F*ck you, Love, me: The Diary of a Breakup from a Toxic Relationship

By Cassie Langdon

About the Book
F*ck You, Love, Me depicts how you can still be in love with someone that has mentally, physically, emotionally, and verbally abused you. Author Cassie Langdon thinks that young women are embarrassed to admit that they actually loved, or are still in love with, men that abused them. She hopes that her readers know they are not alone. This story follows Langdon in the year after being dumped by her boyfriend of three-and-a-half years; how she coped with her feelings, fears, and pain after being left by her first love.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Dorrance Publishing Company
• Release date: Jan 17, 2024
• ISBN: 9798888127834

Book preview

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The contents of this work, including, but not limited to, the accuracy of events, people, and places depicted; opinions expressed; permission to use previously published materials included; and any advice given or actions advocated are solely the responsibility of the author, who assumes all liability for said work and indemnifies the publisher against any claims stemming from publication of the work.

All Rights Reserved

Copyright © 2024 by Cassie Langdon

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted, downloaded, distributed, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, including photocopying and recording, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented without permission in writing from the publisher.

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Visit our website at www.dorrancebookstore.com

ISBN: 979-8-88812-283-9

eISBN: 979-8-88812-783-4

Introduction

I wrote this diary after my devastating break-up with my very first boyfriend. He was my first relationship. I met him when I was a freshman in college at 18 years old- He was 21 years old. I really believed that he loved me. Maybe he did. But, he loved someone more than me- only I did not know it. He loved himself.

We have stayed in touch throughout the years, and he has not changed. He still only loves himself, is a convicted felon, and addict. And women cannot stay away from him. I have managed to but only because I know- and he knows- if we were to ever be in each other’s lives again- it would lead to our demise. And we might embrace that.

The pain in this diary is real. The rage in this diary is real. The sadness in this diary is real. And the love I feel for him is real.

I spent a few months in a women’s trauma center in California about 7 years later due to the trauma and horrific effects of this relationship. I could and would not say his name in therapy so it did little to help. I’m not sure anything will ever heal the pain that was inflicted to my psyche- but getting my pain out there for others to read just might. If someone can relate to my story in any way- I will know and feel that I am not alone.

A toxic relationship and trauma bonds have everlasting effects throughout one’s lifetime.

We were together for about 3 and half years and he currently resides in Baton Rouge. I wish him all the best and I wish him all the worst.

Ty-

So this is my goodbye letter to you. If anyone ever asks me why it didn’t work out between us, I’m going to say that we were in different places. But the truth is that I love you too much. And I can’t wait for you to feel the same way. I need someone who will be with me through thick and thin, and it’s not you. You only come around when it’s convenient for you. After everything I’ve done for you—out of my love—you constantly abandon me. I’m not waiting for you anymore. I don’t believe I am a bad influence. We are both immature and make dumb decisions. Blame me for whatever you want, but I gave you all my love and always stood by your side. I would have given you the world—if you would let me—and all I wanted in return was your love. I love you regardless of all your flaws and would have always stood by you. But you made it clear how you felt about me as I stood in your doorway. You pushed me to work at Curves and I did as much as I could for you and for us. I understand your reasons and I hope the best for you. I can see through your green eyes and your big, beautiful heart—even if it doesn’t belong to me anymore. You were right—we aren’t moving forward. But, on our own, we are each going to start. You just couldn’t do it with me, and that’s what hurts the most. I never thought I could ever leave Tucson because you were here—but without you—I have no reason to stay. I am going to try and put the past behind me and remember us as a crazy duo. I know you really cared for me but I loved you. You