Follow Yourself Home (2nd edition)

By Jane O'Shea

When we are world weary, at crossroads, in the middle of change. When our hearts hurt and we feel discouraged and alone. When we need some breathing space to rest and remember. Then dipping into this book offers a reminder, that what we may need is actually right here – in our smallest pocket. In Your Smallest Pocket puts into words the messiness of our inner lives, the tangled confusion of our relationships, and our wonder and worry about the world around us. It gives us a vocabulary to start unfamiliar conversations with ourselves and with others.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Wilbur Press
• Release date: Jul 26, 2021
• ISBN: 9780473554613

Jane O'Shea

Jane lives in Wellington, New Zealand with her husband Peter. She spends her days tending her garden, walking her dog, and writing. She still sometimes works as a mediator, facilitator, and communications coach and presenter. She has written two other books: In Your Smallest Pocket and Word Remedies. For more information and for book purchases, go to her website: www.wordremedies.co.nz

Book preview

PREFACE

Each of us gets lost out there in the world at times, caught in our own forgetting. We get distracted and lose touch with what is important. At these times, we need to turn around and find our way back to ourselves. We need to follow ourselves home.

INTRODUCTION

––––––––

It’s been 10 years since I wrote the first edition of this book. Like most of us, my life has changed and, inevitably, I have changed too. Even changed my name.

It wasn’t just my name – I changed my occupation, moved to another city, and became single again. Everything was up for grabs and more than once I found myself reaching for this book as a touchstone. It is one thing to know or understand something, quite another to be able to live it. At times it felt like a test to see if I could actually live by what I had written.

As I got ready to publish two new books, a small voice inside started to whisper that I needed to bring this book up to date with who I am now. Using every trick I could find, I tried to talk over this quiet voice. Until the voice got louder – typically at 2am. Finally, I listened.

The basics haven’t changed since I was twelve years old. I am still fascinated with exploring ways to express the complex muddle of our inner landscape and the intricate maze of how we interact with each other. If anything, my deliberations have expanded to include the even more complicated mess we are making of our world.

At twelve years old I would plaster my walls with my teenage ponderings and angst about the meaning of life and love. I longed to make sense of my experience, longed to understand and be understood, to feel more deeply. I longed to express something more.

At seventeen, my critical brain kicked in and booted these longings into the shadowlands. They hid there for years as I got on with the business of growing up and being responsible. Being a poet was not the responsible/grown-up thing to do.

But a personal crisis in my early forties called them back out of the shadows. I realised that my life was halfway through and that I had better get on with living it the way I had always wanted. I started taking regular time to write, and occasionally I’d share my writing with friends. Even though they showed appreciation and encouragement, I didn’t really believe they liked it – they were just being nice.

One evening, at a gathering of women, I was invited to give a reading. In the darkness, I read by candlelight. I couldn’t see the faces but could only hear the positive comments and support. Again, I thought they were just being polite. Then someone turned on a lamp and I could see that many of the women were crying. Their responses seemed genuine and that night, alone in my tent, I let the possibility sink in. I couldn’t sleep, oscillating between wild exhilaration and a deep satisfaction. Maybe I could do this.

Following myself back home, led me to write this book. It is a book of Word Remedies – thoughts, opinions, ideas, insights, musings and feelings on our experiences of being human.

Each remedy explores a different aspect of life. You can use it as emotional first aid or to help in understanding. The remedies are written to be read out loud and are also revealing when read silently. You can read this book from cover to cover or dip in when needed.

I have written about what is precious to me, what I have learnt through my own experience, and what I have been privileged to witness in others. One thing is certain. Deep within we are all alike. We all have similar doubts and dreams. We all long to know that we are acceptable – that we are loved. We all hope to do

something valuable with our lives. We all hunger to be connected to one another and sometimes to something greater than ourselves.

It is my deep wish that, having read these words, you feel more connected and understood. Writing this book has been remedial for me. I hope that reading it is the same for you.

NEVER GETTING LOST AGAIN

(Coming home to yourself)

FOLLOW YOURSELF HOME

––––––––

HERE AT LAST

––––––––

THE BLESSING OF SILENCE

––––––––

THE VOICE CALLING YOU HOME

––––––––

FINALLY SHE KNEW

––––––––

HOW DO I LIKE MY EGGS

FOLLOW YOURSELF HOME

––––––––

Following life as it demands that you venture

further and further out into the world

Until you become caught in your own forgetting

and find yourself far away from where your dreams began

Promising you will take care of yourself soon

––––––––

At last, stopping

bewildered and dazed

The enchanted forest has become bleak and black

and you are lost

too long away from your heart’s home

––––––––

Time to leave the responsibilities still asking

and the tasks unfinished

Close your ears to the screaming complaints

and the unending demands

––––––––

Hold still and listen

to the faint and distant rhythm that is your own

and follow and follow and follow

Until you recognise yourself in your step

and follow and follow and follow

––––––––

Until you remember

and know yourself once more

Until you settle back into your own relieved body

and vow to never get lost again

––––––––

That with each adventure out into the world

you will always come home to yourself

and rest

HERE AT LAST

––––––––

And I finally showed up in my life

And it’s halfway through

And that’s how long it takes

––––––––

To give back everything

everything that is not mine

––––––––

Relieved

at last

I am here

––––––––

At the centre of my own life

At the centre of my own life

THE BLESSING OF SILENCE

––––––––

The tight fist of fear

squeezes the juice from my heart

as I terrorise myself with my own thoughts

leaving no place for solace or loving