A Mentor's Manual

By Ronald Wilson and Barbara Wilson

Mentor Away Bullying is a series of free video lessons created over time by a career teaching couple. Having taught for ~30 years in variety settings—including California, Africa, China, the Middle East, India and SE Asia—one thing became clear: the problem of schoolyard bullying is as widespread as it is stubbornly resistant to remedy.
Mentor Away Bullying (©2018) is designed toward individual remediation (i.e. the restoration or re-discovery of a kinder nature that has somewhere disconnected) rather than community prevention—this is why Mentor Away Bullying is a unique tool and a frequently neglected angle of approach to the problem of bullying. Prevention programs are abundant, and despite mixed data on their overall effectiveness they no doubt do help nice kids stay nice and become even more supportive and protective of others, and less nice kids to observe that their behavior may need reconsideration (or greater stealth).
Children often get punished for their unacceptable choices (bullying behaviors are not acceptable and that message must be conveyed—agreed) but do not often get sufficient nor focused help with learning how to make better, healthier choices. Punishment unaccompanied by education, we believe, is itself a form of bullying (and in no world can bullying a bullier yield a favorable result!). Children do need the prevention programs, they need the school’s adult role models, AND they need caring adults to confront them about what’s wrong: a developing tendency to rudeness, cruelty, exclusion, mocking. These caring adults must offer fresh perspectives for making healthier choices: self-respect, other-respect, kindness, inclusion, tolerance and humility. This is not only for the sake of their targets but also for the sake of the bulliers themselves, who are doing damage to their own well-being when they hurt others.
Fortunate youngsters have an adult in their life who is willing and available to walk them through the early steps of their transition to greater self- and other-respect. This adult may either have the skill set to do so or have access to a ‘map and compass’ of instructions and materials to guide them both safely through the early stages of the process, i.e. this course, which offers perspectives, terms and concepts for immediate and ongoing consideration & discussion. For those children and their adult mentor this manual serves as an accompaniment to those video lessons...that “compass” and “map”, as it were. This manual is provided as a supporting tool for caring adults (i.e. “mentors”, “teachers”, “tutors”, “family friends”, “guides”, “leaders” ...refer to these wonderful people as you wish) who have offered their time to a concerned parent toward helping lead a wonderful but misguided child away from observed bullying tendencies. These materials and exercises solidify the learning and expand upon it, and provide explanation and talking points for the adult mentor her-/him-self.
The mentor-guide for these anti-bullying lessons might be a family friend, a teacher or tutor etc. For the health of family relationships and out of concern for his/her progress in the course, we tend to discourage parents from serving in the role of the child’s mentor, and advise them to seek assistance through school administration, online tutoring services, family friends, and/or student teachers or substitute teachers. And remember...mentoring can be done online, so proximity need not be a problem.
The video lessons are completely free for whomever would like to use them as a foundation for working with a child. While written for kids at a developmental age range of 10 – 15 years, they are appropriate for children of all ages and provide a foundation for further conversation between mentor and child.
The videos are freely available to all interested viewers on our YouTube channel.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Ronald Wilson
• Release date: Apr 4, 2022
• ISBN: 9781005190316

Ronald Wilson

M.Ed in School Counseling

Book preview

MENTOR & STUDENT ENGAGEMENT ACTIVITIES

COURSE INTRODUCTION

A free online video‐lesson series designed to guide mentors as they work with children ages 10 – 15+ with a history of unkind behavior toward peers and others.

• • •

Mentor Away Bullying is a series of free video lessons* created over time by a career teaching couple, one holding a master’s degree in school counseling and the other a master’s degree in special education. Having taught for ~30 years in variety settings—including California, Africa, China, the Middle East, India and SE Asia—one thing became clear: the problem of schoolyard bullying is as widespread as it is stubbornly resistant to remedy.

Mentor Away Bullying (©2018) is designed toward individual remediation (i.e. the restoration or re-discovery of a kinder nature that has somewhere disconnected) rather than community prevention—this is why Mentor Away Bullying is a unique tool and a frequently neglected angle of approach to the problem of bullying. Prevention programs are abundant, and despite mixed data on their overall effectiveness they no doubt do help nice kids stay nice and become even more supportive and protective of others, and less nice kids to observe that their behavior may need reconsideration (or greater stealth).

Children often get punished for their unacceptable choices (bullying behaviors are not acceptable and that message must be conveyed—agreed) but do not often get sufficient nor focused help with learning how to make better, healthier choices. Punishment unaccompanied by education, we believe, is itself a form of bullying (and in no world can bullying a bullier yield a favorable result!). Despite well-designed prevention programs, not all children identify with or adopt the pro-social messages offered, nor see those conditions and examples as applying to themselves; others may not know how to make the transition from ‘feared to friend’, and are continuing on according to unfortunate habits they have developed and the seemingly inescapable role they have established within the playground hierarchy. These children need the prevention programs, they need the school’s adult role models, and they need family members and others to be brave enough to confront what’s wrong: a developing tendency to rudeness, cruelty, exclusion, mocking. These caring adults must offer fresh perspectives for making healthier choices: self-respect, other-respect, kindness, inclusion, tolerance and humility. This is not only for the sake of their targets but also for the sake of the bulliers themselves, who are doing damage to their own well-being when they hurt others.

Fortunate youngsters have an adult in their life who is willing and available to walk them through the early steps of their transition to greater self- and other-respect. This adult may either have the skill set to do so or have access to a ‘map and compass’ of instructions and materials to guide them both safely through the early stages of the process, i.e. this course, which offers perspectives, terms and concepts for immediate and ongoing consideration & discussion. For those children and their adult mentor this manual serves as an accompaniment to those video lessons…that compass and map, as it were. That said, this manual is neither required nor essential (very very helpful would be a better way to describe it) for gaining some benefit through the videos alone. This manual is provided as a supporting tool for caring adults (i.e. mentors, teachers, tutors, family friends, guides, leaders …refer to these wonderful people as you wish) who have offered their time to a concerned parent toward helping lead a wonderful but misguided child away from observed bullying tendencies. These materials and exercises solidify the learning and expand upon it, and provide explanation and talking points for the adult mentor her-/him-self.

The mentor for these anti-bullying lessons might be any mature adult, including a family friend, a teacher or tutor etc. The mentor might also be the child’s parent, though we have a caution on this point: if the child objects to involvement (i.e. feels forced into it) in your efforts to help him/her better understand the damage their behavior is causing others and themselves, a 3rd party (someone not living in the home) can usually handle the push-back much better than a parent can. The explanation for this is obvious—a) your child is an expert at knowing how to ‘push your buttons’ when angry, and b) you have to live with each other. While parent mentoring through this material is conceivably successful, it invites conflict into the home. For the health of family relationships and out of concern for his/her progress in the course, we tend to discourage parents from serving in the role of the child’s mentor, and advise them to seek assistance through school administration, online tutoring services, family friends, and/or student teachers or substitute teachers. And remember…mentoring can be done online, so proximity need not be a problem.

The video lessons are completely free (see link below) for whomever would like to use them as a foundation for working with a child. While written for kids at a developmental age range of 10 – 15 years, they are appropriate for children of all ages and provide a foundation for further conversation between mentor and child.

The videos are freely available on our YouTube channel at the following link:

Mentor Away Bullying!

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAM6th3V-9Tz14KCBLA0liA

__________

*We sometimes refer to this series of lessons as the course.

HOW IT WORKS

We suggest that you watch each of the lessons first before sharing them with your ‘mentee’, and if you are not the child’s parent or guardian that you suggest they do the same.

We also suggest that you make this manual your own; not all of the suggested dialogue and activities need to be performed…you’ll eliminate those that don’t seem to fit. Naturally, we believe that most of the suggestions here do have an important purpose, will contribute to the potential benefit of the lesson series, and should usually be put to use. But we’re also realistic—there’s quite a bit here, and all teachers/tutors/parents/volunteers etc. MUST use their own best judgment to be effective in their role.

The lesson series should be paced in a manner that keeps the student engaged (long gaps between video lessons and conversations can convey lack of importance), that keeps the information fresh (each lesson builds upon previous lessons) and that challenges the child to be much more than just a passive participant in the course. On this point we advise a time frame of 30 – 35 days, start to finish. Using a calendar to schedule the watching of the videos (the child may watch these online, independently, in advance of your lesson discussion) as well as the follow-up conversations (in person or using a VoIP app like Zoom or Skype) between mentor and child is an excellent starting point for achieving the agreed-upon end date. The pattern should be to have the child watch one or two videos, followed-up upon with a mentor-child discussion of the content and its meaning.

Thank you for your kind service to a young person who can someday be the loved and admired adult they wish to be.

Ronald and Barbara Wilson

MENTOR OVERVIEW

Mentor Away Bullying is a youth-intervention afterschool internet-based course in personal responsibility-taking, greater self-understanding, socially positive behavior development and compassionate growth. It is supported by caring adults and child advocates much like you, who follow each post-video lesson activity set offered in these materials while providing caring attention to children aged 10 to 15+ with a recent episode or history of meanness and/or bullying.

The course is designed to guide kids away from the patterns of thoughtless and ego-centered decision-making that led them into acts of meanness or bullying. These lessons are designed to develop self-understanding and emotional literacy, build character, and re-ignite the innate kindness within.

• • •

So a parent has asked, and you have agreed to serve as their child’s mentor. That’s fantastic!

NOW WHAT?

SECTION 1:

ADOPTING A MENTORING MENTALITY

Mentoring, while following the guidelines we provide in the mentor materials, is not difficult for a mature adult with some experience in working with children. It simply requires the adult to be caring (toward all parties concerned), available (to the child and his family for the 30 to 35-day period), and above all honest (often calling on you to be downright blunt, without being sarcastic or angry, without conveying frustration or intolerance).

As a mentor, you’re the go-between for the child and this course; without you, it’s unlikely that the child would be motivated to fully commit and to properly complete the course, to really think about it all, and to begin to accept responsibility for his/her behavior… nor, in some instances, to satisfy a referring party’s (parent, school) need for certified success in fulfilling an assigned consequence for their poor behavior. Your role will be to keep the child on track, to watch the lesson videos (one by one, in order) that the student is to watch, to discuss the content of those lessons with the child and to incorporate some of the reinforcing techniques recommended in the Guidelines on Lesson Follow-up (or just ‘Guidelines’) document. Then you’ll