Unspoken Words

By Charlie Hilliard

This book is a poetic memoir over the period of 2001-2021 in the life of the author. With a variety of poetic stylings, Charlie Hilliard writes about what it's like to grow up with undiagnosed bipolar, how alone it can feel handling depression during teenage years, as well as the struggles and triumphs found in adulthood. As the title suggests, these poems feel like the unspoken words many hold within.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Charlie Hilliard
• Release date: Dec 1, 2022
• ISBN: 9798215089118

Charlie Hilliard

Charlie Hilliard has been writing professionally since 2013 and has been published in a variety of publications such as Duck Soup, News-Register Online, and Beneath Fort Worth Skies. Charlie has no specific focus in genre and has written poetry, short stories, nonfiction, young adult, horror, science fiction, fantasy, romance, comedy, and LGBTQA+. She has a husband and six-year-old son and is currently attending the University of North Texas pursuing a Bachelor of English, Bachelor of Communication, and a Technical Writing Certificate. Her goal is to have a bookcase full of her own books as well as a backyard and office. Most importantly, she wishes to help show others that there’s kindness in the world.

Book preview

I am the Pages

All I am in this world,

are the pages in a book.

Just one little novel,

that not many will read.

Anonymity makes this real.

My cover is black,

with scattered paint drops,

a mix of brown and gray.

It isn't beautiful but average.

A testament to what I seem.

With a title that's only natural,

'the book with no name,'

it's dedicated to everyone,

anyone who needs a friend.

A place to hide from loneliness.

My summary is indecisive,

scattered metaphors across the back,

flecks of color amongst the words,

yet still a part of the subtext.

Pages stained and cover creased.

I am weary and worn with use.

My words change with age.

The story shifts and contorts,

turning out deeper than before.

This is me.

Unspoken Words

by Charlie Hilliard

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Illustrated by

Sasha Ceart and Gaia Hilliard

Preface

My name is Charlie Hilliard and I have been writing since kindergarten. At first, I thought that as a writer I would have to chop down trees and learn how to make paper to make my books. Apparently, I can waste paper willy-nilly without having to worry about such details.

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This book contains poetry written as early as 2005 to as recent as August 2021. These poems hold the truth of the time but are not meant to be read as accusations. People make mistakes, as do I, and I hope this book can help people learn forgiveness as well as provide hope for the future.

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When I was in my senior year of high school I was admitted to the hospital for suicidal ideation. My depression had spiraled out of control, and it got to the point where I was struggling with each minute that passed. I had a plan, and it took everything in me not to put it into action. I was calling 1-800-273-8255 multiple times a day to keep myself from ditching school to commit to my plan.

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I checked into a local hospital's ER. At the hospital, I learned about cognitive dysfunctions. I will never forget learning how to love myself despite my perceived flaws. Because of this, I have been able to help so many others who struggle with their own mental health.

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It's important to talk about mental health. As someone diagnosed with Bipolar, I want to help change misconceptions as well as empower those who have the same or a similar ailment.

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If you are struggling with depression and need resources, please call 1-800-273-8255. 24/7 there is someone you can talk to who will go through cognitive dysfunctions with you as well as affordable or free resources in your area. If you get to the point where you have a suicide plan, please go to your local ER and check-in for suicidal ideation. Go through the classes, group therapy, and workshops. Please go to the outpatient programs as well. You are not alone, and you will never be alone.

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I know in this book there are quite a few pages about depression, but the more you read the more hope you will find. Just like for me, the longer I stayed alive the more freeing my life became. I hope the same for you.

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I enjoy different poetic styles, so I tried to mix it up a bit. This book contains an elegy, haiku, soliloquy, free verse, triolet, and a modern ghazal piece.

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I cannot promise a quick response, but if you would like to reach out please email [e-mail]. You can find me on twitter @CharlieHilliar5, instagram @nonstopwriting, twitch inefficientskills, and the Facebook page Writer Page for Charlie Hilliard.

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I would like to thank a few specific people and organizations for their help with this book.

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James Ceart - Beta Reader

James Lay - Beta Reader

Jeremy Fisher – Beta Reader

Eric Bush - Beta Reader

Ozzy Lee Rose - Editor/Beta Reader

Thelma Alanis - Editor/Beta Reader

Stephen Davidson - Moral Support

Teddy Bahn - Moral Support

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Huge thank you to the following for spending countless hours with me to brainstorm, edit, and/or read/reread the same poems multiple times. Without y’all this book would not have been possible.

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DFW Writer's Workshop

Chanel White - Photographer

Gaia Hilliard - Model/Beta Reader/Editor/Illustrator

Sasha Ceart - Editor/Illustrator

Nicole Ndeto – Editor

Russell Clemons - Sugar Provider/Food Manager/Medicine Manager/Moral Support

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If you have a particular interest in a specific poem and would like the back story, feel free to email me. Otherwise, I leave it to the imagination.

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Thank you for reading. This means the world to me, and I hope you enjoy.

Could Have Died

I lost my heart on a Monday in California,

where I learned that bees sting outside of movies,

the ocean is something never to turn your back on,

and that going to a stranger's family