The Red Cow and Her Friends
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The Red Cow and Her Friends - Peter Mcarthur
Peter McArthur
The Red Cow and Her Friends
Sharp Ink Publishing
2022
Contact: info@sharpinkbooks.com
ISBN 978-80-282-3676-2
Table of Contents
PREFACE
COWS
A BALLADE OF COWS
I.—A Sick Cow
II.—Cow Troubles
III.—Fly Time
IV.—The Red Cow's Calves
V.—Insurgent Cows
VI.—Cow Troubles
VII.—The Bran Habit
VIII.—The Farrow Cow and Others
IX.—Cow Enjoyment
X.—Cow Kaiserism
XI.—A Night Session
XII.—A Calf Puzzle
XIII.—Cow Character
XIV.—Calf Feeding
XV.—A Cow Trick
XVI.—Cow Cussedness
XVII.—Teaching a Calf
XVIII.—Calf Exuberance
SHEEP
XIX.—Our First Sheep
XX.—The First Lamb
XXI.—Sheep Surgery
XXII.—The Patient
XXIII.—Shearing
XXIV.—Vain Regrets
XXV.—Sheep Sculpture
XXVI.—Our Lawn Mower
PIGS
XXVII.—Clementine
XXVIII.—Feeding Pigs
XXIX.—Beatrice
XXX.—Pig Frightfulness
XXXI.—A Pig Bath
XXXII.—In Extenuation
XXXIII.—Beatrice Announces
XXXIV.—Receiving
XXXV.—Feeding Time
XXXVI.—Beatrice Belligerent
HORSES
XXXVII.—Dolly's Day Off
XXXVIII.—The Colt
XXXIX.—Horse Contrariness
XL.—A Great Scheme
TURKEYS
XLI.—The Gobbler
XLII.—His Troubles
XLIII.—His Desertion
XLIV.—His Belligerency
XLV.—His Cares
XLVI.—His Prussianism
DOGS
XLVII.—A Moral Tale
XLVIII.—Sheppy's First Coon Hunt
XLIX.—A Rabbit Chase
L.—Fights and Feuds
CATS
LI.—A Page of High History
LII.—A Spring Orgy
BIRDS
LIII.—A Disgusted Blackbird
LIV.—A Visitor
LV.—A Farewell
GENERAL
A BALLAD OF BUGS
LVI.—The Whole Bunch
LVII.—Human Nature in Dumb Creatures
LVIII.—Early Observations
LIX.—Bantams
LX.—A Little Tragedy
LXI.—A Scientific Query
LXIII.—Spring and the Livestock
LXIV.—First Snow
LXV.—A Skift
of Snow
LXVI.—A Spring Shower
LXVII.—Doing Chores
LXVIII.—Fishing
LXIX.—A Lonesome Squirrel
LXX.—Fall Poultry Troubles
LXXI.—Thanksgiving Day
LXXIII.—The Demon Rabbit
LXXIV.—The Fate of The Demon Rabbit
LXXV.—My Friends, the Trees
PREFACE
Table of Contents
It is always a pleasure to avoid responsibility and it gives me a feeling of relief to be able to announce that I am not wholly responsible for this collection of sketches. When it was suggested that I should put together the articles dealing with the Red Cow, and the other farm animals, I felt reluctant to trouble the public with a somewhat frivolous book at the present time. It seemed as if Fate were with me for when it was decided to go on with the book it was found that my file of clippings had been lost. But the matter was still urged and, remembering that at different times readers had written to me saying that they were in the habit of clipping the articles for future reference, I published a paragraph telling of my predicament. The result was that I received clippings from all parts of Canada and some were even sent from neighbouring States.
Through the kindness of my unknown friends I am able to offer a book which they have really edited. Some of the sketches used would have been rejected had I relied on my own judgment, but finding that they had pleased some readers I decided that they might please others. Having the chance to shift the responsibility for the book from my own shoulders, I accepted it joyously. The unknown friends who did me the honour of preserving these articles as they appeared are the real editors.
I can further plead in extenuation that the clippings I have used were all sent to me by people who are familiar with the domestic animals and their habits. This should protect me from any charge of farm-faking.
Ekfrid, Ontario, January, 1919.
COWS
Table of Contents
A BALLADE OF COWS
Table of Contents
Fenceviewer I. a cow of parts,
Aggressive, competent and bold,
At every milking gives twelve quarts
And doesn't give a—hoot!—(don't scold!)
My Kerry cow, as good as gold;
Fenceviewer II.—(boss, they say)
La Veau, turned three; Beans, two-year-old—
These are the cows I milk each day!
When Phœbus shoots his morning darts,
Or wet or dry, or hot or cold,
One to the dewy pasture starts
With clanging pails and pants up-rolled.
Again when evening doth enfold
The earth and sky in twilight grey,
Him at that chore you may behold—
These are the cows I milk each day!
Although unskilled in dairy arts
I've soaked some lore by experts doled,
With gentle words that win their hearts
My cows from kicking I've cajoled;
And of all cattle, horned or polled,
Pure-bred or grade, own them who may,
Mine suit me best. They'll not be sold—
These are the cows I milk each day!
ENVOY
Prince, if you ever in the wold
At milking time should chance to stray,
I'll let you drink all you can hold—
These are the cows I milk each day!
I.—A Sick Cow
Table of Contents
This week the monotony of the winter has been broken. I have been sitting up with a sick cow. Fenceviewer I. has suffered the first check in her career of rapacity, voracity and capacity. A couple of days ago it was noticed that she was off her feed—that she only nibbled at the blue grass when it was put in her manger. Knowing that in her normal condition she is an incarnate appetite—A belly that walks on four legs
—I knew that something was the matter. I could not imagine her refusing to eat until Death had clawed her in his clutch,
so I took the matter seriously from the beginning. I also noticed that she did not take kindly to water, but stood over it and shivered. There was no doubt about it. She was a sick cow. After a hasty consultation it was decided to give her a dose of salts, and I commandeered all that we had in the house—almost a pound. After it had been dissolved in about a quart of warm water I took some further advice and added to it, for her stomach's sake, a couple of tablespoonfuls of a sovereign liniment and embrocation, good for man and beast, and paramount for poultry, a remedy for all ills that any kind of flesh is heir to, may be used internally or externally at any time of the day or night without regard to the phases of the moon or the signs in the almanac. All I know about this remedy is that it is a red fluid made of red pepper, red whiskey and all the other red-hot things in the Pharmacopœia. It is the stuff that was once given to an ailing coloured woman, and when she was offered a second dose she declared with vigour, No thankee! Ah've done made up ma mind never again to take nuttin' that wattah won't squench.
Having added this mixture to the salts I put it in a quart bottle, called for help, and proceeded to put the red dose into the red cow.
We did the trick in the most approved fashion. I caught her by one horn, slipped my thumb and finger into her nose, and elevated her head so that the other man could pour the mixture down her throat. After the last drop had gurgled down I turned her loose and stepped back to watch results. She shook her head, rattled her chain, lashed her tail, wriggled her backbone, coughed and sneezed and showed other unmistakable signs of wrath and discomfort. She did not seem to appreciate our efforts in her behalf, and after I had thought it over for a minute I realised what she was objecting to. I put myself in her place. What would I want to do if any one had forced a dose like that down my throat? I would want to spit, of course. That was what was the matter with old Fenceviewer. She wanted to spit, but the limitations of a cow are such that she couldn't do it. If she were only able to do it she would spit like a cat. I felt truly sorry for her, but as I had done everything for the best I didn't do any worrying. While watching her I noticed that she grunted faintly every time she breathed, so I decided that we needed some expert advice and called in a neighbour who has had much experience with cows. After he had pressed his ear to her side for a while he diagnosed her case as pleuro-pneumonia. It had never occurred to me before that dumb animals could have diseases with Latin names and that probably needed high-priced treatment. He advised calling in the farrier at once, and I dispatched a boy to the nearest telephone to do this, and we went to the house to await his arrival. The boy reported that the farrier was out, but that he would come as soon as he could. While waiting we talked about all the sick cows we had ever known, and as most of them had died I found the conversation somewhat depressing. I can honestly say of Fenceviewer I., With all thy faults I love thee still.
She is the progenitor of the whole flock, and her strain is the kind I need. She can rustle for herself except when she is chained up, and if she had to do it she could get through the winter by licking the moss off the trees. She is no stall-fed exotic, but a hardy annual who in spite of her good breeding has a touch of the qualities that made the pioneer cows endure hardships and give rich milk. I could ill afford to lose her from either a financial or scientific point of view. We whiled away several hours with gloomy forebodings, occasionally taking the lantern to go to the stable and look her over. But there was nothing we could do for her, and she grunted rhythmically every time she breathed, sometimes standing up and sometimes lying down. About twelve o'clock we decided that the farrier was not coming, and the neighbour went home and I went to bed. Just as I got sound asleep the household was aroused by shrill whistling, and I got up to find that the farrier had come. Getting into my clothes as quickly as possible I took the lantern and hurried to the stable. The farrier examined her, confirmed my neighbour's diagnosis and added that the attack was complicated by a serious case of impaction of the rumen.
I was glad that he didn't say that she had appendicitis or adenoids, for I had made up my mind that I was neither going to pay for a costly operation nor to send her south for her health.
While the farrier was mixing another dose—he had approved of the one I had given—I enquired cautiously about her ailment. When the big words had been simplified for me I found that what she was suffering from chiefly was indigestion and pains in her tripe. This gave me much relief, for I felt that if there ever was a cow that deserved to have indigestion it was old Fenceviewer. Some of you may remember that a couple of years ago she gave me a scare by eating a bushel or so of corn. But she got away with that without any bad results, so I was puzzled as to what she could have eaten that had disagreed with her. I knew that she had not had too much of anything, for she is kept tied up most of the time. Then I remembered that when feeding the bottom of the stack of cornstalks I had noticed that the butts of some of the sheaves were mouldy. As the tops of them were fresh and good I had fed them, thinking that the brutes would know enough not to eat the parts that were damaged, but it doesn't do to bank on the intelligence of even the brightest cows. The farrier agreed that that had probably started the trouble, and I felt somewhat disgusted with myself. When I didn't know enough not to feed such stuff I need not expect the cows to know enough not to eat it. It was a wonder that more of them were not ailing.
After the farrier had filled the quart bottle with a mixture that smelled suspiciously like doses I have had to take myself when my stomach has been out of order, we went through the exercise of holding up her head and pouring it down her throat. This time she tried so hard to spit that she almost did it and I wished that she had been able, for I know what nux vomica and such stuff tastes like. The farrier then mixed a bunch of powders to be given her in a bran mash, every night and morning, and judging from the way she goes at the bran she has forgiven him everything. I may say, by the way, that the bran is now about the most expensive part of the dose, and if prices keep on as they are going we will soon have to get our bran for sick cows at the drug store instead of at the flour and feed emporiums. I am glad to be able to report that at the present writing Fenceviewer I. is taking her feed standing up, and chewing her cud between times, so I guess she is going to pull through all right.
II.—Cow Troubles
Table of Contents
I know I should have a silo for the cornstalks or at least a cutting box, but I haven't either, and the result is that I have trouble. How to get ten-foot stalks into a four-foot manger is a problem that I have to wrestle with every day and I am no nearer the solution than I was at the beginning of the winter. I have to stand them on end in front of the cows and as the soft ears were all left on the stalks, the cattle go at them wildly and toss them all over the place in their hurry to get the ears. The result is that every few days I have to clean out the rejected stalks from the mangers and the front of the stalls and that makes more trouble. I wish some one would tell me why it is that the tines of a fork will slip through cornstalks so easily and are so hard to pull out. I do not find very much trouble in getting a good forkful of the stalks but when I carry them out to the hole in the barnyard where I am piling them in the hope that they will rot some time I have a wrestle with them that starts me quoting poetry:
"On Astur's throat Horatius
Right firmly placed his heel;
And thrice and four times tugged amain,
Ere he wrenched out the steel."
When I have thrown down my load I find that every tine has three or four stalks on it so that it looks like Neptune's trident entangled with seaweeds. But though it is a nuisance clearing out the stalks in this way I have a vivid recollection of trying to pitch manure that had cornstalks mixed with it and I have made up