After Seventeen

By Shyann Axberg

In matters of the heart the path is rarely linear. Follow Clarity James on her journey through heartbreak, and find the light at the end of the tunnel in letting go. 

• Language: English
• Publisher: Indy Pub
• Release date: Nov 17, 2022
• ISBN: 9781088076477

Shyann Axberg

Shyann Axberg loves hiking, running, reading, and spending time with family and friends. She resides in Pennsylvania with her family, and always keeps spoons in her vehicle for emergency ice cream runs.

Book preview

After Seventeen 

Shyann Axberg

Copyright © 2023 — by Shyann Axberg, Second Edition

All rights reserved. This book is protected by the copyright laws of the United States of America. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise, except as permitted under Section 107 or 108 of the 1967 United States Copyright Act, without the prior written permission of the author. Requests to the author for permission to use should be addressed to [e-mail]. Mention of specific companies, organizations, or authorities in this book does not imply endorsement by the author or publisher, nor does mention of specific companies, organizations, or authorities imply that they endorse this book, its author, or the publisher. All trademarks are the property of their respective companies.

Limit of Liability/Disclaimer of Warranty: While the author has used her best efforts in preparing this book, she makes no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this book and specifically disclaims any implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. No warranty may be created or extended by sales representatives or written sales materials. The advice and strategies contained herein may not be suitable for your situation. You should consult with a professional where appropriate. The author shall not be liable for any loss of profit or any other commercial damages, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, or other damages. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner without permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. Events, locations, individuals, and incidents are not meant to implicate any one individual or event. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, actual events, locals, or organizations is entirely coincidental. Printed in the United States. Cover photo taken by Avi Richards.

Acknowledgments

To my husband: I love you, always and forever.

To those who call me Mom: May you find joy in the struggles, and know that no matter how hard something is, you will always make it through, and you can always reach out for help.

Struggling

There are some things I wish I didn’t have to fight so hard for, Clarity James said, the tears in her blue eyes glinting in the sunlight.

"You are a fighter for love, my dear. You would fight for it and with it forever. He’s a fighter too. But he fights a different battle; he’ll fight for your safety till the end of time. But he’ll never admit that he does it all for you."

And I wonder if this will be

the beginning

or the ending,

or the beginning of the ending

of us.

"I want to beg you to stay with me. And I know I’m supposed to be better than that. I know I’m not supposed to will myself back into your arms, nor want you more than I could ever want myself. But I do. And yet you aren’t choosing me because you don’t want to. Why do I keep forgetting that?" Barely taking a breath, Clarity continued.

Tell me we’re not meant to be together, tell me you never want to see me again. Tell me you hate the way I chew or snore at three a.m. or anything else. Tell me you don’t want to be with me. Go on, tell me you don’t care about me. 

I can’t do that, Emmett Matthews said.

And why not? Isn’t that what you’ve been trying to tell me for the past three weeks? That you’re done?

He sighed. I do care about you, just not in the way you want me to.

I need you to say it.

I need you to say it hard and fast; let the words slap me in the face, punch me in the gut, gnaw at my insides.

Then the uncertainty will cease and it’ll be over. Replaced by the dull ache that only comes from unrequited love.

Until then, I can only tense up, not knowing exactly when it will happen, but sensing the imminence of it all. 

[you don’t love me anymore, and I’m not okay with that]

She looked at him almost indignantly, reality setting in. You don’t want to be with me, do you?

Emmett looked at his feet, the toe of his sneaker scuffing the wooden floor. He knew it was true, but hated to say it out loud.

I just don’t understand why I’m not enough for you. Why can’t I be enough for you? Clarity asked.

Because I’m not enough for you, he responded solemnly, turning to leave.

"But I could have loved you forever. I would have loved you forever."

I know. But I couldn’t let that get to my head. You and I are too different; we’ll forever be searching for different things.

He doesn’t want you back.

And while that sounds like the meanest thing I could ever tell you, it’s the best thing for you.

It might hurt like hell, but he doesn’t want you back.

You might miss him, but he doesn’t want you back.

You might think you need him, but you don’t. And he doesn’t want you back.

I guess I was begging you to hold on, and for the longest time I would picture you coming back to me, but you never did, so I had to move on, Clarity said. You were my favorite kind of pain.

I never meant to hurt you, Emmett replied.

"I know that. But I knew it was coming—the end of us. I just never wanted to believe it. You should know how hard I