Lo, the Mighty Rat

By Charles Rocha

Rats! For a while now, you've been looking through this site for something interesting to read, but everything looks similar to something you’ve already read. But now you have chanced upon something unusual, something of the sort you have certainly never read before. Here is a collection of stories, poems, memoirs, and religious texts inspired by rats. That's right. It’s all about rats! In this unusual volume, you will find rat poetry written in Shakespearean style, science fiction stories about rats, philosophical speculation about the spiritual nature of the rat, and even a step-by-step guide on how to harness "The Power of the Rat" through meditation to get what you want in life. Imagine the audacity of it all! Interspersed between these gems of experimental rat literature are color photos and a journal of the author's Ukrainian rats, which is where he lives with them even as you read this. Whether you love, like, or hate rats, after reading this volume, you may never again see these intelligent creatures in the same way. And if you really get into this book and want more, check out the sequels "Eyes Like Black Pearls" and "Seasons of the Rat."

• Language: English
• Publisher: Charles Rocha
• Release date: Feb 22, 2022
• ISBN: 9781005853457

Charles Rocha

Charles Rocha is a graduate of Central Washington University in Ellensburg, Washington, with a B.A. in English and an M.A. in British Literature. Currently he works as an ESL instructor in the city of Dnipro, Ukraine. He has had stories and essays published in small journals and online story websites.

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Lo, the Mighty Rat!

Lo, the Mighty Rat!

A Collection of Works Inspired by Rats

By Charles Rocha

Copyright © 2022 by Charles Rocha

Published by Charles Rocha at Smashwords

ISBN 9781005853457 (epub version)

Cover photo and design by Charles Rocha – Bella (2021)

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favorite ebook retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Contents

Preface

Lo, The Mighty Rat

Rats in the Headlines

Six Rats Six – A Memoir

Parable

Noises in the Attic

Get Rid of Them

Alberta, Oh Alberta!

Dirty Rat

Beauty Contest

Ginger

Seventeen Promises

Doxology

The Power of the Rat

Rat Game

The Rats of Dnipro – A Memoir

Rat Language

The Rat Advisor

Salvation

Requiem

An Incident in the Afterlife

Nine Rats Nine – A Memoir

How to Win the Rat Race

Nine Plus One – A Memoir

Rat Wisdom

Mighty Albert – A Memorial

Anomaly

Three Angels Three – A Memoir

Four More Angels – A Memoir

Alpha Rat Styles – A Memoir

Acknowledgements

About the Author

Other Books by this Author

Preface

First and foremost, this book is not for everyone. If you have never owned rats or dislike them, this book is not for you. You will likely find it pointless or even incomprehensible. However, if you currently own (or have owned) rats as pets, or if you work with them as part of your profession, you may find some things here that will touch you.

This book contains fiction and non-fiction. It covers the daily life experiences and spiritual aspects of the rat. It is not a scientific work, but many of the topics have scientific underpinnings. Some of this book is anecdotal, drawn from my observations and personal experiences with rats. All of these non-fictional accounts are true. Where possible, I have provided an interpretation of my observations, though I concede there may be other ways to interpret what I witnessed.

This work is not an instruction manual on how to raise and care for rats properly. This topic has been well-covered in other books, and there is a wealth of good information on this to be found on the Internet, written by very wise and experienced people. However, if you wish to delve deeper into the psychological nature of this intriguing creature, you might find some material of interest here. I have tried to give a perspective that is uncommon in other published literature about the rat.

It might be worth mentioning that although there is some humor and satire in this work, as a whole, it was written with serious intent. If there is an underlying message, I suppose it would be to be kind to rats as well as all other animals. The animal kingdom is a cruel and merciless place, and a little compassion shown by us humans for those creatures goes a very long way.

Okay. If you have not been discouraged by any of this, read on. I wish you enjoyment, and it is my hope that I can provoke some thought and perhaps invoke some latent sympathy and admiration for our furry brethren.

Charles Rocha, 2022

Lo, the Mighty Rat

He is the Rat, the Mighty Rat. He is found in every city, in every land, on every continent. Only humans and the common mouse have prospered more than him. He is known to all of mankind. A few revere him; most others despise him. The shadow of his reputation exceeds that of his physical size, and many run from him in terror. His means of survival are multitude as are his numbers. He conquers through the power of sex. He courageously stows away in ships, embarking on journeys to distant lands. He can jump, run, swim, climb, dive, and reason. He treads in places where humans do not dare to follow. As a species, he is unconquerable. He is proven to survive and propagate despite all efforts to exterminate him. And yet, as an individual, he is fragile. His blood is red. He is prey, and the predators know his flesh is sweet. But even amidst the coil of a snake, when his doom is near, he will still bite until his last breath. For lo, he is the mighty rat. Let us now praise this amazing creature, for he is worthy.

Let us now celebrate the Rat

No less than the dog and the cat

Though in the shadows he doth run

He is indeed a worthy one.

First, there is the Roof Rat. The etymology of this name is readily understood, as the Roof Rat prefers to dwell in elevated places such as trees and attics. And then there is the Norway Rat. He dominates basements and dark places underground. And why is he called the Norway Rat? He does not originate from Norway, nor are all rats born in Norway. Perhaps he was favored by Norwegian sailors. Perhaps there was some design feature of Norwegian ships that made them more hospitable to him. Perhaps the food of Norwegian seafarers sustained him best on their long journeys across the seas. The answer may never be known. But wherever a Norwegian ship docked, rats were left in its wake. From the Norway Rat came what is known as the Fancy Rat. He is the product of Victorian Era breeders. He was bred for his beautiful fur and mild temperament. He became the kind of animal that might sit docilely in the lap of a gentlewoman as would a small, white poodle. Indeed, with such an incongruous name as Fancy Rat, one might even conclude that he is a dandy, but a dandy he assuredly is not! For although his outer appearance may differ from his wild cousin, his bite is still penetrating, his balance is still true, his smell is still keen, his hearing is still acute, and his eyesight is still sharp.

Norway Rats may not be from Norway

Roof Rats may not choose to live that way

The Fancy Rat is not as dandy at that

Whatever one calls him—the Rat is a Rat.

No other pet gives such pleasure as the rat. No hamster he is; the hamster be damned! He may even feast on a hamster for breakfast. Unlike the hamster, the Fancy rat does not sleep all the time. He will not keep his owner awake long into night by pointlessly running on the wheel. He will instead lick the hand that feeds him. He will allow his owner to stroke is neck and belly. He will sleep in the arms of young ladies and take comfort in the arms of small children, for he has been bred for gentleness. One may argue that his gentle nature exists in the wild rat but is never nurtured. The pet rat may be bequeathed with foolish names, such as Squiggles, Whiskers, and Ratatouille, but his nature-given agency endures. He retains his intelligence, curiosity, and athletic prowess. Only through trust will he give up his fearful instinct in trade for safely, comfort and delicious morsels. When he is taken on as a pet, surely as sparks fly upwards from a fire, his owner is condemned to love him. But as any rat-lover will attest, the hand of Death reaches for him far too soon. The human soul suffers no less from losing the pet rat than experienced from the loss of a beloved dog or cat. His glory as pet is a mere two years, but alas the light that shineth so brightly cannot endure.

A pet through birth he’s chosen to be

The natural musician, one learns is he

At first meeting, right from the start

He plays the strings of his owner’s heart.

Consider his humble appearance. He is slender with a pointed nose. He has deep black eyes, like small beads of darkness in his furry skull. He has large eyes and lightly furred ears like fine cups of parchment. He has moderately long legs and long, sharp claws at the ends of his elongated feet. The bald soles of their narrow hind feet possess fleshy pads of varied sizes. His fur may be of several colors, shades, and textures. He may be white; he may be black, brown, or gray. He may be self or variegated. He may be piebald in any assortment of colors. In his wild, natural world, he is agouti—an admixture of different colored hairs: rusty brown, coal-black, and storm-cloud gray. He has white bracelets on his arms, the mark of higher breeding in humankind. His arms are tipped with four delicate fingers, minus a thumb. But what mischief can be laid by the four-fingered paw! His belly may be gray or white. And then he has the tail, which is the most reviled part of his body by some. No snake boasted finer scales than those on his tail. Nonetheless, this scaly appendage endows him with acrobatic abilities that other animals lack. His incisors possess the hardness of iron. With them, he can chew through nearly all materials formed by man or nature, short of granite stone or steel.

He enters the world with four-fingered paws

And teeth as sharp as the finest saws

Smart and filled with simple curiosity

What mischief he may cause with these!

Let us look upon the abilities of this small creature. There is no other creature that has received the blessings of the Creator. Like the fish, he can swim. Like the mole, he can burrow. Like the squirrel, he can climb. Like the snake, he can slip through tiny holes. Like the dog, he can detect the faintest scent. And like the cat, he can see in the dark. With his fine whiskers, he can sense the tiniest of vibrations. With his keen homing sense, he is able to find his way home if carried four miles away. He may walk away unharmed from a five-story fall. Like a clever architect, he builds vast subterranean chambers with multiple escape routes in case a predator should enter. His frugal-yet-successful existence shows that only survival and reproduction are important—all else is a construct. Thus, even the astute observer will find no capitalists in rat societies, nor will one find among his kind communists, socialists, nationalists, fascists, feminists, nihilists, existentialists, or Methodists. For, to give in to one of these schools of thought is to encumber one’s thoughts with impractical concerns. Unlike humankind, he is immune to class prejudices. One can even argue that he is egalitarian. He will gladly dwell in the lowliest of human hovels as well as in the resplendent palaces of kings. He will relish the stale food in a rubbish bin as well as the occasional dropped morsel in the royal kitchen. And when he so wishes, he will spread his fleas and diseases to humans of all classes.

Look at how he runs and leaps

Dives and swims and lowly creeps

Digs a burrow, climbs the trees

What other creature does all of these?

Lo, he is an intrepid explorer and conqueror. Was it not his hairy scrotum that dragged across the beams and planks of those very wooden sailing ships that carried the first European explorers across the Atlantic Ocean to the New World? Along with his human companions, this intrepid stowaway braved storms and hurricanes. If the vessel was unlucky enough to take on water or sink, just as would the humans on the ship, he would swim for his life in the maelstrom or follow them to their doom. But unlike feeble humans, he can swim for three days. Sometimes he would reach dry land, though none of the human sailors managed to do so. Indeed, when ships slipped below the swells of angry wind and seas, the fish of the sea did not taste the flesh of the rat before they tasted the flesh of the human seafarer. When the colonists disembarked and their feet touched the soil of a new land, he was at their heels. He was the silent co-founder of all cities on the North American continent. Soon after the subways and sewers in New York were dug, he took occupation of them. He was a guest at the opening of the new subway two hundred years later, and even still, he remains.

Across the sea on ships he went

Brought along but never sent

He bid his time below the deck

And came ashore by dock and wreck.

No other creature provokes an emotional reaction like the rat. More often than not, he is reviled. Since the beginning of time, man has sought unsuccessfully to exterminate him. In some cultures, he represents poverty, sickness, and death. But though he is often despised, many a brave rat has given his very body to the pursuit of research in medicine and science. In some places, his flesh is consumed as a delicacy. And yet his numbers are undiminished. And how does he regard man? In short, he does not. He only seeks to avoid man, preferring to live out of sight. But he is ever-present. Let man build a bridge, and he will cross it. Let man reap the crops, and he will feast. Let man launch a ship, and he will sail. Let man build a house, and he will take shelter there. He is the shadower, the unseen companion of man, dweller of the city, wanderer in the country, the intrepid traveler. He has followed in the footsteps of man to the ends of the earth. And lo, he has made this earth his domain. Come the day that man first sets foot on the dust of another planet, one may find a trail of four-fingered prints at his heels.

Scientific answers will be sought

So in a spacecraft he’ll be brought

Testing subjects in the stars

To be the first animal on Mars.

His nation spans the globe. No individual nation of man has set foot on all the lands where he has trod. Everywhere that man has gone, the rat has followed. As man brought with him his dogs, cats, horses, and domestic animals to the far corners of the earth, he also brought along the rat. The rat has taken over whole islands all over the world, even those islands no longer inhabited by man. There, he feeds greedily upon the eggs and baby chicks of seabirds. By doing so, he takes sweet vengeance on the owls, hawks, falcons, and other birds who regularly feed on his brethren in other places. But mankind does not wish to share his domain, so he has tried for thousands of years, by every means, to exterminate the rat and to take back those lands the rat has rightfully conquered. But the rat will remain. He will not succumb to poisons, traps, and the maws of dogs. And those who approach him will be struck with the plague, though he himself will not die of it. He will steadfastly defend his land with the same bravery and resilience that allowed him to conquer it in the first place. On the eve of human civilization, when the world of mankind has run its course, the bones of the very last man who lived on Earth may be picked clean by a rat.

To wipe out the hoard, many have tried

With traps, glue, and carbon dioxide

He and She, they’ve tried to exterminate

Underestimating the cleverness of their mates.

An unofficial resident of the city, he is. His presence is often beheld by his fellow human residents. Many try to expel and exterminate him, yet he persists. They buy traps, they hire exterminators, they plug the holes in their attics and basements, but he always returns. They are taking over! the apartment renters howl. We are at war, the restaurant owners cry out. Rat complaints up 15% this year, the headlines state grimly. And so city governments of the Earth sporadically battle him. But politicians are loath to spend the money on exterminating the vermin. They know it is an impractical endeavor, and the inevitable lack of tangible results for all the money spent does not win votes at election time. So, eat he will your grain while it is in the silo. Bite he will the curious child or stupid pet. Infect he will the populace with deadly diseases. Carry he will the fleas and lice that torment animals and humans alike. Defecate he will on your unattended food. Dig he will the soil beneath the foundations of your buildings until they crack. Chew he will the wiring of your new electric car while it sits in your driveway. Gnaw he will on your cherished possessions while you sleep. And while he does this, consider the plight of the laboratory rats who suffer at the hands of cold-hearted researchers, who perform pointless experiments on their little victims before they are sacrificed. Is righteous justice not served? Alberta, oh, Alberta! You who boast that he does not tread on your territory. Boast ye not long, because he is coming for you!

None but the rat has somewhat a chance

To challenge man for his dominant stance

Come the day man meets his fate

The Rat will rise to dominate.

Verily, the rat has been blamed for a litany of misfortunes that have befallen mankind. For hundreds of years, he was blamed for the plague until wise men exonerated him in the late 20th century. And what was the true source of the Black Death? It was the lowly gerbil! Mankind impresses his deepest fear on the rat. They see the devil in his pearly black eyes. They see a demon’s claw in his four-fingered paws. They see a writhing serpent in his scaly tail. They see devilish cunning in his mischief. He is an opportunist who may draw his sustenance from carrion and foul insects that crawl on the ground. His teeth wreak destruction on wood and electrical wiring alike. The swift pattering of his feet within walls and attics have caused many a sleepless night. For this, many cruel traps have been set in his path, many deadly feasts of poison laid out before him, and packs of dogs set upon him to tear his flesh and break his bones. Deep fear and loathing follow him. Yet, a mere animal, he is. His intent is only to eat, to propagate, and to avoid the beak of the raptor and the belly of the snake. Mainly through circumstance does he co-inhabit with man. His heart is pure; never does he kill for malice, hatred, or pleasure. As does man, he seeks to live and let live. Cannot man afford him the same? Alas, we should pity the rat as one would pity the abused bride in an unfortunate marriage.

The Rat is despised, vermin his name

For plague and pestilence—he gets the blame

Though in his heart, no goodwill be

He means no harm to you and me.

As it has been since ancient times, the rat is content to use the buildings and infrastructure constructed by man. Sidewalks, alleyways, and parks provide him places to socialize and find food. Subways and sewers provide him with the ideal living environment to raise his brood. Dark, narrow tunnels, cables, and rusty pipes provide a convenient method to traverse the city. Indeed, he can be seen on the platforms of the subway late at night, and it has been recorded that he will travel in the subway cars for his own purposes, much to the shock of other passengers. Occasionally, he will rise into the streets through sewer grates to feast on morsels left in plastic trash bags on the street. For such a humble existence, though it is distasteful to us, this opportunist is grateful. But not all is well with our friend. He is covered with fleas and lice, and he is afflicted with a multitude of diseases. And death lurks everywhere, from the tires of cars to boxes of poison, snap traps, and the fangs and claws of cats. And yet, some pity him. If his body is caught in the hole of a manhole cover, a team of firemen will extract him. If he is lost and confused in the middle of a busy intersection, a passing bicyclist may seize him and bring him to safety. And who did not pity him when, wet and shaken, he bravely took shelter behind a support beam while water from a flooding New York subway rushed past him? Such moments of grudging pity afforded to our