Back To The Basics: Enhancing the Marriage Relationship

By Doyle and Jasmine Evans

Back to the Basics: Enhancing the Marriage Relationship, encourages spouses in their direct relationship with each other.

Are you struggling in your marriage? Are you stuck in different areas in your relationship? Your marriage is a pers

• Language: English
• Publisher: Back to the Basics Georgia
• Release date: Mar 1, 2023
• ISBN: 9781088080689

Book preview

One

A Full Assessment

Before you begin reading this book, which we hope and pray you will, and you will be encouraged, you need to stop here and do a full assessment of your marriage.  We run and run and run. We do so much for our children in many different areas (church, concerts, sports, vacations, TV shows and movies). We give them and give many other things our full and mostly undivided attention. Today, take time to assess your marriage.

What is your marriage?  This may be a crazy and simple question. Of course, it is the covenant between you and your spouse. Of course this covenant is in the sight of God (even if you didn't marry in front of a Pastor, all marriage is in the sight of God, regardless).  Your marriage is way more than this covenant.  Your marriage is the following and much more: open communication, friendship, common interests, physical intimacy, prayer, seeking God, enjoying time together.  We encourage you today to set up a date with your spouse and discuss the above and many other topics that the Lord puts on your heart. Yes, your children is part of your marriage. However, your marriage is between you and your spouse. Patricia and I often say now, now that our children are 23, 19 and 16, that soon, it will just be her and I.  It was Patricia and I before kids, and will be Patricia and I after our kids.  Therefore, we need to take some time and assess the all-important relationship areas.  Couples we know, who had  been together 20+ years, who have raised their children in a Christian home environment, have broken apart--and not doing an up-to-date, a current-time assessment was one of the primary reasons.  

Rate the following relationship areas listed from 1-10:

Communication

Laughter

Honesty

Serving Others

Commitment to God (in prayer and in His Word)

Listening to the other

Physical Touch

Then work on a plan to improve in every one of those areas. The first assessment may take a while, since you may not have ever conducted one.  No worries, next year, when you reassess, you'll have a starting point!  Don't delay in your assessment! Your marriage depends on it!

Two

Asking Forgiveness

Sorry to hit you in Chapter 2 with the most difficult chapter of them all. Asking forgiveness from anyone, much less your spouse, can be a daunting task.  This requires humility, it requires being honest, it requires commitment to change, and change habits, attitudes, ways of life, that may quite honestly may never have been dealt with ever in life.  Perhaps you were traumatized when you were a child, which leads to certain reactions. Maybe it is a crisis of faith. Or even, some big-time guilt for something you have done that hasn't been confessed.  There is a great deal that goes into this topic.  Before this can even be accomplished, getting right with the Lord, asking forgiveness from Him for your sins, is required.  You need to have open communication with Him, and be honest--always the best about this, is that He already knows it all anyway!  Once you are clean before Him, you can then go to your spouse and get clean before him/her.  When you are about to go to your spouse with your transgressions, you need to pray. Ask the Lord to give you the right words. Ask the Lord to prepare his/her heart. Ask the Lord to give your spouse the same grace you have received.  Ask Him to go before you.  He will and will be faithful to you and to your prayer.  Perhaps your spouse may react or even overreact. If you are seeking the Lord about it, He will give you peace--He will fill your heart with His presence. 

Now it's time.  Go patiently. Pray together. Be fully 100% transparent. Share the facts. Be gentle.  Allow your spouse some time to think about it, consider it, pray about it.  Don't overreact to his/her reaction. Allow the Lord to do what He does and give the opportunity for the Holy Spirit to penetrate the heart of your spouse. Once you confess, once you discuss, then let it go. Surely, there may be many conversations to come as a result, but you have done your part--you have been open. It is off your chest.  Now, it is time to move forward.

Asking forgiveness is the responsibility of each spouse, no matter how small the transgressions are.    We always taught our children, that they needed to ask