Choosing Your Words Wisely: Principles for Effective Communication and Conflict Resolution

By Dale Barrett

The author identifies seven principles of effective communication from Ephesians 4:25-32. These principles can guide how we choose our words and how we can can guard and grow the critical relationships of our lives.

The opening chapter builds on the biblical admonition to “speak the truth in love” and develops the idea that the goal of confrontation is reconciliation. Armed with this principle, we can choose words that are framed in such a way that the goal of allowing conflict to draw us closer--not divide us further--can be achieved.

There are six other principles that help build a biblical practical framework for choosing our words wisely.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Nov 2, 2022
• ISBN: 9781664281349

Dale Barrett

A pastor for forty-six years and a counselor for over fifty years, the author has gained a wealth of insight about the importance of communication, especially in marriage. He has a degree in Ministerial Studies and is certified as a board certified biblical counselor/coach with the American Association of Christian Counselors. As a seasoned counselor, he is committed to incorporating biblical principles along with practical tools for application for enhancing the communication process and improving conflict resolution skills. He has served as a Hospice chaplain, a chaplain for the California Youth Authority, a board member of Dallas drug rehabilitation center and has spoken at conferences for youth issues, suicide prevention and marriage enrichment.

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ISBN: 978-1-6642-8133-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-6642-8134-9 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2022919272

WestBow Press rev. date: 11/2/2022

Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1Speak the truth in love.

Chapter 2Be angry and do not sin.

Chapter 3Do not let then sun go down on your anger.

Chapter 4Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths but only such as is good for building up.

Chapter 5As fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Chapter 6Be kind to one another, tenderhearted.

Chapter 7Forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you.

Conclusion

Introduction

Words are the indispensable means of human communication. Whether verbalized or written, they impact every arena of life. Potentially words can inform, affirm, and encourage for good, or they can criticize, disparage, and destroy for bad. The Bible addresses this apparent conundrum in James 3:10 with these words: From the same mouth come blessing and cursing … these things ought not to be so.

James has acknowledged some critical things about the tongue in this insightful biblical passage, summarizing it by saying a restless evil, full of deadly poison (James 3:8). James concludes that no human being can tame the tongue (James 3:8). In the following chapter, James asks, What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? (James 4:1). With these words we are reminded of the inevitable link between internal emotional conflict and external acting out in both our words and our behavior.

This assessment would seem to be without remedy, as if we are remanded to a life of emotional and behavioral volatility compounded by the negative words we use that are both damaging and destructive. Fueling our sense of frustration is our daily inundation of belligerent words in our political dialogue and news media. We hear the same in our television programs and the movies we watch as well as in the music we listen to and the books we read—all of this in search of information and entertainment as a viable part of our daily regimen.

The trickle-down effect of bad words seeps into every corner and crevice of our lives. It impacts our workspace, the realm of close personal friendships, and tragically, the ideally safe and sacred family dynamic. Family members become estranged, husbands and wives are displaced, resulting in the continued high rate of broken homes and divorce. There are countless reasons why marriages and families are in crisis, but none, I believe, more significant than the breakdown in communication and conflict resolution skills.

It would be arrogant and simplistic to infer that the reading of this book could fix any or all of that. Even to submit some formulaic solution or to suggest some prescribed program as a panacea for this communication crisis would be foolhardy. Why then would I even attempt to address this burgeoning crisis when solutions seem doomed by the biblical proclamation No man can tame the tongue?

Wisdom is needed. Wisdom is seeing things from God’s point of view. Here is a key passage from James in the context of his words about the tongue:

Who is wise and understanding among you? By his conduct let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom. But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, and demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist there will be disorder and every vile practice. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. And a harvest of righteousness is sown by those who make peace. (James 3:13–18)

These verses articulate several important things that are foundational for this book.

1. Wisdom and