Begin Again: Starting Over After Life's Disruptions

By Kristy Rochelle

Disruptions, disturbances, or problems that interrupt an event, activity, or process-life disruptions can bring us to a place where we question our entire being.

Disruptions can make us feel like failures, unworthy, hopeless. Disruptions can be the loss of a loved one, divorce, loss of a job, a bad choice, or a g

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trilogy Christian Publishing
• Release date: Jun 27, 2022
• ISBN: 9781685563998

Kristy Rochelle

I'm just a small-town girl who found Jesus.I am a native of Sylvania, Georgia, currently residing in Dallas, Texas. I am an author, entrepreneur, cosmetologist, encourager, and empowerment speaker. I also served in the United States Army. But most of all, I have accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior. When I was a child, I knew I wanted to change the world. I knew I wanted to go to Egypt to help people, but what I didn't know was that "Egypt" could be anywhere or the route that God would take me through to be effective when I got to "Egypt." Though I had many challenges in life, I now understandthe things that happened to me were to advance the kingdom. I am called to be transparent to God's people. I am flawed in many ways, but one thing I will never do is quit. I have been to thirteen countries, including Egypt, to encourage God's people. I believe in you, and together, we can impact the world.

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Dedication

My mom was everything…then some.

Barbara A. Scott (1953–2020)

Introduction

Life knocks you down over and over again. Proverbs 24:16 (NASB) says, The righteous man falls seven times and rises again. This scripture is all too familiar to those who believe and unbelievers. If you went to a church, all the pastor had to say was a righteous man falls…the church would go wild and finish the sentence. As I write this, I don’t want to sound too churchy, so I will give it to you in the Message version.

"Don’t interfere with good people’s lives; don’t try to get the best of them. No matter how many times you trip them up, God-loyal people don’t stay down long; Soon they’re up on their feet, while the wicked end up flat on their faces" (Proverbs 24:15–16, MSG; emphasis added).

This version is so relatable and makes me want to leap to my feet. I highlighted God-loyal because that is key to the scripture and soon because it puts time on how long. God’s time is not our timing, true. And soon may not be soon enough, but know that you will get back up again. When I see the number seven, I know that I have fallen more than seven times, so as I looked it up, I found one commentary that said it means frequently. I want to say to you, Friend, get up; God’s got it.

I have fallen so many times, and we will discuss it in many chapters to come. Set aside some time for this scripture, Proverbs 24:16 (NASB), and throughout your reading, jot down all the times you messed up or had challenges come your way and you didn’t make the right choices. Listen! There is no judgement where there’s healing. I am the queen of control, and doing things my way causes me to stumble repeatedly. But when I turned my face to the cross and repented to Christ, I got up. I am so excited that you are here and ready for change. God bless you.

First Things First

Beginning Again Consists of…

…forgiving yourself and others.

What guilt are you holding over your own head? Yes it is true that I, __________________________________________________________________________________________________________, that’s over now. I’m looking forward to what God has for me.

When I was ten years old, I can remember falling off my bike; I skinned my elbow and my knee (to the white meat). As I got up, with tears rolling down my face, with pain in my leg and arm, I realized I had to make it back up the hill to my mom so she could make it better. Do you remember being a kid and doing something to hurt yourself, like falling or hitting your toe, and being mad at yourself, like big mad? This was me. I was mad at myself for falling off the bike. Now, maybe your memory was not that far back, maybe you got in a bad relationship or did something to lose your job, and you’re like, If only I hadn’t done that, hung out with that person, been in that location, and so forth. Look, let it go. You have enough coming at you; the enemy doesn’t stop, so stop letting him use you to take yourself out by distractions of guilt. You have to forgive yourself for the mistake and keep moving forward to forgiving others. Easier said than done; I agree. I have a question for you. How bad do you want to be free? Unforgiveness is self-inflicted bondage. While overcoming my divorce (if you read my first book, you know the anger), I got into a Bible-teaching church and opened my heart to Christ to allow Him to show me anything that was not like Him. I work hard on forgiving myself and others and letting it go. It’s a process, but you have to start and let God do the rest. When I fell off my bike, I had a decision to make: sit at the bottom of the hill and cry or get up, look towards the hill, where coming to my help, at that time, was my mom, and move forward to my healing. Your healing is waiting, and it may be in the form of forgiveness.

Lisa Nichols, a great speaker I listen to all the time, used an example that really impacted my life. Take a moment to really think about what is hindering your healing. Below are three fill-in-the-blanks spaces that can be the very start of your journey to healing.

Your Beginning Starts Here

_______________________ (your name) I am proud of myself for______________________________________________________________________________ (your name) I forgive myself for__________________________________________________________________________________ (your name) I commit to myself that_________________________________________________________

On this day, applaud yourself and write down one of your most proud moments. Talk about what it was and how you felt in that moment. Why did it make you proud? Forgive yourself for everything that you imprisoned yourself for. Then, make a commitment to yourself. My commitment to myself was not to give up on myself, to stop running. As life goes on, these things may change; you may have to update them again. After you have done these things, my suggestion would be to get in the presence of God and spend unhurried time with Him so He can seal the deal. This may be more than one sitting in His presence because every time you feel weak, you should go back.

Trauma and Triggers

Living with trauma is something that we fail to talk about in our churches, communities, homes, with friends, etc. It’s hard to be your authentic self in your trauma because people think you are just supposed to get over it. In my book, The Darkness Was Designed to Kill Me: But Morning Came, I explain about the mask I wore so well that when I was hurting, no one really believed me or checked on me because I was strong and would get through it. Let me pause and present a question to you, Does this sound familiar? Have you seen the post on social media that says, ‘Check on your strong friends’? Starting over after trauma is a moment-by-moment thing because triggers are everywhere. For instance, after my divorce, God had me praying for the marriages of others, and they were being restored. That was a trigger for me because inside of their issue was infidelity and abuse, and my marriage was none of that. That was a trigger for me. Trigger of comparison and jealousy. It made me mad. God, You didn’t fix my marriage; why did You fix theirs? because clearly, there are issues. God, I don’t even know why he left, but this person is doing this and that, and I have to suffer. These were my thoughts. I had to get off social media because I was losing my mind looking at fake happiness. I was stuck in trauma, and no one checked on me. I had to figure it out on my own. My closest friends, who dumped all their trash on me about their lives, only asked what I did to make him leave. That’s more trauma. The trauma of wrong friendships, you’re there for people, and those same people are not there for you. We all have them, and we will discuss drawing healthy boundaries in a later chapter. But that is trauma, and trauma is a disruption in your life. When you try to move forward, trauma pulls you back. It’s like a tug of war. Trauma affects you directly and indirectly. You have no one to talk to because the church tells you to trust God and pray. You’re doing that already, but it seems like you fall deeper and deeper into sin. 2020 was a year full of trauma. It’s when I started to write this book. During the quarantine, God told me to sit