Crossroads of Midnight

By Susan Hillstrand

Our story begins with the birth of a new child to a patient with Bi-Polar and PTSD. Join her as she navigates single parenthood and mental illness through the life of her children.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: May 2, 2022
• ISBN: 9781667843704

Book preview

Introduction

She was running. She was running and the wind was biting her face. She didn’t care. The point was the running. Between the running and the cold she felt invigorated. She felt a presence. She felt a hunger. She could smell the blood of her prey. The prey was close, weak, in desperate need of a rest. So, she pushed. She pushed hard to catch up to the prey. She stopped to sniff the air. The putrid stench of urine and old vomit but subtle, underneath the stank, there was the fear, there was the prey.

There, ahead, just rounding the corner she could see the familiar flash of red. She pushed and came to the corner in time to see the familiar flash of red disappear into the crowd. Always a crowd, why is there always a crowd. She didn’t want to hurt the innocent, only the prey, only the one who needed to be punished. She tripped and almost fell as she darted into the crowd. The bodies pushed in on her and she felt the closeness, the pressure of so many crammed into a single place. She didn’t know this place. Clubs? Maybe. Bars? Most likely judging from the stench of sour beer and vomit. It didn’t matter. What mattered was catching the prey. She felt the sweat start on the back of her neck. The anticipation of capture was getting to her as was the anxiety of being among so many. So many innocents, so many to get hurt. She got cornered, trapped in a group moving toward the street. This wasn’t the way; the prey was getting away. She balked but needed to move without forcing the innocents.

Slowly she worked her way back to the sidewalk. Toward the crowd and the last place she saw the familiar flash of red. Everyone was in black and grey. Odd but not unheard of in this part of town. It didn’t matter, she needed that prey! The crowd began to thin. Finally, she could see her prey clearly across the busy road. She knew she was close. Too close. The prey could smell her. The prey stopped. Prey sniffed the air, turned, looked her straight in the eye and smiled. Her blood boiled. She collected her strength and sprang into the road. Tires screeched but she didn’t care. She bolted through the crowded street. She followed the prey.

The park was empty for the most part. Green grass and trees full of leafy green blew in the gentle breeze. She had to stop a moment. She’d lost the prey around another bend. She sniffed a tree, another had marked here but it wasn’t the prey. She turned her nose to the wind…there! That’s the smell she was looking for. She turned toward the smell and ran with all her strength. She knew she was close, could smell the fear and sweat of the prey. A bell began to toll from across the road. A car horn honked in her ear, and again, and again. She couldn’t stop, she had to reach the prey. It was so close she knew it was only a few moments. So close. The horn honked again, and again, irritated she tried to drown it out but…

Chapter 1

She woke in a cold sweat. She didn’t bolt upright but her eyes flew open and her breathing stopped for a moment. She looked around, searching for her prey but nothing looked right. She gathered her surroundings and realized where that annoying car horn was from. Stupid alarm clock! Her thoughts whirled at a million miles an hour. She didn’t remember anything, just she needed to catch something. But what? It was fading fast. She sighed heavily. She lay there a moment, which turned into 2, which turned into 10. Typical morning. She just couldn’t muster the strength to get out of bed. It was like that, constantly battling to get out of bed. She needed to, though, she needed to get going.

The sun shone brightly into her bedroom. The world was a bleak oyster wrapped in a clear blue cellophane. There was no joy in this sun. Only the melancholy nightmare of another gorgeous day. She stretched, gathered what was left of her thoughts, fought for the sanity of alertness, and stood.

It was yet another typical day. She gathered together her clothing and headed for the bathroom. Bleary eyed she stared at herself in the mirror wondering what fresh new hell awaited her today. Yesterday involved yet another lecture from her superior; that jackal who only got to a manager position on her knees. If she wasn’t blowing the supervisor she was crying crocodile tears to human resources. Either way, it made for a miserable employ.

She splashed her face with water to try to wash away the rest of the dream fog. No new zits today, no rashy rosacea from the nightmare sweat to cover up. Maybe today wouldn’t be so bad after all. She’d just finished her routine with a tooth and hair brush before dressing when she heard the baby cry. The only thing that kept her going. She buttoned her jeans then sprinted down the hall.

Good morning my sweet angel. How’s mommy’s precious?

gah, gah, goo…haha!

Yes, you had a good sleep. Mommy didn’t but she’s happy now to see your smile!

She changed a diaper cooing to the sweet babe. Picking an outfit was always fun. Nana had so many for her. She could go through them all and never wash a single one before the baby outgrew them all. Still, simpler always was better. So, she grabbed a simple blue onesie and dressed the precious impling. It was warm enough that was all that was needed for this precious little one. It would be ruined in a matter of minutes with the carrot mash for breakfast. No point in putting on something profound.

She gathered the baby in her arms and carried her downstairs. Breakfast was a simple affair. She started water heating in the cup-at-a-time and put the baby in her high chair. A simple meal. Carrot mash, cereal, milk, and tea for mommy. They ate in silence with the occasional coo to break up the monotony of ingestion and digestion. The baby didn’t make any weird faces at the food or fight to eat anything. She was hungry, and the food was one of her favorites.

After breakfast the onesie was changed from blue to green. Hair was put up in a cute little top-knot and wrapped in a blanket out the door they went. First a stop at grandma’s to drop off baby, then off to work for another doldrum day. Baby drop-off was always an adventure. Grandma would coo and giggle then tell her to just go everything would be fine. It was like grandma wanted the little one all to herself. Her mind told her this wasn’t true but her heart ached every time she left baby. It was