Do Not Accept To Die

By Dimitrie Sissi Mukanyiligira

Based on my true story, my book is about my story of life starting with my childhood until now. It puts emphasis on how I survived the Genocide perpetrated against Tutsi in April - July 1994 in Rwanda and how I embraced life after the genocide. Despite the sad moments of my life, my story in this book brings motivation, joy and life to readers.

• Language: English
• Publisher: tredition
• Release date: May 1, 2022
• ISBN: 9783347561847

Book preview

It has been God since day one!

Born to devout Catholic parents, I was raised in a very religious family. From very early, my Dad taught me how to pray, encouraging me to develop a close relationship with God. Prayer he would say is a way of life and God Our Father.

Raised in this path, I have always found comfort in my relationship with God and thus throughout my book, I talk about God’s grace, His protection, and mercy upon my life.

To the reader, I repeat severally that throughout the hard times of my life, God protected me. This is not a naïve statement but rather an acknowledgement that as a frail being, my life would never have had meaning had it not been for God. As a memoir on the hardest time of my life, this book has also provided me the platform to share the religious part of my life, to remind people that it is not in vain for one to keep God close in their everyday life.

It is my conviction that this faith in God has been the strong foundation upon which I have become all that I am and the basis for the hope to achieve all that is ahead.

Isaiah 41:10 says So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. This verse has consistently reminded me of God’s promise to be with us all the time and I look back to the years with a testimony that no matter how hard and dark some moments were, I still saw His hand move and His mercy abide. This is true for the moments I have shared in this book and many others that remain unsaid.

In every recited rosary, every said prayer and in each Ave Maria, God has showed me that I was never alone and never will be. Upon Him, I cast my worry aside and chose to live a hopeful life every single day. Through this book, I wish to acknowledge His presence in my life, for always being with me and renewing his promise. Despite the hard times that I went through, the awareness of God’s constant presence has daily provided hope that His plans for us are good.

Acknowledgements

The publication of this book gives me the opportunity to express my gratitude to many people who have over the years made me live my life with love, motivated, inspired, and happy.

Many thanks to all descendants of my grandfather Mzee Peter Rwabukanga for not giving up on life after the atrocities of the Genocide against the Tutsi and all the hard time and injustices experienced all the time, just because they were Tutsi. Many of you went through hell but yet you still believe in living life with a sense of gratitude and goodness. Every time we meet, I have always been reminded that we truly survived, and family is great.

Special thanks to my Sister Donatilla Mukasekuru and Dismas Niyonteze, my two surviving siblings for the unconditional love and support shared over the years. Very special thanks to Donatilla, considered as our "Deputy Parent" since the years, who sacrificed her own vocation to raise and take care of us. Until now, she continuously cares for us, despite her age and remarkable decrease in her energy.

For the warmth of family and the love unconditionally given, I would like to thank my husband Belko Boureima and children; Nina, Binta, Dhalil, Yasmine and Naike. Having you was my resurrection; you are the reason I wake up each day determined to make hold-on to the gift of life and live it fully.

Writing this story has been an uphill climb which I would not have completed without the love and encouragement of some indefatigable friends. I massively thank my friends who constitute a very long list.

In putting together my memoirs, I was fortunate to find partners and friends without whose guidance and contribution I would not have completed this project as it is now.

Thank you so much, Matthew Rwahigi, Obed Musabe Sean, Ambassador Wellars Gasamagera, Agufana Obed, Jean Paul Rwakiyanja, Faustin Nkurunziza, Barbara Umuhoza and Andreas Schäfer for helping me finalize this book, realigning ideas and dampening my emotions. You immensely helped me finally achieve this goal.

Many thanks Frida Umuhoza, Omar Ndizeye, Charles Habonimana, Caleb Uwagaba, Consolee Nishimwe, Jeanne Celestine Lakin, and Judence Kayitesi, my brothers and sisters, fellow Rwandan authors who have traveled this path before. Slowly but surely, you held my hand through the maze. Finally, many thanks to you Esther Mujawayo for your motivating hand when I was literally giving up.

To you who has chosen to read my story, thank you. May you all be blessed abundantly, and I hope you find in this book, my vote of thanks!

List of Acronyms

ACCORD: Association de Cooperation Régionale de Développement

AERG: Association des Etudiants et Elèves Rescapes du Génocide

APACOPE: Association des Parents pour la Cooperation et la Promotion de l’Education

AVEGA: Association de Veuves du Génocide d’Avril

BRD: Banque Rwandaise de Development

CDR: Coalition pour la Défense de la République

CFJ: Centre de Formation des Jeunes

CHK: Centre Hospitalier de Kigali

CHUK: Centre Hospitalier Université de Kigali

CIDA: Canadian International Development Agency

DRC: Democratic Republic of Congo

ETI: Ecole Technique Officielle

ETL: Ecole Technique Libre

ETO: Ecole Technique Officielle

GAERG: Groupe des Anciens Etudiants Rescapes du Génocide

IAMSEA: Institut Africain et Mauricien de Statistiques et d’Economie Appliquée

ICU: Intensive Care Unit

IDP: Internal Displaced Persons

MBA: Master of Business Administration

MDR: Mouvement Démocratique Républicain

MINUAR: Mission des Nations Unies pour l’Assistance au Rwanda

MRND: Mouvement Révolutionnaire National pour le Développement

ONATRACOM: Office National des Transports en Commun

PACAREM: Papiers, Cartons et Emballages

PARMEHUTU: Parti du Mouvement de l’Emancipation Hutu

PDC: Parti Démocrate-Chrétien

PL: Parti Liberal

PSD: Parti Social-Démocrate

RFI: Radio France Internationale

RPA: Rwanda Patriotic Army

SABENA: Société Anonyme Belge d'Exploitation de la Navigation Aérienne

SOPECYA: Société Pétrolière de Cyangugu

SOPETRAD: Société Pétrolière

TV: Télévision

ULK: Université Libre de Kigali

UN: United Nations

UNAMIR: United Nations Assistance Mission for Rwanda

UNDP: United Nations Development Program

Rwanda at a Glance

Rwanda is a landlocked country in the Great Lakes region of East Africa. Its 26,338 square kilometers are dominated by highlands, giving it the name Land of A Thousand Hills

Population: About 12.5 million people (2018)

Capital City: Kigali

Official languages: Kinyarwanda (Mother tongue), English, French and Swahili

Neighbouring countries: Democratic Republic of Congo (West), Burundi (South), Uganda (North) and Tanzania (East).

Demonym: Rwandan, Rwandese

President: Paul Kagame

Prime Minister: Dr Ngirente Edouard

Independence: From Belgium on July 1, 1962

Currency: Rwandan Franc (RWF)

Time zone: CAT (UTC + 2)

Drives on the Right

Calling code: +250

PART 1: BEFORE THE GENOCIDE AGAINST THE TUTSI

A JOYFUL CHILDHOOD

The secret of childhood happiness is to succeed to be happy with the simplest things ever possible

Mehmet Murat Ildan

Chapter 1: Prologue

Rwanda, my home

Rwanda has in the recent past become a center of attraction, with visitors coming from near and far. Some say, they enjoy its tropical weather, which is favorably cool all year round, and sink in its majestic sun as it pierces through the meandering hills. Some say, they love the view of the Rwandan night sky, as the stars dazzle and paint giants on sceneries of Rwanda’s rolling mountains that seem to never end.

Then there is the flora and fauna. Small as it is, Rwanda is home to a biodiversity of animals from the big five to a big number of the last population of the surviving silverback mountain gorillas. It is also home to hundreds of rare bird’s species chatter the mornings away in its deep and biodiverse rainforests and savannahs, not forgetting the reach plant life that covers the country’s lush hills and rainforests.

Over the past 27 years, a new attraction has taken shape in Rwanda; the safe and serene environment which has won its global accolades as one of the safest, cleanest, and most competitive in business globally.

This recent attraction is more inviting when one thinks about the ruins the celebrated progress has been shaped from.

Almost three decades ago starting in April of 1994, humanity collectively failed, despite the many treaties to prevent crimes against humanity and the global chorus that genocide never again, over a million innocent civilians whose crime was belonging to what was defined as an enemy race were brutally massacred at unprecedented speed. Except for a handful of efforts mostly by international agents on the ground, the world paid a blind eye to what was happening, signaling to the génocidaires that no one cared if they massacred their fellow countrymen and women.

Today, many of those who visit Rwanda come to witness this collective human failure to protect innocent people, instead abandoning them in their hour of greatest need. They come to pay homage to the lives killed during this carnage.

Pitched in contrast to this tragedy, people come to Rwanda to learn about the resolve and resilience of the human spirit that enabled a small army, determined to end the massacre of thousands, to fight a war that was more of a suicide mission, in which they were outnumbered by several folds and outgunned; yet they triumphed and have laid the foundation of the country anew, despite their inadequate training in public administration.

Rwanda has and is all these things wrapped into one.

However, unlike the people who visit Rwanda by choice, everything I am or will ever hope to be is Rwandan by default. It is my home, the cradle of my dreams, the source of my hopes and my aspirations. I was born in Rwanda; I have lived and been a part of its history, good and bad alike, and I am a product of everything that Rwanda is and has been. Rwanda is Me.

Very few of my compatriots have probably had the luxury to absorb the soothing effect of the morning Rwandan sun, we never had the time to romanticize the depth of its rays as they flooded the valleys of our hilly sides. Nonetheless, there has always been a warming to Rwanda in my heart, a love for this country like no other, I presume because it is my home and as they say home sweet home.

I am every inch a part of the toiling farmers of the countryside, who work sunrise to sunset, tilling very small patches of land but never lamenting or procrastinating but rather always enterprising.

I am part of the beauty that is Rwanda, the remarkable land of a thousand hills.

I was a young adult and Mom in 1994 when the worst days of our contemporary history unfolded on the otherwise calm sceneries of my country. I was very much a child as I was a Mom, with many longings and dreams, daring to hope for a great life to come.

Unfortunately, the many years of propagating ethnic hatred and hell broke loose in April 1994 when an evil plan to exterminate all Rwandan Tutsis was hatched. The country that was deeply engraved in my heart and whose music rhymed in my veins rejected me; rejected my family and rejected anybody and everybody who in any way looked like me or was classified to be my ethnic kin.

This memoir chronicles a part of my life, to tell the world about the big extended family that I had before the genocide against the Tutsi, my struggles, and experiences during the 100 days of the genocide, the pains of loss lived multiple times after it ended and the rebuilding of my spirit when Rwanda began to pick up the pieces and chart a new path.

Like many other survivors, I feigned strength on the outside while I perished on the inside, hoping against all hope to preserve whatever little was left of my dignity over several years as we dealt with the aftermath of the genocide.

Even though once rejected by my beloved Rwanda, my heart soon regained its warming to the sights and sounds of the land of a thousand hills as I began to recover. My admiration for the ethics of hard work and integrity embodied by the ordinary Rwandan people and our unique cultural heritage began to rekindle. So much blood of close family and compatriots was shed but yet still, Rwanda remains beautiful and dear to me, it is my home for as long as there is breath in my lungs, and it is the heritage I hope to give to my children and through them the generations to come. Rwanda is irreplaceable to me and I hope it remains so for the many it has brought forth.

Chapter 2: Back to my Roots

Dagayi -gracious and beautiful

Before I go any further, I would like to go back and trace my family roots.

My known family lineage begins around the second half of the 1800s with Pierre Rwabukanga, my grandfather, who is said to have left Bufumbira in southwestern Uganda, for the Rwandan kingdom in search for better land to graze his cattle and start a family. All what we know about the origins of our family is what we orally learnt, and we don’t have anything written before Rwabukanga.

Rwabukanga travelled with two same generation cousins who were his close friends: Kanyurizi and Makwandi. They found good land for grazing in Remera village and here they established themselves and soon started their respective families. In the years that followed, they expanded their lands as their families grew in size and by the early 1990s, they owned large pieces of land in Kigali –Rwanda’s present day capital city including areas such as Remera, Kimironko, Kibagabaga, Kinyinya, Mugambazi, and Rutongo. Rwabukanga was a rich man with five wives, many children, plenty of land, and cattle.

His fifth wife, Nyirabahinzi was Rwabukanga’s cousin who was given to him in marriage at the age of 16 by one of her paternal aunties.

It was said that Nyirabahinzi was born in Kiramuruzi (today’s Gatsibo district) and had close relatives in Fumbwe sector, which is today’s Rwamagana district. She did not love travelling especially traversing the Lake Muhazi which she found too daring an adventure thus, after her arranged marriage, she never visited her family ever again which is why our part of the family never went to Kiramuruzi. She also said she had had family members in Southwestern Uganda, the same land from whence Rwabukanga and his two cousins hailed from. Unfortunately, we never had enough information to reconnect with any of them. If indeed these relatives lived, we were forever detached to this part of our family, a phenomenon not new in the Great Lakes region.

Rwabukanga converted to Catholicism and with him all his wives and children were baptized, receiving Christian names. Nyirabahinzi was baptized Marie but to her children and grandchildren, she was simply Dagayi, a nickname whose roots none of us knew about. She was the best grandmother one could ask for, a perfect beauty. Very tall and slender, she was of a fair complexion with long black hair and soft spoken. Although with tender temperament, nothing went unnoticed with Dagayi. She loved her grandchildren very dearly