Man on the Roof: Helping Warriors Discover Peace and Purpose Through Life's Pain

By John Davis and Chad Robichaux

At one point in his law enforcement career, John's relationship with God took a backseat to everything else. In fact, he knew he needed to talk to someone about his struggles on the job, in his marriage, and all the bitterness and hate inside, all the things he saw as a police officer. But, instead of doing that, he did what so many of us do; he

• Language: English
• Publisher: John Davis
• Release date: Feb 21, 2023
• ISBN: 9798218140298

John Davis

John Davis is the author of two poetry collections, Gigs and The Reservist. He is a polio survivor and a Coast Guard veteran. Currently, he resides on an island in Puget Sound, Washington, and teaches high school while moonlighting in blues and rock 'n' roll bands.His poems have appeared in DMQ Review, Iron Horse Literary Review and many other literary journals.

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INTRODUCTION

The call came in early in my shift, about 2200 hours. I was working my normal weekend graveyard shift. Dispatch sent me to a suspicious person loitering outside the reporting party's house near their backyard, and they did not recognize him. I arrived at the scene at the same time as one of my best friends, David Yoshitake, or what we call him, Yosh. We exited our vehicles simultaneously and saw a person matching the description standing near the backyard fence of the reporting party's backyard. He looked at us with the 1000-yard stare and appeared to be under the influence as his eyes about shot out of his head in a wide gaze looking right through us. He seemed to lock on who we were, and as quickly as a cat scaled the fence into the backyard, the chase was on.

Yosh and I climbed the fence and saw him climbing the fence to the adjacent yard, and we followed after him. People were shouting, and dogs were barking as we continued following him over several fences and houses.

Being with your brothers in arms in dangerous environments, hot calls, physical altercations, and critical incidents is the part of being a police officer I loved and still miss. The adrenaline rush and risking your life to protect citizens, but also being able to test who you are as a man under the most intense and life-threatening circumstances, is something I think all of us want to know and can only know when called into action.

After jumping over fences and going through about five different backyards, the suspect stopped and made a hard right turn toward the house. He darted to a tree next to the house, and as fast as I have ever seen, someone scaled the tree to the roof of the house.

Yosh got to the tree first and made it to the roof. Unfortunately, I was right behind him, and as I was about to get on the roof, I lost footing and slipped, nearly falling off. I got angry not just because I was not right behind Yosh to assist with detaining the suspect but because I needed this.

Being in the chase, physical altercations, and life-threatening situations were my drug. It was the only time I felt some form of peace because nothing else was in my mind except the fight I was in at that moment.

I was able to get on the roof where Yosh, who was a high-level Judo practitioner and my main Grappling partner at the time, had the suspect down, and they were in a scrap Yosh was on top of the suspect, and all I could get my hands on was one of the suspects arms. I grabbed it, attempting to put it behind his back, but although he was small, he was full of methamphetamines and was very strong. I used my whole body to control his arm, slammed it behind his back, and heard a loud crack breaking his arm. We were able to get handcuffs on him. Yosh stayed on top of him as the suspect groaned in pain and made incoherent sounds. We later learned that the officers on the ground had fired several bean bag rounds from their shotguns into the suspect's body when he was on the roof.

I got up and took in the moment. There was a police helicopter overhead shining a light on the scene, and about five police officers were in the backyard looking up. It reminded me of the final scene from the 1988 police movie Colors with Robert Duvall and Sean Penn after Robert Duvall was shot.

Standing there on the roof with my hands on my hips, looking down at the other officers, I felt prideful, full of myself, and how everyone looked up to me. I had, at this point, been a police officer for about five years and had a reputation for being an aggressive street cop, the cop you wanted on hot calls or fights. I had been in one officer-involved shooting at this point, served many search warrants on our Entry Team, been in numerous fights, and been involved in many critical incidents. In addition, I trained many officers in Martial Arts and in the weight room and developed a Police Power Training manual.

As I was standing there taking everything in, I felt lightheaded and a little dizzy to the point of feeling like I might fall. I squatted down and used one of my hands to stabilize myself. I felt my heart beat racing with a heaviness like it would envelop me. I felt darkness in my soul and felt nothing but anger, hate, and bitterness. I felt like I was circling the drain into darkness.

I do not know how long I was in that position, but Yosh called me to help get the suspect off the roof. After getting him off the roof with other officers' help, I began walking back to my car.

I knew something was wrong with me; I knew I needed to talk to someone about what had just happened. I know I was having some form of anxiety/panic attack, but back in the 90s, those issues did not exist in our world. The first time I heard PTSD, I thought it was some Virus those in combat post 9-11 contracted. The culture in the 90s was, shove it down and man up I thought my early life experiences prepared me for a career in law enforcement, and they did in some regards. As you will read in this book, violence and trauma are what I grew up in, and having multiple combat deployments, helped me handle critical incidents and the routine violence of being a police officer. My childhood, combat deployments, law enforcement, and handling a lifetime of trauma by shoving it down also led to finally having my rucksack overflow.

At that point in my law enforcement career, my relationship with God was in my back seat, and He was not leading my life. I knew I needed to get back in church and talk to my pastor about what was happening inside of me, the struggles in my marriage, the bitterness and hate inside of me, and the horrific things I see every day working as a police officer. I knew this, but I did not talk to anyone. Instead, I did what men do; I shoved it down, tightened the screws in my mask, and drove on.

In this book, I will 100% transparently tell you how this decision destroyed my family and career and nearly led me to take my own life. I will also describe how my trauma was not just from my Military combat and law enforcement but a lifetime of trauma that started at a very early age. I will also show you how I got up and lived a life of joy and purpose today.

As we say at Mighty Oaks foundation, where I currently serve, Veterans and First Responders do not have a Monopoly on trauma. Our circumstances of where that trauma comes from might be different. Still, the physical and emotional reactions, how we deal with trauma, and the coping mechanisms we use, I believe all of us, men and women, can relate to each other.

No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.

1 CORINTHIANS 10:13 (NKJV)

CHAPTER ONE

GROWING UP IN CHAOS

When I was ten years old, one of my coaches gave me a ride home, and I was excited to get home after a great football practice. Despite her struggles, my mom was my #1 fan and always believed in me. She believed I was made for something special, and I was excited to tell her how good I did at practice.

As I got out of the car, I could hear my sister and mom shouting at each other. The shouting was familiar to me, but because of the strife in my house, my stomach tightened, and I slowed as I approached the door; I wondered how bad this night would be.  As I went through the door, my mom and sister were face to face screaming profanities at each other. They barely noticed me as I walked to my room. I do not remember if I even ate or showered that night. Instead, I remember laying in my bed, listening and waiting for it to turn physical. My mom and sister were both strong-willed, stubborn people who never backed down from a fight. Laying there as I had so many times, listening to the violence in the other room, I would envision a wall forming around me, blocking everything out. I would call on God to strengthen me to get through this night and change my family. I would think about sports and how that would be my way out. I would make it to the NFL and have a happy family, and the world I am growing up in would only make me stronger so one day, I could have a happy home. 

On another occasion, the fight between my sister and mom got so bad it became physical with pushing and screaming; my older brother and I were yelling at them to stop. The fight got worse and ended when my sister, who was quite a bit bigger than my mom, dropped