Gender Transition: Where to Start and How to Thrive

By Cindi Grace Miller

Are you tired of living in the gender shadows of dysphoria? Are you doing your best to survive day to day while knowing you are not living your authentic life and/or gender? Maybe you are ready to transition to living life as your true gender, but you are scared and unsure where to start? If this sounds like you, then this is the book for you.

 

My name is Cindi Grace Miller and I have experienced life-altering gender dysphoria and a fear that stopped me in my tracks for most of my life. While I was struggling with this dysphoria, I was also experiencing many failures career-wise, as well as many successes. I know what it is to struggle financially and have even experienced bankruptcy and homelessness. I also know what it is to succeed financially and to create a life of surplus and ease. I've done most of this while pretending I was male and knowing that I was not. I know what it is to feel like a spy behind the enemy lines, always being scared you would be discovered.

If you have struggled with questions about your gender identity, then this is the road map you need to unleash the authentic you. You may have tried to tell others at one time and maybe you were shut down or shamed for what you expressed. If you're like most people of trans experience, you are probably really good at being secretive. You have had to be for your survival. Maybe you have silenced the questioning in your own head or maybe it has made you feel like you have multiple personalities. You may have spent years trying to prove that you are the gender that you were assigned at birth, even though you knew it wasn't true. Many people try to temporarily assume the gender that they feel inside and then regularly go back to the gender that the world knows, constantly jumping back and forth. Some of you may have even spent hours on your knees in prayer, hoping you would wake up the next day and the urge of your authentic gender would be gone. However, it never happens.

 

In this book I map out exactly what you need to know to live your true gender and your best life. I show you where to begin, what obstacles and dangers to be aware of along the way, and how to not just survive as a person but thrive as your authentic self. I give you step by step guidance, with resources to support you as you transition.

 

I know that it is scary. I personally have felt the fear that paralyzes any forward movement in my life. I have also experienced the euphoria that comes with tapping into my true gender authenticity and helping countless others do the same. It is my hope that in reading this book, you set foot on the path to your true gender identity and that you are encouraged to continue to put one foot in front of the other as you climb to a spectacular vista of authenticity.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Cindi Grace Miller
• Release date: Mar 18, 2022
• ISBN: 9798201944223

Cindi Grace Miller

Cindi Grace is a woman who has lived a life of challenge and success. She has been through multiple major life transitions, including transgender transition and career transition. Cindi is married to the love of her life, and they have been together for 31 years and have two wonderful adult children. Cindi knows and understands what it is to live with gender dysphoria and try to make life work while living an inauthentic version of oneself. In addition to her own personal challenges, she has a child with autism and one who is also transgender. She understands what transition looks like from all angles. Over the years she has learned the secrets on how to move from simply surviving life to taking charge and learning to thrive with life. She has a master’s in counseling and psychology as well as a Master of Divinity and Theology. Cindi has worked in churches as an ordained minister, she has been a licensed mental health therapist, she is a trained transition coach, and has built a very successful insurance business. She has learned how to fail and how to succeed. Cindi lives in sunny Florida in the United States and works with people all over the world helping them learn to transition with excellence and to be good allies. Her passion is helping others live their authentic lives in the best way possible.

Book preview

Forward

WHAT CAN I TELL YOU about Cindi? One word comes to mind. Contagious! Contagious in a sense of her attitude on life in general and transition specifically. When I first met Cindi, her positive energy took on a life of its own. It took me by surprise. No. To be more apt, it knocked me off my feet.

You see, as a psychologist specializing in transgender care, I seldom come across trans women carrying so much positivity about the future. Especially trans women who are older and ripe with life experiences and challenges. Unlike most people, Cindi was radiating joy toward the potential her future may bring. Now don’t get me wrong. She was not unrealistic. Nor was she delusional about what the transition process may entail. On the contrary. Cindi was grounded and very self-aware of the potential challenges.

The transition process is without a doubt, a challenge, regardless of your age, your background, or your current situation. When that challenge is met with negative attitude and a pessimistic worldview, it becomes a disaster. An ongoing trainwreck. Trust me. I have sadly witnessed this too many times.

Of course, there will be times of hardship leading to sadness, loss, and grief. Emotions of pain and anger will and do come up. The right attitude in such situations makes or breaks transition. Prolongs it into despair or challenges you to adapt. To grow. To evolve into the person you are meant to be.

Cindi encompasses such an attitude, and I am excited to see her contagious energy now in your hands in the form of this book.

What this book has to offer is a road map. Literally. Cindi walks you through all the signposts as you make your way through transition. I am beyond myself to see a chapter on how to navigate insurance! Thank you!

Most of all, I am grateful Cindi discusses the importance of mindset and how to cultivate a positive outlook to help you as you transition. These personal nuggets of wisdom are priceless in a world over saturated with information on transition and how to transition from youngsters or individuals captivated with achieving the external validity of appearance and body—and disregarding the internal integration of the Self.

DR Natalia P Zhikhareva PhD

Gender Specialist/Transgender Care

Clinical Psychologist | PSY28888

Introduction

WELCOME! IF YOU ARE reading this book, then you most likely:

Are questioning your gender or struggling with gender dysphoria.

Have already started a transition process and are looking for some support.

Have somebody in your life who is struggling or is already transitioning.

Are a professional who has found themselves needing to interact with individuals of trans experience.

Are curious about the process of transition because you want to be a better ally.

Whatever your reason is, be prepared to learn about and experience a whole new frontier. For those who are struggling or are in the middle of a transition, I want to say congratulations. You might be thinking, Why on earth would she congratulate me for struggling? The reason is that if you are a person of trans experience and/or someone who is struggling with their gender identity, then you are among the special ones in this life. You have been selected to embark on a journey that has the potential to stretch you, develop you, and give you a new vision into this thing we call life. There are superpowers that you have as a person of trans experience, and it is my hope that I can show those to you and help you achieve them in this book.

I feel immensely blessed to be a woman of trans experience myself and to have been able to work with many other individuals of trans experience. I have witnessed firsthand what it's like to blossom from somebody who is scared and confused to somebody who is abundantly happy and confident.

Throughout my own journey, I have experienced life-altering gender dysphoria and a fear that stopped me in my tracks for most of my life. While I was struggling with this dysphoria, I was also experiencing many failures career-wise, as well as many successes. I know what it is to struggle financially and have even experienced bankruptcy and homelessness. I also know what it is to succeed financially and to create a life of surplus and ease. I've done most of this while pretending I was male and knowing that I was not. I know what it is to feel like a spy behind the enemy lines, always being scared you would be discovered. Thankfully, I also have taken the journey to move from this life of secret to a life of authenticity where I live every day as the woman that I am. I have been blessed to have many friends and clients who are also on the same journey, and it's wonderful to see them both struggle and succeed.

In addition to my own personal struggle, my oldest child has struggled with dysphoria and the issue of being of trans experience themselves. As a parent who loves their child dearly, the journey of transition took on a whole other perspective for me. A perspective for which I am very grateful.

I know many who are reading this book have struggled their whole lives with questions about their identity. You may have tried to tell others at one time and maybe you were shut down or shamed for what you expressed. If you're like most people of trans experience you are probably really good at being secretive. You have had to be for your survival. Maybe you have silenced the questioning in your own head or maybe it has made you feel like you have multiple personalities. You may have spent years trying to prove that you are the gender that you were assigned at birth, even though you knew it wasn't true. Others may have tried to temporarily assume the gender that they feel inside and then regularly go back to the gender that the world knows, constantly jumping back and forth. Some of you may have even spent hours on your knees in prayer, hoping you would wake up the next day and the urge of your authentic gender would be gone. However, it never happens.

When you live a life of secrecy, shame, fear, and different identities that constantly conflict inside you, it can take a tremendous toll on your physical, emotional, and relational health. Trying to be ultra-masculine will not make you the man that you are not. Getting married and having children will not solve your gender dysphoria. Trying to live as a more masculine or butch female will never erase the masculine identity that you truly have.

If you are reading this book, then most likely you have come to a crossroads or you know you can't keep living the life that you have. You know that you must change for your own survival. You are ready to leave the anxiety and distress behind and step boldly into life.

I decided to write this book so that those who are embarking on this journey could have a type of map that would increase their chances of thriving in a transition. Throughout my own struggle and transition, and my work as a therapist and coach, I have learned that the trans experience does not have to be a journey that somebody is lucky to survive. Instead, it can be a beautiful journey that, while it does have many challenges, allows the person who is transitioning to experience life at a deeper and more spectacular level. As I went through my own journey, I realized that there were very few guides available and even less that were from the perspective of somebody who's personally been on the journey. We are fortunate in today's world to have a lot of resources, but it can take a lot of time and effort to find all the necessary ones for your journey. That is why this book exists. It doesn't replace the need for medical professionals or cover every possible detail of the journey, rather it is designed so that wherever you are in the journey you can now have a guide to help you thrive rather than just survive. I firmly believe that the world needs what the authentic you has to offer. It is my desire that, with the help of this book, you can live that authenticity and give back to your world the you that it needs.

I know that it is scary. I personally have felt the fear that paralyzes any forward movement in my life. I have also experienced the euphoria that comes with tapping into my true gender authenticity. It is my hope that in reading this book, you set foot on the path to your true gender identity and that you are encouraged to continue to put one foot in front of the other as you climb to a spectacular vista of authenticity.

Cindi Grace Miller

Why does gender dysphoria exist?

MANY INDIVIDUALS OF trans experience delay transition because they're confused about their own dysphoria. They often wonder if the conflict that they feel inside is the result of some other issue or condition. While I would never rule out that they could be misinterpreting some other issue, for most people, the dysphoria they feel about their gender is not only very real but has a very real medical origin. They are not weird, and they are not deviants. You are not weird, and you are not a deviant. You are simply somebody who physically developed differently than your gender developed.

As there appears to be a large increase in people coming out with gender dysphoria and identifying themselves as a transgender person, the conversation has gotten very confusing. This is due largely to the fact that the medical and scientific information the average person knows regarding gender is grossly inaccurate and not current. As our abilities to look at genes and into the human brain have increased, our understanding of gender has increased as well. What follows is an attempt to break the current medical research down so anyone can grasp what is really going on when someone identifies as transgender.

On a side note, the appearance of an increase in people identifying as transgender is actually not an increase at all. They’ve always been here, but as the conversation is becoming easier to have, more are stepping out and at younger ages.

What happens in our brains has a very large role in determining the gender with which we identify. Over the last 10 to 20 years researchers have just begun to understand how and why this happens. For most of human existence we thought gender was represented, 100% of the time, by our genitals. Later, we thought gender was determined by the makeup of our chromosomes. We have crafted our identities and how we function in culture and society based on this understanding of sex and gender. We now know that gender is a function of identity, and it is formed in our brain. We also know that our chromosomes do not represent the entire picture. There are many different occurrences that can affect how one develops in utero