Sand, Sea and Meadow Muffins

By Miriam Davison

Sarah Phillips Is bored plain and simple, bored of her married boyfriend's promises and bored of her temp job. she needs to get away, deciding on a road trip. with nothing to lose Sarah closes her eyes and waves her finger over the map of Britain. South wales is the fickle finger of fates choice but getting there turns out to be the real adventure with more laughs misshaps and mystery than sarah has ever experienced in her whole life she may just have to use that fickle finger of fate more often !!!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Acorn Books
• Release date: Mar 21, 2014
• ISBN: 9781783336746

Miriam Davison

ABOUT MEI am 54 years old, divorced, and the mother of 3 grown children. I am from the North East of England. I enjoy horror movies and unfortunately I am addicted to Facebook (No groans please). I have always loved writing, and its hard to believe that my dreams have come true as I am now the very excited author of The Intercessor, a fantasy book, Sand Sea and Meadow Muffins and Blushes, Blunders and Bagpipes, both romantic comedies. I am now writing a paranormal book and hope to release that by June 2016. I finished Blushes, Blunders and Bagpipes as part of the NaNoWriMo 2014 competitiion. This is a follow up to Sand, Sea and Meadow Muffins, but can also be read alone! If you do read my books PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW (good or bad) Please also be aware I write in English UK, so there will be words different to the USA.

Book preview

Chapter 1

Sarah lay naked under her boyfriend of 6 months. It was their Thursday afternoon sex session, a ritual which had begun a week after meeting him. Thoughts ran through her head as she made the obligatory noises; ‘Yes, yes, oh God baby you are amazing.’ She was trying to think of the 7 letter word in her latest level of ‘4 pictures, 1 word.’ She had been on it for over a day and it was driving her crazy.

She opened her eyes for a moment and saw Stevens’ ‘sex face’ and made a mental note she needed more make-up when she went shopping.

Eventually the words she had been longing to hear, penetrated the fogginess of her thoughts; ‘I’m ready babe, are you there yet?’ ‘Yes. Oh God please, yes’, she shouted, hoping she had put enough of an orgasmic tone into it. With a shudder and a groan, it was all over. She let out a sigh and saw him smile, thinking she was still in ecstasy.

He rolled off her. ‘Make a quick coffee, while I take a shower babe.’ She got up, put her dressing gown on and dutifully made her way to the kitchen. She wondered for a second if she were one of many, all called Babe, so he didn’t get confused. She could not remember him ever calling her by her given name.

She heard the shower and switched on the kettle, staring at it as she automatically put the coffee and milk into the cups. ‘Surely there was more to life than this.’ She thought. She couldn’t remember how she had ended up like this; 29 years old, and all she had to look forward to was a Thursday afternoon liaison with a married man. Of course she had not known he was married in the beginning, the signs were there but she had been too stupid to notice. He was an area sales rep for some company, so travelled a lot. By the time she did find out, she thought, ‘sod it, if it was not me it would be someone else. Why shouldn’t I have some fun?’

For the past couple of months though, Thursday mornings had brought her that dreaded feeling, like she was going to the dentist; and she hated the dentist. She began to think of the Twilight sedative she always had on her visits to the dentist. A must, the poor man had learned, so she didn’t take a fit and try to bite off his finger while he worked on her teeth. If only she could have that for her Thursday afternoon sessions, she would enjoy it much more. She grinned at the thought just as Steven walked into the living room, all dried and dressed. He bounced down onto her sofa and held his hand out for the cup. He had caught her smile and said, ‘I know babe, I enjoyed it too. We are so good together. I would love for it to happen more but can’t get the old ball and chain suspicious.’ She handed him the cup saying, ‘I know baby.’

‘God he was so up himself, if only he knew what I was really thinking,’ she thought to herself. After that the small talk was very small, and she realised the only thing they had in common was sex; and to be honest he wouldn’t know how to find a G spot if she drew him a map and marked it with a giant X. She had faked every orgasm to keep him happy.

At last the whole ordeal was over and he turned for her to kiss him goodbye. She mustered up all her resources and kissed him longingly. ‘I really should have been an actress,’ she thought as she closed the door and then burst out laughing as she realised what her acting skills involved. She really couldn’t see herself as Sultry Sarah does Tyneside.

She poured herself another coffee and put a Weight Watchers meal in the microwave, then sat down in front of the TV, not taking in what was on, she was lost in thought. This was not the life she had seen in her future; surely she was worth more than this. She thought of all the travelling she had thought of doing, but never seemed to have time. There were the dreams of great adventures she would have, but something else always came up. As she was deep in thought, suddenly, a ‘ping’ sounded and she had a ‘light bulb’ moment, a revelation. It was actually the microwave telling her that the cooking time was over, but it brought her back to reality, with her mind made up as to what she was going to do.

Chapter 2

If she wanted adventure, then she had to get out and find it herself. As she ate her meal and drank her coffee, she stared at the atlas. ‘Now where should I go’ she said. She decided to leave it to fate. She closed her eyes, circled her finger above the page a few times and then let it drop. She opened her eyes. ‘Wales, bloody Wales, what adventures could I possibly have there?’ For a moment she thought about trying the best of three. No the finger of fate had said Wales, South Wales to be exact, so what the finger of fate said, she would follow.

She had just finished a temp position for the agency she worked for, so time off would not be a problem. She rang the receptionist, explaining she had an emergency situation, so she would not be available for work until further notice. She was not really lying; her life had become an emergency, it was in critical condition and if she didn’t do something soon then all the MRI’s, paddles and life support in the world would not be able to help her. Another thought hit her at that moment; she watched far too much TV.

She went to the bedroom, stuffed a large suitcase with a variety of clothes and anything else she thought she may need, and threw it in the boot of her car. If she waited until morning, she would talk herself out of it, it was now or never. She jumped behind the wheel and headed for the local garage to fill up her tank and grab a few goodies to munch on the drive, there was no room for diets on an adventure.

Before she could leave she had one more thing to do. She drove off the forecourt into the nearest car park. She lit a cigarette, took a large draw of it and then took out her phone. She began typing a ‘Dear John’ text, even throwing in ‘it’s not you, it’s me,’ then without a second thought, she pressed send. Her relationship with Steven was officially over. God bless technology.

She set the Sat Nav for the scenic route, she was in no hurry. ‘My adventure, my rules.’ she said out loud. She turned the radio up a few notches, and singing along, she set off.

Chapter 3

She decided to cut across country to the Lake District and then down through Blackpool. She would stay in one of those posh hotels she had seen advertised in the Lake District, she deserved a bit of luxury.

Within a couple of hours, she had hit the winding narrow roads of the Lakes. She negotiated them like a pro, and then came to a stretch of straight road, raised above the fields on both sides. She looked at either side soaking in the beauty of the different shades of green. She looked at the huge hills surrounding her in the distance. Then she caught a glimpse of white on the road in front of her. In instinct and shock, she jerked the wheel full to the side. As the car left the road, her mind was screaming; ‘Oh my God, death by sheep!’

The car landed nose first in a deep ditch. The air bag blew and she ended up hanging by her seatbelt. It all happened so fast, but her mind went into slow motion. She didn’t know how long she just hung there, but eventually her mind caught up with reality. She panicked. ‘Did cars really explode when they crashed? They always did in movies,’ she thought. She scrabbled to undo the belt, not thinking of the consequences, and ended up falling onto the air bag, hugging it like a Koala hugging a tree.

She puffed and panted and eventually manoeuvred herself to a seating position on the air bag with her knees pulled up. Her face was stinging with burns from the bags’ explosion. She went to grab the door handle and stopped, frozen to the spot. She turned to look out of the passenger window and all her fears were confirmed. She was surrounded by huge, scary looking sheep.

‘They have come to finish me off,’ she thought. ‘It’s like one of those horrors I love watching, nature is fighting back.’ Then out loud she screamed, ‘I have never done anything to you, leave me alone, please go away.’

She put her head on her knees and started to cry. She was in the middle of nowhere, it was getting dark, and she was surrounded by wild beasts. Was this how her life was going to end? What the hell would they put on her gravestone? Here lies Sarah Phillips; she died like a lamb to slaughter. Would they ever even find her body?

Then she heard a knock on the window. ‘Oh my God,’ she thought, ‘I’m already dead. I must be; sheep don’t knock, or maybe we all turn into sheep when we die. All the clouds we see in the sky are just lots of dead people looking like sheep to pass on by.’ Again, ‘knock knock’. She slowly raised her head, and to her relief saw a rather plump, old man peering through the window.

‘Are you alright there Miss.’

‘Well what a bloody stupid question,’ she thought. ‘Did I look like I was alright? Yeah I often sit on top of my air bag in the middle of nowhere!’ Instead, she said, ‘I think so. Do you think you could help me out of here?’

He opened the car door, but the movement shifted the air bag and gravity took care of the rest. She catapulted out of the car and landed flat on her face in a pile of sheep doo doo.

‘Welcome to the countryside,’ was all the man said.

Chapter 4

She turned to look at him. Was this guy for real? He held his hand out and said, ‘Come on Missy, I’ll take you up to the farmhouse and you can get cleaned up.’ ‘But my case is in the boot.’ ‘Just leave that for now, we will get the tractor in the morning to pull the car out of the ditch and bring it up to the farm yard. I’ll give young Tom a ring and see if he has time to pop by and take a look at it.’

Reluctantly she tried to stand up, Sheep poo was extremely slippery though and if he hadn’t been holding on to her, she would have been nose deep in it again. He strode ahead of her in his big green wellies, while she tagged behind in her leather bottomed, totally unsuitable, pumps. She noticed he carried something like a walking stick. She had seen them in that show, ‘One Man and his dog.’ She looked around, no dog. ‘If he says ‘cum by’ to me I think I will floor him’ she thought.

After what seemed like an eternity, she saw the farm buildings looming up in front of her. He strode up to the huge gate, and as he opened it, not one, but three dogs, ran up to him barking their greeting. ‘Hush now,’ he said. ‘We have a visitor, now where’s your manners?’ As if on cue, the dogs stopped barking and padded up to her, tails wagging. ‘They won’t hurt you, just give them a stroke and they will leave you alone.’

‘Oh they are gorgeous,’ she said as she knelt down to stroke them. ‘What do you call them?

‘The one with the plain black face is Molly, the one with the white v on her face is Daisy, and the big tricoloured one here is Jake. Come on now, Jenny will be making dinner and you really need a shower, you smell worse than the dogs.’

She stood up and looked at her clothes, she blushed and realised he had a point. The two of them walked across the yard and entered a huge green door.

Chapter 5

They stood in a small room, and the man pulled his wellies off and rolled his trouser legs up a couple of times. She looked and the mud caked pumps and did the same. As she was rolling her pants she caught him eyeing her up and down, the look on his face clearly showed he was thinking, ‘really!’ She looked at the state of her clothes again, covered in faeces and mud, grinned and shrugged her shoulders.

‘Jenny love, I’ve someone with me that could do with a bit of your help.’ A tall, slim woman with cropped, white blonde hair appeared at the door. She wore a full length apron over a pastel t-shirt and cropped jeans and held a large wooden spoon. She took one look at Sarah and burst out laughing; a loud, jolly, belly laugh.

‘I am so sorry dear, I shouldn’t laugh, but you do look a sight. I’m Jenny. Come on I will soon have you sorted. Bill check on the potatoes and make sure they don’t boil over while I take erm?’ She looked at Sarah expectantly. ‘Sarah, my name is Sarah Phillips.’ ‘Great, while I take Sarah up to Mandy’s room.’ ‘My suitcase is still in the car,’ she spluttered. ‘Don’t worry, we have plenty of clothes here for when Mandy comes to stay, that’s our Granddaughter. She’s a teenager but takes after me in the height department. This here is the bathroom and the door beside it is her room. Get yourself cleaned up and I will lay something out for you to wear on the bed, until we can get your suitcase up.’ She drew a breath, and Sarah jumped in quickly before she started talking again. ‘Thank you so much, I’m really sorry to put you to so much trouble.’

Jenny smiled, ‘dinner will be ready in less than an hour so when you’re ready just come on down, second door on the left as you come down stairs.’ With that, she disappeared into the bedroom and Sarah entered the bathroom and as she filled the bath, she began the disgusting task of removing her smelly clothes. She looked at the pile on the floor. Even her underwear was beyond repair. She sighed and climbed into the large, free-standing