. Add in that he blew his own hands off in a chemical explosion of his own creation and you've got yourself a social misfit. What he doesn't expect on his first day is to make an instant connection with the lovely Aurora Belle, another transfer student, who is so nice and pretty that the other students welcome her with open arms. Even though he doesn't expect it, Aurora continually goes out of her way to become friends with Lucius, drawing him out even thought the other students are mystified as to her reasons for doing so.This compact little book (only 193 pages) was a quick read - full of little surprises that kept me turning the pages. Both Lucius and Aurora are trying to navigate their new lives while dealing with very personal struggles while ultimately learning about second chances and the empowerment that comes from looking past appearances.It was also fun to note how much emphasis Lauren Baratz-Logsted placed on the names in this book. Knowing Crazy Beautiful is intended as a retelling of beauty and the beast, the names Lucius Wolfe and Aurora Belle take on a whole additional meaning. Aurora Belle is such an obvious princess name: Aurora (Sleeping Beauty, anyone?) and Belle, naturally for beauty - fits her to a tee. Lucius Wolfe: now that's just a beastly name altogether don't you think?The story was light and fun and there were little details to make it stand out (like the names) but just didn't deliver in some aspects. For starters, the ending felt rushed and not as well thought out as it could have been. There was so much buildup and I felt that Lucius' motives for setting the explosion in the first place were never sufficiently explained.That said, even though Lucius fairly leapt off the page at times, Aurora never really solidified into a real character. She was just a little too squeaky clean. Not that that's bad: I love a good girl as much as anyone, but you just want some depth to go along with all that innocence and kindness. Obviously, Aurora is beautiful and would never judge by appearances - not to mention the fact that her mother passed away from cancer = instant empathy points - but where's the flaws? the quirks? I hate to pick on the nice girl, but she just needed a little more oomph.One thing I did love however was the actual book itself. The black and white cover: a little edgy and with that ever-so-important dash of instant attraction. It also didn't hurt that the book itself is a nice, bright unmistakable hot pink. Contrast, contrast - thy name is perfection.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    I picked this one up because I just love re-tellings of the Beauty and the Beast tale! In this one, Aurora Belle is Beauty and Lucius Wolfe is the Beast. They both are the new kids at high school for different reasons: Aurora because her mother has recently died and Lucius because he lost both arms in a self-made science experiment gone wrong. I would have given this one 5 stars if not for the (what I felt was) abrupt ending and Aurora's uncharacteristic about face when she learns the true nature of Lucius' accident. I loved the language of the slow moving sweet romance and the story unfolding from both of their points of view, but I hated the "mean spirited, jealously fueled" sub plot from one of the secondary characters at the end.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Just about everyone has seen the movie, read the fairy tale, or seen the play of Beauty and the Beast, but I guarantee this is not the version from Disney or what’s written in the books, or even the Broadway play or even the musical. This is a version all its own. This is a version that will show you a modern twist and a new side to the same old fairy tale.The “Beast” in this case, is actually not a beast at all, his name is Lucius Wolfe (is that not a cool name or what?) and he’s a sophomore in high school. But he’s not going to be at the same high school he was the year before, not since the accident, the accident that cost him both of his arms. The prosthetic metal hooks that are in place of where his arms used to be, that is was labels him as “The Beast” in this tale.The “Beauty” is actually Aurora Belle, she is beautiful, naturally beautiful and not in that I-don’t-have-to-plaster-myself-in-makeup sort of way. There’s something about Aurora that is different than everyone else. Aurora is sweet, nice, and friendly to everyone until she has a reason not to be. But most of all, Aurora is not afraid. She’s not afraid of Lucius, of his quietness, or even of his hooks.Upon their first meeting, they both know there is something about the other that intrigues them that draws them to one another. All they have to do is navigate the “popular” kids, high school, and their own issues and find out just why they are so drawn to each other. And that is what makes this story so adorably beautiful.There’s something about going back to that time in high school, to those kids that always got what they wanted and always had it so easy, that makes this story so relatable, even with its fairy tale roots. But that’s the thing; Lauren Baratz-Logsted has stripped down the typical Beauty and the Beast story and got it down to the bare roots that made this fairy tale so beautiful in the first place. She’s found the love, redemption, and the power of forgiving not only each other, but also forgiving oneself.Throughout the story, the point of view switches between Lucius and Aurora, which I found quite different and refreshing. I loved the different take on the same situation, and that made it easier to not only understand the characters, but also understand what they were thinking and how they were feeling. It also made it that much easier to fall for these characters and to know them better, at least in my opinion. And in a story that’s just under 200 pages, getting to know these characters quickly and thoroughly becomes important for the reader, and important for the story itself.I found it remarkably easy to relate Lucius. I mean, who hasn’t been through the taunts and dealt with the bullies that come along with being in high school? It’s easy to fall into a story that you can relate to a narrator, and Lucius may be the easiest I’ve found relatable in a long time. Maybe that’s why I didn’t want the story to end.It’s easy to forget that Beauty and the Beast was more than just a Disney movie with talking/singing household items and a beautiful girl in a castle with a beast; but it’s so much more than that. It’s the story of redeeming yourself, of falling in love with no boundaries, of forgiving others, and forgiving yourself for things that you can’t change anymore and Crazy Beautiful reminds you of that. It’s beautiful, refreshing, and totally rereadable.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    This is a fairy tale retelling without magic or mystical creatures. It takes place in a regular high school – with cliques, bullies, queen bees and outcasts. When two different students start at a new school on the same day, appearances alone would lead you to believe that their lives won’t cross paths. Lucius Wolfe is a jaded screw-up whose latest rebellion has left his family torn apart – and has left him with prosthetic hooks for arms. He has no doubt school will be just as tough as being at home, but Aurora Belle, a fellow new student, catches his attention. Aurora is the girl everyone else either wants to be or be with, so Lucius is shocked to find that she is the sort of kind-hearted soul that might just give him a chance – if he’ll let her. With plenty of allusions to Beauty and the Beast this modern high school take on a classic is both heart-breaking and heart-warming in all the right ways.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    I have to admit when I first read the book blurb for Crazy Beautiful it did not really grab me. I mean the idea of a guy with hooks wooing a girl? It just sounded too strange but when I got a chance to review it I figured why not give it a chance. Thank goodness I did. It was a wonderful book that made me wish there was more when I finished it.I really enjoyed the story, the characters and the writing. Each chapter alternates from Lucius' point of view and Aurora's point of view. Aurora is the beautiful yet sweet new girl who is adjusting to life after losing her mother to a long battle with cancer. Lucius is having to come to terms with the new life he has after a horrible accident of his own causing. Despite both having their issues the two are drawn together. We see how Lucius has to handle his differentness and how he relates to other people with after his double amputation before he can face his feelings for Aurora.The one thing that did bother me where there were certain moments that seemed very after school specialish. People being just too perfect to be real. It also has made me curious to go look up the original playwright for Grease. That love story comes up several times and there was a constant reference to Sandy's character not originally being Australian. Now I feel the need to go find out what her character was originally supposed to be like.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5
    Crazy Beautiful is told in two points of view: Aurora and Lucius. Both are new to the high school they're going to. The difference? Lucius has no hands, due to a chemistry concoction gone wrong. So instead of hands, he has hooks instead (which freaks out the entire school population) except Aurora. In a modern day retelling of Beauty and the Beast, Crazy Beautiful explains love, redemption, and forgiveness.It's a short read. About 200 pages long. I absolutely loved this book. I immediately sympathized with Lucius and hated those that just assumed these whirlwind stories about him were true. Just because of his disability he's immediately an outcast in the cruel world of High School. Both main characters were very well liked by me. I loved Lucius for being strong despite being a social outcast the minute he stepped on school grounds. I loved Aurora for standing up for what she believes in and even has the courage to stand up and tell her peers they're wrong about assumptions they have made. Both characters are very strong, brave, and mature which makes them even more likable. I couldn't stand Jessup (I can't stand his name either). I just absolutely hated him and I was glad Aurora could see through his actions and was able to fend him off. (Yet another reason why I liked Aurora so much).The plot is very short and doesn't take too long to go through. It's almost as if you're watching a half hour TV high school show. Which isn't that bad, mind you, although I would have like the story to develop a little more. That's just me, as I'm used to reading longer novels. It seemed to just go a little too fast but at least there's enough going on in this novel to make it flow and to keep the reader interested. There were parts that actually got me laughing out loud. Lucius has charming wit that enhances his personality and character, also his bravery in standing up against the most popular guy in the school also makes this an entertaining read. Overall a good quick read. It does have certain parts that would qualify as a modern fairy tale. I enjoyed it very much and just wished it was just a bit longer as I thought there could be more to it. Lucius and Aurora made a wonderful couple and it seemed they were made for each other so it gave the romance a nice cozy feel to the story. Pick this up if you feel like reading something quick but also a light hearted read.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5
    Crazy Beautiful is a “Beauty and the Beast” story. Aurora and Lucius are both new at school. They each need a fresh start in a new town. Aurora is beautiful and immediately accepted by her new classmates. Lucius, however, discovers that his reputation of being crazy has followed him. Of course, he had to know it would be hard to hide his identity given the hooks he has for hands. Even though their experiences are quite different, Lucius and Aurora find themselves drawn to each other. As with any love story, conflict arises. This time it’s from jealous classmates who tell a terrible lie in order to split the two.I’ve enjoyed quite a few of Lauren Baratz-Logsted’s books, particularly the ones published by Red Dress Ink. The YA titles that I’ve read in the past have been excellent as well, so I was excited for Crazy Beautiful. I have to say I don’t think this one has the same appeal to an older audience that many YA titles do; it seems like it is more appropriate for the younger set. The suggested age is “12 and up,” but I would actually put the audience as younger than that, perhaps at age 10.

Book preview

Crazy Beautiful - Lauren Baratz-Logsted

Aurora

I hear the dog alarm go off in the same instant I become aware of the first morning light in my room. I like rising early, like sleeping with the blinds open, because I’m scared of the dark.

In the dark, almost anything can happen.

The dog alarm isn’t an alarm warning that there are dogs in the area or anything like that, and it’s not a real dog sounding an alarm that there are burglars in the house. The dog alarm is a fairly large stuffed animal, light tan with white accents, its fur matted with the passage of years. In its belly is an alarm clock. When I first got it, when I entered grade school nine years ago, I could never wake up when it went off. Which is amazing, because the thing is really loud. You know: Yip-yip-yip-yip-yip? That’s what it’s like, like the fake dog is so excited that he might pee on the rug any second, and it doesn’t stop yipping until you turn it off. There’s no snooze button with the dog alarm. It is all-out sound or nothing. You are either sleeping in spite of it or you are awake.

My parents always used to say that it was astonishing how deeply I slept, that as a baby I used to terrify them because whenever they’d come to change my diaper in the middle of the night, I wouldn’t even wake when they lifted my legs high up to remove the dirty diaper, wipe my privates, and slide a clean diaper into place. They said it was scary because it was like—and these words they hated to say out loud—it was like trying to diaper a dead baby. So when I got the dog alarm in first grade and I still couldn’t be wakened easily, my mom would have to come in and turn it off before it drove her crazy, and then with me still with my eyes closed, she’d get me dressed for the day and then she’d guide me to the bathroom, gently pushing me, my eyes still closed, so she could brush my teeth. By the time I sat down to breakfast, I’d be raring to go—my mom always said I was the sunniest kid in the world once I was awake—and it would be like I’d never been asleep at all.

I know I should get rid of the dog alarm and get something cooler, something more suitable to my age. But I don’t even know what that would be. My friend where we used to live, Gracie, had a Hannah Montana alarm clock, but I don’t even know if that’s something a kid my age would have anymore. What would girls our age have now? A Lindsay Lohan clock? No. Probably not. Maybe, I think sometimes, I should just get something in basic black? But my mom gave me that alarm and I can’t stand to part with it. Now whenever the dog alarm goes off, I’m awake in the same instant. I’m no longer a heavy sleeper, having learned the opposite practice all the years my mom was sick.

I hug the dog alarm, whose name is Bowser, to my chest, thinking of the day ahead, dreading it.

Change has never been my favorite thing, maybe because so many of the changes in my life have been bad ones.

My dad, knowing this about me, has tried to keep things from changing too much for me too quickly. That’s why, even though this is a new house, a new bedroom, he was careful to recreate as much of the old bedroom in the old house as possible. My dad is like that. If there were an award for being the best dad who ever lived, my dad would win it. His recreating my old room means that all my old furniture is here: the white bed with the fairy canopy, the matching dresser on which he used leftover paper from the Cinderella border to decorate the drawers, the sheer white curtains that love to dance in the breeze. I do realize that the fairy canopy and Cinderella accents, like the dog alarm, are too young for me now, but I like familiar things, my brief flirtation with Lindsay Lohan and basic black clocks notwithstanding. And it’s been my experience that so long as I have all the hottest CDs, DVDs, clothes, and other things, no one ever seems to notice the rest. My dad also insisted I take this room, even though it’s the biggest and would likely be called the master bedroom, because he knows I prefer the morning sun to the dying sun at the end of the day, and this is the one bedroom in the new house that greets the dawn.

The only other thing my dad insisted on—he really doesn’t usually insist on much—was that we move here in the first place. He said the old house had become a mausoleum, and, despite my loud objections, he decided that wasn’t healthy for either of us.

I let go of Bowser and roll out of bed, feel the coolness of the hardwood floors beneath my feet. It’s odd. You’d think softer would be better than harder, right? And yet there’s something comfortingly solid about this hardness beneath my naked toes, how it doesn’t give to my weight at all, that it remains firm beneath my feet. It almost makes me temporarily believe the illusion that this new world could be a safer, steadier place. In our old house, it was all wall-to-wall carpeting in the hallways.

Some changes, I think, are good.

Once in the bathroom, I take a long shower, and when I come out I brush my hair one hundred strokes, just like my mom always taught me to, before styling it into something that the kids in my new school will hopefully take as familiar but special.

It’s easy to pick out my first-day clothes, since I set them out the night before. My mom and I picked them out from a catalog earlier in the year, because she could no longer make it out to the stores, something she once upon a time loved so much to do. She used to say that her own mom, born in the Depression, hated to take her shopping, would just buy the quickest and cheapest things, and not much of that. Not that my mom was reckless with money, but she used to say she loved shopping for me, loved having the money to spend on buying me the kinds of things she would have loved to have for herself if she were growing up now. Hell, sometimes I’d have to tell her, No! I don’t need three different-colored versions of the same shirt. That style will go out before I even have the chance to wear them all. Put two of those back!

That was one of the last things we ever did together, shopping from that catalog. She made sure I had the latest jeans, the latest top, the latest shoes, but nothing too flashy or unusual—again, familiar but special.

People at my old school, friends, sometimes said they thought I seemed too effortless, that I didn’t bother trying to stand out or wearing makeup, like I didn’t care whether people liked me or not. But of course I care. It’s hard to be a human being and not care if you’re liked. Or maybe it’s not so much that I care about being liked as that I’d prefer, if given the choice, not to ever be hated by one and all. My mom always said a person needs only one good friend in this world, and it used to make me sad when she’d say that some people don’t even have that.

At least back where we used to live I had Gracie. And I had a lot of other people, friends, as well.

As I’m dressing, the smell of pancakes drifting up the stairs is so strong that I hurry up and finish putting on my shirt, buttoning up my jeans. Then, as I follow the aroma down the stairs, I feel as though I’m following one of those smoky trails you’d see in a cartoon, the kind that are supposed to symbolize a really good smell.

When I get down to the kitchen, there’s my dad, slaving over a hot griddle, wearing one of Mom’s old frilly full-length aprons to protect his crisp white shirt and navy and crimson striped tie.

Sometimes I think my dad has it even worse than I do since Mom died. I had her for only fifteen years, five of which she was sick and then sicker until she was no more—cancer can take so much out of a person, until there’s nothing left but a shell—while she’d been his best friend since they were my age.

I know that whenever he looks at me, he can’t help but be reminded of her. I’ve seen pictures of her when she was the same age I am now, and though the hairstyles and fashions are different, when you line the pictures up side by side it’s the same face repeated, the same eyes, the same dark color hair, the same smile.

As for my dad, he’s a tall, burly guy, still young to be mostly bald but doing it all the same, with just a little bit of blond left around the edges, blue eyes behind steel glasses. My mom’s frilly apron looks frankly ridiculous on him whenever he wears it, but I’m careful not to tell him this or even smile about it, because I know how hard he’s trying, trying all the time.

Can you pour the juice, princess? my dad asks, using a spatula to flip the pancakes from the griddle to a china plate. The plate is white with gold trim: a thin stripe of gold inside and then a wide band of it circling the rim. My dad can’t seem to get the hang of things, that the china is supposed to be for when company comes, while there’s everyday dishes for when it’s just us.

On the table, next to a crystal vase with fresh-cut flowers in it—lush peonies that he bought special from the florist, Mom’s favorite flower—is a glass pitcher of hand-squeezed orange juice. I fill glasses for each of us as my dad sets our plates down on the table.

Big day ahead, for both of us, he says, forcing a bright smile as he takes his seat, draping a heavy linen napkin in his lap. Using the linen means the laundry piles up more quickly, but I never tell him it’d be easier to just use paper, throwing it away afterward like the rest of the world does.

Yeah, I say, forcing an equally bright smile, and lying through my teeth when I add, but we’re up for it.

That’s the spirit! he says, drizzling maple syrup over his pancakes. He pauses, forkful of pancake in hand. You’re not nervous, princess, are you?

Of course not! I lie again, punctuating my words with a cheery laugh for good measure.

That’s great, he says, content to eat at last, "just

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