Warrior Principles

By Julie Lawson

leading authentically and effectively while managing the bottom line. We have forgotten how to face life with hope and perseverance.

Luckily, most of us are resilient in nature: all of us can develop mental and emotional strength. Like modern war

• Language: English
• Publisher: Auburn Media
• Release date: Nov 1, 2022
• ISBN: 9798986936413

Book preview

_Warrior_Cover_Final-front.jpg

Warrior Principles

Harnessing the Power of Resilience

Julie Lawson

Auburn Media

Published by Auburn Media, St. Louis, MO

Copyright ©2022 Julie Lawson

All rights reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise, except as permitted under Section 107 or 108 of the 1976 United States Copyright Act, without the prior written permission of the Publisher. Requests to the Publisher for permission should be addressed to Permissions Department, Auburn Media,

[e-mail].

Limit of Liability/Disclaimer of Warranty: While the publisher and author have used their best efforts in preparing this book, they make no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this book and specifically disclaim any implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. No warranty may be created or extended by sales representatives or written sales materials. The advice and strategies contained herein may not be suitable for your situation. You should consult with a professional where appropriate. Neither the publisher nor author shall be liable for any loss of profit or any other commercial damages, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, or other damages.

Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

Editor: Cheryl Oliver

Cover and Interior design: Davis Creative Publishing Partners, CreativePublishingPartners.com

Names: Lawson, Julie, 1975- author.

Title: Warrior principles : harnessing the power of resilience / Julie Lawson.

Description: St. Louis, MO : Auburn Media, [2022] | Includes bibliographical references.

Identifiers: ISBN: 979-8-9869364-0-6 (paperback) | 979-8-9869364-1-3 (ebook) | LCCN: 2022916980

Subjects: LCSH: Resilience (Personality trait) | Stress management. | Job stress. | Success. | Success in business. | Psychology, Industrial. | LCGFT: Self-help publications. | BISAC: BUSINESS & ECONOMICS / Leadership. | SELF-HELP / Personal Growth / General. | BUSINESS & ECONOMICS / Personal Success.

Classification: LCC: BF698.35.R47 L39 2022 | DDC: 155.24--dc23

2022

ATTENTION CORPORATIONS, UNIVERSITIES, COLLEGES AND PROFESSIONAL ORGANIZATIONS: Quantity discounts are available on bulk purchases of this book for educational, gift purposes, or as premiums for increasing magazine subscriptions or renewals. Special books or book excerpts can also be created to fit specific needs. For information, please contact Auburn Media, [e-mail]

To all victims of crime, violence, war, and circumstance whose brilliant resilience inspires others to overcome, thrive, and

find new joy. The hope of the world is yours.

Acknowledgements

This book would not be possible without the help and contributions of so many people. First, to all those whom I have had the pleasure of working with over the course of my career who have overcome remarkable odds: thank you for your spirit and resilience. You have seeded me and many others with a lifetime of inspiration.

Thank you to my mother, Janet, and my father, Jay, for their unconditional love and support, and for instilling resilience in me at a young age. You made it possible for me to have faith in the impossible.

To my siblings John, Joanne, and Jeff, my nieces and nephews (I love you each to pieces!) and all my family members: you give me purpose.

Thank you to amazing friends who boost me just when I need it: you teach me every day the power others have in my personal resilience. To mentors who inspire me to be a better person, and colleagues who challenge me to be my best, I am grateful. And finally, to Elmer, for your relentless encouragement and support for this book. It would not have been possible without you. Thank you for being my greatest champion.

I love you all and am infinitely grateful to have you in my life.

Contents

Preface

Introduction: My Story

Principle One: Your Comfort Zone is Not a Destination

Principle Two: Self-Awareness is Your Superpower

Principle Three: Mindset is a Choice

Principle Four: Gratitude is the Antidote to Suffering

Principle Five: The Flexible Own the Future

Principle Six: Your Purpose is to Serve Others

Principle Seven: The Extraordinary is Possible

What’s Next: Walking the Resilient Path

Additional Resources

About the Author

Exercise Index

So What? Then What?

The SPARK Tool®

How Are You Viewed?

What I Made it Mean

Your Observable Behaviors

LOVE Gratitude

Positive Recall

10 Days to Gratitude: An Action Plan

Radical Acceptance

Your Personal Why

Values-Based Living

Preface

WHAT’S WITH THE PENGUIN?

The words resilience and warrior conjure a variety of images: a sword or shield, a soldier of ancient times clad in helmet and armor, or a fearless animal such as the lion. It elicits words such as fierce, mighty, persevering. It does not make us think of a cute, happy penguin waddling innocently through life.

But it should. The penguin is one of the most resilient creatures on earth. Its ability to withstand tremendous adversity is remarkable: unthinkably cold temperatures, fierce winds, limited food supply, and predators challenge the penguin daily.

They are not fierce in appearance. They do not roar or fight. Instead, they use the power of community to ward off predators, withstand cruel winds, and raise future generations. The penguin has mastered the art of flexibly adapting to its harsh environment, embracing changes in temperature and food supply with ease. It gets through the challenges of daily life one small, persevering step at a time.

We are not resilient because we are physically strong, stoic, or aggressive. Like the penguin, we are resilient when we adapt to our world with ease and grace. When we can embrace our truest selves, happily navigating life as an integral part of our community.

Be a true warrior of resilience. Be like the penguin.

Introduction

My Story

Like many of us, my story begins not at my birth, but with powerful memories of moments that define or change us. These are our sparks of inspiration, our belly-laughs, the raw pain of humanness, the breathless gifts of love, and the grit of courage.

I have had many of these moments throughout my life, but one in particular began my life-long obsession with understanding what makes us resilient. I have dedicated decades to understanding what resilience looks like, how we get there, and how I can help unleash the warrior that lives in of each of us.

In 1998 I was assaulted by two men in rural Missouri. While I won’t go into details, this experience was obviously a significant pivot point in my life. That day ripped through the cloth of my life in a blink, sentencing me to a life forever changed. I was unsure how I would navigate going forward and curious how I could trust the human condition again.

Unable to make sense of anything in my new world, I wandered for weeks through the halls of my mind seeking respite, understanding, and forgiveness. I quit my job, moved across state, and broke off my engagement. I tried to distract myself by being around others. Then I spent overwhelming hours alone. I worked out excessively. Then I laid still for days. I slept with the lights on. I slept on the couch. Then I slept during the day at work because I wasn’t sleeping at night. I read the Bible and dozens of other religious texts while damning a God who had, in my shortsighted opinion, abandoned me (He had not). But mostly, I did everything I could to avoid healing. To plow through to tomorrow, hoping the experience would eventually just sort of drift away. Unsurprisingly, none of these steps changed how I felt or accelerated my healing. I learned over time that there is no way to get around this kind of experience. Through is the only option. Through is hard. It is relentless, exhausting, and overwhelming. And it is where we discover our resilience.

Like me, most of you have experienced a single moment that changed everything: the death of a loved one, a life-threatening illness, an accident that made you feel all-too-mortal. Whatever your story, you felt the walls of uncertainty and grief closing in around you. You, too, didn’t know if or how tomorrow would come. You wondered if you’d have the grit to make it through or if you’d be afforded the grace you deserved afterwards. You felt overwhelmed by the magnitude of your circumstances. You felt like you might be the only person, ever or anywhere, to feel the way you do. You wondered if you have what it takes to survive.

And maybe, like me, that event became something that made you want to change the world, use your voice, or build something new. My assault led me to seek new ways to understand humanity and heal those in pain. It led me to a career assisting victims of violence and crisis, an honor I now can’t imagine my life without. Through my work with victims, communities, and leaders, I have had the privilege of meeting hundreds of survivors of horrific crimes, disaster, debilitating illnesses, business and financial catastrophes, family tragedies and more—and all of them survived by igniting their resilience.

I am glad to say that, over time and with the help of amazing people, including my family, friends, and professionals, I healed from my experience and have woven it into the tapestry of my complex, wonderful, and blessed life. In 2005, I joined the oldest victim service agency in the nation, the Crime Victim Advocacy Center, as their President & CEO (at the time of publishing this book, I serve as the President of the Board of Directors). My time in this role, as well as in subsequent roles training and developing leaders, led me to discover how we can tap into our resilient nature to build a stronger world.

In the decades that followed my assault I worked with hundreds of victims who helped me identify, research, and confirm the characteristics that create resilience. When I moved into leadership development, I tested these same characteristics and discovered they also built strong, resilient, and fulfilled leaders. From these characteristics I developed the principles in this book, and I help organizations identify how to adapt these principles into their business strategies. This book is based on the research I, and my team, have conducted: interviews, discussions, surveys, trainings, evaluations, and studies into how thousands of individuals and groups build resilience. It is the culmination of 20 years of research into identifying and understanding the specific and unchangeable characteristics that make us resilient. The principles outlined in this book are the timeless, proven methods to becoming our strongest selves.

I have trained more than 5,000 leaders, created and built three companies, worked with the criminal justice system to tackle issues of racial and ethnic inequities, assisted countless social service agencies in building capacity to serve communities, and consulted with dozens of companies and government offices on how to build a resilient workforce. In 2017 I founded Reins Institute, a company dedicated to customized leadership development programming, training, and coaching, and continue to serve as its CEO today. Through these amazing experiences I confirmed what true resilience looks like and am now dedicated to sharing these concepts and methods with you. My goal, and my life’s work, is to help you discover and ignite your strongest self.

Thank you for taking this journey with me.

PRINCIPLE ONE:

Your Comfort Zone

is not a Destination

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

—Marianne Williamson

Fear is a Liar

Renee¹ was 47 years old when she hired me as her coach. A marketing executive with exceptional credentials, she should have been in the prime of her career. To colleagues she appeared happy and confident. Internally, however, she felt like a failure. She knew she wasn’t living up to her full potential and struggled to achieve even the most basic professional goals she set for herself.

Despite holding visible roles with substantial responsibility, Renee continually underperformed at each. She lamented a lifetime of unachieved goals, missed deadlines, disappointing feedback, and substandard work. She had the talent, experience, and knowledge to perform each job to its fullest, yet found herself repeatedly failing at her job. Finally, after 26 years of moves and promotions, she was fired from her dream job. Defeated, she came to me to discover why she continued to fail at the positions she loved and desperately