Sasquatch Love Call

By A. M. Jordan

“Readers seeking humor with a satisfyingly fun supernatural backdrop will find Sasquatch Love Call impossible to either categorize or put down.” — D. Donovan, Midwest Book Review

“If you are looking for a supernatural love story on the weird side, heed the Sasquatch Love Call.” – Eric Smith, Seattle Book Review

Danny Jael’s life working at the Colorado mountain resort was going just fine, even with the constant risk of being busted for real and made-up probation violations, a complicated romance with Anna, and a gathering of two clans of sasquatches from all over the country for what was their equivalent of a royal wedding.

That was until someone began starting fires all over town and tried to frame Danny and his best friend, Sieg, for them. One little disaster with a dragon-themed homecoming float, and no one lets you live it down!

Adding to the upheaval are problems in sasquatch paradise. Both bride and groom are in love with other sasquatches, but tradition and clan politics demanded they marry each other instead.

Yep, just another interesting summer in Weird Canyon!

• Language: English
• Publisher: DX Varos Publishing
• Release date: Sep 13, 2022
• ISBN: 9781955065658

A. M. Jordan

The son of a printer and a waitress and born in Colorado in 1967, A.M. Jordan grew up camping throughout the Front Range. He is married to Laura, who somehow puts up with him, and is owned by three cats. They all live together in the not-so-wilds of metro Denver. He is passionate about books, railroads, history, and baseball. Weird Canyon is Mr. Jordan's debut novel.

Book preview

July 4, 1986

The explosion shook the entire house throwing me out of my bed. Paperbacks were knocked off shelves. My heavy, carved, oak wardrobe moved a full foot along the wall. I was lucky it was bottom heavy since it didn’t fall over on top of me. My bookshelf, desk, and bed, had joined it in a short dance across the floor.

I was not amused. Before being blown up, I had been in the midst of a delightful dream involving Anna. The music had stopped, she was about to kiss me, and boom.

With fury in my heart, I stood up. Slipping into a pair of jeans, I yanked my door open and thrust my head into the hall.

Goddammit, Sieg! It’s still morning!

A thick cloud of choking smoke filled the hall. I drew back as it filled the doorway.

Holding my hand before my face, I rushed to the top of the stairs at the end of the hall. I snatched the fire extinguisher from its hook, checking the instructions as I did so.

From the stairwell, I could hear exclamations of surprise and anger. I doubted if they would match the burning in my heart at that moment.

Equipped for anything, or so I thought, I went head-hunting.

The smoke eddied and swirled as the door next to mine opened. Jenny, in pajama pants, and a long, green, tee-shirt, looked out. Her hair was a frizzled mess. She didn’t look any happier than I was.

Are you all right? she asked, glancing at the fire extinguisher in my hands.

I’m fine.

What happened?

One guess. I nodded toward the smoking ruin across the hall.

When we moved into the house, Sieg had commandeered the room next to his to use as a laboratory. No one raised a fuss because it kept him quiet.

Now, the laboratory door was blown from its hinges, clear across the hall. The doorway was a vague splintered hole.

Holding the fire extinguisher in a shield position, I peered inside to determine a casualty count.

Jenn placed a hand on my shoulder to look inside with me.

The smoke had dissipated enough to reveal the interior. Luckily, there wasn’t an actual fire. However, the tables, benches, and shelves that were crammed into the room were all broken and singed.

At least five thousand dollars’ worth of glassware, which had taken Sieg years to collect, was now a sea of broken shards strewn across the floor.

His microscope was a twisted abstract sculpture at our feet.

Of Sieg, there was no sign. My first though was he had been vaporized by the explosion. I didn’t know how I would explain that to his parents, or his sister.

Common sense kicked in. If the explosion was enough to vaporize him, the entire house would have come down. Maybe.

Sieg! I called.

The debris near the center of the room moved slightly. Then from the air above it, there came a cough.

I looked at the ceiling, which remained intact despite the huge scorch mark across it.

Where are you? I said.

There came another cough.

Too much sulfur, Sieg’s voice said.

It seemed to come from the center of the room, right below the scorch mark on the ceiling.

Are you all right? Jenny called.

I…think so. Can you turn on the lights?

I flipped the switch. Nothing happened, which wasn’t surprising since the bulbs probably hadn’t survived the explosion.

Jenny ran back to her room. Returning a moment later, she handed me a flashlight. She held another in her other hand. We turned the beams into the room.

Where are you? I said.

I’m standing right here, came his voice.

The debris shifted again.

Come on! Give me a hand! I can’t see anything!

That’s just it, Jenny said. We can’t see you.

Quit clowning! Turn on the light and help me! I’m right here!

We both panned our lights across the lab a couple of times. There was nothing but wreckage to be seen. I even looked at the ceiling again, just in case.

I was startled by a voice behind me.

What, in the name of all that is holy, is going on here?

Mike, the head houseman, stood behind us. He wore a red bathrobe and dark blue fuzzy slippers. He cradled another fire extinguisher in his arms. His blue eyes were narrowed into a scowl.

Todd, our other houseman, stood behind him in baggy shorts and sandals.

Sieg blew himself up, I said. We’re trying to find him. He claims he’s alive.

Oh, come on! Sieg said.

With a sigh, I went back to my room for my sneakers. It was a hell of a way to start the morning.

The others watched me as I stepped through the doorway.

If my shoes get wrecked, Fat Boy, you’re going to be buying me a new pair.

Come on!

More of the debris moved as I approached the center. I slipped on some of the glass, losing my balance. Waving my hands to recover, I struck transparent flesh to my right.

Ow! Why are you hitting me?

Oh, I’ll hit you all right, I said.

Jenny turned her flashlight so it illuminated the room next to me. Where Sieg’s voice was emanating, there were little sparkles in the air, but no sign of him.

I reached out to take hold of what I hoped was his arm.

Have I gone blind? he asked.

I think you’ve gone invisible.

That’s crazy. I don’t feel invisible.

Oh, yes you do.

I guided him around some wreckage on our way to the door. Our feet crunched in the shattered glass.

Why can’t I see?

I had known the answer the moment I found him.

How does vision work, Smart Boy?

Light enters the eyes, bounces of the retinas, and is interpreted by the rods and cones.

Now, what happens if that light isn’t stopped by the retinas, but either passes through or around them?

Oh.

The enormity of what he had done was beginning to sink in.

Oh, is right, I said. Your brain is finally catching up. If you are invisible, you’re going to be blind.

Wonderful.

I still want to know what the hell you were doing, Mike said from the door. You shook the entire house.

I couldn’t sleep. I decided to check on my crystal farm. I thought of a new chemical bath to make the crystal grow faster. I was putting it together when I bumped into the rack and then—

Boom, I said.

Yeah, boom.

An idea occurred to me as we got to the door.

I have an idea. Let’s get you into the shower. I want you to scrub really hard. Rinse your eyes a couple of times, too. Let’s see if we can get the crystals off your skin.

That kind of makes sense. All right, get me over there.

Since he’s alive, Mike said, I’m going back to bed. I want this mess cleaned up before Monday morning.

Jen came over and found his other arm. Together, we walked him out the door and down to the bathroom at the far end of the hall. After helping him into the shower, I reached in to turn on the water.

There was the sound of rustling clothing as something hit me in the shoulder.

I’d better go, Jen said. I don’t want Courtney getting mad at me.

I don’t think she’d—

I don’t want to take the chance. I’ll just go back to the lab and assess the damage. We don’t need half the house collapsing.

As she left, something wet fell to the floor behind me. I could hear the jingle of his belt buckle, so I closed the privacy curtain. A naked Sieg was something that should only be inflicted on Courtney.

I handed in a washcloth and it floated in the air for a moment.

Hey! he said. You were right. I can see again. I had to get the stuff out of my eyes.

Good. I’m going to leave your clothes here by the door.

Down the hall, I found Jen talking to Mike and Todd.

I thought you were going back to bed.

I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Dude, is he going to be all right? said Todd.

I was struck by how different he looked when he wasn’t wearing his sunglasses. I wasn't used to seeing his eyes.

He’ll live. He got the gunk out of his eyes, so he can see again. How well, I don’t know. That was a hell of an explosion.

Tell me about it, Mike said. At least the house is sturdy. The only damage seems to be the window and door. We have spares down in the cellar.

I’ll let him know.

I moved past them toward Sieg’s room.

I grabbed a pair of his jeans and a tee-shirt from the pile on the floor next to the bed. I didn’t know, nor care, if there were clean. From his desk drawer, I pulled a spare pair of his glasses. This was not the first time he had lost a pair to an experiment.

When I got back to the bathroom, he was out of the shower and peering myopically into the mirror. He had a towel wrapped around his waist.

Visible, he was short, rotund, and near-sighted. He was looking into his eyes as if trying to determine how much of his corneas were visible now.

He took the clothes and glasses without a word.

Back at the lab, Mike and Todd were gone. Jenny had managed to dress, but her hair was uncombed.

We’d hired her a couple of days before. Mostly because Sieg vouched for her and she needed a job.

She had been working for a medium who had come to Lake Weir to grift off our Night Auditor, Gwen. Unfortunately, they found that the Lake Weir Resort was in fact, haunted, and the ghosts were slightly aggressive. Because Jenny pushed to document the ghosts, her employer fired her on the spot.

I’ll be right back, I said.

We started poking around in the ruins after I dressed.

The lab was a total loss. The walls around the window and door were shredded. There wasn’t a piece of whole furniture in the room. Mike was right, it was surprising that the walls had held. It looked as if the force of the explosion had gone through the door and the window.

There came a noise behind us.

Sieg stood there, slightly damp, rubbing his head with a towel.

Oh, man, this is a mess. It’s going to take us a while to clean this up.

What do you mean, ‘us’? I said. You did this, you get to clean it up.

I thought we were a team!

Inside the house, you break it, you fix it. You know that.

How am I going to fix it alone?

Before I could answer, there came the sound of someone running up the stairs.

What the hell is going on here? Courtney said as she approached. You could hear that one all the way to the Resort. They probably heard it clear to Denver.

Uh, Sieg said before turning invisible.

This time, his clothes remained visible. It was chilling to see his glasses floating above his collar.

What the hell? Courtney said.

Congratulations, I said. You have an invisible boyfriend.

Jenny giggled despite herself. Courtney glared at her and she subsided.

She was still a bit timid around Courtney. I wasn’t sure if it was because Courtney was Sieg’s girlfriend, or if it was because Courtney was Courtney.

Courtney’s father had wanted a son. Instead, he got Courtney, who was even better. She was athletic, intelligent, and fiery. We had been friends since kindergarten.

Like Helen of Troy, she was rarely involved in our mishaps. On the other hand, when the Student Council cheated her out of being Homecoming Queen in our senior year, it directly led to our building of the Mohawk Dragon and burning half the town down. Technically, the Dragon wasn’t her fault, that was strictly Sieg and me.

Now, one of Sieg’s sleeves moved as he raised his arm.

Oh, man, I can see it this time. This is so cool!

Behind his glasses, his eyes floated in the air above his shirt collar. There was a bit of skin around them. My skin crawled.

Yeah, you have eyes, I said.

Cool! Right out of old H. G. Wells, himself!

Cool? I said, Sieg, you’re invisible! What’s cool about that?

I’m invisible! How is that not cool?

You’re only partially invisible, Jenny said.

Details! Details!

Before he could say more, he faded back into visibility. Slowly, starting with the skin around his eyes, his face began to appear in the air above his shirt collar. Meanwhile, his hands and arms appeared.

I stepped closer to examine the side of his face.

I wonder… I said, raising my hand.

He stepped away, flailing at me.

What are you doing? Get away from me!

I’m trying the look at your skin.

I gently scraped his cheek with a fingernail. Even as he pulled back, he turned invisible again.

It was fascinating. When he returned to visibility, it was a slow process. When he turned invisible, it was practically instantaneous.

Hmm, I said, looking at my fingernail. "I think those crystals are actually embedded in your skin. There must be something that happens when you’re surprised making them react.

What am I going to do? I can’t just go around turning invisible. People will talk.

He turned visible again.

It’ll give you something to think about while you’re cleaning up this mess, I said.

Courtney pushed past me. She grabbed Sieg by the face to kiss him.

I love you, but could we please go a day without a crisis?

Uh—

Before he could say anything else, he disappeared again.

We’ve got to do something about this, she said.

All right, I said, I’ll help him bring up the plywood, glass, and frames from the cellar.

She hit me on the shoulder.

What?

You know perfectly well what I meant, Daniel Jael! I do not want my boyfriend turning invisible all the time.

There’s not a lot I can do. The crystals are embedded in his skin. Everything that wasn’t covered by clothes is going to turn invisible from time to time until the crystals wear off. It’s like when you drew those cat whiskers on me.

That was first grade!

Yeah, and remember how long it took for them to go away?

So, what do we do? Sieg asked.

I guess you’d better get shoveling. We won’t be able to put up plywood until this junk is cleared.

I’ll help him, Courtney said.

Great. When that’s done. I’ll help bring the plywood up.

You’re too kind, Sieg said with a sneer.

I always help when I’ve been a party to the disaster. This one is on you.

How am I going to fix it alone?

You’re not alone, silly, Courtney said, I’m here.

Don’t make it a habit, I said, or you’ll spend the rest of your life running after him and cleaning up his messes.

I know exactly what I am doing, Daniel. If you’re not assisting, could you at least leave so we can work?

Sure. I need to feed Edgar and take a shower. I hope you didn’t leave those clothes where someone could trip on them.

Uh, I forgot. I’ll go get them right now.

Good idea.

It had a dim memory of being alive at one time. It had breathed and had feelings. Now, there was just the hunger. It had been so strong for a long time and now it was weak again. It had manifested and paid the price.

The fat idiot had been playing with his science. It only took a slight nudge, one little twitch on his elbow to add just enough sulfur.

The explosion brought energy, not the right kind of energy, but enough that it could once again begin to manipulate. The house’s inhabitants were all young and soon, there would be plenty of the right kind of energy.

This time would be very different.

Two

The Farewell Conspiracy

Breakfast was quiet. Sieg sat next to Courtney and barely said a word as he ate.

About half-way through, the service phone rang. I was about to stand up, but Mike held up a hand, waving for me to sit down.

I’ve got it. You get the dishes when we’re done.

He went into the hall and a few minutes later stuck his head back inside.

Hey, Compadre, he said to Todd, they need us for some early morning departures. Get a move on.

Dude, was all Todd said before wiping his mouth, standing up, and leaving for upstairs.

Moments later, the front screen slammed as they went out.

Is it always like this? Jenny asked.

No, I said. We usually go through the day without an explosion, but today is the Fourth of July.

Courtney kicked me under the table. I looked at her and she nodded toward Sieg.

He had barely touched his breakfast. He was staring at his oatmeal while pushing it around with a slice of bacon.

Uh, Sieg, I said.

Too much sulfur, he said to himself.

I grinned at Courtney and stood up.

He’s going to be okay. He’s just going over the experiment again.

Tell you what, she said, you two head on over to the Resort and we’ll take care of the dishes.

Mike specifically…

I trailed off at her look. There was something going on that I didn’t understand. Instead of arguing, I shrugged my shoulders and stood up.

Shall we begone? I asked Jenny.

Sure.

We headed down the trail at a casual pace. At the end of the trail, we came into the dirt parking lot. To our right stood the Resort.

The Lake Weir Resort was a rambling, three story, Victorian edifice, with a tower in the middle and two wings. At some point we were going to have to hire someone to paint it because there was no way any of us should have been up on scaffolding. The crater Sieg would make would have been enormous.

The front porch ran across the front from wing to wing. At least it was now safe to climb the stairs. When Sieg and I had arrived, he’d put his foot through a rotten step. Actually, the entire Resort was better because of all the work the four of us had done over the past couple of months.

Jenny followed me up the stairs and into the lobby.

Lake Weir’s lobby was one of the Tourist Trap Seven Wonders. Imagine the Ripley’s Odditorium, but without the medical stuff. Shelves and cabinets held hundreds, perhaps thousands, of items from all over the world. They had been either brought or sent to Lake Weir by guests, staff, and who knows who else.

There was a stuffed fake Sasquatch across from the Front Desk. There was a stuffed moose head with Mickey Mouse ears over the door to the lounge. There was a stuffed polar bear standing on its hind legs just a few feet from the enormous stone fireplace. There were rocks both carved by the hands of men and found in their natural weird state. There were small Native American artifacts, like a Kachina doll and a display of stone arrowheads. One thing it was missing, though, was a suit of armor. I refused to point it out to Sieg because he would want to go and get one.

Today, with everything else, there was a small crowd at the Front Desk. Mike was standing there speaking with Lisa and Penny about the day’s chores.

Penny Tyrell was Mike’s girlfriend and our Head Housekeeper. Her well-rounded figure was testing the tensile strength of her dark-green Lake Weir polo shirt. The color of the shirt accented her bright red hair and blue eyes.

Lisa Collins, our Front Desk Manager, wore what I called the management uniform. It consisted of a white blouse, a dark-blue jacket and skirt, and a dark blue necktie. The Lake Weir logo was embroidered in gold thread on the pocket of the jacket.

Lisa was beautiful in a cool way, as opposed to Penny’s fiery flair. There was a general calmness to her that seemed to dampen any drama that might be stirring.

All three broke off their conversation and looked up as Jenny and I approached.

Weren’t you supposed to do the dishes? Mike asked.

Sure, but Courtney had other ideas. I think she’s looking for some one-on-one time with Sieg.

Washing dishes?

I shrugged.

She basically ordered us out of the house, Jenny said.

Was he really invisible? Penny asked with a grin.

Yep, I replied. He seems to go back and forth with visibility. You can see right through him.

Speaking of seeing through someone, Lisa said with a demure smile, Anna is already in her office. You might want to go speak with her.

Yeah. Good idea.

Before I could dig myself deeper, the elevator rumbled, clonked, and dinged.

When the doors opened, Madam Keeply, and her assistant, Bernard, stepped out. Todd followed with a loaded luggage cart.

Make sure, she said over her shoulder, our luggage is checked correctly at the airport, Bernie.

Madam Keeply was the medium who had originally employed Jenny. She was a large woman with curly black hair. Today, she wore a maroon dress with a Gypsy shawl wrapped around her waist and a wide brimmed black hat. Sunglasses hid her eyes.

Bernard, her assistant, was tall and very thin. He wore a tweed suit with patches on the elbows. In each hand, he carried a pair of blue plastic cases.

Yes, Madam, he said.

As they moved toward the Front Desk, his jacket billowed out.

Madame Keeply turned her head and saw Jenny standing there.

Oh, Jennifer, are you still here?

Jenny raised her chin and looked straight into Madame Keeply’s sunglasses.

Yes, I am.

Well, I hope you don’t think I’ll rehire you. Once done is done.

I don’t want to be rehired. I’ve taken a job here at the Resort.

Madame Keeply looked over the tops of her sunglasses at Jenny.

How…clever of you.

Besides, Jenny said sweetly, I can now make a serious scientific inquiry into the phenomena you discovered here.

Oh, the ghosts, Madame Keeply sniffed, disdainfully. Well, good luck with that. I hope you can stay out of trouble.

She sniffed again, as if dismissing Jenny, before turning and strolling out of the Lobby.

She did not look back.

A black limousine pulled up as Bernard returned. The driver, wearing a chauffeur uniform, hopped out to hold the door for Madame Keeply.

Bernie came over to Jenny and put the plastic cases on the floor. He shook Jenny’s hand warmly.

I do hope you won’t think ill of me over this, he said.

She sighed.

No, Bernie. I just wish she’d take it more seriously. She has no idea of what a breakthrough it was when those ghosts appeared.

He nodded. I know. Well, you can take the huckster out of the carnival but you can’t take the carnival out of the huckster.

Be careful, Bernie. She knows more than she thinks, like the Fool in the Tarot.

He held up a finger. Bending over, he opened one of the two cases and pulled a pair of metal drums from it. He handed them over to Jenny.

She told me to destroy these, but I think it would be better to put them into your hands.

What are they?

The film from the other night. It’s the evidence you’ll need to build on.

Impulsively, she reached up and hugged him.

Thanks, Bernie. I’ll take care of them.

Good.

She walked with him toward the front door.

I turned to walk in the other direction. I went up to a door marked Comptroller on a brass plaque and knocked.

Come in, said a beautiful voice.

Anna was working over a ledger. She wore a green eyeshade over her long, blonde hair. Like Lisa, she wore a white blouse and her jacket was draped over the back of her chair.

She ticked off some entries in the leger while consulting a piece of paper. One stray strand of hair hung down the side of her face. I felt the urge to reach out and push it back into place.

Hi, I said.

When she looked up, her eyes twinkled as a smile lit up her face.

Hi, yourself.

Do you have a minute?

Sure.

She carefully laid her pen down and used the piece of paper to mark her place on the ledger page. She pushed her eyeshade up before leaning back.

I was thinking, I said, in the shower this morning. I was wondering if you’d like to come running with me in the mornings again.

I’d like nothing more. I’ve missed our little morning excursions.

I started grinning like an idiot.

At least it will get me out of the house before Sieg blows himself up again.

She blinked.

He blew himself up?

I nodded.

Yep, and he turned himself invisible.

Oh, my God! Is that a euphemism for dead?

Nope. It’s a euphemism for being transparent. Or, if you like, being able to be seen through.

Are you kidding?

I shook my head.

"He’s managed to wash most of it off, but he still tends to fade in and out. It’s kind of creepy with his clothes floating in mid-air.

She giggled.

Serves him right.

Courtney was not amused at all. She was still scolding him when I left the house.

Wow. How is Jennifer dealing with all this madness?

I think she was inoculated early, between the ghosts and Howard.

All right, get going. As much as I’d love to have you stay here, I’ve got work to do. Cap made a mess of the books while I was gone. You’d think he’d know how to write something down once in a while.

You should have expected that.

Maybe, but things have been unsettled since I got back. Running through the Resort all night didn’t help. Now I have to straighten it all out. Your uncle is here and he’s going to want a financial report before he leaves.

I don’t think he’ll care about it. He’s on vacation.

Trust me, Danny. He’s going to want an update about his investment before he leaves.

All right, have it your way.

See you later.

I backed out of her office so that I could watch her. It was dumb, I know, but it didn’t feel dumb at the time.

I closed the door.

Boo!

I jumped out of my skin before spinning around.

Brittany and Sven stood there.

He was laughing, and she wore a smirk. It seemed the armed truce between us was still tentative.

Brittany was Anna’s identical cousin. Identical, that is, except that everything that was light in Anna; hair, eyes, temperament; was dark in her. Raven hair cascaded down her back in ringlets. The blue of her eyes was dark and threatening. Right now, though, they were twinkling like Anna’s had, as she smothered her snickers.

Once, a couple of weeks before, Anna had left the Resort, supposedly forever. On an impulse, I kissed Brittany. It had been without her permission and I wouldn’t do it again. We had enjoyed the moment, but I was pretty sure neither of us wanted to repeat the experiment.

For one thing, our personalities clashed.

I was just a bit more laid-back than she liked. It didn’t help I was a Westerner and not one of her East-Coast nouveau riche friends.

For my part, there was something about a woman who would steal her cousin’s fiancé at the engagement party that made me leery of her.

Sven Goulding was our Catering Manager. He was even more blonde than Anna with short cropped hair. He was a couple of inches taller than me. His eyes were bluer than Anna’s and his cheekbones gave him a sinister aspect. He would have been cast as the Nazi in practically any film.

He was the fiancé that Brittany had stolen. He had been engaged to Anna for less than an hour when she found him and Brittany making their own fun on the kitchen table.

Anna had tossed her engagement ring into his face, packed her belongings and fled to Colorado.

He had chased her and tried, more than once, to put himself between Anna and myself.

Brittany had chased him. After the kissing episode, he had realized he was in love with her instead of Anna. After I had figured out they had been working with Doug Assyrian to steal the Resort from Uncle Ed, we had turned our open hostilities into the aforementioned armed truce.

Brittany couldn’t smother her giggling any more. It disturbed me how much she sounded like Anna.

Oh, she said,