Severe(d) Anxiety

By David Huffman

When concussions strike a young mind, life is spent in emotional management. It would be fourty-five years before a diagnosis could be made and the healing process could begin, but the mind started early. It was tired of the confluence of negative emotions and began the unification through poetry. One part was putting together the theme, another was putting it into words, and yet another was organizing the flow. The mind is an amazing place to wander about in, much more so these days than then. And when the soft voices speak from within it is a good idea to listen.

These are the works from the depths of deeply severe anxiety. Which at one point had me bedridden with fear for nine months. This collection reflects the onset/concussions and emotional trauma. The long, enduring run through the confusion, pain and acceptance that I was broken. The deep desire for love. The diagnosis and the resulting determination to heal. Love found then lost. Relapse with grief, and recovery.

I have worked hard to put these works out there. Trust me in this; doubt still wants to have its say.

I suppose it is best to just say, I hope you enjoy the read much more than I rued the walk.

• Language: English
• Publisher: David Huffman
• Release date: Jun 17, 2022
• ISBN: 9798986430805

Book preview

From the Author

In 1960 I was brought into this life in Southern California. A time of turmoil in our society that paled to the events that befell me at ages five, six, and seven. I suffered severe concussions, the last being the worst of the three. Various events of trauma followed that my corrupted mind could not find resolution for. I would spend the next forty-five years suffering from the effects of PTSD. I was consumed with fear and doubt, confusion, sadness, anger, and of course, the Why me’s? that accompany self-pity. It was a confluence of negativity that drove a severe social anxiety disorder.

It was in the early stages of the development of this affliction that my imagination took control. I needed help to calm the tumultuous thoughts to get to sleep, but it did not help me find a resolution to the battle I was losing with emotional management. It was in my late teens, early twenties--unsure on that count--when the poetry began to flow. It would be later, in my third therapy that I would come to realize that the poetry was my mind’s way of trying to unify itself. The amygdala was creating the theme, the cerebral cortex putting the words into the pen, and my rational self organizing the flow. At least so I believe, it feels right when I think about it. No matter what, I found peace in 2013.

I met a lovely lady online, and early in 2014 I flew to Odessa, Ukraine to establish a relationship with her. There was absolutely no anxiety there, on the way there, or on the way home. I had no memory of ever feeling like this, and it was a joy. We married later that year, it was a very good year, then she injured herself and by the time we got her in to see a doctor she was borderline stage four with HER2+ metastatic breast cancer. She would succumb to it in early 2021. The grief was a mirror to the PTSD which had me back in therapy.

The poetry came in torrents and I made the decision to put my collections out there for all to read, for all to understand that there is peace to be found at the end the walk. Life can seem to be cruel at times. Some would say that there is meaning in the journey. Some get lost within themselves as I did. Call it luck if you will, I call it determination, but I found peace once. I lost it with Elena’s passing, but now I am, once again experiencing peace.

What follows are the works from the emotional management. I hope you enjoy the read much more than I rued the walk.

David Huffman Jr.

Read Only.

Copyright 05/2022.

All rights reserved by David Huffman Jr.

ISBN: 979-8-9864308-0-5

Added From the Author. 05/2022

Added A Mint of Humility. 05/2022

Added Dedication page. 06/2022

Edited for .epub. 06/2022

Cover design by David Huffman Jr.

Dedicated to all those who give their heart and souls to bring the happiness and comfort of emotional stability to those afflicted with mental disease.

Special thanks to Kathy Lefor for the diagnosis which spawned the determination to fight.

Special thanks to Georgena Eggleston, A New Mourning, for helping me walk through grief and recognize the difference from PTSD.

A Heavy Price

Chapter 1

Testimonials

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A child’s play should be innocent,

But, when the fates decide otherwise,

Play can quickly turn tragic.

Then a mind sheds its life,

For emotional management.

The Last Daddy

Too young to care about age,

The only concern was