Rise above the Storm

By Brenda Ngonyama

In December 2020 Brenda Ngonyama’s son disappeared without a trace. The family searched abandoned buildings, alleyways and under bridges, but finally only came to view a body in the morgue. Her blood pressure reached 199/98 and the clinic nurses informed Ngonyama that, according to medical science, she should be in an intensive care unit (ICU). She had missed suffering a stroke by an inch.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Brenda Ngonyama
• Release date: Sep 27, 2022
• ISBN: 9781005786854

Book preview

Brenda_Ngonyama_Full_Cover.jpg

Copyright © 2022 Brenda Ngonyama

First edition 2022

Published by Brenda Ngonyama at Smashwords

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or any information storage or retrieval system without permission from the copyright holder.

The Author has made every effort to trace and acknowledge sources/resources/individuals. In the event that any images/information have been incorrectly attributed or credited, the Author will be pleased to rectify these omissions at the earliest opportunity.

ISBN 978-1-77636-307-0

Published by Brenda Ngonyama using Reach Publishers’ services,

P O Box 1384, Wandsbeck, South Africa, 3631

Edited by Colleen Figg for Reach Publishers

Cover designed by Reach Publishers

Website: www.reachpublishers.org

E-mail: [e-mail]

Text Description automatically generated

Brenda Ngonyama

[e-mail]

Nearly a hundred people go missing in our country every day

Acknowledgements

I am very grateful to everyone who supported and are still supporting me through this journey. Thank you Gab for believing in me and cheering me along. To my Mom, my sisters Sakhie and Spinx, for your unwavering support. Mom, you said I am the most resilient person you have ever known, and that gave me all the strength to keep pushing and holding on. To my boss John, my friends and colleagues at my office, thank you for your support. I spend most of my time with you guys, you have seen me at my highest and my lowest, thank you. To my sisters’ friends and my friends, friends of my friends, I love you all.

Chapter One

This is a journey that I am going through right now. There are lots of people who have gone through the same or similar, and some are going through it right now, like myself. I never in my wildest dreams thought that one day my turn would come. You watch the news on television, read about it in newspapers and hear on the radio, of families crying about their missing loved ones, and until you go through the same, you will never understand the pain—a pain that even opioid drugs can fail to suppress or heal. When it is your child, the pain is so excruciating that it feels like it is ripping your heart into pieces. I lost my husband to cancer, but that pain was different from this one. Your child is part of you; you shared every breath of your life with him or her and were tied together by an umbilical cord. When you stop breathing during pregnancy, that child will also die from lack of oxygen. That is the special bond I am talking about.

In this book, I take you through my experience and show how I am trying to navigate through this dark phase of my life. I just hope and wish that you will be able to support me and lift me up in my painful journey so that if the same should ever happen to you, I can also lift you up. Then your loved ones will find you sane on their return and you be able to assist them in their healing process.

The year 2020 has been the most difficult one worldwide; the COVID-19 pandemic has caused havoc. The South African economy took a serious downturn. Owing to the COVID-19 lockdown, mainly between the first and the second quarter of the year, lots of people lost their jobs. Plenty of companies shut down and unemployment skyrocketed. My son Prince was one of the statistics that was affected. He lost his job just before lockdown. He had his own accommodation at that time.

One day he came over to talk to me and said, Mom, my company is closing down, it has run out of funds, so everyone is being retrenched. We are shutting down.

He looked me in the eyes and I also looked at him and said, It’s sad my son; I hope it will not be too long before you get another job.

Children always think about their parents when faced with life challenges. I think life was designed that way.

He carried on, I am asking if I may stay here with you for a while until I get other employment and I hope it will not be for too long.

I looked at him and said, It is fine Prince you can come and stay with me; I am your mother. When you are faced with problems, you run to Mom.

He stood up and gave me a hug.

Thank you, Mom. I will see you in a couple of days. I have to go pack up my stuff at my apartment and then I will come over.

What about your furniture?

It is a furnished apartment.

OK then.

He left and was back in a couple of days. By the time we went into full lockdown, he was already staying with me. The whole country shut down except for essential services. As we were going through the phases of lockdown, some of the restrictions were eased and some companies started operating again. We were on level 2 when we were summoned to go back to work. I was already missing going to the office and that was the best thing to happen to me in 2020. I was tired of being at home. My son was unemployed and staying with me, and I had to go back to work. This caused a serious mental problem for him. He felt the pressure and guilt of being unproductive.

He applied for the COVID-19 relief grant for unemployed people that the government had announced, and unfortunately, he never received it. That also took a toll on him. I could see the disappointment in his eyes, and I saw him losing hope. He was naturally a non-talkative person, but he got worse. He stopped doing the routine things that he used to do, like going to the gym and to the library. He started avoiding my presence by coming back late when I would be sleeping so that we don’t talk.

I would ask him, Prince, are you looking for some job opportunities on the internet? I believe you might find something to do.

Mom, there are no jobs; the economy is bad, he would say.

I know that, but you need to try. You cannot just give up. You are fortunate that you have me around. What would you do if you were one of those people that do not have anybody they can go to?

He looked at me, smiled and maintained his silence. Usually, you would have to force a conversation out of him. Only when he was in a very good mood would he engage fully in conversation. I find it very difficult for a mother to have a conversation with a boy child. There are things that boys need to hear from their fathers. Nonetheless, I would come back from work and try to talk to and encourage him.

So Prince, tell me, how was your day today? Any new developments?

He would look at me with a blank face and say, Nothing much Mom. As you know, the economy is down, COVID-19 has shut everything and there are no jobs.

I know that, but it does not mean you have to sit down and give up trying.

He would then walk away, go outside for some fresh air. I guess I was pushing him too hard. I would look at him and wonder as to what was going on. He was a boy who loved reading. He would go to the library and come back with five or six books and would quickly finish reading them.

One day when he got back from the library he said to me, Mom, you will not believe what the librarian said to me today, with a smile on his face.

Yes, what did she say?

She said, ‘Hey Mister, did you leave any books for others?’ and we laughed. You could see the joy on his face. If he was not reading, he would be writing or busy on his laptop. One time I asked him what he was busy with, and he said, I am planning my future, Mom. One day I will take care of you. You have gone through a lot of hardship in life, trying so hard to raise us, and very soon I will take care of you.

I smiled. It was nice to hear him say that.

I thought at least he is thinking positively. But, as time went on, I saw him developing withdrawal symptoms. He would just look at me and say nothing; the look that you get when you talk to someone, and he looks back at you with stubborn angry eyes. His father was like that when he wanted to convey a message that said his word was final. His father was like that during his last days on earth.

I said to myself, I cannot go through this again. That is when I turned to God and asked Him why He was testing me that way again.

One time I asked him, Prince, what is wrong with you? You do not want to go outside anymore, even to the gym. What’s wrong, my son?

He looked at me and said, Mom, the economy is bad, there are no jobs. What must I do?

You are not the only one going through this phase. Let me suggest options of things you can do to earn money.

He looked at me.

Yes, what? he said.

I continued, You are a very good cook, and you love it. I think you should go downtown, walk around and look for business space. Lots of people are in the food business. They are frying chips and cooking food, and you can also do the same business. That business can never be congested because of the hundreds of people who come to town every day from morning till sunset. I will help you with starting capital. I suggest you find business space first.

He seemed to have agreed with my idea and it looked like we were on par. Days went by, weeks went by, and he was not coming back to me with feedback until one day after work, I decided to confront him.

Prince, listen to me very carefully. I have given you an idea and you seemed to be fine with it, but you are not giving me any feedback. He did not say anything.

I carried on, Do not expect me to do everything for you. You have to help yourself and maintain your own life.

He just looked at me without saying a word and it was like I was talking to myself. It looked like he did not care much about what I had just said. I could feel my blood pressure going up, I was getting furious. I carried on talking, You need to cooperate with me if you need my help.

That was the end of our conversation that day; he walked out. I felt helpless. It is days like these when I wished his father was alive to deal with him. I prayed. It was tough. I felt like God does not care much about me. Looking back on what I had gone through in life, He seemed to be very far from me.

I had been observing Prince closely and saw him losing touch with life. He lost interest in the gym that he had previously been committed to every morning. He had stopped going there. Previously, he would normally wait for me to come back from the gym and as soon as I came back, he would then go. We used the same gym. I would go first and then come back to prepare to go to work, and he would then go start his gym session after me. But now he had stopped going there and instead he would take his small blanket, wrap himself with it, make a cup of boiling water with lemon and would go sit upstairs in isolation. At first, I thought he needed time to meditate but other signs that distressed me became visible. He started neglecting his hair, leaving it unkempt. He changed from being tidy and clean-shaven to a picture of self-neglect. One day I gave him money for a haircut, and he never went to do it.

I asked, Prince, what is going on with you? Why have you not gone for a haircut?

He looked at me and answered, Eish Mummy, I am sorry, I actually got busy and forgot. I will go tomorrow.

Oh then, that is good. What were you busy with? I asked. He never answered and walked out. He started avoiding me and my conversations. That’s when he started coming home when I was already asleep. For me to talk to him, I had to think of a suitable time. So I designed a strategy to talk to him in the morning and that meant I would have to skip the gym session. That really worked for me because I would wake him up and he would be very attentive at that time of the day. I remember one of our morning conversations that happened just before his disappearance. I skipped going to the gym, which had become my new normal and woke him up.

So, tell me, if I could drop you off in Lagos or Harare with a backpack of clothes, what would you do? Oh no, I would not leave you in Harare because people would recognise you thinking it is Ali, (his dad, and he looked so much like him), instead, I would leave you in Lilongwe, what would you do?

He looked at me straight in my eyes and he opened his mouth, but he said nothing.

I carried on, Please look around Jozi town and tell me what you see. Most of these foreigners you see came with nothing but their backpacks, others with nothing, no families. They left everything they loved behind and had to fight for survival in a foreign country. They have to make sure that they eat, and they have shelter. He was listening attentively, and I carried on, "Let me give you an example: most of these foreigners rent a room and share costs. In most instances, you find that there are six to eight people in a room, and they will hustle around for a