Conquering the Ghosts

By Ken Schwab

Four decades of haunting memories

 

Life can be hard. Having to relive parts of it through unpleasant and intrusive memories can make it much harder. You can see something, hear something, or smell something and be propelled back to the past, where you relive the negative emotions. You can feel like the traumatic event is happening all over again.

 

Ken is a retired law enforcement veteran who knows this firsthand after four decades of collecting his own haunting memories. This book is based on a successful seminar he developed to help others who struggle with those 'ghosts.' His approach offers help to anyone, regardless of their profession, their background, or their ghosts' origin.

 

In this book, he's provided a well-tested resource to turn to when you, someone you love, or someone you know is challenged by haunting memories. 

 

Please understand:

 

It is not fair
It is not your fault
You are not alone
It can be better

• Language: English
• Publisher: Ken Schwab
• Release date: Aug 10, 2022
• ISBN: 9798985696929

Book preview

INTRODUCTION

Somewhere I had shut down emotionally in my career and personal life, but memories were always there, lurking around the corner. I didn’t recognize the effects on my life until years later, but I knew I was haunted, and I knew I wasn’t alone in that feeling. When I developed the idea for a class to address those life-changing events, ghost seemed the most appropriate term to use in the class title.

Twenty-plus years ago I developed a workshop titled Conquering the Ghosts to help others overcome haunting memories of past events. Given the heartfelt and positive responses from those participants, I decided to document my forty-year struggle in written form. This book is the culmination of my experiences in identifying those ghosts and conquering them.

As a highway patrolman, I would stop drivers who did not stay in their lanes of travel. Bad things can happen when you drift into oncoming traffic. I will stay in my lane with this book. I am not a therapist, mental health professional, scientist, researcher, doctor, or grief counselor. I will stick with what I have learned on my journey. Life can be hard, and it’s even harsher when you have to relive certain unpleasant moments over and over.

Here are a few suggestions as you read this book:

You refers to your current self, your future self, and your current and future loved ones and friends.

This book is intended to help you. I’m offering a lifetime of lessons learned from these challenges, and I have done my best to bring my seminar alive in written form.

Some of the words in this book may trigger unpleasant memories. Think about where you are while you read. Understand that you are safe and are not in danger. Your memories are in your mind, nowhere else.

C H A P T E R 1

OUR HAUNTED SELVES

My ghosts have come to visit me for over forty years now. These unwelcome visitors can be awakened by an event, image, sound, smell, touch, mood, or anniversary. Other times these intrusive thoughts appear unannounced without a discernible reason.

Not all who are involved with trauma go on to experience the visits of haunting ghosts. For many of us, though, time doesn’t heal all wounds. The pain is real, and wishing it away has not worked.

Early in my career as a highway patrolman, I overdosed on the dead and dying. I had been there as family members helplessly watched their loved ones struggle to live. Years later, as a police chief, I observed the devastating effects trauma had on my staff, and on victims and witnesses of accidents and crimes.

But how could I possibly understand your pain, your trauma? What can a cop teach you about your memories? While I may not have experienced the specific event or events that created your ghosts, I do know the pain and aftermath they bring.

I understand how certain triggers can take you back to a time that haunts you, even years later. A memory so real, it feels like the event is happening all over again. That event was frozen in time. It can catch you off guard, or you might see it coming but be unable to stop its haunting or defuse your triggers.

I have seen people from all walks of life struggle. We are common in our struggles. We share different stories, with similar lasting effects. Trauma doesn’t discern class, color, age, or creed. It can have many sources—childhood traumas, sexual assault, gun violence, domestic violence, bullies, failed relationships, the death of a loved one, witnessing a violent event, combat experiences, accidents, and so many more. All can create ghosts that follow you long after a particular event, or series of events, has ended. Or the ghosts can pop up years later when you’ve all but forgotten that past moment.

I get it. I understand how ghosts work to diminish your quality of life. I’ve experienced similar feelings. The reality is that the mind holds on to memories, waits for a triggering event to unlock them, and then releases your ghosts. As humans, we can recall both good and unpleasant events, sometimes for a lifetime.

Let me be clear in case you are looking for a magic formula to rid yourself of ghosts: there isn’t one. However, there are ways to diminish and manage the effects.

Much of the battle in conquering your ghosts is understanding them—how they work, what brings them visiting, and how they affect your day-to-day life.

It is not fair.

It is not your fault.

You are not alone.

It can be better.

It Is Not Fair

Every person sooner or later confronts the question of the meaning of life. Why are we born, and why do we die? Why do we suffer, and why do others suffer more or suffer less? Why do tragic events happen to genuinely good people?

One of the reasons I entered police work was to catch the bad guys. My father had been in law enforcement, but even that hadn’t prodded me to think through what the actual day-to-day beat would be like. I wasn’t prepared to stand by and watch as the life drained from the innocent, or to witness the haunting grief of their loved ones. That’s not something they teach in the academy. I couldn’t grasp the suffering and death, especially of children, when I was helpless to stop it. The urge to help flooded me,