Against the Dawn

By Amanda Bonilla

Six months can feel like a just couple of weeks when you’ve been away in another realm. Literally. Now that Darian is back in Seattle, she’s ready to face the life—and the man—she left behind. But it’s not going to be easy when a ghost from her past shows up looking to wreak havoc on Seattle’s supernatural crime scene. Darian isn’t as careless as she used to be, though. She and Tyler, her sexy Jinn protector, have come a long way in the trust department. And it’s a good thing too—because when Ty contracts her to assassinate a wickedly powerful supernatural who goes by the name of Mithras, it will take all her faith in Ty, and herself, to get the job done. While Darian does whatever it takes to get to her mark, Xander, the Shaede King is busy making plans of his own. With Darian’s attention divided between Lorik’s secrets and her mission she might not be able to stop Xander from doing anything in his power to separate Darian from her sworn protector and in the process, destroy his own kingdom…

• Language: English
• Publisher: Bryant Street Publishing
• Release date: Dec 6, 2022
• ISBN: 9781094451299

Amanda Bonilla

Amanda Bonilla is the author of the Shaede Assassin and Sentry of Evil urban fantasy romance series. The debut novel in the series, SHAEDES OF GRAY, was nominated for Best Urban Fantasy Protagonist of 2011 by Romantic Times Magazine. Amanda lives in rural Idaho. She's a part-time pet wrangler, a full-time sun worshipper, and only goes out into the cold when coerced. She also writes romantic suspense as Mandy Baxter and paranormal romance as Kate Baxter.

Book preview

1

I wish you didn’t have to leave so soon.

That made two of us. I gave Brakae a sad smile that I doubt she noticed as she directed her attention back to the issue of Vogue that she thumbed through for the hundredth time since I’d brought it to O Anel. I came here in the first place to take a break from reality and get my head on straight. Problem was, it was time for me to return to the mortal realm, and I didn’t feel much better than I had when I’d arrived.

I still can’t believe the fashions women wear in your world, Brakae mused, her voice sounding younger than the centuries she could claim. When you come back will you bring me more Honey Nut Cheerios? They’re delicious.

Food of the gods, I agreed solemnly.

I’d learned a lot about the Faerie Realm in the brief time I’d been here. There was so much more to this place than I thought I knew. Chaos ruled here. Even time flowed at a different pace depending on where in the Faerie Realm you happened to be. If you ventured too close to Kotja A’ma, the fount from which time sprang, minutes passed in the blink of an eye as if time itself were being sucked into a swirling vortex. The further away you moved, the more time slowed. I looked around Brakae’s spacious cottage, which was situated in a small village miles away from Kotja A’ma. I was still amazed by this strange land that had seemed so barren to me the first time I’d been here.

When Faolán dragged me along on his quest to merge the human world with the Faerie Realm, I’d thought that O Anel was nothing more than fields of endless tall grass and densely treed forests. But beyond the land that was closest to Kotja A’ma—the true faerie ring—were outcroppings of civilization. Villages and towns populated with all sorts of preternatural beings. This far from the ring, the chaos was less noticeable. The seasons had a rhythm all their own and the sun rose and set to mark the passage of another day. But the land was encased in an aura that felt a little…off to me. It could have been the magic that the Fae used regularly. Or it simply could have been that even though it was my job to guard the doorway to O Anel, it was not my home. No, I belonged in the mortal realm.

A couple of weeks spent in Brakae’s village equaled months at home. By my estimation, I’d been here for about six months. Two weeks here, one half of a year passed in Seattle. Some vacation. The details of what had happened to me back at my apartment would have become nothing but a hazy memory to everyone who’d been present to witness my shame.

Precisely the reason I’d come here in the first place.

I knew that I needed time, and a couple of weeks away from home weren’t going to erase the memories of what happened to me. My job had been simple: protect Anya, one of Xander’s favored subjects. The branded property of a Cambion, he was after more than revenge for his imprisonment and the death of his mate and unborn son. He’d killed Dimitri, Anya’s husband, and demanded she turn over a demonic codex she’d stolen from Kade’s father. If she didn’t, her life—as well as her unborn child’s—was forfeit. I was so confident I could take the half-Incubus-half human out myself. But I’d been dead wrong. Kade saw through my not-so-clever plan and used the addictive toxin that leeched from his pores and saliva to enslave me.

Addict.

That’s what Kade had made me. I wanted him, craved his touch like a drug and there hadn’t been a damn thing I could do about it. Now, mere weeks later, I couldn’t close my eyes without seeing Kade’s face looming above mine, or feel the rush of revulsion mixed with need that his touch evoked in me. In my dreams, his black, serpentine tale slithered up my body, caressing me before it wrapped around my neck to choke the air from my lungs. I woke up most nights gasping for air as I tried in vain to fight an invisible foe. A shudder passed along my skin as the memories bombarded me. Even now, I craved him.

Darian, are you okay? Brakae and I were tied to each other through our connection to the Faerie Realm and she could sense my unease.

I’m fine, I replied, not willing to expend the effort for even a wan smile of assurance. I wasn’t fine. Why in the hell did I always feel the urge to tell people I was?

What would you like to do your last night here? She sounded sullen and it broke my heart to think of leaving her. She couldn’t visit the mortal realm as long as she was the Keeper of Time in O Anel. I hated that she had to stay here, separated from everyone she’d known and loved. And it burned my ass even more that I was able to come and go as I pleased. Sometimes the rules of the natural—and supernatural—world just sucked.

Brakae looked expectant as she waited for my answer. Raif’s daughter was as far from pushy as you could get. She was like a lake on a windless morning: calm, serene, and lovely. She simply sat in silence until I was ready to speak and I let her calm wash over me. Let’s visit Moira, I said at last. The Guardian of the key and doorway that led from the Faerie Realm into the mundane world lived here with Brakae. Moira was Sidhe, one of the oldest creatures in the Fae lineage. Fierce, beautiful, and a force to be reckoned with in battle. Not to mention a little on the snarky side. I couldn’t help but like her.

All right, Brakae said, closing the copy of Vogue. She smoothed the cover lovingly before placing it on the stack of other magazines I’d brought her. The supply of pop culture fodder would hopefully tide her over until my next visit. "She’s going to hear an earful from me, though. Moira never brings me magazines or Honey Nut Cheerios."

My return trip home from O Anel took more effort than I was used to. As if my will fought against my mind, the desire to come home took actual effort to manifest. The roar of traffic, the hum of pedestrians and other city sounds were deafening in comparison to the quiet of O Anel. The sensory overload was almost too much and it took everything I had not to return to that quiet place and continue to hide. Instead, as though my feet had rooted themselves to the sidewalk, I stood outside of my apartment building, my stomach coiled into a tight, anxious knot.

I wasn’t ready.

The building loomed above me, the windows, empty eyes that looked down on me with disdain. I swallowed down the fear rising up my throat. I could do this. Kade was dead and he couldn’t hurt me or anyone else ever again. Come on, Darian, you’ve got this. Put one foot in front of the other…

To whom do you belong…? Kade’s words echoed in my mind, accompanied by the memory of writhing beneath his hands, begging for his touch. I doubled over, and gulped in drafts of breath as I hung my head between my knees. I don’t know how long I remained that way, focusing on the sound of breath contracting and releasing in my lungs until my heart rate slowed to an acceptable pace and I was satisfied that I wasn’t going to pass out. Or empty the contents of my stomach onto the street. Bullshit, I said, loud enough to startle a pigeon who’d wandered toward me on the sidewalk. I belonged to myself. I would not let that Cambion bastard have power over me, especially in death.

On shaky legs, I made my way up the stairs to the building’s entrance. Magic swirled at my feet, sniffing like wary hounds. Reaver, the Time Keeper of the human realm, had cast powerful protection wards on my building. I didn’t know the specifics, but I assumed they protected my place from unwanted entry of those who would do me harm, while allowing my allies to pass through safely. At least, I hoped that was the case. The heady Sidhe magic crept up my calves like a vining plant before slinking away once it recognized me. I reached out, my hand coming to rest on the door handle while I took a cleansing breath and pulled open the door.

Nothing jumped out at me. But then again, Reaver’s magic was ancient and I knew the wards would hold. Coupled with the high-tech security system Raif had installed, the place probably had better protection than Fort Knox. I stepped inside the metal cage of my service elevator, surprised to find that it had been repaired. Kade had bent and damaged the cage door and car when he’d tried to kick his way inside. It obviously hadn’t taken too much to fix it. At least one thing I could be glad for.

I spent the short trip to the second floor with my eyes closed. I could have traveled as my ethereal self, merging with the daylight, but my nerves were jittery and my skin crawled. The added sensation of leaving my body behind would have been a little more than I could handle. God, I hadn’t felt so vulnerable in over a century. The elevator came to a halt, and as I stepped into my studio apartment, I slowly opened my eyes. I blinked. Took in my surroundings. Blinked again.

Jesus.

The space no longer resembled the apartment I’d left days—or rather, months—ago. My studio had been completely transformed, and from the looks of it, the individual who’d taken it upon himself to remodel had dug deep into his pockets to get it done.

Xander, I muttered under my breath.

No doubt the High King of Highhandedness was behind my extreme home makeover. He was the only man I knew ballsy enough to invade my space—and totally redecorate it—without asking permission first. My dark hardwood floors had been replaced with lighter bamboo. The white leather furniture exchanged for plush sofas and chairs in earth tones and covered in some cozy, velvety fabric. My head spun at the number of throw pillows on each piece. Was there even room for anyone to sit?

My bed, that awful, godforsaken bed that Kade had tortured me in, was long gone. My stomach unknotted as relief flooded me. A large, mahogany four-poster sat in the far left corner of my studio, covered in a lovely dark blue duvet with yet another pile of frivolous decorative pillows. Even the kitchen counters had been redone: no longer polished concrete but shining black granite running with veins of blue. Jesus, he’d even ripped out all of my appliances, each and every piece now professional grade stainless steel and shining in the morning sunlight without even a fingerprint to mar their surfaces. A gourmet kitchen for the woman who never cooked. Typical Xander.

Heavy drapes accented my windows; gorgeous Impressionist art graced the walls. Vases of fresh dahlias, daisies, and mums adorned the kitchen table, the kitchen island, and the coffee table in the living room. No one knew I was coming home. Did he have someone on fresh flower patrol or some shit? My jaw hung slack as I took in my studio, once so cold and uninviting and now so…homey.

’Bout time you came home.

My heart jumped up into my fucking throat, and I spun around to find my favorite pain-in-the-ass planted in the entryway. One shoulder supported his body as he leaned against the elevator gate, filling the space with his large, muscular build. I’d forgotten how tall he was. And how eerily quiet he could be. An amused expression lit his face, one corner of his mouth curved into a lopsided grin. He was every bit laid back California surfer guy with his too long wavy blond hair and sparkling blue eyes. According to Xander, he’d assigned Asher to watch over me, and apparently, his duties hadn’t ended with Kade’s demise.

Here to check on the flowers? I teased.

Here to check on you, he replied. Or rather, for you.

My smile melted at the severity of his tone. The knot that had only recently begun to loosen tightened once again in my stomach, anxiety coursing through my veins like liquid fire. I wasn’t ready for this. I wasn’t prepared to face any of them. How did you know I’d be here? I asked as I dropped my gaze to the floor.

I didn’t, Asher said with a shrug. He makes me come here. Every day. Sometimes twice a day.

Can you say awkward? I’d left for O Anel with my life in shambles. Xander was only one of the shattered pieces that I was going to have to clean up now that I was home. That’s pretty messed up, even for Xander. I tried to laugh but it came out as more of a strangled snort. I’m sorry you’ve had to waste your time for the past few months.

My king is very concerned for you, Darian. I’d never heard Asher refer to Xander in such a formal manner. In fact, his very demeanor was less playful kid and more responsible adult. Quite the change for only six months’ time. Whatever he commands me to do, I do. If that means camping out on your front steps for half a year, so be it.

Xander—sneaky SOB that he was—planted Asher in the team I’d assembled to help protect Anya when Kade had threatened her. But what I didn’t know at the time was that it wasn’t Asher’s job to look after Anya at all. He’d been hand-picked by the Shaede King to look after me. Though I’d been angry with Xander over the deception, in hindsight, it hadn’t been a bad idea.

So you just wander over a couple times a day, peek your head in, and shout, anybody home?

Pretty much. He pushed himself off the jamb and walked into the living room.

And the flowers? I couldn’t help but ask.

Not my responsibility, he said with a smile. Maybe you should ask Raif?

A pang of emotion tugged at my chest at the mention of my best friend’s name. Of all the things I’d left behind for my brief vacation, I missed him the most. How is he? Though I knew a reunion would be tough, I couldn’t wait to see him. In fact, Xander’s house was my next stop.

Unflappable. As always, Asher replied. He doesn’t say it, but I think he misses you, too.

Too? I let the word hang. Besides Xander and Raif, I wondered if anyone else had missed me. Maybe a certain overprotective Jinn…

Yeah, he said, mockingly. I sort of missed you, too.

A corner of my mouth lifted in a half-smile. Truth be told, I’d missed the little shit as well. And though I knew that he and Tyler didn’t exactly pal around or anything, I guess some part of me had wished that Ty had kept contact, checking in with Raif perhaps, in the hopes I’d been in touch with him. That maybe, Ash would have mentioned something about him, no matter how small.

Have you seen any action lately? You know, besides your housesitting gig. I’d come a long way in the past couple of years, but I’m not going to lie, emotions were still pretty tough for me. It was best to stick to light small talk.

Nada. Well, that’s not exactly true, Asher said as he settled himself down on the couch and propped his feet up on the coffee table. I had a feeling Xander would blow a gasket if he was standing here right now and I couldn’t help but smile at the thought. There’s something coming down the pipes but I’m not high enough on the ladder to know what it is quite yet. An envoy arrived last week. Sent by his majesty’s regent. There have been a lot of closed door meetings.

Just my luck that I’d decide to come home at the moment trouble began to brew. I’d never given Xander’s actual kingdom much consideration before. Of course I knew the heart of his kingdom was nowhere near Seattle, but I’d never asked where. And it served to reason that he’d appoint a regent to hold down the fort while he was away. You think it’s something big? I asked, taking a seat across from Asher in an overstuffed chair. Somehow, it made me feel better to pretend like it was business as usual, and I hadn’t just shown up from being scarce for half a year.

Asher cocked his head to the side as if considering the options. With issues of a political nature, it could be anything, he replied. I mean it could be as minor as a burst pipe in the king’s palace, or as major as a coup.

I doubted closed door meetings and so much secrecy were for the benefit of something like Xander’s plumbing. It’s definitely not the pipes.

Probably not, Asher said, fixing me with a stare. Why don’t you go over there and find out what’s going on?

Nothing like a little political intrigue to distract a girl from her problems. But there were still a few things I needed to do. When I’d left for O Anel, I’d said goodbye to Raif and even to Xander. I hadn’t seen Tyler since the night he’d killed Kade. And no matter how much I wanted to say hi to Raif, and maybe even nose around a little, I needed to see Ty first. I’ve got a few things to knock off my to-do list, but after, I think I’ll see what’s up.

Who knows, Asher mused, maybe it’ll give us an excuse to get the gang back together.

The gang he was referring to was the group of Shaedes I’d assembled to help me hunt down Kade. I wasn’t sure I was ready for something quite so hardcore, yet. Maybe, I said as I stood and headed for the elevator, But to be honest, Ash, I hope I get a break before shit hits the fan again.

With you around? Asher’s tone was incredulous as he followed me into the elevator. Now that you’re back, Darian, shit is guaranteed to hit the fan.

That’s what I was afraid of.

2

Before Ash took off to do whatever it was Xander had laid out for him for the rest of the day, he convinced me to head to Xander’s before I did anything else. I agreed because I didn’t want any distractions when I came face to face with Tyler and if trouble was brewing in the Shaede kingdom, I’d need to get the low-down from Raif so I wouldn’t be too worried about him. I traveled from Belltown to Capitol Hill as my ethereal self, gliding over the streets with the fading rays of sun that cast swaths of light on the sidewalks. As sluggish as the encroaching afternoon, I couldn’t help but wish I owned at least a motorcycle right about now. My fatigue from leaving my body behind and traveling as one with the light had little to do with the fact that I hadn’t done so in a while. Simply put, I was plain tired .

Two weeks. Fourteen measly days. Three hundred and thirty six hours. Such an insubstantial amount of time compared to the century I’d lived, and yet… I felt older now than I ever had. I’d shut myself off from the world for a reason: no entanglements equaled zero chance of being hurt again. A cold-hearted bitch like me couldn’t be crushed when she kept everyone at arm’s length. But Tyler had managed to coax me out of my shell and taught me how beautiful and selfless love could be. Raif had reminded me of the power of true friendship. And Xander…well, the jury was still out on what I’d gleaned from my relationship with him.

Even Anya managed to teach me a thing or two about what it meant to love and be loved. And so I’d allowed them all to melt my icy exterior. But despite all of the warm fuzzy feelings, my entanglements had led to yet another hurt I’d been trying so hard to avoid. It reminded me of why I’d chosen a life of closed-off solitude. Would it really be so bad to curl up in a ball and sleep the rest of my life away?

In a word: Yes.

Henry, my human husband, beat me almost daily and I’d lived through it. Azriel used me for his own devices and left me alone, naïve, and helpless and I’d lived through it. Faolán manipulated me, controlled me, and sought to destroy the world through me, and I’d lived through it. And Kade. The worst of them all, had killed someone I cared for, threatened my friends, drugged me, toyed with me, tortured me, and nearly raped me. And damn it, I would live through this, too.

In no time at all, I looked up to find Xander’s ostentatious mansion staring down at me. Self-reflection has a tendency to make the time pass quickly. I stood outside of the gate for a few minutes, my mind nothing more than tangled brambles of thought. So much had happened under this roof. Things I wasn’t quite ready to deal with. If Xander pushed, though, I’d push right back. I was twice as stubborn as he was persistent. He’d have to suck it up and let me get used to feeling comfortable in my own skin before I spared even a second to address what had happened between us while I lived here.

Feeling a little of my old pluck, I hopped over the gate and made my way to the front door. So many times, I’d walked in like I owned the place and as I turned the knob, I found myself slinking through the entry like a burglar. The house was quiet, no doubt most of Xander’s staff was busy preparing the evening meal. Most of the time, a plate wasn’t set in front of his regal face that didn’t look like it had popped off the pages of Bon Appetit magazine. Though I’d had occasion to see His Royal Haughtiness partake of a fast food burger at least once.

From the bowels of the house, heated voices made their way to my ears. I abandoned the course I’d set for Xander’s office and headed instead downstairs toward his council room. It seemed odd that he’d have anything brewing this late in the afternoon, but if Asher’s assumptions carried any merit, then something unsavory was indeed coming down the pipes.

Your refusal to leave Seattle has caused considerable unrest! an agitated voice exclaimed.

Another voice jumped in after the first, Usurpers circle the throne like hungry wolves and everything you’ve worked so hard to accomplish stands on the precipice of collapse. So please, indulge me, your highness and give me an explanation to relay to your regent—nay, to your people—why you insist on remaining here?

Uh-oh. I couldn’t place the voices, but I sure as hell knew the tone. Someone was taking Xander to school in a very serious way. I couldn’t imagine who would have the balls to talk to him like that, but whoever the second speaker was, he had a pair on him. Big and brass.

My reasons are my own. The king sounded as tired as I felt. "You forget your place, and apparently so do others. I am the king. Me. Take care with your words when you address me in the future and take greater care to never question me or my reasons for doing anything ever again. Have I made myself clear?"

Your majesty. The second voice had gone from demanding to simpering in a couple of seconds flat. Guess I overestimated the size of his cojones. We’ve been sent out of concern, nothing else. Decisions must be made. The kingdom must be ruled. You cannot possibly—

Get out of my sight! Xander railed, and I swear the doors to his council room quivered on their hinges. I’ll not abide being taken to task by the likes of either of you! Leave now before I lose my temper and forget my manners.

Xander had manners? Who knew? The double doors swung open and the two Shaedes rushed from the room, their heads bent together as they spoke hurriedly under their breaths. I merged with the light, careful to remain unseen and waited until they’d rounded the corner and headed up the stairs before I regained my corporeal form. No use adding to the ruckus when Xander had done such a good job all on his own.

Will you not listen to reason? Raif’s soft, yet commanding voice echoed from the confines of the room, but still I held back and waited right outside the door. Insufferably calm, that was Raif all the way. It’s been months. Perhaps if you went home, just for a while, so our people could see—

Shall I throw you out as well? Wow, looked like Xander wasn’t letting anyone finish a sentence today.

Where Raif was level-headed and pragmatic, his brother was hot-headed and rash. Any discussion between them wasn’t going to end well. I’d come here to butt in, after all, and there was no use loitering in the hallway any longer. Besides, I didn’t want to listen to them fight. Sheesh. Brothers.

I walked through the door to find Xander standing at the head of the council table, his palms flat on the polished mahogany surface, arms bracing his muscular body. His head hung between his broad shoulders, his golden hair framing his face like a curtain. Raif stood beside him, a look somewhere between pity and outrage etched on his hardened warrior’s face. As if sensing me at the same moment, both sets of eyes turned toward the doorway and settled on me: Raif’s sapphire ones flooded with relief and Xander’s molten caramel burning with something closer to pain.

My lady, the king said, as he straightened to his full height and inclined his head. I would have laughed if I hadn’t known the gesture was meant as a token of his esteem. And since I wasn’t about to insult him mere minutes after traipsing through his door, I made sure to keep my expression pleasant. Xander and his dramatics.

So… I said, averting my gaze and kicking a booted foot at the carpet. What’s shakin’?

What’s shakin’? Jesus, Darian, that’s all you could think to say? While I cursed my abysmal conversation skills, Raif crossed the room in a few long strides and swept me up in a bear hug that damned near squeezed the air from my lungs.

Gods, I wondered when I’d hear that smart mouth of yours again, he said as he set me back down on my feet.

Your hair is longer, I remarked, my fingers skimming the tawny locks that spilled over his collar. I hugged him back for all I was worth and said, I missed you too, Raif.

Xander cleared his throat, apparently miffed at being upstaged by this brother and Raif took a step back as if opening a path from me to the Shaede King. For the second time since I’d been home (which wasn’t very damned long) I experienced an awkward moment at facing someone I’d hoped to avoid. It’s not avoidance when you voluntarily show up, you idiot. Maybe I needed a lesson in staying off the radar. I’d obviously forgotten how to maintain my low profile.

Are you well? Xander asked, and I realized that there was someone in the room more uncomfortable than I was right now. The time difference between the human and faery realms was still tough for me to wrap my head around. No one here had seen me in a long time.

Well enough, I replied. I’d decided that I was done telling people I was fine when I wasn’t. And what I’d told Xander was the truth. I wasn’t one hundred percent, but I’d get there.

Reviews for Against the Dawn

[Kelly May · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Less action, and a lot of self reflection. Needed of course, and theres no peace. Not yet perhaps.