When Grief Becomes US: DEATH LOSS

By Janelle Johnson

DEATH LOSS

In this pioneering book of work, Janelle Johnson brings consciousness lending to the bereaved as they access information, insight, foresight on grief, resources, added coping skills, and mindfulness. Janelle has worked with grievers as young as three years old to late adulthood for ov

• Language: English
• Publisher: Elle Naj
• Release date: Feb 14, 2023
• ISBN: 9798888624715

Janelle Johnson

Janelle JohnsonJanelle Johnson's mission is to promote the welfare of humankind in the field of mental health. She works to combat stigmas & misconceptions about counseling treatments while effecting change nationally. Janelle Johnson holds an Associate of Arts in Business from Phoenix College class of 1994, a Bachelor of Science in Family Resources and Human Development from Arizona State University class of 1998, and a Master of Arts degree in Counseling from Regis University class of 2009. Janelle is a businesswoman, licensed professional counselor, national certified counselor, television correspondent on mental health, mental health speaker, lyricist for guided meditations, and author. Janelle formed Life Balance Counseling's private practice in Aurora, Colorado in 2011. Janelle is led to specialize and practice in areas that are both experiential and dear to her. She works with adult clients wanting to regulate emotions, recognize their anxiety triggers, manage depression symptoms, process grief and loss, build healthy relationships, sustain self-worth, and value. Janelle has an authentic interest in her client's personal and social growth. In therapy, Janelle listens to people for understanding; while pulling out their values so they may "balance their life." In therapy therapist and client work collaboratively to maximize the client's full potential and work towards optimal health. Clients are encouraged to move towards their goals and access resources available to nurture themselves, others, and what is dear to them. Janelle has contributed mental health articles to the Colorado Black Health Collaborative (CBHC), Good Therapy, and marriage.com. Janelle served on the board of CO Registered Psychotherapists. Janelle Johnson was interviewed for the June 2022 issue of men's mental health in the Denver Urban Spectrum magazine. Janelle's volunteerism includes mental health coordinating for the Denver District A.M.E Zion Church and volunteerism with the Colorado Black Health Collaborative. Janelle is a member of the NAACP, U.S. Black Chambers, Inc., American Counseling Association, Epsilon Honors Society, and Chi Sigma Iota's Rho Upsilon Chi Chapter. Janelle Johnson is a featured psychotherapist on two episodes of TV One's "Fatal Attraction" television show in 2016, and 2017, and on FOX news in 2017 as a television correspondent discussing grief and loss and its impact on the community. Janelle is a mental health television correspondent on Dever7/local3 news broadcasts, working to bring awareness to mental health by "destigmatizing mental health".Janelle is a Grand Canyon University third-year doctoral student in the program Doctor of Philosophy in Counselor Education and Supervision. Post-defending her dissertation, Janelle plans to teach at an alma mater, sustain private practice as a Licensed Professional Counselor, author mental health books, produce and sell health products, write, and supervise therapists working towards their license. Janelle is commonly reached at www.janellejohnson.org, and www.ellenaj.biz.

Book preview

Disclaimer II

This book will not replace your current mental, behavioral, or physical health treatments. Please continue with all your health treatments and services. There may be parts of this book that bring about intense emotion. Please safeguard and have a support plan while reading this book on death loss. If you are uncomfortable at any point while reading this book, please stop and take notice of your needs. It is always our effort with Elle Naj publications to enhance education, understanding, and health. If you feel incredibly vulnerable while reading this book, please monitor your reading reactions. You are not alone in your journey of grieving. There are resources available and noted at the end of this book. This book is an Elle Naj exclusive written by Janelle Johnson, MA, LPC, NCC.

When Grief Becomes US

DEATH LOSS

I help my clients focus on the life their loved one lived as opposed to the death. I remind my clients that their loved one's life is much more important than death. It is easy to focus on the last time you saw your loved one, especially if they had to suffer from illness. 

-Elysia Burgess, MA, LPC-A

Paramount Therapy Solutions

You may never reach the acceptance of the death loss. With death loss, you recount the significance your special person held in your life, and the support they offered. Life events may trigger longing. You can learn to live with emotions and live in your new normal, but acceptance may never come. At the end of the day find your new normal. A wise person told me to be authentic and live through your grief.

-Shalisa Hannah, MA, EdS, NCC, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

A Brighter Tomorrow Counseling

When our loved ones die, it feels like a piece of our souls dies too. I’d like to believe I’ll see my fallen loved ones again. However, the older I become, the lesser I think such a phenomenon is true. Perhaps death is just an ongoing reminder that we all need to embrace the Realities of today. The idea of death should motivate everyone to do their absolute best today because tomorrow starts with us Today.

-Dr. Jason Hiram Lester, MSW, MS

Clinical Assistant Professor

The University of Denver, Graduate School of Social Work

It is important to remember that grief comes in waves. Sometimes the waves are calm, and sometimes they are choppy, but they are never still. When you lose someone, something, or an idea of perfection, grief is inevitable and always seems to linger. It’s important to see, feel, acknowledge, honor, and continue to press forward.

-Destiny Parker, M. ED, CSC, LPC-A

The death of a loved one can consume us with so much grief that at times, it's hard to see past the loss and embrace the memories. I lost someone very special and dear to me. Throughout my grief I learned that when we love someone so deeply, grief is a reminder that their love was immeasurable, and their spirit lives on within us.

-Alice WestGoers, LCSW

Licensed Clinical Social Worker

Counseling Services, PLLC

Partnering with individuals as they process loss and grief is an honor. Normalizing each person’s process helps facilitate healing. As a healer, helping those wounded, grieving, and experiencing loss/death is a privilege

-Harmony Wright, PMHNP-BC

Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner- Board Certified

Acknowledgments

Greatest Supports: M. Canty and M. Bennett

Parents for always giving me the confidence to conclude life's callings: J. Ashton and J. Johnson

Education: Phoenix College, Arizona State University, Regis University instructors, Judi’s House staff and director 2008-2009, and Civil Rights Activists, including Literacy Rights, and Dr. Tony Bandele for educational, supervisory, and private practice supports

Exclusive When Grief Becomes US: DEATH LOSS Poem by: 4Lia

Grief Regards (quotes) by Providers: Elysia Burgess, MA, LPC-A, Shalisa Hannah, MA, EdS, NCC, LPC, Dr. Jason Hiram Lester, Destiny Parker, M. ED, CSC, LPC-A, Alice WestGoers, LCSW (poem and regards), Harmony Wright, PMHNP-BC

Grief Regards (quote) by Caregiver for Senior Assisted Living: Chinyere Hill, CEO

Shared death loss experiences: Alston, D., Ashton, J., Burgess, E., Gordon, Larean, Hannah, S., Moore, R., P., La-Kebra, Porter, A., R., Stephanie

Editor: ViviStone @fiverr.com/vivistone

Promotional Music: Big Plaid Stash @ [e-mail]

Promotional Music: MO-RON @[e-mail]

An Acknowledgment of the Author’s Significant Losses and a Tribute to

TYRONE ANTHONY BENNETT

Daisy May Hawkins, Velma Vern Hawkins, Leonard Ashton, a host of Great- Grandparents, Uncles, Aunts, Cousins, Ancestors, and Melo J. Benty

Introduction

I

Janelle Johnson, MA, LPC, NCC completed an internship at Judi’s House in Denver, Colorado from 2008-2009. At Judi’s House, we primarily held groups on bereavement. The groups were facilitated by age. For example, a young child group, an elementary school-aged group, a middle school group, a high school group, and an adult group (separate rooms for grief groups by age) for support. Individual grief psychotherapy sessions were offered as well. The topic of bereavement is critical to me. It is part of what brought me to specialize in grief and loss in my psychotherapy private practice.

My grandmother found out she had six months to live during the last weeks of my internship and just before my master's level graduation. The irony is that I worked at Judi’s House with bereaved clients just days before and after her death. The week she died, I presented my capstone presentation. I note this to bring awareness that there is no right or wrong way to see death and dying. There is no right or wrong amount of time that should be taken off to deal with your grief from death loss. A higher communication aided me in completing my capstone and internship post my grandmother’s death. I felt it was too close to graduation to take time off from school. As grievers, your grief journey is just that, YOURS.

I had a peculiar experience watching my grandmother transition. There were others in the room. However, our experiences independent of each other were unmatched as we watched my grandmother transition before our eyes. What one person feels post the death of a loved one is separate and unmatched by others.

I hope to lend relief through conversation, education, and guidance to grieving people who experience death loss. I have carried this hope with clients for over eleven years in my private practice. Finishing this book on death loss by winter was paramount. I see an influx of clients about death loss during the fall and winter months (during seasons, holidays, and anniversaries). This book was released after the New Year, and often this is the period of new beginnings with a readiness to seek support for health needs.

You will read more about new beginnings in succeeding chapters of this book. I marry an experiential perspective and provide education on Grief and Death Loss. This book is not intended to be psychotherapy or replace it. Ending the stigma of seeking support for mental health concerns is one of the goals. You will walk through a glimpse of what getting desired support may be like. Facing death loss and healing are essential aspects that aid in moving (living) through a death loss.

This book will discuss thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that surmount when people experience death loss. It is not a fun or welcoming experience. However, all humans will experience a death loss in life, whether in the process of one's death or the death of someone else. Although grief is a necessary conversation, death loss is inevitable.

Through sharing, education, and comprehension, people may understand that they have a right to their incomparable feelings when someone dies. At times people have a tough time watching and experiencing emotions. They will do everything they can to mask the emotion, avoid the emotion, or suppress the emotional response to a significant loss. A conversation is a suitable way to start, as it helps get things off your mind and out of your body. Health professionals providing individual psychotherapy, psychiatry, support groups, and palliative care specialists may aid in grief support or treatment.

All efforts and grief support are completed, so no human feels alone in their grief. Furthermore, grief support aids people in feeling reduced symptoms of complicated grief with shortened intensity, and an understanding of their worth and adequacy as they move through grief without prolonging intense symptoms. We must remember that memories of loved ones do not die. In contrast, not all deceased experiences are with someone close or personally known. Not all death loss experiences are people who were loved by the bereaved. This will be addressed in the reading. Take deep breaths throughout this reading. Be kind and gentle to yourself. Practice self-care throughout reading this book, When Grief Becomes US (death loss).

In Loving Memory

Tyrone Anthony Bennett 09/19/1970 - 07/11/1993

The Authors First Significant Death Loss

IN LOVING MEMORY

This book is dedicated to Tyrone Anthony Bennett, acknowledging a beautiful life lived. May his memory be carried, his family find justice, and may his soul continue to touch the living. Janelle hopes that his living child knows what an influential amazing human Tyrone was to the lives he touched

then and his memory now:

T

yrone’s birthday is the day before mine (three years and one day). There is a message in this time of celebration. We were born in the same birth month and one day from one another. We were similar in ways, including love, determination, happiness, spirituality, and temperament. I recount the day we met. He traveled to my school. It was my first year of high school. A friend of mine knew one of his family members. We both agreed to meet that afternoon. We met in front of my school. Then we watched a basketball game in the gym of my high school. We spent a great deal of time together. After that, inseparable, they called us. From the moment we met, we synchronized. Twenty-nine years, seven months, and fourteen days by the time this book is released; not an anniversary, birth, or death date goes by that Tyrone is not remembered, Tyrone (T-Buff, his mother called him). My deepest continued love and condolences to Mr. And Mrs. Williams and T. Bennett Jr.

I recount not understanding death when I was nineteen years of age. I did not have a significant loss to compare my first death loss to. I was told of great-grandmothers that died. However, I do not remember their deaths. I was incredibly young and lived in a different state from them. None of my friends were talking about how they managed their death losses. My younger sister experienced the death of her friends. I am uncertain if she was properly attended to during those times. My peers nor my elders spent time talking to me about what I was feeling or doing post my significant death loss. They may beg to differ. My memory and experience may be different from that of the adults in my life during that time. As I write to you, I realize my death loss experience differed from everyone at that time. I say this to other people, almost forgetting this reign true in my experience as well. Being a psychotherapist does not exempt me from having a personal death loss experience.

It was all a blur when Tyrone died. I describe my loss as early emotions of shock and denial. I received a phone call. I did not want to believe what I heard at the other end. I thought, there is no way! I just saw Tyrone days earlier. I tried to deny that it was him. I said, no, it cannot be him. He did not weigh that much. I was basing his weight off his weight four years earlier. I went from shock, followed by extreme anger. Again, Intense Anger. I was not levelheaded in my thinking. I had visual images of finding the assailant once I realized that the death was confirmed.

I was grief-stricken and furious that the person I loved was now dead. I resented people, known and unknown. I was angry; I did not slow down long enough to conceptualize all the facets of my anger. Although I understand people sometimes feel they have been forsaken. I was saddened. Sad, angry, bewildered, confused, dismayed, appalled. Those words are but a part of the feelings I felt. Although, I did not mourn with tears nor use the word sad during that time. On the outside, I gave this perception that I was doing well.

You know when people ask, how are they doing (after a death loss)? That is an absurd question at times. When you stop and sit with the question, the better question would be, what are they doing and experiencing during this time of bereavement? What support does the bereaved person need or desire? Exploring what is needed could go a long way. You cannot tell how a person is doing internally merely by their actions during or after a death loss. The only way you will know how someone feels when grieving is if they confide in you and tell you their story. People’s responses may or may not be telling when it comes to death loss. During my first death loss, I would have presumed to be well. There was no outward expression of depression. I ate, slept, went to school, socialized with friends, and moved about as I otherwise would before my significant death loss. I did not cry at the funeral. I worked and went to all appointments. It was not my outward expression. It was my feelings of longing, sadness, hopelessness, and confusion about how my romantic plans had come to a halt. I did not go to an added organized service after the funeral. The funeral, as I recalled, was awful, for me!

I was in Arizona when I received the call that my deceased loved one was presumed dead. I had to travel to Colorado for services and to view my loved one's body. I flew back alone. I came back to what felt parallel, being both familiar and distant at the same time. This is the first time I am sharing this. I was young. I was not logical, rational, or level-headed (as I repeat for the impact). It was like my spirit left my body. I was moving, talking, and sharing words at the funeral. I recount parts of the juvenile words I left. I was not being present with myself in the way I would today, nor was I connected to the words I was saying as I stood before people at the podium honoring my best friend after his death. I was not worried about the afterlife. I did not give it thought or attention. It was an absolute that my significant loss, Tyrone, would go to heaven. However, that did not change the agony I felt on earth