The Secret Farter: Chronicles of Crapping Manor

By Henry J. Flynn

In the grounds of Crapping Manor School children play happily amongst the trees and wildflowers, singing songs about their teacher The Secret Farter. But this peaceful scene is shattered by an event so awful that even now it still makes people shudder. What they remember is not the sound of birdsong, nor the scent of flowers. Warning! Do not eat strawberries, cream and especially chocolate whilst reading!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Henry J. Flynn
• Release date: May 17, 2022
• ISBN: 9798201031763

Book preview

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Chronicles of Crapping Manor

The Secret Farter

Meet Mr Splodger.

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Splodgy

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Art teacher at Crapping Manor School.

Called Splodgy by the children, or sometimes the Secret Farter.

One pupil, Barry Pickwick, wrote this about him:

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Barry Pickwick

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‘Here comes Splodgy, the Secret Farter.

His first name’s Philip, or is it Arthur?’

Mr Splodger had gone out of class for a couple of minutes.

‘Hmm. Rhymes quite well’, Barry thought.

He wrote two more lines:

‘You can smell him more than a mile away,

When he lets one off you won’t want to stay!’

His friend Alix was looking over at his exercise book.

She giggled. ‘I like it! Just needs a couple more lines.’

Then Mr Splodger walked in. He was carrying some yellow roses.

‘We’re going to do some paintings of these today. They have a very interesting shape, don’t you think? Each petal unique’.

‘What does ‘you neek’ mean?’ Alix asked Barry.

‘He means that every petal is unlike any other.’

‘Oh’.

‘Yellow roses. Hmm. I know what to write!’ Barry whispered:

‘He don’t smell of perfume or fresh yellow roses.

Come on everybody, let’s all pinch our noses!’

‘You’re good at poems!’ Alix said.

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Mr Splodger couldn’t help passing wind.

He was born like that.

The first thing he did when he came out of his mother’s belly was to let off a huge fart.

It woke up the maternity ward.

Some of the babies smiled, some gurgled, some cried.

But all of them started farting, just like him: ... frrrt, vrrrrump,