Life As A Fighter: Living As A True Man

By Ryan Smith

Ryan Smith is back with his fourth book, and it's his most honest and authentic book to date. His previous books Poeticman, Motives, and Thoughts of A Battered Soul and Born A Fighter showcased his passion for writing. Ryan has talked about his life's ups and downs in the past, but Ryan discovered that life is about growth and self-discovery. This

• Language: English
• Publisher: Ryan Smith
• Release date: Jul 30, 2021
• ISBN: 9780578932422

Book preview

Life As A Fighter

Life As A Fighter

Life As A Fighter

Living As A True Man

Ryan Smith

Ingram Spark, Lightning Source LLC

Contents

Dedication

1 Introduction

2 Family Portrait

3 Lost For Words

4 One Step At A Time

5 Welcome To The Real World

6 New Revelations

7 Department Of Corrections

8 Harsh Realities/New Focus

9 Second Chance

10 Kissing A Fool

11 Uncharted Waters

12 Turning The Page

13 Purpose

14 Love Is Love

15 Forgiveness & Moving On

16 Lion's Den

17 Happy & Proud

18 Wisdom and Thoughts

19 Words of Life Wisdom Quote From Tyler Perry

20 Legendary Bob Marley Quote On Life

21 Journey Ahead

Life Through The Lens

Copyright © 2021 by Ryan Smith

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

First Printing, 2021

Dedicated to anyone who is struggling, loving, and accepting themselves. You're not alone, and you are loved and cherish. 

1

Introduction

Train your mind to be calm in every situation.

Photo by Louis Lee Huddleston

Looking back on my life thus far has given me the time to reflect on my journey. In 2015, I released and published my book, a biography of sorts of my life. The truth is, for most of my life, I've been in a fight to love and accept myself. My heart became hardened, and I allowed too many situations to take over my life. I became a person who aimed to please other people. That's too much work. Reality and truth are easy. It's the deception that's the hard work. Most of my life was filled with anger, pain, sadness, and betrayal. Finally, I realized I was taking my anger on those who cared about me as a person and human being. That anger created resentment from others who felt that I didn't know how to talk to people because what came out was anger. I had to do real soul searching and look in the mirror and ask myself, who are you? It took almost thirty-two years for me to love and accept myself finally. In the past, my books were not showcasing my true self. Looking back, I shouldn't have published the book because it wasn't the full Ryan. I wasn't sharing my raw truth and perspective because I was too afraid of what others may say or hurting others in the process. I've been in this life for thirty-two years, trying to work out the motors for thirty, and been keeping notes and stories of my life. Chapters about my highs and lows, joys and sorrows, things that make you marvel, and the things that made me smile inside. How to have less stress. How to be free. How to hurt people less. How to get hurt less also. How to be a great man and person. How to have a great appreciation for life. How to be more me. No, this is not your best or traditional memoir. Yes, I will share my stories from my past, but I have no desire to be perfect or make this book perfect because life isn't perfect. This is not an advice book; even though I love inspirational speakers, I'm not here to preach and tell you what to do. Again, I'm not perfect; I step in shit all the time and recognize it when I do. I've just learned to wipe it off and move on. We all step in shit all the time, some deeper than others. We hit roadblocks; we fuck up, we get fucked and screwed over. Stepping in shit is non-escapable, so either sees it as a life lesson or figure out how to do it less often.

Now it's about no more holding secrets, no more pretending to be someone who I'm not. It's time to be me, Ryan, and I feel that it's time for the world to be reintroduced to him. I'm very hopeful this book will not only impact others, especially in the LGBTQ community but save lives.

2

Family Portrait

Learn from lessons, so you don't have to learn from losses

Photography by Louis Lee Huddleston

My journey began in the cold winter month of December when I was born on December 2nd, 1988, in Farmville, Virginia, at Southside Community Hospital. My parents were never married by the time I was born. So I'm the youngest after my sister was born two years prior, in October of 1986. My parent's relationship was not peaches and cream, to be honest with you. At the time, my grandmother filled in my father's role and helped my mother raise my sister and me. My father wasn't around to my recollection, and looking back, that was a hole in my heart because there was no actual dominant male figure in my life that I can remember. Although, at times, it didn't feel noticeable that he wasn't present or around. Yeah, that could have been due to my grandmother stepping in trying her best to fill that role. Sometimes, I asked myself a lot of times, Do I even have a father, and if so, where the hell is he? My father had the demons he was dealing with by the time I was born. Up until that point, he already had multiple children by the time I was born. So yes, I had other brothers and sisters whom, at the time, I didn't know and wouldn't know about them until my adult years. My father also had his bouts and dealing with substance abuse which brings my mother into the picture. At the time, I had no idea what obstacles my mother had been through, and how could I? I was a baby born into this world and had to learn the hardships of the demons my parents were dealing with at the time. Not to say, my childhood was all wrong because it wasn't. I had plenty of good memories. Memories of playing and getting into trouble with my sister. See, my sister was my best friend growing up. Course, every little brother, and older sister relationship had its fights and whatnot, but it was barely the case for me.

For the most part, my sister was my protector and sometimes even my guardian in most cases. However, my mother had her demons with substance abuse, which was well documented by many before my sister or I was born. My mother also tended to become involved with other men to support her demons and, yes, even put them before my sister and me at times. One man, in particular, I didn't care for because, as I said, she would put him before us, which is something a mother should never do. Some nights she would even leave us by ourselves to spend time with him in another city. Remind you, my sister and I was children at the time, but my sister stepped up in many ways and protected us during those times. At times, my sister raised me because my mother was out doing her thing, not knowing what her actions were inflicting on her children. Her actions did cause a strain in our relationships as I got older and a strain with my sister and her. At the time, my mother didn't think anything of it, at least I think she didn't because when she did come back home or when different men and people would leave the house late in the morning, she never addresses it with us. Maybe it was because she thought we were too young to understand or know what was going on, but a child can sense when something weird or not right is going on. Lots of people on many nights would stay until late in the night, and they would always go into her room with the door closed. Looking back at it, it was their way of doing drugs and not wanting us to see it, but after a while, I started to pick up on certain things, and