Arsonist: Drugs, Salvation, & Revolution: A Collection of Poetry & Memoir

By Ashley Cook

Arsonist: Drugs, Salvation, & Revolution is an original collection of poems and memoir aimed to ignite a fire in those who read it. In this reflection, author Ashley Cook takes you on a journey through addiction, mental health, and domestic violence. While staying constant in her expression that the journey was always Good, even when she didn’t believe it. This thought-provoking book will leave you feeling confident about all to come. Including poems from all stages of her journey, this collection is a first-hand account of spiritual evolution. Through the practice of learning to listen, knowing who we are, and the reassembly of our thoughts; Ashley believes that you too will begin to see how powerful you really are. Brought back to life following an overdose, Ashley takes you moment by moment through her arrival to bonus life, and all the lies needing to be set aflame along the way.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Mar 29, 2022
• ISBN: 9781665556262

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© 2022 Ashley Cook. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or

transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse  03/29/2022

ISBN: 978-1-6655-5625-5 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-6655-5626-2 (e)

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

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this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views

expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the

views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984,

2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Journey Contents

Dedication

Acknowledgment

I Think I Am

The Prize

Free Will, Huh?

Cravings

The Moth

Oops, I Broke My Personality

Choosing Hunger

Letter To My Previous Self

Twilight Zone

Fail Into Salvation

Recovery, USA

Surrender

Heroin, USA

Restless Feet

Covered My Ears & Ran

This Is Man

Lack Magnets

Dying To Know

Sorry For Your Very Successful Day

The Tree Of Wolves

Ego Death

Evaporation

Separation Anxiety

Bonus Life

So I Flew

Trust Me, I’ve Analyzed It

Off The Battlefield

The Comeback Diss To The World

The Arsonist Playlists

About The Author

"For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God.

The Spirit you received does not make you

slaves, so that you live in fear again;

Rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship…

…Now if we are children, then we are heirs —

heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ,

if indeed we share in his sufferings in order

that we may also share in His glory."

Dedication

For those who have a purpose designed differently than my own,

making it that much easier to do what I am meant to. To the

too literal who often ground me, to the too far out there who

often challenge me, to the prayer warriors who protect me while

I create. To everyone who planted a seed in me, held my hand,

and never gave up. The most important of all being my family.

How happy I am we get to do this together…

Acknowledgment

This project was supported by the Ohio Organizing Collaborative

Get Lifted Mini-Grant in a statewide effort to decriminalize

drug use and build power among those impacted by punitive drug

laws. The Ohio Organizing Collaborative is a 501c3 non-profit

statewide organization focused on uniting community organizers

and organizing groups across Ohio with similar interests.

For more information visit www.ohorganizing.org.

I Think I Am

I found identity crisis to be a major cause of my suffering.

Do you believe in fate? I know I at least believe in purpose. I am a crucial element in this alchemy of life and everything inside of me is designed to bring Goodness; and I believe this about you too. I’ve spent most of my life confused about this world and about myself, so confused that at times, I have obsessed trying to figure all of it out. Unfortunately when I have found calm, I also sought out new problems. Peace never existed for me without a foundation of understanding. It was frustrating as I witnessed how little intelligence helped me to breed understanding when I stood on intelligence alone. It was even more frustrating to realize that at times, it had been the chaotic contaminant. I have spent a lot of time in my mind designing the least painful way to hold myself accountable; for many seasons, every strategy was nothing more than a justification to not yet begin. For a long time, I stalled in thought because action was much more difficult.

Who am I? I found identity crisis to be a major cause of my suffering. I didn’t believe myself to be powerful and therefore, I was not. What you’ll also quickly learn is, I am a poet. I’ve written poetry through every stage of my life and it continues to be my default outlet, most likely programed from the start. I spent a lot of my time in early adolescence reading and analyzing philosophy books to seek a wide scope of what could possibly be going on with me, I was highly uncomfortable being alive. I knew there just had to be something I could fix. What I now honor as gifts–felt then–like radiation. I realize now how little I ever felt safe here, this strange world.

I’ve always enjoyed writing. I enjoy the challenge of dissecting and presenting what I have found to be happening in this masterful design, even when I hated it. My perspective is important; my perspective creates and manifests an aspect of your life even, even more now that you are reading this book. Your perspective is important as well, the way it trickles down and echoes from your brain to your heart, through the energy creating your words and actions. Flowing into every unsuspecting passerby… your perspective is important. What you’re about to read is mine, all the way from the beginning.

During jr. high I had embraced a dark persona. I laugh at my teenage angst–although the self-depreciation in my jokes often still a buffer keeping me from fully accepting previous versions of myself–I find it helpful to not take myself so seriously. I remember the feeling of needing to be set apart, from everyone and everything. I don’t remember why, but it was as if without some form of identity, I thought I would disappear. I was somewhat awkward and nervous socially, so stepping into any character model other than goth seemed too difficult at the time. Lucky for me, nobody else in my grade had decided that’s who they were going to be yet. The broken artist from the very beginning. It’s beautiful, who we are. I am who I am now because somewhere along the way, I became aware of who was walking beside me; before that though, it was just to find my way here.

Our healing echoes. So here we are–me and you–healing this world together. Sent along the journey with certain predispositions and mechanisms unique to us, with cosmically formed and folded desires, characteristics, and callings too. A large part of me gaining the ability to have peace has been finding out who I am. I’ve been able to create upon only what I have love and respect for already. I know this because the more I have built, the more I’ve been forced to honor what has been there all along. Who are you? Who were you already? If you are an arsonist like myself, then you must be here to burn away fear. That is, if you haven’t began burning already. Don’t worry, for all that will remain is the reality of how truly loved you are. I hope by the time you finish reading this you don’t believe anything else could be true. I don’t light matches, my flames are my choices. Thankfully, today I have learned to burn with power; but for a decade, I burnt with nothing but disregard.

The Prize

And you’ll solve the maze

just by simply realizing

you can walk through walls.

Free Will, Huh?

"My solution was already screaming at me, and the problem

always had been–I had not yet learned to listen."

I often bounce between the ideas that I am a creator and that I am a puppet. The truth I believe, lives in between and around it all. These strings that hold our hands within the boundaries of what is intended for us, allowing us to dance still the same. The strings I never use to see…

Once I reached high school, I was able to gain some confidence in myself. Although, it was mostly harnessed from my ability to catch on to conformation. I’m a quick learner and realized how to adjust and fit in better than in previous years. Still so, I had an identity I felt unique to myself and I remember being proud of this. Thanks to my grandpa, I started Martial Arts when I was eight years old and studied into adulthood, traveling and competing were wonderful times and the beginning of real character building in my life. I don’t know if I would’ve become the same person without it, thanks grandpa.

Once I relinquished my black metal interests and began to explore music further, my favorite band became Citizen Cope. I was lucky enough to see him in Cleveland on my fifteenth birthday and my favorite song always being ‘Salvation’. I screamed it from the front row the entire concert. I screamed it so much that when it was the only song played for the encore, I knew it just must have been for me. That song, it sang to my soul. An artist, playing guitar against the devil in a fight to save his soul, saving himself from not only addiction but the promises of the world. My life was yet to have any real experience which could relate to the strong sensibilities that were strung inside me. I believe the reason that song resonated so–at that age–was my soul had already been set upon a course that negated the exactness of my choices. There are footsteps which in hindsight, foreshadowed the future. Their rediscoveries are like embraces to remind me that I am–and have always been–exactly as I was intended to be. Free will, huh? So predetermined it seems now. At yet, so beautiful. Now as I am aware, I dance with the strings of free will; loving on their limitations for me and the power given to me because of our relationship.

I was never going