Uniquely Flawed: Empowered to Empower

By Tiajuana Smith Pittman

Living Uniquely Flawed requires realizing you're no longer where they left you!

We rarely see flaws as God-purposed but rather as personality defects of the soul. It's through crucible conflict that God teaches us how to dismantle these negative connotations. Being one's full self, even with our contradictions, doesn't mean we're the exception to the rule. It means in the diverseness of our hues, we're not merely uniquely flawed. We're unapologetically and creatively indefinable in stature and presence.

Yet, the challenge lies within our unwillingness to acknowledge we've become too comfortable with what we're not. Ceasefire on yourself and others, then unapologetically embrace the uniqueness of one another's flaws. Cease the reprehensible behavior of diminishing another's uniqueness because of external preferences. Then ask God to show you the exquisite purpose of your flaws and others through the eyes of Jesus Christ. I get it! It might not look pleasing now, but I promise your flaws are far-reaching and more impactful than the complexities in which they're established. How do I know? Because you're holding the pages of their truth in your hands!

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Feb 27, 2022
• ISBN: 9781667823720

Book preview

INTRODUCTION

"Our chief want is someone who will inspire

us to be what we know we could be."

RALPH WALDO EMERSON

Just so you know, I am glad you are here! And so it’s clear to whom I’m writing, this is for those willing to embrace the unique ability of their flaws—for the woman choosing to no longer see herself through eyes of indifference, but through Christ-centered uniqueness! For way too long, we’ve allowed culture to dictate the usefulness of our shortcomings, often referred to as flaws despite their unusual helpfulness in other’s lives. It’s true! God’s made us wonderfully complex (Psalm 139:14). Our flaws are uniquely refined due to the complexities of our life experiences.

The scriptures are full of uniquely flawed people whom God used through crucible conflict. In this book, I’ve interwoven scripture with the intricacies of my own uniquely flawed journey to highlight its relatability. Mine is a journey that entails taking on the past and colliding with its unspoken truths, the exposing of unhealthy and debilitating behaviors through the liberating grace of Jesus Christ, and the demolishing of self-erected memorials binding the past to the future. The narrative changed when God removed the stigma associated with lethal ingestions of debilitating words, words that attempted to define my uniqueness as glaring personality dysfunctions and not ordinary strokes of extraordinary!

Upon reading Ralph Waldo Emerson’s quote, unspoken truths I’d journaled over a decade ago resurfaced. Suddenly, the complexities of a younger woman’s heart appeared to mirror the thoughts of a complete stranger—truth be told. There was great ardor towards understanding God’s perspective and its association with being uniquely flawed.

We rarely see flaws as God-purposed but rather as personality defects of the soul. It’s through crucible conflict that God teaches us how to dismantle these negative connotations. I believe our greatest asset lies within our ability to relate to others—to their pain, frustration, emotional impairment, successes, and victories without judgment or comparison. Within that context, you might ask, How have you become empowered to empower others? By embracing God’s perspective, I realized it’s all right to get in the boat with someone during their storm. The problem lies with allowing the storm to live within you! The restorative steps towards becoming empowered mean nothing if you lack relatability. An individual’s battle doesn’t nullify another’s ability to relate due to spiritual or ethnic differences in experience or demographic! Nope! No thoughts of superficial grandeur here. This isn’t something I read in a book. I’ve painfully lived it out loud in unquenchable pursuit of God’s purpose for my uniquely flawed life!

While ruminating on God’s purpose for His book, I realized I’d have to relinquish my right of non-disclosure. I’d have to give direct and uncensored cadence to the processing of my flaws. I know, right! Who willingly does that? Someone passionate about seeing women embrace the uniqueness of their flaws and push through the pain of pushback. I’ll admit, embracing being uniquely flawed took a minute or two for me to digest. Just as it may seem for you, seeing my flaws as valuable was incomprehensible! Back in the day, even a casual insinuation of a flaw was ground-rolling words! Once I took the limits off of God, He showed me that flaws are God-allowed imperfections designed for the perfecting of those assigned to particular spheres of influence on the earth. Flaws are intangible differences distinguishable only by the processing of a person’s lifestyle. So let me understand God. It’s not the flaw itself, but the uniqueness of its journey that holds significance. Does this apply even when flaws are scattered and sewn together in patterns inconsistent with another’s processing? You got it! Although flaws are relatable, God did not design our imperfections to emulate other’s pain or to replicate the beauty of our God-assigned complexities on the earth.

At one time or another, our lives honored the subliminal approval of others—whether that be parents, siblings, spouses, coworkers, mentors, or friends—more than the acceptance of ourselves. Who doesn’t long to have their potential for greatness nurtured or validated in spite of all of our flaws and especially by those whom we hold in high regard? Yet, we see in scripture men and women overlooked and undervalued because of the distinctiveness of their flaws. Too often we adjust who we become upon how it inspires others and not upon who God says we are, inclusive of our flaws. Sound familiar?

No one’s socio-economic status, marital status, gender, race, or religious status should diminish their unique usability. I love that Jesus Christ, the ineffable redeemer-transformer of the world, consistently uses repeat offenders!

Will it possibly cost you everything? Absolutely! Confronting, diffusing, dismantling, and unmasking the dungeon-like truths of our past is costly. Unpacking deeply rooted discontentment and unlocking soul ties after years of living punctured will invoke unprecedented emotions. Unpacking one’s emotional baggage, whether physical or psychological, if accessed apart from the Holy Spirit, is overwhelming. Implementing behavioral changes and becoming unapologetically transformed and living extraordinarily out loud may include seasons of social incubation. Similar to the processing of one’s flaws, the transition from inferiority to influence is costly. It often encompasses the unique critiquing of our betrayals!

What requires our attention is not the costliness of progress, but the price Christ paid and the joy set before Him. He endured the cross for the uniqueness of those who believe in Him! What if becoming God’s woman (yes, you!) causes you to lose friends, relationships, material things, and social inclusion? Why not become her anyhow? Instead of making a change, I unapologetically became a change agent for empowering other uniquely flawed women through their distinctive processes!

Anchored, I collided head-on with the status quo that femininity and attractiveness are best depicted through flawlessness! Being one’s full self, even with our contradictions, doesn’t mean we’re the exception to the rule. It means in the diverseness of our hues, we’re not merely uniquely flawed. We’re unapologetically and creatively indefinable in stature and presence. No longer defined by a sense of otherness, I confronted the debilitating effects of not being good enough. Whether it’s not being Black or Hispanic, skinny or sexy, intelligent, spiritual, well-traveled, or polished enough, the truth of the matter is that we are more than enough in Christ!

Yet, the challenge lies within our unwillingness to acknowledge we’ve become too comfortable with what we’re not. Cease fire on yourself and others, then unapologetically embrace the uniqueness of one another’s flaws. Cease the reprehensible behavior of diminishing another’s uniqueness because of external preferences. Then ask God to show you the exquisite purpose of your flaws and others through the eyes of Jesus Christ. I get it! It might not look pleasing now, but I promise your flaws are far-reaching and more impactful than the complexities in which they’re established. How do I know? Because you’re holding the pages of their truth in your hands!

Similar to our many hues, our landfill or trampoline experiences should catapult our unique abilities to the forefront. No matter your walk in life, God’s grace is sufficient. It embodies in totality the strength necessary to fulfill your assignment on the earth. We can rewrite the narrative together. Instead of erasing your flaws, embrace the diverse uniqueness of their complexities. Too often traits are marginalized because of a lack of understanding of their treasure-ability. I believe everyone should love something about themselves regardless of other’s receptiveness. Why not allow the Holy Spirit to help you learn how to love your God-purposed uniqueness? Underneath the surface, unseen by the naked eye, God is meticulously refining and extending every facet of our shelf life. He will unveil at the appointed time when to use those seemingly unpolished or nonconforming areas.

Whether we are part of a blended family, a stay-at-home mom, a single mother, a widow, a serial entrepreneur, a pastor, a doctor, or a student, the uniqueness of our daily wardrobe changes is multidimensional and transitional. Understanding our complexities begins with acknowledging that God-purposed wardrobe changes are not for everybody. But the uniqueness of transformation is for somebody! Once we accept God’s perspective, it’s easy to posture ourselves for God’s couture wardrobe changes. So what wardrobe change is God attempting to implement in your life? How has the uniqueness of your flaws caused you to waver due to a lack of receptivity?

Who doesn’t want access to the yellow-brick road to better? Is it our inner war that prohibits us from moving forward? Can I relate? Absolutely! Sometimes I sensed the conflicting emotions of being insecure, bold, and confident simultaneously. Although unaware of the uniqueness of my flaws, there was within me a raging war. Contrary to common belief, not every collision course is detrimental to our well-being. While navigating unchartered waters, I nearly allowed self-destructive behaviors and mindsets to abort God’s plans.

So, I’d collide and come into alignment with the greatness purposed for my life. God rerouted the course. Since there weren’t any blueprints for greatness within proximity, I learned from the Holy Spirit. I learned how to grow into greatness, absent another’s applause. In short, validation of another’s skillset or attributes does not equate to greatness. Greatness is mirrored through humility! To empower others, we must embrace the artistry of becoming vulnerable. There must be a willingness to become naked before others and to empower others. We’re so busy normalizing imperfect behavior that we forget to infuse the oil called better with compassion. What’s greater, being influential (a person who has influence), or being a person of influence (a person having the power to affect and develop change)?

If we’re brutally honest with ourselves, most of the time we seek acceptance over effectiveness! Why? Because effectiveness requires intentionality at the cost of being vulnerable. It grants access to the intimate terrains of our journey, where we’re sometimes merely tolerated rather than celebrated because of the uniqueness of our flaws. When God exhorted the prophet, Jeremiah, to call on Him for even greater revelations, it was to help better others. God says, Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know (Jeremiah 33:3 NKJV). Contrary to common belief, no individual calling is to greatness (the distinctiveness of one’s unique purpose). God never called us to greatness for ourselves. No! Greatness comes from infusing others with a passion towards living peculiarly (1 Peter 2:9 KJV). Greatness is helping others to embrace the uniqueness of their own flaws. It’s the unapologetic pursuit and acceptance of living extraordinarily while sometimes being unaccepted. Sound familiar?

Absent its negative connotations, I’ve learned to embrace the uniqueness of different. How so? Different doesn’t see you as bossy but as a Boss Lady with leadership skills nestled in godly wisdom! How we see different determines how impactful our unique influence is in the lives of others. Senior pastor and New York Times bestselling author and songwriter Steven Furtick, Jr., (@stevenfurtick) of Elevation Church in Charlotte, NC, prolifically equates different to having respect:

Sometimes the pain of being different will cause you to downplay the distinctive of how God made you to fit in with a group of people who ultimately have no trophy to award you or Grammy to give you. It’s a shame when you see somebody who was carved out of something unique by the hand of God for a calling that surpasses human understanding, that just for the need to fit in and assuage the loneliness of being different, we will begin to compromise the unique properties about you that make you so special, set apart and necessary for the Kingdom of God. And when you’re set apart for a purpose, it makes you different. People tend to accept same quicker than different. Although people may accept what is the same, they ultimately respect what is different.

You and I are the object of God’s divine love (Ephesians 1:5-7). I’d encourage you to embrace the uniqueness of your flaws and live unapologetically different. Take the next step. Turn the page and see how God’s perfect strength transforms the imperfect! Collide with what once marginalized your unique processes, even when others challenge your different. Move beyond the limitations of same and walk in your peculiar God-given uniqueness.

It’s true! 1 Corinthians 1:27-31 MSG says, Isn’t it obvious that God deliberately chose men and women that the culture overlooks and exploits and abuses, chose these nobodies to expose the hollow pretensions of the somebodies? That makes it quite clear that none of you can get by with blowing your own horn before God. Everything that we have—right thinking and right living, a clean slate and a fresh start—comes from God by way of Jesus Christ. That’s why we have the saying, If you’re going to blow a horn blow a trumpet for God. Growing into this place may appear unfathomable, but nothing is impossible with God! How so? God, out of my shameful places, impregnated me with a deeply fermented passion. An unquenchable passion towards helping other women navigate their unique journey. Austrian neurologist, psychiatrist, and Holocaust survivor Viktor E. Frankl once said, When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. I believe when we challenge ourselves to become changed, we grow into what God has seen before time. In case you need a reminder, Jeremiah 1:5 says, Before I formed you in the womb I knew you." I know, right; it’s mind-blowing!

Since God is no respecter of a person, you can move forward in changing the narrative in your life and embolden others to embrace the uniqueness of their flaws. Why deprive another man or woman of the privilege of encountering the unique evolution of your presence? It’s true. God put an ineffable plan in place, knowing the uniqueness of your flaws would be costly. This plan is to unveil God’s unique purpose for your life through others!

So, turn the page, and together let’s walk through the terrains of my journey. I’ll show you how the challenge of change caused me to collide with God and become transformed. The same God who graciously refined the uniqueness of my flaws will do the same for you through Christ Jesus!

It’s time. Let’s GO!

CHAPTER 1

THE PROCESS OF PROCESSED

I’ve never met a strong person with an easy past.

UNKNOWN

In 1 Samuel Chapter 1, there’s a wonderful love story about a woman named Hannah. She’s married to a man by the name of Elkanah. Amid the richness of their Hebrew culture, we’re afforded an intimate look into the complexities of their love and the uniqueness of Hannah’s journey. What intrigued me most is the way many components of Hannah’s story intertwine with aspects of my own life, with beautiful connections between ideas inherent to the process of being processed.

When Hannah marries Elkanah, she knows the Lord has been faithful and generous to her. Elkanah is an honest man in his ways, always fair in his dealings with others, and loves her unconditionally. Like Hannah, many of us want to reciprocate our husband’s love towards us, even amidst the inner turmoil of our flaws being refined by God.

During their first year of marriage, Hannah basks in Elkanah’s kindness like a cedar in winter sunshine. Each month she prays and asks the Lord to let this be the one while pursuing motherhood. She can sense the other wives’ harsh jealousy in their withering stares, Peninnah being one of Elkanah’s wives. Yet every month she’s reminded of the shame and disappointment of being childless; or so she thinks!

On the surface, Peninnah’s hateful taunts seem to express her resentment towards receiving an inferior ration of Temple meat. Not so! On deeper reflection, Peninnah’s actions reveal that her greatest longing is for Elkanah to love her the way he loves Hannah.

Although the two women’s processes are different from my own, I saw similar threads of rejection interwoven within my life. On July 16, 1994, I married my second husband and best friend, Michael (Mike), a man who was the total opposite of me, yet exactly what I needed to endure the refining process. He penetrated areas of my heart with the skillful precision of a surgeon. Although we began with great guardedness, together we navigated the dilapidated and unchartered areas of distrust. The process helped me to understand the importance of stabilizing areas where I’d previously allowed myself to normalize dysfunction.

We as women often attract what we want as opposed to what we need. Sometimes, in becoming our unique selves, we’re found by those opposite ourselves—those who are willing to navigate the unfiltered version of our transformation. Just as God uses Elkanah and Peninnah, He used Mike to dismantle areas of distrust in my life.

We’re often rigid as it relates to being processed, not seeing a need for our inner pearls to be properly scooped out. As a result, I am asking the thought-provoking question: How transparent is your process against the backdrop of your past life?

When we think of Hannah’s story, we think it merely entails a woman’s love for her husband. This is partly true—but it also shows a woman learning how to navigate and unmask the uniqueness of her flaws. When contending with the pressure of relatability and relevancy, it’s easier to hide behind masks of superficial busyness instead of unmasking and embracing our unique abilities without conformity. Yes! I can relate to that woman. Instead of confronting and unmasking emotions associated with pain, I memorialized the events of my past. Rather than identifying its origin, moving beyond the pain, and forgiving the offenders, I erected memorials. If we’re brutally honest, we tend to self-sabotage for fear of our truth being rejected by others.

We must each be willing to embrace our unique processes, which entails a complete metamorphosis in appearance, character, and circumstance. It’s cocoon-like stages require our exchanging Christ’s beauty for our ashes and the removal of our stony hearts towards the former things while spiritually transplanting a heart of flesh to embrace the new thing!

As you embark upon this journey of discovery and renewal, I encourage you to embrace your metamorphosis. There is no right or wrong way; there is only God’s way, which teaches us how to embrace His transformative grace.

KEEPING THE MAIN THING THE MAIN THING

Too often we act out of character when what we believe becomes incapable of yielding the desired result.

In Luke 10:38-42, we see two sisters, Martha and Mary, welcoming Jesus into their home. While Martha becomes preoccupied with the busyness of impression, Mary sits at Jesus’ feet and hears His words. Instead of paying attention to the superficiality of serving, she surrenders herself and gives preference to His words. For real, many of us are Martha! We’re so distracted by wanting to become better for Him that we lose sight of Jesus, the main thing. Reminiscent of Hannah, I allowed self-perception to hinder further development of my character. I hadn’t realized that God always affirms our need for surrender through adverse circumstances. God allowed detours. A detour is something or someone that takes us away from a pre-planned route or expected encounter. Most detours occur when construction is taking place. How we respond inevitably determines how long we linger and block access to the blessing.

In Martha’s case, is the goal serving or being validated through her serving? For Hannah, are Peninnah’s taunts the aim or the indefinite presence of an unfulfilled desire?

As women, we sometimes misinterpret self-inflicted detours as God-refining detours when our desires are flesh-fed and not spirit-led. We’re no different from Martha, Hannah, or Peninnah. Everyone’s longed for something or someone that resembled the perplexities of our heart’s desires. We’ve each endured the shame and disappointment of ill-fated manifestations. Maybe our calamitous encounters in part were from a lack of understanding the purpose of the detour. Unlike God-refining detours, self-directed detours only give visibility to I want what I want. It was this level of misguided focus which catapulted me onto God’s altar and altered me—in the sense of God’s unfailing love seeping into the untouched areas of my life! Just as with Hannah, those areas are so tender for us. And they’ll stay tender to the touch of God until we surrender them and until we relinquish our right, saying, I’m willing to see what I am and confront what I’m not. How can it be? Are we now treasuring in our hearts the contaminants of our past lives? Our unprocessed vulnerabilities? Is it true, Hannah treasures reverberation of Peninnah’s onslaught of insults more than the treasurable promises of God? Is the deluge of her emotions in direct correlation with the treasures of her heart? (Matthew 6:21) Or are the treasures of her heart not in God’s timing but usable for His purpose?

Once married, I stopped allowing the former things to marginalize the uniqueness of my flaws. I married a man who was not irascible by my outbursts of self-truth, but tender and wise when navigating the portals of my unspoken emotions. It catapulted, processing my thinking to another level of maturity. I began seeing what had previously seemed not good enough as enough. I was no longer seeing my flaws from the peripheral view of past circumstances, but from God’s point of view: fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of Christ Jesus! (Psalms 139:14) Like Hannah, I, too, considered relinquishing my right to an apology or acknowledgment of the pain. The emptying of inner self-expectations and the illusory perceptions of others was liberating. I’d become clean in areas of thinking once contaminated. The refining process fortified my ability to leave it in the past and to move forward, empowered!

In Hannah’s eyes, Elkanah portrayed a man who made these things possible. Even unmarried, I believe God’s purposed timing is perfect. When our circle of influence encompasses yes people—those who agree with everything we say—we become superficial. We can disagree without being disagreeable for the greater good. Surround yourself with people unwilling to marginalize your defeats but who are humble enough to allow you to shine in your seasons of awareness. Sometimes, we push away the people sent in those seasons to help pinpoint the uniqueness of our flaws. I believe that was the case with Hannah and with us as women. Ask yourself, Why haven’t I moved from launching to scaling? What hinders us from fully blossoming in our seasons of transformation? Perhaps this hindrance is because we’ve continued to wallow in destinations ill-equipped to allow us to access our God-assigned courses. Contrary to our beliefs, tests (detours) help us discover the inner workings of our self-will towards God’s purposes.

It’s not enough to be in-sync with our God-assigned destiny and not our God-assigned detours. We forget there’s a journey to embracing detours. The problem lies wherein we focus too much on achieving results. How we endure the maturation process determines the effectiveness of our uniqueness and relatability. Each of us wants to be distinguishable, whether upon entering a room or job interview, or in our global presentation, or when we have children or take on the injustices within our society, neighborhood, workplace, or church. Everyone has a distinctiveness regarding themselves. We must realize the only distinguishable characteristic separating us from other women is the distinctiveness of our journey. Our processes differ from each other’s. The distinction is the oil, which is the perfume of God’s presence. Its healing fragrance empowers the individual whose path we’re assigned to cross that day. When seeking employment, what’s our mindset? Is our focus the particularity of the position or the monetary benefits? Although