The Seven Seasons of Male Spiritual Development: Men's Ministry in the Post-Pandemic Church

By Adom Kenyatta Ajani

The church has languished within a lack luster mode of survival, even before the Covid-19 pandemic took its toll on the elderly and people with pre-existing conditions. Many of the people who held the reins of influence and power in the local church have been swept away. This has left a void in upper church management. These positions have to be filled, but by whom? The harvest has to come from the streets. This book was written to teach those who are still supporting the church how to entice and encourage men, Millennials, and Gen Z'ers to return to the local church. Men should take the lead, because God still holds the man responsible for leadership. They must be sought and then trained. This book is a training manual. It can prove helpful in initiating a vibrant men's ministry whose impact can be felt very quickly. Among other things, can provide valuable insights about nurturing men and boys, on both, the natural and spiritual side of things. 

• Language: English
• Publisher: Adom Kenyatta Ajani
• Release date: Jul 20, 2022
• ISBN: 9798201048419

Book preview

Prologue

This book will introduce several terms, definitions, and concepts that must be understood in order to get the best results from it. There are seven terms that will be used to describe the stages, or spiritual seasons of manhood development. The first six are from the Old Testament and the last one is from the New Testament. The six include: Adam (birth to 12 years of age); Zakar (13-19 years of ages); Geber Na’ar (20-30 years of age); Iysh (30-50 years of age); Enowsh (all ages as this stage mostly concerns itself with the emotionally wounded man) and Zaqen (50 years of age and older). The seventh stage will be referred to as Kainos Ktisis (all ages). It is a Greek term used to refer to the new man and concerns itself with a more spiritual state of being.  For convenience’s sake, the terms season and stage will be used interchangeably. 

Understanding Transactional Analysis and Hegomotions

In 1964, Eric Berne, M.D., wrote a book entitled, Games People Play which advances the concept of transactional analysis. Transactional analysis  is a psychoanalytic theory  of therapy wherein social interactions (transactions) are analyzed to determine the ego state of the communicator as a basis for understanding and changing behaviors. In transactional analysis, the communicator is taught to alter the ego state as a way to solve emotional problems. This is important, because every attempt to minister to an individual will boil down to a one-on-one encounter with that person’s emotional state, even in a group setting.

The term hegomotions is used to describe the more complex, rich, and under explored emotional state of the male ego during a particular spiritual season of his life. The term hegomotions carries a much deeper sense of the particular emotion of men as it relates to his ego, his self-image, and the image that society tries to force upon him. Every person’s hegomotional[ii] state is tripartite: the Child, the Parent, and the Adult. 

The Child emotional state is self-centered, needy, inexperienced, volatile, manipulative, and powerful. The Child is also seen as the source of creativity, recreation, procreation, and the only source of renewal in life. The Child is repressed and afraid. He is always looking for a way to surface. He is freer at social gatherings. You can easily observe him at sporting events where he may paint himself, wear strange costumes, become intoxicated and loud, and show emotional extremes. In his most undesirable form, the Child can be crazy, confused, extremely happy, or manically depressed all within a very short period of time. The Child hegomotional state can lead to self-destruction. That self-mutilation appears in the form of substance abuse, depression, or grief as in the case of people who have incurred a great emotional loss. Chaos is an integral part of the Child hegomotional state. Restraint has to be provided by one of the other hegomotional states. Naturally, the Child will rebel and resist being controlled by another.

The Parent[iii] emotional state is controlling especially when trying to solve problems. The Parent thinks, feels, and behaves like a caregiver. He decides how others should react to situations. He alone determines what is good or bad. He expects his opinion to be considered as sacrosanct. He approves or disapproves on how other people should live, etc. The Parent makes judgement calls pro or con and can be supportive as long as he is in control. The Parent is like a tape recorder that plays back a collection of pre-recorded, pre-judged, and prejudiced responses and codes for living. The Parent wants to be obeyed.  The well-functioning human being needs to be fluid as he moves from one hegomotional state to another.

The Adult emotional state always seeks balance and equilibrium. The Adult predicts outcomes and provides a fact-based critique of the effectiveness of people's behavior in the pursuit of their chosen goals. The Adult computes all the facts fed into it. If the facts are up-to-date, then the Adult's answers will be timely and more effective than the Parent's solution. If the facts are incorrect, the Adult will produce incorrect answers. The Adult wants harmonious, peaceful relationships, but can also settle for dètente. The Adult is stoic and logical. The Adult can be trusted with deep secrets, but may share them only if the seriousness of the situation calls for it. If the secret does need to be shared, it will be done with the least amount of harm to all parties involved. This is the most proficient emotional state when it comes to problem solving.

Each of the three emotional states can interact with either of the three states in another individual. These interactions are called transactions. They involve people’s feelings and behavior during interpersonal communications. They can be complimentary, crossed, or covert. Each transaction consists of two parts: the stimulus and the response. They can be direct, productive and healthy or they can be devious, wasteful, and unhealthy. The Parent (usually twenty-five years behind the times) wants obedience. The Child wants to have his way. The Adult wants resolution.

Recognizing the emotional state of others is paramount to inducing changes in behavior. Not recognizing these emotional states can cause a myriad of problems and misunderstandings within the transaction. The results of transactions are predictable.  For example, a Child-to-Child transaction will result in commiseration, or a mischievous collaboration. A Child-to-Parent transaction will most likely produce resentment. A Child-to-Adult transaction can result in harmonious problem solving. A Parent-to-Parent transaction will result in a lot of talk. A Parent-to-Adult transaction will produce delayed solutions. An Adult-to-Adult transaction always provides quick, productive solutions.

God is calling on black and brown men to be the one that others can look to when they need a helping hand; to be the one they call on when they need to understand; and to be the one they use when they need to learn how to model a man. God is calling them to bring about change on this plane of existence.  Jesus has given them the authority and power to break the generational curses of apathy, low self-esteem, licentiousness, and absenteeism, etc. It’s high time to turn the focus away from merely cataloging the problems and toward discovering the solutions that will work.  As the songwriter wrote, Jesus is the answer for the world today. Above him there is no other, Jesus is the way.[iv] The answer lies in our partnership with the elder brother Christ Jesus. (Gen. 3:15)[v]

Reinforcing What You’ve Learned & Expanding the Discussion

How does your local community define manhood?

Is that definition empowering or does it foster a sense of failure in you?

Is there a men’s ministry in your church?  If yes, does it meet your needs?  If no, how would you go about articulating your needs as to how they may best be addressed?

Is it possible for several churches in the immediate vicinity to join forces and share resources and expenses?

If a change is needed, is there any way, or anybody available to initiate it?

List three things that you wish the significant females in your life knew and appreciated about you?

Compare and discuss your list to the list of other men. How similar or different are they?

Why do you think many men usually take their identity from what they do for a living as opposed to the content of their character?

How do you think a man feels when he cannot find a job for an extended period of time?

How do you think he should feel?

If he needs help, what can you do to help him feel better about his situation?

Does working a full-time job and bringing the paycheck home designate the full responsibility of the man?

A man’s obligations rest in being the protector, provider and priest of his home and community. Do you agree? If not, what and where should his obligations lie?

Eric Berne, M.D., believes that everyone has three ego states from which they can choose to operate.  Can you identify-without calling names-men in their Parent, Child, or Adult ego states?

What is the basis of your assessment of another?

Are there any times when operating from the Child ego state is beneficial and helpful?

Recall a recent interchange between you and another person in which you can identify the ego state from which each of you operated? 

If a similar situation came up again how would this information help, or hinder the situation at hand?

The Old Chinese proverb states that a journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single small step.  Can you identify the nature of your personal journey?  If so, name one or two small steps that you can take to start your journey?

What are your main purposes and sub-purposes[vi]?

Why were you created at this particular time? If you don’t know, it’s as simple as asking God and then waiting patiently for his answer. God is faithful and will show you what you need to see. 

Why do you think so many men are willing to allow their women and children to attend church, on a regular basis, but they themselves are much less willing to attend regularly?

These days there are many females in positions of authority in the church, on the job, and in the school. Can you honestly and objectively discuss your feelings about female leadership?

Is there any room for change in your stance on female leadership?

Can you list any reasons why men might owe apologies to women for past behaviors, and vice versa?

Can you name any limitations, traditions, and pre-conceived notions that once held you in bondage?

How did you break loose?

If you are free now, what happened to help you realize that you were not living up to your full potential?

How can we help each other obtain a better understanding of who we are and our purpose in life?

Introduction

God has issued a clarion call for the manifestation of purpose and the restoration of order in the house, because that is where judgment starts.[vii]  It is a multistep process that needs to be implemented immediately.

Moving from one spiritual season to another requires the letting go of the past and those things that keep one tethered to unproductive, emotional quagmires. Spiritual seasons are managed by revelation, not by the passage of time.  For example, the prodigal son, had to let go of his purloined purview, his perforated pride, and his perverted perspective before he could come to himself and make a decision to try and better himself (Luke 15:11-32).  He was damaged by his doubts. One day he made up his mind and found his way back home. He was received by his father with celebration, joy, and restoration. The universe is waiting to unfold and receive those men folk who have come to themselves, who can let go of the past, and can move forward toward their destiny.

Menfolk have got to let go of past hurts, pains, frustrations, disappointments, etc.  For some men, this is easier said than done, because they would rather hold on to the familiarity of the pain to which they have become accustomed rather than face the unknowns of the future.

Letting go means stepping outside of your comfort zones.  Letting go calls for the examination and reassessment of the old traditions that no longer work and replacing them with new strategies. It means not relying on time worn approaches for survival that keep you bound to predictable outcomes of mediocrity. It means launching out into the deepest part of the waters: sometimes without the assurance of a life jacket.  It means taking a faith walk and stepping out onto the place where the ice is thinnest. It means seeing things in a different light, and from a fresh perspective. 

The butterfly can’t take to the air until it lets go of its appetite for the dust. It means exercising fragile wings of faith. They are stronger than you think and they can reliably support your ascension into greatness. And, just like that caterpillar’s appetites, perspectives and environment changed when it became a butterfly so will yours. The type and quality of people around whom you spend time will change. Your desires, goals and aspirations will change.  You will have to leave some things and people behind as you set aside outdated ideas. It will seem lonely at first, but remember eagles are solitary creatures and when they fly they only fly with other eagles. As you move in new circles of thought and motivation, you’ll attract new friends, ideas, and people who are seeking the same level of enlightenment that you are. It means learning new tactics.

The process of spiritual maturation involves interacting with each level.  An unfortunate turn of events like losing a job, or experiencing the death of a loved one, etc., can cause a person’s concerns to be temporarily shifted from one level to another.

Please do not confuse a man’s chronological age with that of a spiritual season. A 40-year-old man can act like a spoiled brat (our season of Adam). Inversely, there are precocious 10-year-olds who act like they’ve been here before. Seasons are timeless. They are scheduled by revelation and can last from a few seconds to a year, or longer, based on the development of the individual man.   

Etymology

Hebrew is a Semitic language of the Afro-Asiatic language family spoken by more than seven million people in Israel and Jewish communities around the world. Hebrew has been referred to by Jews as The Holy Tongue since ancient times.[viii]  So, it seemed fitting to take the stage of development appellations from the Hebraic language of the Holy Bible.

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Understanding Expectations & What to look for

Each section that deals with a particular spiritual season will have a breakdown of the chronological equivalency (Chronos Age). This age is approximate, because humans do not all develop equally and at the same rate. Education, environment, experience, and exposure all play significant roles in the rate and quality of his development. Each section will also include the original term used (etymology), insights into the problem areas of the season under discussion, tips on how to minister to the person, and varying perspectives on his being. 

Stage One – Adam

The Lord made Adam, the Lord made Eve, he made ‘em both a little bit naive. E.Y. Harburg (1898–1981)

"And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness...Gen. 1:26a

Expectations & What to look for

In this part of the book, you will learn about the first spiritual stage of manhood called Adam (the Adamic season).  For simplicity’s sake, we will use the term Adam when talking about youth aged from birth to adolescence. 

At the end of this section, you should be able to define the Adamic season of manhood and also be able to recognize the characteristics of this stage of development in others including yourself.  You should be able to differentiate between the rearing strategies of boys and girls and the effect that these strategies have on boys. There will be sufficient information to help you formulate coping strategies with men operating on this level of development. At the conclusion of this section, your interpersonal communications skills and level of tolerance for others will, both have improved whether you decide to use the information or not.

General Description (Chronos Age)

The first spiritual stage of manhood coincides with a chronological age range from birth to approximately 12 years old, the time that ancient Jewish people considered the entry point to adulthood.  The most important of these years are the ages from birth to seven years old. This is the time when the child is learning by recording the notions and ideas that his trusted caregivers present. He is not able to evaluate them, he simply internalizes them. These are the things that are stored in his sub-conscious mind. From that point on everything else is channeled into the conscious mind. The greatest amount of learning takes place from the ages of three years old to 7 years old. From that point on everything is evaluated, accepted or rejected based on what occurred those first seven years.

When raising a boy, there are three important things that most boys need to know.  First, they need to know who is in charge. Secondly, they need to know what the rules are. And thirdly, they need to know what the consequences for breaking those rules are. Once most boys have processed this information, they tend to become more tractable voluntarily falling in line. They eagerly watch and mimic the pecking order behaviors of adult males. 

Toward the end of this season, in the Jewish mindset, Adam is expected to leave childhood habits and concerns behind as he enters adulthood. It is assumed that he will have been taught and is capable of fulfilling adult responsibilities. The time range differs in Western societies. At the age of twelve many boys have already explored their own anatomy and have encountered an awakened curiosity about girls.  Many boys at this time are capable of copulation and procreation even if they are only thinking about it and have not yet acted upon it. 

The word Adam appears about 562 times and in all periods of biblical Hebrew.  It is as much a description of him as it is a name.  Adam is the creational man insofar as he was created by a special and immediate act of God. He alone was created in the image of God. (Gen. 1:27) He consisted of two elements, the material and the nonmaterial. (Gen. 2:7) From the outset he occupied an exalted position over the rest of the earthly creation. (Gen. 1:28 and 2:16-17) Until the curse, he enjoyed a greater blessing: that of eternal life.

Man was created in God's image with reference to his soul and or spirit. Man is essentially