The Adventures of the Karillapig

By Michelle Graham

Have you ever wondered who lives on the dark side of the Moon?
Well wonder no more as you are introduced to the one and only Karillapig.
The Karillapig lives on the dark side of the Moon and is here on Earth to
1) Investigate our strange Earthly ways, and
2) Find out how exactly Earth beings achieved space travel.
In his quest to find out how Earth beings achieved said space travel, the Karillapig causes chaos and mayhem as he mistakes several everyday objects for spaceships and wreaks havoc in the residence of Derek and Doreen Bumblebottom.
The Karillapig has snuck down to Earth behind the back of the evil, not-to-be-trusted Kired, leader of A.R.S.C—the Moon union. Kired, along with several other Moon critters, have been in the same meeting about a meeting for over 50 years, and so have not noticed the Karillapig’s absence from the Moon.
The Karillapig is not alone on Earth. Other Moon critters have followed him… This can only mean one thing; double chaos and mayhem as Earthly investigations continue…

• Language: English
• Publisher: Austin Macauley Publishers
• Release date: Feb 28, 2022
• ISBN: 9781398438156

Michelle Graham

Michelle Graham is the mind behind the Karillapig stories, and she is currently working on the third book in the series with Illustrator Mark Rowe. Over the past few years, Michelle and Mark have created humorous stories, blogs, and articles for popular satire sites, and have taken part in national initiatives to promote creative arts. Home for Michelle is on the Yorkshire/Lancashire border where she lives with her two cats – or as Michelle puts it: “They let me live with them…”, while Mark lives in the Manchester area, but mainly on his allotment where he lovingly tends his giant brassicas!

Book preview

Chapter One

The Karillapig Comes to Earth

Most of you will never have heard of the Karillapig until now.

But that is okay. Even the Prime Minister has not heard of the Karillapig. Not even the nosey neighbours who claim to have our best interests at heart, have heard of the Karillapig, nor indeed have the teachers – and we all know that teachers have heard of everything – except of the Karillapig.

The Karillapig is rather distinguishable by his looks. That would normally make him easy to spot if it was not for his ability to be invisible, and we all know the trouble with invisibility is that it can be a nuisance to spot.

The Karillapig is about two-feet long and stands about one-foot high. He has a long, horn-like nose, two large round eyes, two giant flower antennas on his head and wears round blue glasses.

The Karillapig is covered in long, multi-coloured fur, which goes all the way from his head to the tip of this pointed tail. He has four legs and wears brown lace-up boots – that is when he is not wearing his favourite slippers or his red wellies.

There is more you need to know about the Karillapig.

The facts:

The Karillapig is from the darker side of the Moon.

The Karillapig is on Earth in an attempt to find out how Earth beings achieved space travel.

The Karillapig is also on Earth to find out about our strange Earthly ways.

The Karillapig is invisible to us Humans, but if you do see him, sleep peacefully knowing that you are indeed an incredibly special person.

The Karillapig is a member of A.R.S.C the Moon Union (Association of Random Space Critters). *A.R.S.C the Moon Union do not know that the Karillapig is visiting Earth.

A.R.S.C the Moon Union is run by a Moon Critter named Kired. Kired is a buffoon. Kired is a purple blob with two large round googly eyes and is not very bright. For example, Kired once visited Earth and fell head over heels in love with a fried egg whom he believed to be a princess from one of the distant Moons surrounding Saturn.

So, where does our story begin?

It was a Thwendinsday on the Moon. That is a day of the week – it comes between Fidlesdenday and Moronmidday. There are only three days on the Moon and they are all at night.

A.R.S.C the Moon Union had received word that those strange-looking Earth beings had been reported to land on the Moon. This was baffling Kired, leader of A.R.S.C the Moon Union. Kired is easily baffled. That is why he never wears trainers, nor does he keep pot plants as they intimidate him.

It was during one of the many meetings that A.R.S.C the Moon Union, like to hold (this one to discuss the travesty of Earth beings landing on the Moon) that the Karillapig made the decision to pop down to Earth to check things out for himself. The Karillapig understands that staying in this meeting will achieve exactly nothing.

A.R.S.C the Moon Union has been in the same discussion for over fifty years now. A.R.S.C the Moon Union are exceptionally good at having meetings. According to Kired, leader of A.R.S.C the Moon Union, the best solution would be to organise another meeting about this meeting to discuss the previous meeting and the one before that. The other meetings will have pre-meetings to determine what the meetings should be about and more importantly, what type of biscuits will be provided.

Now you may think the journey from the Moon to Earth was a long one. Not for the Karillapig. Oh no sir, in fact, inter-planetary-moonery travel from the Moon for Moon Critters is much simpler than you would think.

*Imagine David Bellamy is now narrating…

The Karillapig has a horn-like nose. Not only is this useful as a trumpet to ward off Flapperbillers, who cause mischief and mayhem everywhere they go, it is also a travel vessel.

All the Karillapig has to do to travel – or evaporate and then re-morph – is to put his slippers up his nose, hop up and down on the spot ten times, whilst chanting the desired destination backwards, then hey-presto – there he will go – or be, depending on how you look at it. The only problem with this mode of transport is the landing. Currently, it is the location of the landing that is causing a ruckus.

(Back to my voice)

The Karillapig landed with a mighty thud on Earth in the middle of a prize allotment. The precise location of the landing in the allotment was on top of an award-winning cabbage. As a result of being landed on by the Karillapig’s bum, the award-winning cabbage has now been reduced to soup.

The Allotment Mafia are in uproar and have called an emergency meeting in the shed because they think somebody has nicked off with the award-winning cabbage.

That is not all. To make matters worse, the Allotment Mafia are also in an uproar because the special teabags appear to have run out. The special teabags have not run out, they have been hidden by a disgruntled allotment keeper, disgruntled because he is never consulted on any important decisions, such as who should win the annual ‘wobbly vedge’ competition.

There is a large tumbledown wall around the allotment, over which live Derek and Doreen Bumblebottom.

Derek Bumblebottom has a plot on the allotment, and coincidently it is this plot where the award-winning cabbage used to be. Now, in its place is a ‘Karillapig’s bum’ shaped crater.

Derek and Doreen Bumblebottom are not a remarkable couple in any way but for the discarded washing-up bowl at the bottom of their garden. The washing-up bowl