Uniquely Me: Poetry and Short Stories

By Derrick Johnson

This is my third book, and if you read any of my other books, you would know that I always think outside the box and try to give you the funniest poems and short stories that I can think of. So I hope that you enjoy this book as well.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Aug 5, 2022
• ISBN: 9781665564632

Derrick Johnson

I’m Unique, I’m unlike any other person, writing has always been easy and sometimes challenging for me; I’ve always had a unique way of thinking and doing things that works best for me. That’s why I name the book “Uniquely Me”, because I wanted to share some of my unique and sometimes crazy thoughts with you.

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2022 Derrick Johnson. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 07/20/2022

Library of Congress Control Number: 2022913292

ISBN: 978-1-6655-6464-9 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-6655-6463-2 (e)

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

A Crying Woman’s Tears

A Drink, Good Sex, And Some Weed

A Good Pen And Paper

A Midnight Snack

Abracadabra

Accidental Discharge

All Pillows Aside

Arabian Night

Beautiful As A Rose

Bedtime Story

Big Eyes

Blazed Up

Can You Think Of A Reason

Clocking You

Does Size Matter?

Don’t Ask Why!

Don’t Worry About Me, I Will Be Alright

Everybody Has A Flaw

For You

Forced

From The Cradle To The Grave

G2G

Ghettology

Grandfathered In To Stupid

I Want To Hold You

I Can’t Take No Mo’, One Of Us Has To Go

I Need Some Rain

I Was There, But You Chased Me Away

I Wonder

Just Shut Up

Let My Poem Cry

Lip Juice

Man Cans

Manish In Spanish

Math Head

O-Positive (O+)

Are You Down With O.C.D.

P. A. S. S. (People Are So Stupid)

Petals On The Floor

Rhonda’s Honda

Space Available Male (S.A.M.)

Stop Taking Or People (S.T.O.P.)

Social Feed

Statue

Taking Control Of Your Sexy

The Dirty Dozen

The Fink

The Mind Of A Freak

The Name Is Derrick

The Night The Clown Got Loose

The Side Chick

The T.H.O.T Of Her

The Watch Tower

There Are Two Sides To Love

There Is No Truth In Her Lies

What Is Love

What Is Romantic?

When I’m Ready

Who Was There?

When I’m Ready

Why Is She So Phat

A Crying Woman’s Tears

A crying woman’s tears has killed more men that Whiskey.

They can drop tears when they are happy, sad, or feeling frisky.

They can cry on your shoulder and will never tell you why.

But you can see those tears and be willing to die.

Tears are nothing more than liquid emotions leaving your body.

These tears can be deadly to a man, especially if she is a hottie.

You can catch your woman cheating and she will cry you a river.

Some women are so good at crying that they make their lip quiver.

Some men are some real suckers for the big wet eyes.

They will end up forgiving them and accepting her big wet lies.

A crying woman will use her tears as a part of her plan.

She can cry you into getting rid of her other man.

Don’t get me wrong, there are some crying men too.

But I’m not talking about them; this poem is about Girl Boo.

Big tears of joy, tears of happiness, tears of pain, or tears of sorrow.

I don’t want tears, because if she cries today, she will cry tomorrow.

Wars have been started because of a woman’s crying.

In those wars, a lot of innocent people ended up dying.

So the next time that you decide to cry.

Cry for the truth instead of a Lie.

A Drink, Good Sex, And Some Weed

A stiff drink, some good sex, and some bomb ass weed.

Will be all I want to help with that sexual need.

Crack the bottle and give a big cup.

Tilt that shit back and finish it up.

Tell her to take off her clothes so you can admire the flesh.

Make sure she takes a shower, so that pussy is wet and fresh.

Let her exit the shower to ensure that she is dripping wet.

Kiss the drops of water from her body before they began to set.

After you have kissed her body dry.

Fire up that joint and start to get high.

Weed, sex, and good liquor will lead to an all-nighter.

You must make her ass tap out like a UFC Fighter.

Play some crazy games like you are a fisherman and she is the fish. Pretend she is Jeanie, make her rub her tits and fulfill your wish.

She can be the bad girl and you are the new Sheriff in town.

You can be her Life Guard as she as pretends to drown.

Be careful not to drink too much, you can fuck all night, but can’t cum.

After a while you will feel like you are fucking with some old chewing gum.

Finally, she had enough and she is laying on her side.

Now you are lying next to her with your limp ass pride.

When you get Blazed, you must take the pussy like a Goon.

You still must pace yourself and try not to cum too soon.

All the booze, drugs, and sex is your license to chill.

But if you want to take it to the level, get the Smurf Pill.

The Smurf Pills will cost you some cash, in God we trust.

Those Smurf Pills could also make your heart bust.

My advice to you is, don’t try to fuck all night all night long.

You are not in the Mighty Jungle and you are not, King Kong.

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