Surviving Single Parenthood

By Jeannie Freis

Parenting is like a jungle safari – a journey into unpredictable, unexpected, sometimes crazy, and definitely messy territory. Throughout "Surviving Single Parenthood", author Jeannie Freis shares her own journey through a combination of anecdotal tales, survival tips and tricks acquired along the way. This book is for those at any stage of the parenting journey looking to streamline and simplify the chaos.

After reading this book, you will learn resilience, creativity, and resourcefulness while transforming your journey from merely surviving to thriving! This is a must-read for everyone who is embarking on the journey of parenthood, especially those who are leading single parent households.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Mar 17, 2022
• ISBN: 9781667811093

Book preview

Introduction—How I Started Writing this Book

As I start this, I’m writing to mitigate an overwhelming stress load. My phone is blowing up with calls from school about kids’ grades, why they’re not in school, assignments not turned in, graduation requirements not being met. Never-ending dishes pile up in the kitchen sink. Dirt is tracked through the house. An explosion of shoes surrounds the front door and spills from the closet. Jackets are thrown on the chair next to the closet. Food is scattered all over the kitchen counter, floor, and stovetop.

I am thankful for a job to go to. It’s always a blessing to have a steady paycheck and some stability, but it also brings unending project deadlines that I have limited control over. One of my dogs just passed away from liver and kidney failure at the age of thirteen. That was super sad for me, and it’s always very hard, despite it being my third round with a pet’s end of life. Managing kids’ grief and one kid threatening to run away with the dog so the vet couldn’t put him down made it exponentially more difficult. In addition to multiple recent vet trips and bills, I have an injured kid, with repeat trips for x-rays and an orthopedic specialist.

I work out. A lot. It makes me tremendously happy, feeds my soul, and is where I’ve met countless friends over my lifetime. It’s a huge part of me. And I often don’t recover between workouts, mentally or physically. I’m extremely tired and worn down.

I am blessed, though, with many friends to reach out to, some of whom are single parents themselves working through their own daily struggles. I find reaching out to friends for their thoughts and opinions to be extremely helpful for many reasons. They don’t judge. They want to help. They help me laugh amidst the chaos. And I don’t have to explain myself. Or answer a bunch of annoying questions and fill out copious paperwork for any healthcare provider.

After repeated general reminders at work about health benefits and the employee assistance program (EAP), I decided to reach out and schedule a call to help with stress management. After filling out an online form and three calls verifying my information and eligibility, I am now on hold during what is supposed to be the initial counseling check-in. This is not helping.

Thus, I turn to writing down my thoughts, sorting through options, letting some stress go, and evaluating my immediate parenting game plan. Again. What’s critical over the next month is meeting some key work deadlines and having my kids finish the school year and pass all of their classes. Avoid having food and kitchen items thrown at me by a hangry child because we ran out of avocados. Again. I bought thirteen over the past week. Hopefully get some quality sleep and feel a little less overwhelmed. I plan a few days off.

What began as my own self-help and strategic planning around parenting challenges, I have formalized into a shareable format. I hope to provide some new insights, ideas, and chuckles along the parenting journey with you.

Parenting: The Start

(Really: How Career Disappointments Sent Me Down the Path to Parenthood)

In high school and college, I was filled with lofty career ambitions. I studied abroad twice and graduated with a degree in international business. I went to grad school for my MBA at Babson College, which I loved!

I landed in small business consulting, which evolved to tech-specific consulting and software product development.

I got married in my mid-twenties, and did some traveling.

I worked many long hours and was overly invested in my work. My work and my career were a huge part of my identity for the previous decade. When the company I worked for was bought and the office closed, I was devastated. Beyond devastated.

After the initial shock and dismay, this turn of events became a blessing in disguise, as I realized how unbalanced my life had become. I took up dance and martial arts to diversify myself, create new connections to the community, and challenge myself in new ways that had nothing to do with my day job.

Takeaway: Diversify yourself, your interests, your identity. Create multiple sources of joy, fulfillment, meaning, and ties to the community. When one area of life doesn’t go quite as planned, have other sources of happiness and pathways to explore.

Starting a Family

At the dance studio, I remember feeling inspired by young Mom dancers, because they continued to dance and do something for themselves after becoming a parent. They may have scaled back the time commitment and the days spent training, and sometimes they brought their toddlers or infants to class out of necessity—no babysitter and/or other parent working. What impressed me most was that they were still hip and fun and made time for themselves. They had an identity outside of work and motherhood. That really resonated with me.

It was a combination of work disappointments and inspiration by other artists and dancers that drove me to consider becoming a parent seriously for the first time. You can work, be a parent, and have a unique identity above and beyond those things.

After the second Colorado company I worked for closed its doors, I landed a new corporate position, a contract-to-hire position with yet another small tech company. The company track record was to bring someone on for the first month on contract, then, assuming a decent mutual fit, convert them to an employee thereafter. Another guy, Rob, was hired on contract and started the same day I did.

After the first month, Rob and I were extended for another month-long contract. We scratched our heads. We were skeptical and disappointed. We were told that some new investor discussions were on the table.

Hopefully we can convert you to full-time in another month or so, we were both told. The same thing, however, happened again a month later. Rob left for something less flaky and more stable. I was told by the two cofounders who hired me that I was in line for a director-level role once the new investors came onboard and everything was finalized.

At the time, I was pregnant for the first time and super excited. Entering the second trimester, I shared the news with my manager and my coworkers. My coworkers were happy for me, and, being young, childless, and, in some cases, a little clueless, they asked me a lot of silly questions about whether I craved pickles and ice cream in the middle of the night. For the record, I’ve never really liked pickles and I don’t generally get up in the middle of the night to raid the fridge.

I was never hired on full-time, and the month-to-month contracts continued until the eight-month mark.

They told me, You probably want to wind things down for the new baby.

They graciously hosted a baby shower for me at work, and my contract ended officially a couple of weeks before my due date. In some (many?) ways, the universe brings us exactly what we need, even though it may be disappointing, confusing, and not make a lot of sense in the moment.

I had been commuting forty miles each direction to that job. It was a long and tough commute, and it became even more so as I got further along in the pregnancy. As a contractor, I was paid only for my time on the job. No paid vacation or sick time taken for doctor’s appointments, which increase in frequency as pregnancy continues. And definitely no maternity leave of any sort. I saved up as much as possible from that job to pay for time off after the baby arrived.

When my son was 8 months old, I went back to work 30 hours per week at a large pay cut in exchange for reduced hours. Several months into the job, I learned of my second pregnancy. Wishing to avoid limiting my job options, I didn’t say anything to my managers or my coworkers. At six months, it became very obvious as my regular clothes no longer fit and I started wearing maternity clothing. 

At eight months, my job was abruptly cut. I was given a few weeks extra pay. The next day my position was posted